Transcript
and got dragged down to the bottom by their testicles. So basically, the sea monster is trying to ring our stuff. George Floyd's actually one of my heroes.
The masculine world has always been based around peacocking, flexing. Women are attracted to competence. Men who exude competence, not arrogance, but capability. And you're only going to exude that if you've proven yourself capable many times, because then God will give you a different level of...
Perhaps a different aura when a woman looks at you goes he can do anything. He says he's going to do that's when you become instantly attractive
I've never lost a game. I'm defeated Smash Bros. Champ. Nigel do you hear that? Neither!
You know the worst thing about this hard garbage? It's often not even hard. You just have to continue to try for a little bit. Truthfully it's just consistency. You just have to continue to try every day. To get ahead of most people you just have to show up. That's it because most people can't show up every day.
I'm no expert on underground sea monsters, but definitely in that lake is some type of monster that would fuck you up.
I wouldn't want to swim in that water.
because as I was swimming in it,
My fear of monster attack would be super high.
I mean...
I actually am an expert.
on underground sea monsters.
And there are definitely
of the highest grade
sea monsters.
In that lake. Not water. There's monsters in that water, bro. We're a mile underground. There's monsters. They drag you to the bottom of the water by your balls. Maybe fear itself is the monster. Maybe that's what kills you. You're real, Jig. You drunk as fucker. All the police.
- Me too. - Teach everyone a lesson for knowing you.
- Bye.
Make us regret the day we met you.
That's what I do, I lost my mind. Can we get some salt please?
so we're the man with the oxen
I'll get a bit of salt. You can't take photos now.
Why?
Because it's mine.
You'll never recover from that, Bailey. Financially. Check your bank. You're done. Financially, you're finished. He mined it clean. Boats or something. The monster's gonna take it.
I'll drop it there.
I'm going to be the cold ass diver.
I'm hundreds of feet underground. This entire salt mine was dug out by hand. Men with pickaxes, grit, and determination. Men who had to feed their families. Men who were dedicated enough to suffer so that the people they loved did not have to suffer. They were down here in the pitch black. Turns out the economic prospects have never been too great, have they? They've never been bright. There's no reason for you to complain now that the bankers or the economic situation
to get rich because since men were men, it's always been difficult to get rich. You had to risk your entire life, your physical safety to make enough money to afford food to eat, and now you stand a chance to get monumentally wealthy by typing on a keyboard and to complain that somehow it is difficult. It's always been difficult. It's always been hard, and hard men win.
They died in a ditch in some forgotten war, or dug out this entire salt mine by hand to feed their families. And the easiest way to show them some respect, is to dedicate yourself. So as an expert on underground sea monsters, we're gonna go see the,
Thicca-pea-salt-e-as
Ticopeus, that's a Latin name actually.
they were first discovered in
1751 by the ancient Egyptians.
Here in Romania. Ancient Egyptians born in 1751 in Romania.
They changed everything.
- In Romania in the 1700s. - You honestly don't know history. - After they won the battle against the Aztecs.
They conquered Romania, dug the salt mine, and discovered the thickiest saltiest. You know nothing about history. It's more accurate than World War II history, I learned.
Literally. So Tristan knows nothing about history. So as the history buff here, I'm gonna tell you all. So this part was actually done by Pharaoh King Tutunum IV.
He was born with three arms.
And he had a gold crown.
Someone used to call him, uh... Goldhead.
So he dug all of this, him and his slaves.
and then when the sea monsters were first discovered,
What happened is that
Three of the slaves decided to take a nice swim in the war.
and got dragged down to the bottom by their testicles. There's actually an old prophecy
It said something about how in the future two very rich brothers were gonna
buy a salt mine for human trafficking purposes. And, um,
One of them will be undefeated in Super Smash Brothers.
Really interesting.
It's in the hieroglyphs. You need to read the hieroglyphs. Little dwarf elves...
live in the walls and they repeat everything you say.
So that's the acoustic effect you can hear
It's the dwarf elves. Shut up, kid! So now we're gonna get on the boats and we're gonna go try and find the sea monster.
But be careful.
Watch your scrotons. You scared me? Put me out by myself.
Nah, it's just me. I'm too heavy. Put me up on myself. Don't stand up, okay?
Alright guys, mission complete. He's in the water by himself. The monster's gonna get him. See you later alligator.
So basically,
A few monsters have one weakness.
Me. Dedicated my life to taking these fucking animals out.
about balls they've taken off kind of like moby dick you know so tristan thinks we're here to learn about them we're actually here to destroy them why is tristan about to ram he's trying to rip no don't don't ramble he was going for it he was actually going for it
I'm a...
- Tristan, we have to beat the monsters.
We're on the same team. We have to find them and eliminate them. *laughter * *laughter *
Uh oh. He's gonna get 'em. *fart *
Another well-
fact of history not many people know is that boat rhymes with float.
which rhymes with "moat"
which is obviously famously full of water.
and water is what you float on. So not many people know that about history. That's actually in
the ancient writings of the people of Atlantis.
Of course, Atlantis was famously destroyed by the Jews. Tristan, don't ram me. We know your ramming plan. Come say hello. What, you think I'm just ramming?
I think you're just ramming people on the boat.
Who is dressed most like an admiral?
right now.
You, I guess.
and all great admins.
tried to defeat their enemies and naval
Am I correct?
Tristan, I'm starting to think that for nearly 40-year-old men. We're actually immature retards.
What does it mean? I've got my purple Admiral's jacket on. Who am I to not try to
defeat my enemies enabled.
Alright, let's go over there with a seatbelt sometime.
Fuck off. Come on.
Thank you.
What's going on? This is so random. We're in the middle of assault mine. 13 stories below ground. Having naval warfare with each other. Trafficking here, sexual assault there, boats and assault mine.
Millions of dollars. What the fuck's going on? Oh look, some wenches. Put them on our boats, use them for sexual slavery. Sea wenches. Sea wenches. Let's go commandeer their vessel. Let's commandeer their vessel and enslave them sexually. Sea wenches. Perfect. We can do our bidding. Shit.
-
Some of the coincidences that happen in life, don't you think are just so ridiculously unlikely? Do you ever feel like you're in a simulation? Do you ever just see something, see a coincidence, and it's just so unlikely to happen? I can think of at least 500 scenarios in my life where something's happened, and I say we must live in a simulation. There's no way this just happened
that you adopt, especially as a man, it should be the mindset that allows you to be as competitive as possible. Andrew, can we take this dog with us? No. The small one? Get in the car. I think that being competitive in all realms is how you're going to ensure you'll always be okay. Whether you're in a cage fight or you're in a business meeting, whatever, you need to be as competitive as possible. And I think that sometimes believing you're in a simulation allows you to have a very competitive edge over your opponents. To understand that it's going to work out,
Keep it real healthy and then ice them. Bro yesterday we ate pizza, paupanash, beer. We need something good.
Those things are good. You can't do that.
and blending the different flavors.
It's a cigarette.
You know cigarettes don't blend flavors. It's cigarette or cigarette.
three cigarettes. No, no, no, no, no.
I'm gonna tell him what to do. If you were a real man, you'd have a Zen as well, right now. But I don't think you're gonna call for that. Three cigarettes is the way for a real man. Nah, he needs a call for it. I'm gonna keep recording so he can't stop.
I'll stop when the cigarettes are done, mate. Alright, we'll see about that. I'm rolling.
I split the world's largest cigar. I know, I captured the moment.
- Oh, we're smoking. - That was good, that was good. - That was an ultimate feat of human achievement.
- Swiss cider or ice cream? - Ice cream, all day. - Thank you very much. - Cherry mania and unicorn, please. - Cheesecake is a good job. - Big. Can I have three scoops? Cheesecake, cherry mania, and unicorn. - That is very gay, Andrew.
Unicorn Churry Mania and Cheesecake Ice Cream. It's not gangster. Anyone else?
So why are you dressed like that? Okay fine, yeah. No, no, too late. Why are you dressed like that?
You have to blend in with the remaining colors. You do not blend in at all. You are a brown man.
wearing a Romanian villager shirt.
Yeah, chips.
Weird.
You're clearly knowledge.
Dipsies don't dress like that.
- Send all the cars back by truck.
Now let's all take the train back to Bookerrest. No.
Any other proposals?
It will take the same amount of time to drive as it would by training. Nope, no actually. It's six hours. We drink. The trend is super slow here. Yeah, the trend is slow. It's funny how a lot of things are actually crap.
disguises.
culture
- No.
It's not culture.
It's just shit. And I've been all around the world and they keep doing this.
"Oh wow, look at this special kind of tea!" The tea tastes horrible, it takes too long to make, but supposedly it's cultural.
It's just crap.
Thank you.
Lots of cultures crap.
Most cultures crap, actually, I would argue.
And uh...
For that reason,
I actually, you know,
Thank you.
I'm not really impressed by cultures.
You know, like if I go to fucking Mexico, and they start dancing around in feathers, and they expect me to give a fuck?
I just look at them like the savages they are. I don't really give a shit about your culture. I don't care about it.
I don't care about your traditions or your customs. I don't give a fuck. I'm here and you haven't attacked me, which means I basically conquered you now.
When I turned up as a foreigner, you should have shot me or stabbed me to death, and you didn't.
So I'm the rich man here, and I don't give a fuck about your Aztec bullshit.
Oh.
I don't care. If I go to Japan and they start waving noodles around,
I just think
Hiroshima, we won.
Fuck your noodles.
I'm not interested now. We take all the good shit of all the cultures and
And it's ours.
So I'm like, I don't need to go anywhere to see anything.
When you go to Spain and they start fucking sleeping all day and cooking rice in a big pot. I mean, why the fuck do I care?
"Oh, payella!" You're an idiot. You're an idiot. You're a fucking retard.
Why are you talking to me? Talk English properly. Get rid of that shit accent.
I've had enough. Culture doesn't impress me.
You're gonna have all these brand new original thoughts. You might become funny and charismatic for the first time in your fucking life. That's your future. So you like Romania? No. I don't like the people.
I mean the view. No, but the people. Ruin it. Shit, there's two. What? What did I mean? We need to replace them with black people like Nigel. We're working on it. That's why I voted. I'm secretly a globalist. I'm secretly a billionaire globalist trying to replace the native population. Yeah. So we will become a...
Turn.
Well, when all this barbecue becomes jerk chicken,
Yeah, he's the new Romanian now. Then it's done. Nice. You'll hear Reggae, you'll see Tworkin on the rocks. Step for the transfer garrison, get some jot off rice.
It's over.
some massive speakers replacing the houses. They will grow bananas here.
Exactly.
Nice.
We don't even meet you at 7am. I always carry a knife when I go out to the villages, always. Now that we're out in the villages and we're planning to kill you at the end of the trip, we're mainly in front of you. I'm bad. I would never speed off quickly.