Transcript
You thought you were a mountain of conquest, but you were actually a canyon of poo-poo. Swore to God, he swore his life.
And now that I think about it, I think I always envision him as black.
You think you're a mountain of conquest, but you're actually a canyon of poo-poo.
- Good.
- -
Fair.
of
What grown man says poopers? I'm just saying, listen, I don't like what you are.
Nobody likes what you are. I'm just pointing it out.
Yeah. You're a canyon of poo poo.
And you're never going to beat me at Smash Bros.
Yeah. You think you're a mountain of conquest. What do you want me to do?
I just pick up the controller, bro. What do you want me to do? I can't help it that you fucking suck. Don't shoot the messenger, Marcel.
There's no other group of men.
Bored in a jet.
Calling things poo poo. It just isn't.
Thank you.
A mountain of poo poo isn't a thing. Canyon of poo poo. You thought you were a mountain of conquest.
but you're actually a canyon of poop.
Why am I here? You'll never recover financially.
Yeah, we need contact. Where are we going? Where are we going? Andrew decided to ask for the air conditioning to be turned off. This is now the hottest plane in Japan. Excuse me. My brother is very stupid. Can you put the air conditioning back on? We outvoted him. You think you're a mountain of conquest. But you're actually a canyon of poo poo. We're poo poo canyon.
I hope it's cold in the canyon. Why are we on a plane? We're going to Turkey. Why? We'll see if we're arrested. What's in Turkey?
Well, Turkish people, ice cream, okay, okay. No shit. Turkish delight. Well, you are American, so I thought you didn't know.
Well, I might be building a boat and I want to go check on it. So we're building a superyacht, so we have to go check out the superyacht. I might be building a superyacht. Allegedly. Allegedly on house arrest, Tristan convinced me for us to build a superyacht. Allegedly. So we're going to allegedly go look at it. Because you have to break a champagne bottle over the hull, otherwise it's bad luck. At the beginning, and we need luck. We need luck. So I'll risk getting arrested on land.
to have luck and see that's fine what is the name of the uh i'm just thinking of calling it hear me out it's going to be very dark in color and it's shaped like this so it looks kind of like a knife i'm thinking of calling it the marcel mullings
they've never lost
real bad yeah
- Don't worry about it. - It's for you. - No, it's for you, friend. - You sure? - Yeah, don't worry about it. - Marcel, what do you think of the jet? - It's a bit small. I'm gonna be honest. I'm used to bigger and better things. It's a little bit small. - In his defense, we just flown on really big jets, but we've flown on loads of smaller ones. Marcel's only really flown on big jets. So why are you downgrading his lifestyle this way?
I'm just saying, my Jets are usually bigger, but hey, you know what happens on the big Jets? Uno comes out, people lose. I've never lost. Some people lose. Yeah, you. I have never lost again in Uno. You will never beat me at Uno. He lost on the Jets. So you didn't want one with the big table. Central. You will never beat me at Uno. Uno.
Uno. Uno. Pussyhole! On my Jets!
8 for 23!
you lost on my jet! My jet!
- Check, April 23rd, you lost to me.
Never. You should go money out. Uno.
I've never lost a game of Uno. In my entire life, I've never lost. I swear on my best friend Marcel's good fortune. I have never lost a game of Uno ever.
Sleeper 2232, ride setting 235, then report that flies are established runway 279 Sleeper 232.
So
- Oh, my God.
*Burps*
-
Thank you.
Thank you.
*Rain*
*Cheering*
Shadow of you. I'll find you.
In another world. In another world. I'll find you.
In another world.
I feel another one.
I'd love you forever and I'd love you my way
Okay.
Andrew, can we take photo?
Really quickly.
Last one. Last photo. You are my idol.
Alright guys.
Have a good day. Thank you.
That's it guys, that's it. Cheers, thank you.
So Luke, you're wearing the same things you were wearing in Dubai? Yeah. Since Dubai you've made at least $15 million? America too. These are my clothes. You know where it sells trousers? Prada. Let me buy you a new outfit. No, I'm good. Rolex? No. I'm sure you don't have a watch on. These are, I don't need a watch. Hublot over there. No, these are my favorite jeans. Would you like a diamond AP? No thanks. Buy a different hat or t-shirt. No thanks. New shoes? Nope. Favorite shoes.
15 to 20 million last three months these are my favorite things bailey why would i need more things new pouch no i like this pouch this is my favorite part well fact it's a little bit broken but i've decided because i keep breaking them so i have to keep buying new ones so i decided just to adapt what's in the pouch i think ah the world can never know that's that's classified information my pouch only has limited amount of space you want like a yes car no you got it no nothing i don't drive
diamond chain. Let's get Lou. I'll boat the same size as ours. No, I don't need a boat. And call it
I can't say it. The Deni. That's a good name. It's a good name. Heptid. Payton Blue. Okay, okay. But no thanks. Should we buy Luke a brand new outfit? No, I don't think anything else. What do you want us to buy you? Nothing. You have anything we have on you. I don't think anything. When I was your age, it was my dream to come here and be able to get anything. Yeah, I don't need anything. Anything you want in the world.
Nothing. If I wanted, I'd have it.
I don't need anything.
- So you're gonna wear the same t-shirt and same jeans you've been wearing since the beginning of Takeoff. - Every single, maybe a new hat.
- Okay.
Maybe. By looking at him. Maybe. We're going to look at him. Maybe. We're going to look at him.
In fact, I'm realizing every single time I travel, I need less and less. I have to think. Wait, what did I use to put in my bags? I don't need this, don't need that.
I'm taking it to the hat shop.
Yeah, but I want like a touristy hat. You know, like those tourist hats.
that also have a little logo of exactly where we are now.
We need to get him a ball. No, a fancy hat. It can't be fancy.
That's me 10 euro max. Hey, you said half.
Yeah.
Let's go.
expensive hat and order.
Without you, we'll see you next time.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Wait, wait.
- Sure.
Best in the world. The best in the world. Surprise me. Bring me three different flavors. Surprise me. Do you want something fresh or sweet? Surprise me. Answer it.
- Classic one, pineapple new and special. - What's the special?
Special one is like we have the flavor and flavor.
How much is 15,000 Turkish? What does that have? What even is that?
- $400 or less. - That's a she-show, let's try it. Best in the world.
Best in the world.
So if it's the best in the world, I actually have really high hopes because... It's a super bold claim.
It is a big bill. It's a botulin. To tell to the guy who's been everywhere smoking shisha everywhere, it's a very bold claim to say wait, this shisha is the best in the world.
I mean he basically put his life on the line. Yeah. Because someone has to pay for deception. Obviously. I've been there before.
Say again? I've been there before.
True.
You did do this by being a cameraman.
Can't lie. Guys, can't lie.
So now we have to decide on where. We said we're gonna give him exactly two years and 286 days
He's not the best camera in the world, is he?
Wish you came.
I don't know.
- Bailey gave us a time. - Bailey's original video. I'm the best cameraman in the world, try me out, blah, blah, blah.
Didn't us three agree that tonight was the night where we decide?
No, tonight was the night we decided if you're actually Luke's cousin.
Or if you're a liar.
Personally I think he's been lying. I'm an Italian con man who's wormed his way into your family.
What's your name?
Emilio Largo.
Milio Larga
I'm Darko Kareem.
-
-
I'm Felix.
You are. He looks lighter.
No, you're Eugene Carmichael. Isn't Felix Lighter black?
Luke. No. In the movies, but not in the books. Ah. In the books, he's a Texan. Right. He's American. American Texan.
Yeah, they did make them black. They blacked them. Cowboy hat. Yeah, I remember them as black.
The movie's got me. They DEI'd it. Yeah.
Yeah. The disappointment on Tristan's face. I know. I'm disappointed now. I've listened to a lot of those books with Tristan.
- Cardinal six. - And now that I think about it, I think I always envisioned him as black. - Spying would have been so cool in the 50s. Having a cigarette, being in the hotel lobby, the only good hotel in the city, seeing the other important people, hearing things, having a nice car, fucking the women, da da. - Now it's single. - Now spying is being a fucking autistic retard.
Sitting at MI6 HQ, you're a diversity hire.
because you speak Hindi.
And you're sitting there with a little Indian, tapping into white people's accounts, seeing if they're mad that they lost their country. "Oh, sir, I got a Spain report in it!"
He does not like the Korean E.D. claim of spying. For 35,000 pounds a year. There's no James Bond. Even spying's becoming a gang.
There's nothing cool left at all. Not fucking-- there's no James Bond, it's just--
James
Thank you.
Think of something Indian that rhymes with bond, dammit. Make a fucking joke. You are shit. Why are you even in this show? Fucking useless.
Oh yeah! We didn't even film it for Take Home and Edge All. Tristan was sworn to God, he swore his life, there'd be no cats and turkeys. None! I was there! I was there! That's how you remember it going down. Yes! And now every single time I see a cat I have to point it out just to show to him how wrong he was.
*music*
That is true. I swore on my life and every male member of my family's life. That there were no cats in Turkey. I did do that. Bailey, all I said was, you know, I think there might be some cats in Turkey. That's all I said. That's out of nowhere. That's what you said. Yes. That's what I said. That's what started it. And then he started talking about how there's no cats in Turkey at all. That's what happened, Bailey. I was there.
.
*music*
Even I'm excited. I'm excited. It does smell pretty good. It does. It does. I was...
Brother, put this sheesh over there in the corner. It's for him. You are saying, "Chank Prince?" What else? Fruit?
*Sings*
Oh, now that's a cloud.
Good, man. I'll tell you when it's done. 9.5.
She loves me like that. She loves me like that. She loves me like that.
Thank you.
Bye.
you
All right.
you
you
.
It's all.
No one can do it, this is not smart. - Dangkak. - Pura Tulumus Silek de la Mary. - He does not need two yards. - One yard. - You want Poseidon on your side on a boat, bro. - Yes, we have black guy in the cage. Girls are like, "What's that, what's that?" Ship slave, ship slave.