Transcript
We don't need to meet you at 7am. I always carry a knife when I go out to the villages. Always. Now they're out in the villages and we're planning to kill you at the end of the trip. The Romanian breakfast. Cigarettes.
Alright sir, a little over a year ago we made a video called The Roadmen. We're on the mountains and I have no intention, I have no idea what we're going to do because they put a bunch of activities together. You want it back?
I've been roadmanning since you were a squirt.
Getting up at 5 a .m. driving. You don't know my stories about roadman. You don't know about the time me, Tristan, and Luke drove to Malmo, Sweden from Luton, England, leaving at 2 a .m. to go to Christmas at a random girl who I was sleeping with's house.
I'm coming 3:30 a.m. on Christmas, but the road men don't sleep and then we ended up driving to Prague we left Christmas night like 1 a.m But we were too tired when slept in days we were doing push-ups in the snow in a gas station when Swedish police rolled up on us and asked us What we were doing? I don't push-ups nigger is that crime? You don't know anything. I'm a road man
Road manning is what I do. No sleep in this coffee
Just go. Just go wander the earth and get into adventures, you know. You just get to walk around life. That's what life's for. You wander around and things happen to you. So we're going to go wandering around in cars and see what happens. We don't need to plan anything. We need to be the best trip ever. You just get to wander around. And then, you know, before you know it, you know, you meet a bitch. You make some money. You go to jail. It's life.
I'm surprised you're listening to music. Only Mick Hucknall turns off the moment I start driving. Mick Huckman. What do you mean you don't know who Mick Hucknall is? You know what, we're going to JMT, I'm riding with you. I get it now. I get the joke. Tristan, the sun's coming up. Exactly. You get it. I get it. Finally. Hey Andrew.
*music* What do you know about Simply Red? I get it now. Sun's coming up! Mick Huffnell! Finally! Simple pattern recognition dipshit. *music* Nothing like watching the sunrise with a bit of Mick Huffnell. Doesn't get better than that.
- Pure silence. - I've got some banging audio books if you want one on. - T-y. - 17. - 17. - Mini 17. - Tris, I'm gonna lose my mind. If we play this for eight hours. - 18 is. - 18 is. - 18. - 18. - 18. - It's only on numbers right now. - I'm gonna listen to this. - I'm gonna listen to this. - Do this all day. - Are you ready? - T. - Are you ready? - Divian-a-t-y. - No. - That was pretty close. - It wasn't. - Divian-a-t-y.
You know how to combat this. I'm gonna just start repeating it in the most hick accent of all time. Until you can't stand it. Who's gonna win this war? Vosity. Meaning 20th. 20th. Devosity.
Should be mean, I'm not a good one. We need six beers each. And then we continue driving. We don't need mech at 7:00 AM. Who the fuck's this guy? I always carry a knife for their potential to be bears.
Every time, I always carry a knife when I go out to the villages, always.
And in England you go to jail. We've been out so many times and I've never seen you at the night. Bro, I always care about you.
Carries a knife when you go swimming in Croatia.
I can guarantee you that.
Yeah. You go swimming in Croatia, in the ocean, off your yacht. I have a knife for my car. He'll have a knife. Why do you have knife balls? Because I don't like you. I never did.
But in the comfort of my own home, with you being arrested by DCOT, I couldn't risk telling you how I really felt about you to your face. Now that we're out in the villages and we're planning to kill you at the end of the trip,
I can tell you.
- And no one likes you. - Wait, am I supposed to cut that part?
You don't know the plan to kill out? Steal a Ferrari, sell it, no under the money, pickles in the morning.
It's 7:30 a.m. and we're having pickles, the most Iranian shit ever, meat, potatoes, pickles and cigarettes.
The Romanian breakfast. And cigarettes. The Romanian breakfast. Coffee, pickles, cigarettes. No. No. That's not a thing. It's not good. I know it's not good because I just tried it. Pickles and coffee did not go together. Why are we doing it?
I forgot to cover the hood of the car in wooden spoons to protect it from witchcraft. I forgot.
Hopefully someone in the vicinity did. Remember.
and it will protect our cars. I didn't see that. I didn't even see that. I was disenfranchised with Christianity. I just mentioned Christopher Hitchens. I read a few books that he wrote when I was younger, and I thought, you know what? I looked around England, and the way society was collapsing, and the way Christians behave. I mean, this pride flags in churches. This is a relatively new phenomenon, but let's just say it started with versions of reality I saw like that, and I thought, you know, Christians don't really stand for anything anymore. I challenge any atheist to walk around Romania and just insult Jesus Christ.
Romanian man the Romanians stand for something and I saw how Christianity holds this country together walking around London with that watch and no bodyguards could be a death sentence you could get as drunk as you like by yourself in any bar and book arrest with that watch on no one's gonna steal it. The Romanian people are good people and Christianity is what helps hold the society together. I fell back into Christianity by reading the Bible cover to cover six years ago and it opened my eyes to what I was standing against as an atheist and I thought why would I stand against that?
Why am I saying I'm an atheist? Let me at least investigate what I'm missing out on.
Out there, up, lives a hermit. A monk that is basically part of the monastery, but is living outside of the monastery in the wild. Completely by himself. People leave him food and he studies the Bible all day and tries to get closer to God. Lives in complete isolation.
My kind of guy.
So it was one hermit and his disciple. So because they lived here, many other monks, they came and they even built the monastery. So because of these two hermits, they built the monastery here. Of course, they were doing like miracles. That's why many people, they came for them and they said, okay, let's make a monastery. I can't see him on screen. Too dark.
Yeah, on the on the black side, so you see the person black.
Please God don't let them come to our country. I think it's what's happening here.
There are more pervaders on the black.
It's a seven hour hike.
Which we're not going to do.
but technically you can drive there. But I'm not sure the road was built for Ferrari 812 competitions.
But then also,
I'm Bill Differin.
So we're going to take the car up there.
That's not like this. All the way to the top.
Hold it at the top. That's right. We're gonna try.
And Tristan said there's no way we're gonna make it and I said
Well, if it gets bad, I'll turn around.
I'm not gonna wreck the car.
Or will I?
threatening him.
because he's a cat.
Turns out everyone's afraid but me.
Everyone's operating from a realm of fear.
I'm the last brave man on the planet.
and I'm prepared to drive to the top of this fucking mountain.
whether you're scared about it or not.
*laughs*
It's a treacherous road.
It's a dirt walking road.
Sounds scared.
I'm just saying.
You eat or not?
We're at a monastery. What could possibly go wrong? Exactly. Andrew, I really don't think that the Ferrari can handle this. I can. Andrew, this is bad. You have a car. I'm bad.
I know you. You're going to try. Of course I'm going to try. It's a $1.5 million Ferrari, so, I mean, what's worse is going to happen? Days wages. Get the phone. Let's go.
Driving with your friends is such an analog experience of life. Setting ancient dinosaurs on fire, making small explosions inside of a combustion engine with cylinders.
Some have eight, some have 10. Real Gs have 12. And then you get to race around, and rubber grips you to the road. This visceral, tangible, this very analog experience of life, breathing in the mountain air. All of this, this analog experience of life is going to be replaced. There won't be V12 Ferraris to race around in the mountains. There'll be an automated techno box to take you from place A to place B. And I see the pattern of where we're all headed. That's why I'm so dedicated to live the best possible existence I can live and smile every single day.
the truth is you need brotherhood, you need strength, you need capability, and you also need a whole bunch of money. Everything will be controlled by the AI autocrats. The Matrix will finally close the gates. This is the last analog generation. This is the last season of the human series in which people could live an analog life. If you're not trying to get rich to spend that money on analog things, then you're a fool.
Andrew got us. Andrew gave us some bullshit location which is on a dirt road and every car coming down from the top of the dirt road has not seen a Ferrari which they would have seen I'm 100% sure. It's a one way road. Yeah it's a one way road. I mean this is not even a road. So now I'm in a 700,000 pound Aston Martin driving on a dirt road through the forest with the chipmunks and the bears. Dirt road gives it too much credit. This is dirt. It's not really a road. No.
It's just a path that's been beaten from tractors and dachiers driving up here. He got us. Clearly. He literally sent us a location and said, meet me here. And then we followed the directions. Yes. And he wasn't there. No, he's not even on his way here. And if I were in a 4x4 Suzuki, I'd be perfectly happy on this road. But this car wasn't built for this road. When Aston Martin tested the DBS 770, they didn't test it on a road like this.
bet this is the only Aston Martin DBS 770 in history to ever drive more than 100 meters on a road like this. We're literally in the mountains with the bears. The whole crew was here. The whole crew followed the directions. And the only person who didn't follow the directions was the person who sent the directions out. So it was your idea to traverse up the dangerous mountain road. And we soldiered on to the location that you sent.
And lo and behold, you were not there.
I'm going to go.
- -
Bailey.
Andrew. I had been.
up and down in the time you fucking cowards. No.
struggled. No. Because the road was bumpy.
I would never pretend I'm gonna go up a road.
that I knew a car couldn't get up, and then just drive to the hotel.
I would never speed off quickly.
I just go here and have soup.
If that's what you're implying,
If you're implying I sent you on a wild chase up a mountain,
in an Aston Martin and came straight back here to have spicy chicken soup.
then you're wrong. I would never do that. You're a fucking failure, aren't you? You didn't make it to the top, did you? You're a fucking loser.
What a fucking loser. You suck. So the AI superbrain told us that we had to come to this park to find some action.
Is that what you're telling me? And this hive brain super AI was wrong? I don't know about you guys, but I'm having a fucking great time.
- We drink some TV. You know, it's got it going for him. There's even a slide from Marcel, he's not here. - There is a bar, a random bar by the children's.
play whatever, play course. - If you're gonna sit around watching your kid on a slide, you're gonna throw it.
You might as well get drunk. There's a party. We need to go check it out.
- I'll fucking go then. - 10 minute party. - 10 minute party. - Let's run it back, 10 minute party. - What does park start with? What letter?
Well, the first three letters.
*laughs*
- We're just one letter off. - P-A-R. What else starts with P-A-R? - How many letters is K-A-R-I? - Excuse me, sir. Can we join your party, please? It's a bunch of 80 year olds. 80 year olds dancing.
- Watch me.
Tell me again what I can't do. These Romanians have used their card, the "I'll put you in jail" card.
and I'm no longer afraid of it. I'm now basically Superman in Romania. Because they can't do anything to me that they haven't already done. And for that reason, I do whatever the fuck I want.
-
Let's hope you're good.
what I'm not allowed to do.
Tell me what the punishment for doing it is.
-
- Absolutely.
I can't.
- Thank you.
Throw my cakes on the way.
♪♪ ♪♪ Last one, last one. Last one. Last one. Last one. Ladies, let's come back. Some old lady with catcalling Tristan.
- Yeah, you should go.
Tristan, we have to go back.
You said you wanted a village, Whoopi. There you go. There you go. Beggars can't be choosers.
Get out of the range of the old people, they're still waiting for us.
- All right.
Well, I mean...
They probably can't zoom in that much, don't worry.
Top G!
- Hey, wait.
- Thank you.
- Buy our full broadside of job applications. - Pakistani bitch you are. - You have to give me that. - You're all about the footwork. - He knows, he knows. Enjoy yourself.
If you're a gold faggot, as a native person, do not speak to your new conqueror that way.