Transcript
Oh yeah, it wasn't bad? Hey, real quick, if you're subscribed to this channel, thank you. We're almost at one million because of you. If you're watching and you haven't subscribed, take one second, click the subscribe button. We need you. We love you. Right, Rob?
*music*
Alright guys, our guest today on Hot Cakes and Hot Takes
This guy knows absolutely nothing about controversy. He knows nothing about the limelight.
He loves authorities, especially
the Romanian justice system, and the most important fact, he's a virgin and he's saving himself for marriage. Tristan Tate, everybody. I'm glad to be here. Thank you so much. It's so hard to be celibate. Well, that was the nicest introduction anyone's ever given me. Really? I'm not sure about the accuracy, but in terms of kind words, I mean, I appreciate it. If people at home haven't seen me before and you want to believe that, feel free. I'm curious. Initially, they were probably like, who the hell? Virgin?
- Tristan does. - But I appreciate you being here, Tristan. If you guys might, could we eat 'cause of food, you're not gonna eat 'cause you don't eat 'til what time? - By 6:00, 7:00 PM. - Every single day? - Every single day. - So is it just black coffee? - Black coffee and water until 6:00 or 7:00 PM. - Okay, question, working out, are you like, 'cause I can imagine, I get lightheaded at
One o'clock my body starts to be like, okay, like put a banana or a protein, something. I've trained already today. I typically train the first thing when I wake up so I don't have to like,
worry about it for the rest of the day. Once it's done, then I can shower, suit up, get changed, and I'm ready to attack the day. So I've trained already this morning. Do you only have one meal a day or you'll eat? Usually, it depends. I'm not a stickler about it. If I have lunch and then my friends say, oh, let's go to like last night, let's go to Carbone. I'm like, okay, well, let's go out and I'll have some more food there. Yeah.
I'm a big guy, I can burn it off, but it's not like a religious ritual where I only eat once a day.
but I try not to get fat. I try my best. Sometimes I fail depending on how much I drink. - I'll just say. - Alcohol is the killer. - I was just gonna say. - But I try to stay in shape. - When was it like, Tristan, late night,
Two in the morning, you're getting home. Do you stay disciplined? You're like, okay, I'll have a damn burger. I have to. - No, I never eat and drink at the same time. - Oh! - It doesn't matter how much I've been, if I start drinking at 9:00 p.m.,
and finish at 3:00 a.m., I will not eat a single morsel of food during that time. I feel like for me, and I know everyone's different, it kind of like accelerates hangovers. It makes you feel much worse if you eat, you know, a pizza in your stomach and you wake up feeling all fat and bloated. If it's just the tequila and the ice and you drink some water before you go to bed,
wake up with a coffee, I'm telling you, you fit. - Okay, I made a full agreement. - Never, I'm gonna lie. - Never drink at the same time, yeah. - Oh, Monique, how you doing? - Thank you so much.
You just want a coffee? Yeah, just black coffee. That's all it's going to be. All right. More coffee in here, fast. Thank you. On your mind, we're just going to pray really quick. Oh, yeah. Dear Lord, thank you for the food we're about to eat and the hands that make it.
I pray, Lord, for Tristan. Have a hand over him. Lord, give him safety, his family, his fortune, and his future. Help this conversation be very good.
Lord, and for all the people behind the scenes and the people watching at home, God bless them all. In Jesus' name we pray.
Amen. - Amen. - All right, so Tristan, I have a bunch of questions. 'Cause I had, you have so many, I don't even know where to start. - Look at that. Anything you like. - Okay, so,
And my research is on point, Tristan.
Your dad was in the Air Force. Yeah. So was I. Yes.
Are you ready for that? I don't even think you know this.
He was a linguist, spoke Russian, Spanish, worked in intelligence, I wanna say CIA, and he was an international,
Master in chess. What?
Like, what...
"Who was he? Who was this guy?" 'Cause I read it yesterday and I was like, "Wait a minute, I never even knew
CIA linguists, I know people that are linguists that work for the government, but like, who was this guy? - So the CIA rumors actually come from Twitter. They come from Twitter because I knew my father worked in the intelligence services. I have tried to pull his record. I can't get his military record. I don't know exactly what he did, but I knew that he spoke Russian. Me and Andrew made a bunch of guesses.
But whoever he was, he was a patriot and a true professional to the point where up until the point he died,
I didn't really know what he did.
in the United States military.
I never knew.
But yeah, he holds, I think he still holds the record for the United States Armed Forces
armed forces
chess championships five years in a row. I don't think anyone's beaten that to this day. He set that back in the late 1980s and early 1990s.
Um,
Yeah, he was just a very, very interesting guy. It's one of those things where you grow up and your dad's your dad, you know? Mm-hmm. Doesn't matter what he does or how interesting his job is or how unique he is as a person, he's just dad and you don't think too much of it.
It wasn't until I was in my, I guess, early teenage years when I started understanding, you know, quite how different of a character he was and how his mind worked.
So,
- Yeah. - Did he ever like,
Did you ever hear like weird conversations like on the phone or something? And then or you're like, dude, that's gone for where the help like.
Where'd he go? Any inclination of anything? I know you said as you got older, it got to there, but did it ever, like, did you ever see anything or witness anything where you're like, dude, that might be a freaking spook.
For full disclosure, he lost his career in the military when I was a very young kid. I must have been about three years old.
So after that, all of my brothers and my stories about how he struggled with
Poverty, homelessness and stuff, that all came later on. - Okay. - So my father's military career
I remember him on the phone endlessly trying to get his
job back, trying to get security clearance back. I remember that was a big, on the phone,
fight for his security clearance back and he was playing professional chess
And I guess he thought that, you know,
chasing this rabbit in this direction was eventually one day going to pay off.
But it didn't. I mean, when he died, he had $12 in his pocket. That's about 10, 11 years ago.
His health was certainly
was certainly affected by the fact that
And I'll say it right here, VA healthcare in the United States is not at the standard it should be. It's not the standard it should be if VA hospitals were funded properly.
With all the problems he had, I feel like he may still be around today.
That's why when I do bits, I don't know if you follow me on Twitter, I do bits to help out veterans all the time. Of course I do. Of course. That's what. To help out VA's hospitals. Yep. Because
I think for me, certainly it's an issue that hits close to home. - Oh, and I appreciate, I was gonna say, because I had that in there, I appreciate you, because I see you and I see you out there
because it hits so far
so close to home, bro. I can't tell you how hard it is. Cause I'm a veteran air force.
How long it takes for me. These guys hear me complain all the time about, I need an appointment. Then they call me while I'm on the podcast. I call.
and they're like, "Here's the number with the extension." Doesn't pick up for one week. And then I email them, I'm like, "Yo, I need
help, I gotta have a stress, stress, I'm worried about physical stuff.
It's the worst. - Yeah, they okay. - We send these soldiers to go do whatever, then they come home and we're like, bro, you know what? Ukraine's gonna get,
200 billion dollars you guys just shut the hell up it's it's sad well even the people that make the decisions on that health care you think that congress and senate don't have the best health care the best access to doctors yet they're the ones that make the decision to send these kids into war and then abandon them yeah long term yeah infantry especially doesn't get taken care like the people who are actually experiencing the worst of the war i had a buddy it took him 15 years to get on get qualified for 100 disability yeah it took 15 years it's very sad and that's one of the
I mean, I'm a big...
I guess I got into trouble, certainly in Europe, talking about how
governments.
in the West misappropriate funds
I was a huge, huge anti-funding the war in Ukraine guy.
since the very beginning, since the military operation kicked off
2022, I was a huge don't fund this war. I'm looking at my...
I mean, I'm part English, part American.
And they all have their problems and they all need money for various issues at home, England especially, which is right now essentially a failed state. Oh, and they're just sending tens and hundreds of millions of dollars over. It really really broke my heart. So we're on the same page there. Oh, it's absolutely it's sad. And look, it's happening again.
Right now with Iran, it's like bro. We have problems
here, shut everything off from everybody for at least a year,
figure our stuff out before you help anybody out. That's my, I think Patrick said it a while ago about the border, which I mean, it's obviously shut down now. - Yeah. - For a year,
- Sorry. - It's right now, it's completely shut down, which is perfect. Stop, turn around and look at everybody inside the country, stop worrying about bringing everybody in.
And I think the same applies with that.
So Tristan
I know that you and Andrew are pranksters, and I want to get into a story later on about the jail in Romania. Me and my siblings were horrible. Every April 1st, we would run into my mom and dad's bedroom at 6:00 a.m. while they're passed out, and we'd go, "Fire!" They'd run, they'd figure out what was going on, and then they'd beat the hell out of us every single year. Worth it. Yeah, exactly. So you two growing up, how were you guys-- were you guys
Crazy were you guys doing pranksters you guys getting in trouble. What was your guys as childhood like?
You know, honestly, I know
recent events
have given me this kind of like
unfortunately, this bad boy kind of gangster image. What did I do when I was young?
I dedicated myself to kickboxing. I played the violin and the piano. I was good in school. Like, I was like genuinely that that wasn't my life. I have a lot of friends who are still in my life now. I've known for decades who from my hometown were into all of that bad shit.
You know, into dealing drugs, breaking into houses, this kind of thing. And I just wasn't.
I was just a guy trying to find a way to make some money. But in terms of my sense of humor and my pranks, we really...
But to this day, we look around at each other, sitting in rooms being like, Andrew, we're almost 40 year old men. Like, when are we gonna grow up? - Never. - Never, ever.
But um... Like what do you guys... Anything for... like just pranks.
getting in trouble, stuff, not like law, crazy, crazy stuff, but like what's some of the stuff that you did
that you guys laugh about today, or some of the stuff that you guys are even doing today.
Well today, I think the things from today are funnier because we should have grown out of them. But I actually said, you know what, I'm gonna break my own rule.
i said before this podcast i'm not going to talk about my kids but i'm going to talk about i'm going to talk about one of them okay i'm going to talk about one of my kids so i'm not going to say their name okay but one of my best friends in the whole world i've known him 21 years okay very good friend of mine very close guy i can trust him with my life all right so let's pretend his name is adam for the sake of okay because i'm not going to dox my kid okay so i uh decided to name my kid adam after this guy okay so for the first sight 20 minutes
He's super happy, so you know Tristan almost had a tear in his eyes, like, that's so cool of you.
started hugging me and stuff. Then we sat around the dinner table
And I said, "Yeah, but you know what this means."
He said, "What?"
He says, "I, hook me up to a lie detector test right now."
I fucked Adam's mom. In fact, Adam's mom sends me naked pictures every day. In fact, I saw a picture yesterday of Adam in a diaper, and I just used the fact that my son's got the same name as him to rip on him. To the point where I was at a party on Sunday, I was telling this story to everybody, and he was walking around introducing himself, goes, hi, my name's Adam. I'm like, oh, you're that Adam. Yeah, I heard Tristan knows your mom.
So I'm the kind of guy who will name my own son a certain name just to troll a guy I've known. That's so freaking fun.
- The jokes will never run out. 'Cause the cool thing is, let's say the relationship between me and Adam's mom breaks down, you know? Then I can be like, ah, you know, Adam's mom's suing me for child support. Adam's mom, you know, it's like the jokes just line up.
So I'm very immature in that way. I make very light out of very serious situations. And I think that's one of the biggest keys of life. Everything is so serious all the time. You have to have fun. You have to break up the monotony. Everything, like, turn on the news right now. Nothing's positive. Have you, like, today I was just looking at all of them. Fox, CNN, Twitter. There's not one feel-good story. Everything is negative. Sexual assault. Eric Swalwell, bombs, trans, everything. You have to have those moments.
You have to. Yeah, you got to find ways to be happy. Otherwise, you have nothing. Rob, are you pranking people all the time? Yes.
He shows up in people's homes just staring over. You keep me good looking and prank people. When I prank people, they're like, what's wrong with that guy? Why is he being mean to you right now? What's this creepy dude on the street? So creepy. I'm sorry, I crossed the line, Rob. That's a step further than... So, and Tristan, you guys have a younger sister who stays... Nobody knows about. No one knows about her. She's married. She has a different last name.
- She's doing well. - She's got two kids, she's a lawyer. She lives in the United States, I could say that much. - Yeah. - And she's very happy, I stay in touch with her. I wish her all the best, but she likes to
- Of course, which I get it. She's not lying like, does she look like you guys? 'Cause if she does, I can imagine her at a supermarket and people are like,
I think that's
- Identical to-- - I definitely was talking about it. - Six foot four. - Yeah, just very attractive, just jacked. She's like, "I'm not related." - No, she's like, "I'm not a date." - You got a thicker beard and mustache. - So, uh... - She don't whoop anybody's butt, even tries the same thing. - Yeah, I mean, she looks like a typical mixed race woman. She looks a lot blacker than I do. - Yeah. - So, when I'm on my podcast making my black jokes, black people who don't know me, you're getting offended all the time. I'm half black. My sister's more like a Beyonce kind of shade of... - Gotcha. Gotcha.
growing up
'Cause, uh...
You're the oldest. No, Andrew's older. Andrew's the oldest. Then it's you and then it's her. Yes. So you two with her growing up, how many fights were you guys the protective guys that she even
Try to, 'cause my sister by the way,
I took my sister to prom.
I took my... it's disgusting. I took her... I didn't score! But my middle... no, thank you for coming. Relax! No, my dad was like, "You're not Middle Eastern. You're not going with anybody." Vinny, come here. You're taking... I don't get the corsage. It was so weird.
But how was your... What was your dad's accent when he said it? I have to hear it. Well, he said it on the stand, he's like, "I don't want to...
- Take it, bro, you know, 'cause you have to take the photos. - Yeah. - I'm gonna show the photo. It's horrible, it's horrible. But how was your guys' relationship with her? Were you guys a protector? Did you guys, was she strong enough to do it? - Well, kind of, but Andrew and I were always so independent. I mean, I moved out of my mother's house at 15 years of age. - Oh, really? - When I started working. I started working in fast food.
So I was renting a house with a bunch of Eastern European migrants who worked in my fast food restaurant. I was renting a room in a house.
So I think after about, I turned 15, 16,
Me and my sister didn't stay in touch too much. She stayed at my mom's house for a much longer period of time.
I was out there trying to make something of my life in my own way, failing a million times. So I had other things to concentrate on.
getting into fights and beating up, you know, her wannabe boyfriends. I got in plenty of fights, I guess, when I was young and stupid anyway. Like, I didn't need any additional trouble. At 15, so at 15, what makes you, bro?
I didn't join the military till I was 18, but it was because I was, you know, getting into a lot of trouble, stupid, hanging out with the wrong people. My dad was like, get the hell out of the house. We got into big, I'm talking about fistfights.
I had my dad once which I regret to this day, but at 15 Tristan you don't hear a lot of people at 15 saying I
"I'm gonna move out, I'm gonna go." Where'd you get that from? Where was that? - Well, it wasn't that. In England, you finish high school typically at 16 years of age. But because I'm quite young for my year, I finished high school when I was 15. And I just needed a way to make money. I just needed to find a job somehow. So I found a job at some, it's called Pret. It's like a British sandwich chain.
So I found a job there at the airports, and I just started making sandwiches and making money that way.
And some guy who lives with some guy, he's still a very good friend of mine to this day.
He's from Slovakia. He was like, "Oh, someone just moved out of the rented room in my house. It's like 180 bucks a month."
- Oh, really? - 180 British pounds a month.
for this room, this kind of box of a room in this house that they all shared. Do you want to move in? I was like, you know what? Why not? Didn't like living with my mom anyway. I just started discovering girlfriends and women. I thought I need my own space. - Yeah. - So I was probably almost 16 when that happened. But yeah, I was very young when I decided to, you know, try and make something for myself. I was just,
- Sick of being broke. - And what was, so at 15 you're doing that, what's Andrew doing at this point? - Andrew's working in a fish market.
Throwing the fish? A fresh fish market. Oh, really? Cutting up the fish. Andrew's a fishmonger. We both kind of started. We were involved in martial arts to a very low degree. We were both training kickboxing. When did you guys start training kickboxing? I'm just curious, why specifically kickboxing? You know, it...
I'd love to say a more interesting story. A lot of questions that people give me, I'm like, I wish there was a better answer for this.
In my shithole town that I'm from, there was a kickboxing gym. That's what was there. - Oh, that's most people's story. - So that's where I went. Like, there was no like, "Hey, you know, I'm really thinking of taking up this, this. I can get a train or drive to these various places."
There's no research. Where can I walk to?
that I can do something.
- No, so-- - Like if it was a ballerina, like a ballet place, you'd be like, yo, listen, I'm gonna do the-- - Yeah, but basically, basically, but I'll tell you, you know,
Male ballet dancers, gay or not, are strong motherfuckers. - Oh yeah. - Whoa. - Let's not mock 'em too hard. 'Cause if I walk outside of this diner after the studio, and there's six guys in tutus ready to whip my ass, I'm like, he made the car. It was him. Don't look at me, gentlemen. - I won't mess with ballerinas. - That's hilarious. It's a funny story. I'm in LA doing, I'm in there doing the acting classes and everything, and I drove by a comedy club. And I was like, it was a ha-ha comedy club. And I was like, you know what? I love George Carlin. I was making people laugh all the time.
Let me go in there and I went on stage Tristan and I freaking
bombed
so hard. You know what I'm talking about. It's the worst feeling. Bro, I've been scared and
threats and people guns I've been everywhere on the spectrum of fear and
Nothing scared me more than going on stage and thinking everything that you planned was going to go well and they're all just like,
People are talking, it's like
It's like you can't leave because you have to do the five minutes.
It was such a fearful thing, but then, yeah, it's whatever was around me. That's the thing that I was like, I'm not going to just sit at the apartment and not do anything.
It was stand-up. And I was like, I'm gonna do stand-up. - Well, you're designed for it. - I mean, I got knocked out in my first ever kickboxing fight. Same thing, you know? You train so hard, you think, yeah, I'm a fucking killer. You get in there and someone knocks you out in the second round, you're like, well, that didn't go to plan. It's a horrible feeling. Yeah, I know what you mean. - So let me ask you a question. What's the one thing from birth until now
that Andrew
can simply not beat you up. No matter what it is, that one thing that you always know, that he always knows that you got a one-up on him.
Thank you.
I don't know. I feel like Andrew is the kind of guy that can do anything he puts his mind to. I think the
I don't think the question is what couldn't he do, it's what wouldn't he do.
So like,
Andrew
putting his mind to something could achieve anything. And I truly believe that about him.
However, I know what Andrew won't put his mind to.
And I know what I enjoy.
For example, I speak some foreign languages from living in Eastern Europe. I'm living with those Slovak guys. I still speak Slovak quite well. Andrew doesn't know a single word in any foreign language. And that's not to say he can't.
or he won't, he's like, "No, fuck it, I know English, "don't even tell me how to say, I don't wanna hear your "ola, your gracias, nothing." Andrew doesn't know anything. So you could say, people would be like, "Well, Tristan picks up foreign languages, "and Andrew doesn't." I think Andrew could.
So it's not about what he
you know, can't do. It's what he won't do. I know what he won't do. Okay. But, uh,
But to answer your question,
Ice water swimming. Andrew's got the black man jeans where he hates the cold. Anything cold, there's air conditioning on. He's got like six sweaters on. He's always cold. No, no, no. So when my pool like freezes over and I get in, Andrew literally, it hurts him to watch me do that. Let alone to actually get in himself. So ice water swimming is my official answer. I kick his ass any day. Are you one of those guys that, are you a cold plunger in the morning?
No, not really. I don't own a cold plunge, but in Romania in the winter, my swimming pool freezes over. I've got a sauna outside near the swimming pool.
I break a hole. Jump in and... You go hot and cold? Yeah. Hot first and then cold? Yeah. By the way, you told me this, and I tried it for like two days. I couldn't do it. This guy goes, oh, I just...
Turn the cold shower on, I just stand there. I don't... - In the morning you do that? - Yeah, to get going. - I'm gonna say something stressful. I just read a study and they said one of the primary things that leads to, in a study, I don't wanna say that this is fact, leads to early heart attack and stroke was
first thing in the morning taking a very cold shower because it causes a very strong blood pressure spike. - Oh, wonderful. So now kill over. I'm more worried about dying from a heart attack in traffic than the cold water.
Tristan, how old were you? How old? Because I remember, I know, I'm pretty sure you guys know. Everybody, everybody's watching, everybody knows.
How old were you? When were you?
How old were you when you lost your virginity? And do you remember that?
- That moment. - Yeah, I remember it was terrible. I was serious. Okay, you know what? It was a couple of days after my 16th birthday. - Okay. - A couple of days after my 16th birthday.
And yeah, terrible, terrible experience. - Horrible. - Yeah, horrible. - And was it as fast as the story? That was it? - No, no, the opposite problem. In full disclosure, I couldn't finish. For like the first six months, I was trying to bang chicks, you know?
So I had the opposite problem that a lot of dudes had. After like 10 minutes, they'd be like, oh, 15 minutes, they're like, oh, maybe we should stop. I'm here, maybe we should stop. I didn't, like, I had the opposite problem a bunch of dudes had.
So yeah, it was terrible. - Were you just stressing out? - I have no idea what it was. I have no idea. - It's in the past. - Oh yeah. It's in the past, but uh. - That's so, what about you, remember yours?
Oh yeah. How old?
18.
- 18.
Quick.
- No, no, it also took me-- - Really? - There was a girl I was dating and it just, I was like, "Why is this not ending?" - I'm gonna go on a limb. - And then you get, I got stressed, that's why I asked. I started-- - I mean, you can't. And so it's like trying to pee when dudes are next to you, trying to talk in your ears. - Oh, four words.
And I was worried about her. I'm like, now is it weird for her? And does she think I'm not enjoying it? Oh, but like, hats off. This is the stud side.
I'm going to assume how fast. I'm still waiting.
Hopefully if this podcast goes well, I'll get famous boats and o's. Hey girls, Rob. Yeah. Do you remember how old you were, Rob?
16. I was watching Steve Harvey. 18.
I was watching, because we...
TBS. Do you remember that channel? Of course. They used to rerun the Steve Harvey show every afternoon and the first time I ever had sex, Cedric the Entertainer and Steve Harvey were on TV. My mom was out and it was in like 3 o'clock in the afternoon with my high school girlfriend. Please don't tell me that's why you finished. Tell me that's why you finished. I'm a huge fan of kids of comedy now. Oh my god. Guys, I... It's that mustache, right? I forgot.
I forgot. I forgot. Okay, I remember I was 16, 17, whatever the age.
But I remember the Yankees, I was in a house, and I was away from everybody else, and the Yankees just won the World Series, and it was the last catch, and everybody,
I hear screaming and I ran away.
to go celebrate, but it was very fast for me. It was very, it was fast and it was amazing. Thank you, my love.
- Thank you. - Can I have another coffee, please? Thank you very much. - So Tristan, if you weren't the Tristan that you are today, if you had no status, no money, girls know who you are, would your approach to women, like what would your approach to girls be
today, because as you see, bro, guys today, they're not talking to women. It's freaking, you know, besides the birth rate, everything's out.
Everything's on a decline. I'll get into some other stuff about our energy and stuff.
How would you, would you change your approach or everything? And like, how would you, what advice would you give
- It is so hard out there in 2026. I remember being 18 in my hometown in Luton, just north of London, and pretty 18 year old girls would get with me. You know, I had something different. I had a motorbike, a cheap motorbike, and I was a kickboxer. That was enough, right? - Yeah. - Because these 18 year old girls, who were my age at the time,
weren't exposed to what women are exposed to today. Unfortunately, if these women, if we were to time machine myself and these women into 2026, these same hot 18 year old girls from Luton would have 100,000 Instagram followers with a blue tick, millionaires from London, millionaires from Dubai, millionaires from Miami would be in their inbox,
messaging them, trying to fly them out, trying to invite them over, and then suddenly the guy with the motorbike in an average kickboxing record isn't as tempting anymore.
So I don't really know.
how to navigate the dating marketplace. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. How to date, how to give advice on how to navigate the dating marketplace today.
Because when I did it as a younger man, it was literally a different...
Planet. Girls would open, pick up their phone, and they'd see a text message from me. And that cost me 10 cents to send, and they were blown away. Now a girl picks up her phone, she sees yachts, G-Wagon full of roses, private jet, goes in her DMs, there's football players, basketball players. It's all changed so much that unfortunately the only answer is...
Well, do your absolute best to stand out and become rich and successful and have status. I feel like...
People...
streamers like and and i'm glad he's okay because uh last night he had that medical problem but
I feel like streamers like Clavicular are doing
God's work in a way by at least highlighting
the massive flaws that we currently have in society
He's a guy, he's good looking, he's walking around, he's got his cameras, everyone knows he has status. He hasn't got that much money, not compared to all the businessmen I know, and all the people I roll with. He's got a little bit of money,
and women are just falling at his feet, day after day after day, night after night. For the fame and for the state. - And they know who he is, they know what he's about. - And they've got boyfriends, they know he's not gonna commit, you know? And then we have other people on the more righteous side of the internet,
telling young men, "Yeah, what you need to do is you need to find a girl, you need to commit to her, and you need to get married." But these same girls that are telling these guys to commit to and get married are the same girls who when they see clavicular,
go home to his hotel room live on the street. And it's a very...
very difficult situation. I just got back from...
Uzbekistan, of all places,
and
You know, Americans typically have this high and mighty idea of their country being the best. And I'm an American, and I think America is the best in its own way.
However, I walked around
Samarkand, Uzbekistan, and all these ancient buildings and mosques. I'm a history nerd. I like to see all this stuff. And I just saw like,
young married families 20 22 23 men and women holding hands pushing prams with their kids and stuff and I thought oh
This is incredible. Like, how much economic prosperity, how much military power, how many sports events, how many celebrities would you trade?
for that.
Well, one civilization has a future and one doesn't, going at the direction the West is going in. And I'm not talking about America, I'm talking about the West in general. That includes Australia,
almost all of Europe.
And, um,
Yeah, it's extremely upsetting.
So I know you're asking me how I get laid, and I just... No, no, no. Cultural decay. About how fucked the world is.
It's totally fine, because I see this is a freaking problem. It's a massive problem. Guys don't even want to freaking... It's so hard to talk to girls, because in their mind, it's like, well, they want all this stuff, and I don't have it. It's like, you should be able to fall in love or meet someone just off of, like, at the supermarket. And you see them, and you just go,
to you. But it's exactly what he said. You should be able to do that. But that's not, if women are exposed to an unrealistic expectation of what they deserve, they showed a study that 95% of women are being
5% of men are getting 95% of women. That means that there's 95% of men
who are just out there looking, and every girl's saying, you're not good enough, even though there are six...
and the guy's a six or whatever it is, the girl who's a six believes she deserves a 10 now, because she goes on Instagram and she gets a ton of attention. - But you know where they meet? And you just, it's, it's,
community. That's where you meet your partner. But that's such a limiting ability. The problem is the internet exposes you to everything. So you can meet women all over, but you're not going to like, this is not a face you're going to swipe right on. There's a face that you're like, how do I call the police? He's looking at the window. So that literally is the difference. It's meeting people in person. And yet I was on stage and I asked, uh,
I asked a couple, they were dating, and I said, "How did you guys meet? Did you guys meet online?" They said, "No, in church." And the room stopped and applauded them. And it shows that places like that where you're in a community, that's where you can meet.
a woman, that's where the actual relationships develop and breed. You know, sorry, just the ultimate fact here is that, did you know people who go to church or a religious institution,
weekly live significantly longer than people who don't it's the community factor yes it doesn't matter what the religion religion is if they go to if they go to a religious meeting well one time per week it's like something nuts like nine years yeah it's one of the biggest indicators of living long and that's what and that's why i tell but think about it this this damn thing you you're home where you don't have bro you're isolated you could order food you ever
You could launch websites, you could do everything with this thing and once that's there, but look at girls porn
You're staying home.
I saw videos, I forgot which montage it was. I think we might have played it on the podcast.
Girls were like, "Nobody's talking to us."
She's like, "I'm walking around. Where are the dudes?"
They're whole freaking on OnlyFans and they're hooking up with, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I give advice to young men all the time. And, you know, the advice I give, people don't think it's palatable. And it's not palatable to say things like, you know,
to say things like you shouldn't be watching porn at all. You shouldn't be doing it at all. If there's cheap, horrible, processed food at home all the time, you're not gonna go out and hunt for some prime venison. You know what I mean? You wanna be actually meeting girls in real life
You wanna be
And I'm a big advocate for this and shoot me because a lot of institutions don't like me saying this.
I'm a big fan of
of having kids early. I feel like if a woman, let's say,
"A Woman's Destiny."
is to, because every porn star, every OnlyFans girl, every single hoe in Miami,
was once just a virgin who met her first boyfriend, right?
If they had got pregnant and she had fallen, she had got pregnant with a child and had that child, I feel like in a lot of cases that would have halted the destructive path that she set herself on. You know what I mean? So, I mean, I'm not.
Shoot me, I'm a abortion should be a legal guy. I always have been an abortion should be a legal guy.
You know, I feel like there's so many
When they're bringing back the US draft saying, you know, there's a possibility that all these young men may have to go fight in a war because the country's at risk.
Everyone's like, "Yeah, well that's okay."
And I say, well, the country's at risk because we're not having babies and there's a declining population. And, you know, the institutions are failing. The birth rates are a record low. So maybe, just maybe, we should ask women
to actually carry their kids to full term.
there we go that's when i get in trouble yeah but like well i'm not that that's the thing that offends people but i'm but i'm with you i'm with you because i saw the uh i sent this to rob um during one of our podcasts it was somebody was like the birth rate isn't declining
We're at record high abortions in a year. People are just...
killing babies, and it's just like a regular
business is like 2000, like the birth rate drop. It's like, bro, if you're only having 300, 500,000,
And then the abortion is 1.4 million, bro. Since the year 2000 till now, do you know how many babies have been aborted in the United States? From 2020 till now. From 2020. From now. From 2000 till now. 2000 till 26 years. The answer on official records is 21 million. That's insane. 21 million extra people.
That's almost, that's 8-9% of the population. And that's official records, that's not showing people a lot of the stuff is... Yeah, people who go to Mexico, people who don't record, people who are doing this backstreet stuff.
So I'm just like, man, we've lost an entire generation. - I'll tell you so. - So upset. - You're right, and it fizzes me off too. I used to have conversations with people early on, like,
when I was trying to figure out abortion, what it meant to me, whatever, all this stuff. And if I talk to people 20 years ago, the normal sentiment was, "Oh my God, late-term abortion is automatically wrong. There should be term limits." Everyone agreed that at some point the fetus is a child.
Nowadays, I talk to people and they're like, "I don't care, it's up to the woman." They can do it at three months, six months, nine months, right before it comes out, as it's coming out. There's been like a real moral decay
in the value of life in general i always say if you can do that
then you can decay the value of anything. So like relationships have decayed,
our idea of gender as a kid. Again, we always talk about it, but faith is the answer to literally all of this. - 100%. And Margaret Sanger, the girl that, the woman that started,
The thing, how many...
- Freaking, like she's a demon bro. - She literally said it's a eugenics program.
She said she's putting Planned Parenthood in the corner of every black...
I remember that. And there is a Planned Parenthood at the corner of every black neighborhood. And you know what they don't give you? They don't give you...
care for the child if you want to have it, but they do tell you, you could definitely come here and get rid of it. They don't tell you how to plan to be a parent, which is an ironic name, you know? And I love the word, they love putting like,
softening the language. Planned Parenthood. Oh, really? You're coming here with the husband or the boyfriend? Planning to be a parent? Yeah, yeah. You guys planning to be a parent? No, call it what it is. You're just execution...
by like just get him over with. And it's like, I think they need to learn
Before it's the teaching these people like about the life and don't
Don't just be out there and be promiscuous. You should be figuring out, like you said, have the babies young, but know who you want to be with.
and stay with that person. - I agree in terms. - And I think if you're in a position where you know, if you get a girl pregnant, then you have to stand by her, and you have to like stick with her, and you have to build a family with her, it's gonna make people more naturally selective, you know? It's naturally gonna stop this culture of just, you know, sleeping around, sleeping around, but I mean,
It's a very complicated question and I don't know, I don't have answers to how to fix this. I sometimes feel like one of those doctors with endless diagnoses but no cure. But you did answer it. Your answer is do what's hard. Yeah, but I'll be honest when I say oh yeah, she legalized abortion and you should do this and do that.
Never gonna happen.
- Ever. - Of course. - You tell young men to just not masturbate ever, like to give up on porn, never going to happen. - What do you mean? Come on. - Never going to happen. - And that's a hard, like I'm talking right now, besides, 'cause I was speaking with Maverick,
Today, Matt, if you remember this, we're sitting there and I'm telling my go, bro, it's such a
Because I'm...
Jesus Christ Jesus Christ is perfect. I'm you're never gonna get come closer even the the the
the bottom of the sand on his foot
But it's like, bro, I'm trying to be
as good as I can, you know? Trying to be a good person, try not to lie, try to get these impure thoughts, and bro, like looking at, like lusting over women, and like, bro, and the accessibility to porn is ridiculously, on X, we were on the pod, did I ever tell you this? We're on the podcast, and I'm trying to look up a name of just a girl, but I just remembered her name was like Samantha. I went to the search,
of X. I put Samantha and thank God there was no camera behind. It was just butt naked girls and porn. And I'm like, just Samantha. And that's what it is, brother. But it's so hard. You have to.
You have to fight it. You have to fight as much as you can to stay away from that. Well, I think, to Elon's credit, I think that's changed on Grok. I think it's gotten stricter and tighter. Now you have to go and look for that. Okay. I have. But that's the thing. I have. I'm sorry. I'm not a perfect man. But I agree with you. It used to happen to me all the time, too. And I'd be like, you couldn't even. There were points where I felt uncomfortable opening my phone around other people because it was so prevalent. Now on X, I think Elon, to his credit, he's done a good job. He's done a good job.
just literally girls in bikinis is every account. - I will not open my Instagram around to anyone. Like I'm at the office or whatever. I'm like, nope, it's staying shut, my phone's. But remember when you were young, you had to like sneak into
the basement of your house to watch.
like vhs well the blue screen with the static and you're hoping for like a nipple on the screen for like one second and then you get oh it's like two guys you're like no no i used to watch wrestling pay-per-views that way and they'd make the same noise and my dad would be like what are you watching and it's just it's all to the warrior you know you know when when when pornography was determined to be free speech on there what was his name the guy in the wheelchair hustler uh uh larry flint
- When that case went on,
I don't think...
You know, it's like...
I don't think people understood the technology that was coming in the future. I don't think that people understood when they said, you know what, how about this? You can go to these adult cinemas. Oh, VHS is out now. Okay, you could buy your videotapes with your wife and go home and put them in your VHS player. And then you can put them away in the back of the cupboard. Your kids aren't going to find them. I think that
what was available back then,
was very different and nobody had the forethought or the imagination that 100% of people over the age of 10 are going to be walking around 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with a device in their hand to access all the porn ever created by humanity. I don't think anyone saw that coming. So I feel like...
Yeah, the free speech argument stands, but there has to be something in place to protect kids. There has to be this, this, "Are you over 18?" shit. Well, now there's countries that are just straight up banning it for children under the age of 16. No social media whatsoever. And every couple of weeks, there's a new country that comes on board. Ah, but you have to be very careful with these countries because Australia... Well, that's the country that are doing it. Australia is a country which I don't like very much. I mean, I'll probably never go to Australia in my life. I imagine I'm banned.
I think when I'm not going to say his name, but when a friend of mine was banned from entry to Australia, his literal
like paperwork said and because he's friends with Andrew. Are you serious? So I'm not going to Australia. But they'll be like, oh yeah, social media is banned for under 16s. And I was like, well, this is actually, this actually sounds quite smart. Oh, except Blue Sky.
"What, Blue Sky, the weird liberal version of Twitter "that promotes transgenderism."
That's the opposite of what you should be doing. - That's the exact danger of government controlling speech. - Bingo. That is the exact danger. So I don't know what the answer to this is, but there has to be some way to protect kids from this problem. - You solve problems not through law, but through culture. - Yeah. - So I do think the answer is shifting culture. - Correct. - We need people who influence young men, like you guys have a massive platform, to just keep saying this.
and make it trendy so men actually want to live to a higher standard. - Oh yeah, because they just let me speak freely. - Well, I mean, whoever, but you still do have influence. - No, it's great, it's great. I'm out there saying, "What could go wrong?" I mean, it's fine, you know? - But for the, so in that world of the girls and the dating and the porn and all that stuff, I mean, bro, the technology of these, have you seen the robot technology that these, these,
girls that are at these shows, especially like in Japan and stuff like sex dolls, bro, it's getting to the point where it looks like a real person and do think about that. That's trust. That's the future is those guys that are getting any, they're gonna have a robot at the house and they're gonna be hooking up with it. But here's the interesting part of sex robots and why I think they might save the world. Take notes. Yeah. I already have an order.
That's the case. I think sex robots.
might, and this is purely hypothetical, might save the world. So the thought I had, I thought, look,
I think that, and there's lots of good women out there in the world. And I'm not shitting on women. There's lots of good women, lots of good men.
thousands of trashy women, thousands of trashy men. Who do you think the OnlyFans customers are? Who do you think is buying all this crap? - Of course, of course.
I see sex robots, if you can one time purchase a sex robot girlfriend, right? Yeah. A lot of the men who are undesirable to women are going to stop wasting their energy on the women that they can't get. A lot of the women doing the stuff that we disagree with aren't actually empowered
by the
tall, handsome millionaire who wants to drive around and take her to a restaurant. They're empowered
by the millions of simps who float up her platform and, you know, donate all their money, make her think that she's a businesswoman and do all this, you know, the attention blows their minds. And I feel if things are reversed, it would be the same for men. But women and men don't think the same. Men don't get that kind of attention.
So I feel like if every single man who was like undesirable to these hot chicks had his sex robot at home, these women would have to just like maybe stop hoeing out a bit and try and marry one of us. Like, I think that's a fair point. So I think sex robots might just save the fucking world. Yeah, it'll change the power structure. Yeah, because these women feel they have endless options because they've got millions of guys in their inbox who would sleep with them. But they'd only sleep with three or four of those dudes. But the illusion of all these endless options, you know, puts them in this position where maybe they don't act the right way. That makes sense.
- When there's a very few men who actually wanna do the work, to have the lifestyle, to have the morals, to have the nice cars, to have the things that are attractive enough to women, and every other man is just like, "Ah, fuck it. I'm robotted out. I'm done with this game." - Botted out. Botted out. - Then maybe these girls will just have to start treating men right, and offering to have our babies, and they'll be nice. Like, let's-- - I don't need you anymore. - Bring on the sex robots, is what I'm saying. - I'm starting a charity to provide every guy
- Six or less by women to get a six. - That's so heartbreaking. - If you get less than three matches a day on Tinder, I'm gonna buy you a sex robot. How about everyone out there? Philanthropist. - Yeah, I just thought about that too, 'cause like, there should be a study, once they go mainstream, and the sex robots are everywhere, Rob, and everybody's buying them,
I would love to see like a 10 year study where it's like, bro, OnlyFans, the percentage is down. Guys aren't going to strip clubs. Guys aren't going to, girls, you got to go out there and get, and don't get me wrong, bro. I know as a Christian, people always judge and always get mad when I say stuff like this, but.
Those strip clubs and stuff, as bad as they are, if those guys, some of those crazy alpha, like, horny guys, if they're not going in there and getting that, they're going to be out in the street, right?
trying it on other women and being like, so it's like a catch 22 in that situation. So I mean, Rob,
I'm going to buy you a robot fire. Again, he actually owes me one. He's requested three swipes on Twitter. That's a verbal agreement. That's a verbal agreement. When they're released, I will purchase this. You guys heard it here? You guys heard that? You heard that? I bought a MetaQuest. MetaQuest 3 or whatever it is. And I thought I would use it for gaming. Is that the iGo thing? By the way, I would be horrible because, by the way, I have a Roomba where it cleans like a little back. But you see here, I talk to that thing.
I would be yelling at my robot all the time. Like, I told you to clean the kitchen. All right. So, Tristan, I want to move on to a... Imagine that, bro. Oh, yeah, that's a crazy thought. Can you get arrested for beating the shit out of your robot? Domestic biologist. Sex robot. You're like, hey, hey. That's like a black guy. Every time people come over to your robot, just bite it. But then surely if a guy gets, like, arrested on a domestic assault charge, these people are going to go to re-offend. If they get arrested on a domestic assault charge, just ban them from real women.
- Oh, that's a great idea. - You wanna get mad?
- Break your hand, man. This is made of metal, let's go. - Well, dude, that's so funny. Can you imagine that you beat your robot, like your vacuum was like, "I don't trust it." - It just leaves. - Your vacuum. - Vacuum back. - Your vacuum just leaves. - You see slugging out the house. - Going out the house. - That's funny. Okay, so I wanna shift. Oh my God, that was so freaking funny. So I wanna hear, this is Hot Cakes and Hot Takes. I want your hot take. - Let's go. - Which is not that long, 'cause I have a couple more questions before we wrap up, and I wanna do a couple games with you. - Sure, I'll go.
with what's happening right now.
Trump's second term.
We're in a war with Iran that we don't see is gonna be happening finish anytime soon and
It looks like they're going to lose, Republicans are going to lose the midterms.
Gavin Newsom and all these people look like, the shift is obviously happening. - Yeah. - What do you think
Tristan, where are we heading? Are the Tuckers and Candaces and all these people
doing more harm than good, and where do you see this next three years going to where Trump is finishing his term? You know, it's a very complicated situation, and it's something that I spend a lot of time, you know, laying awake thinking about.
it's very tricky and it's not
necessarily a Donald Trump issue. There is a situation where America itself, the political machinery of America, is so much bigger than one man or one president.
that I can't think of a single president in my lifetime
who managed to keep all his promises and get every issue that he ran on and et cetera.
I am a Republican and I will
I mean, people say it might not be Vance, people say it might be Rubio. I personally hope it's Vance. I will be voting for him. That's my own personal.
I guess that's my own personal conviction. But you know, I think with politics,
Everyone has their selfish reasons
for wanting various things to happen.
And that's why you can't keep everybody happy.
I understand there are people who want war with Iran.
I didn't want War of the Rand.
I understand that there are people who don't like J.D. Vance for whatever reasons they like him.
J.D. Vance to me is the single, the only American politician with any power who talks about
all the shit affecting me.
Them trying to lock you up in Europe for free speech violations. The fact that England arrests 12,000 people a year for tweets.
and England have put out a mystery arrest warrant on me. I don't even know what it's for. They're gonna railroad me from my Twitter. The fact that I see our VP standing up there saying, "This is bullshit, this is bullshit. "That election in Europe was rigged. "This is fake." All, you know, in the place where I grew up, Europe,
Like that makes me happy even though he's not running for president of Europe.
I'm going to stick by my guns personally.
But, you know, I can dissect every issue. And I mean, you can ask me if I'm
happy about this and happy about that.
I'm not unhappy enough to be voting for Gavin Newsom.
Do you think that there... So I guess the question to elaborate on that one would be,
Do you not see the danger of the right fracturing and everyone losing out on what's best because of where we're going right now? Well, I said this, I think on on on day one. I mean, it's happened everywhere. Everywhere the right seems to get a foothold.
the fracturing begins almost immediately.
And people like me can see something I'm unhappy with and kind of like bite my tongue and just think, well,
fuck it's better than Kamala Harris, do you know what I mean? - That's how I see it. - So, I mean, the exact same thing happened in the UK. This guy Nigel Farage comes along, he gets a few MPs in the door, first political party in ages to beat establishment parties, and within a few weeks, his guy, who's in there with him, and him start arguing and they fractured. Now there's two right-wing parties. I'm like, well, you're not gonna win then, you know? It happens in America, it happens there.
I don't know if you want to be conspiratorial about it.
You know, maybe it's insidious, maybe it was done on purpose, maybe there's people trying to fracture the right.
But I, for the absolute
maximum
effort I have in my soul
will try to not do or say anything
that fractures the voter base, you know? I try to-- - The left is very good at maintaining a unified-- - Oh, no, for sure. No matter how crazy and evil that they-- I mean, listen,
and me and Jake have these conversations, they're all evil, meaning politicians, and we're seeing it. Like, what was that vote? I want you to say what I was gonna say. 357 to like 45 or something,
to hide all the money that goes to sexual assaults and payouts and I'm like
Wh- what?
So they're all...
corrupt. They're all the same, but the left is blatantly out in the open. I mean, Republicans are just
is crazy, but the Democrats don't even hide their crazy. What were you going to ask? You said that sometimes the machine
is bigger than any one person. And in this case, it's the biggest person that the machine has ever gone up against, in my opinion. I don't... At least in my lifetime, I can't think of a president who's gone against a machine. Yeah, but one man's only a man. And it works the same way in Europe, trust me. These European politicians get in charge of their country, and they think that they're in charge. And the European Union is this massive bureaucratic machine behind them, and their country ends up, you know...
with the exact policies the guys ran against, you know, flooded with third world migrants that come across the Mediterranean. Everyone's like, well, why don't these politicians, you know, actually stop what they're,
you know, what the machine's trying to do. And, you know, the question is, do these people have the power to? Yeah. Because you don't know unless you're there.
You know, I'm not the prime minister of any European country. I wish I was.
for a day because i think i come out of it after 24 hours and think you know what i have absolutely no power to do anything
And the American president has a lot more power to do a lot more, I think. I think there are things that anyone in any administration simply won't be able to stop because
You know, the weight of the tides, you know,
washing up on them
are just too heavy and they've been in motion for too many years, decades before these people even thought of running.
Okay.
Sorry, it's why you should never revere any single politician is almost holy.
because your expectations are just too extreme. That's what happened with Trump. They're like, he's going to... Everything, like it was physically impossible for him to do every single thing he said. Well, here's my thing though. I mean, if you followed him from 2016 and you saw what...
He did. And what they tried to do. And you said, it was perfectly said, Rob. Like, this guy came in and ruined the whole system. Flipped it all upside down. We got to see what these, because, bro, nobody, I never followed. I didn't give a damn. My father used to watch.
Reagan, and we used to watch Western. Okay, like he was an actor. Nobody cared. And then I heard something when I was younger about, you know, Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. I was still kind of young. I remember that. But then I was in the military during, you know, no...
9-11, weapons of mass destruction, and then I was like, whoa, wait a minute. They lied? And it turned me bitter against what the government was. And then Trump came in, and I got to see what the brainwashing of one side, but I lost friends. I was punched in the freaking head. It was such a visceral reaction to, wait a minute, this guy is not one of us. Party and party. He's going to come here and flip it around. I'm not going to deny his, you know, what he did, the trajectory, the changes,
that stuff.
But it seems like this last couple, like this last year, and we're turning to something that we haven't seen. And I get it. For instance, with the Director of National Intelligence, Tulsi Gabbard, everybody's like, Iran doesn't have nukes. Guys, they're not two weeks, there's no way. And then all of a sudden, we bombed them, the operation, what was the hammer?
- Yeah, you're talking about- - Midnight Hammer. I thought we blew up everything. And then they're like, "Oh, no, no." - We're told that. - Yeah, but people are uprising now. Okay, and I was, I'm not gonna lie to you, Tristan. I'm on board. I'm like, if the people are there and they're getting killed in the streets,
let's go if christians in nigeria are getting killed let's go and then all of a sudden they're like no no wait a minute we're not even the people for you forgot about the people and it's about the oil and it's about expanding i'm like i'm not a fan of it like that's why i was gonna ask you how
How long do you think, if you have to guess, if you have to bet, somebody gave you a million bucks, Tristan. How long do you think this war in Iran goes?
A lot more than a year, more than two years, more than four years.
Less than a year. You think so? I would vote less than a year. I think that I'm quite
I know people from all over the world, and there are influences on this. This is not an issue of America and Iran and Iran and Israel.
The moment you start,
Hitting infrastructure and closing infrastructure in the Middle East that affects the UAE, a country I live in, that affects Saudi Arabia, that affects Oman,
All of these countries being financially affected suddenly affect Russia, suddenly affect China.
there are going to be voices in the ear of everybody, Trump,
the Iranian regime, Netanyahu himself,
from the world's most powerful nations, India, China, Russia, everybody is interested in this stopping for once. Usually they don't care. Nobody cares. I mean, no one's really in Putin's ear about Ukraine because
in the heart of hearts of it, it hasn't really affected anybody's money.
their ability to make it. I mean, sure, they can launder some and make some more by sending it over to Ukraine themselves, but
the whole world
is putting pressure, the weight of the world is on these three party shoulders right now to come to a conclusion.
And yeah, before anyone gets really pissed off, I think it's going to wind down. Do you think that behind closed doors, all these world leaders do kind of have a conversation saying like, even if they're enemies with each other, like, you know, you need to chill out here. This is escalating beyond what we anticipated. I, you know, I don't really know anymore. I've stopped trying to guess how politics functioned. And I've also made the decision to myself that.
I have a role to play and my role to play is not
is not trying to be a politician myself. What I'd like to do,
If Andrew and I ramp up the podcasting again, right now we're taking a bit of a break from that. We're just trying to enjoy ourselves a little bit. If I ramp up the podcasting, what I'd like to do is I'd like to acknowledge the fact that
Young men are mad when they are lied to, right? We agree. - 100%. - You lie to a bunch of young men,
then they're gonna get mad if you don't keep your promises. So what I'd actually like to do
you know,
shoot me if you like before the next election is mine and andrew's podcast is big enough i'd like to have jd vance on my podcast and then i'd like to have gavin newsom on my podcast and i'd like them both to tell young men all over the world because the president of the united states affects everybody what they're going to do and what they're not going to do so at least there's some anchors to hold to hold them to it i mean that's my role
I don't know anymore. Are they in a big group chat? Is it a big circle jerk? I don't know. And I don't care to know. Like, I care to just...
shine my spotlight on things when I can and that's all I want to do. Can I give you my, I don't know if you've
think like this as well, your opinion.
But I think
Personally,
JD Vance's move is not to run.
in 2020 and I'll tell you why.
because I personally don't think that this thing is going to stop. That's my opinion. Like you said, I'm not in those rooms, but if it's for the uprising and regime change, Tristan,
That's not a freaking overnight. Hey,
You guys were listening to these guys, you guys are out. Our guys come in, everybody. Because think about it, the military is going to have to fall in line.
The IRGC, you gotta kill all of those guys. Those guys are not gonna be like, okay, well, Trump and Israel put this guy in, we're gonna follow him.
The regime change is a whole...
different
ball of wax but i think i think a good move if i was jd
I would just...
sit this one out, 'cause now they're trying to get JD involved. You notice that, right? He's going to make, he's there, he's getting his hands dirty, 'cause he's a non-interventionalist. He's the one that said,
Well, Trump said that when they're in the rooms about the Iran war, he's less enthusiastic, meaning J.D. is like you said. J.D.'s like, yo, I don't.
We don't even need to do this. Charlie Kirk, God rest his soul, he was one of the biggest voices saying, no, no.
Do not get into this quagmire. Don't do it. Like, I'm talking about, bro, just last night, 7... You want another coffee?
no i'm good i saw i saw tristan last night just on my feet because you know once in a while you watch one video and you open it boom boom boom boom it was podcast after podcast of charlie in front of
This is the worst thing that we could do. Do not do it. Do not. No war with Iran. No war with Iran. Go, go, go. I just want to ask you, look, so nobody likes war, but let's say in the end of the day, Iran will, and we know they developed intermediate range ballistic missiles. Let's say they, and
From intermediate range ballistic missiles to long range ballistic missiles, intercontinentals, not a big jump.
Now, forget the nuclear weapons. Just Iran with...
a load of intercontinental ballistic missiles
becomes a major threat to the United States. We have no national missile defense system.
Do you not...
Like to me, there's still like the threat of like, do we wait till they become so powerful that they're a direct threat to the country? And I want to hear what you have to say.
When somebody tells us that we have that intelligence that had happened, do you really trust, ready for this, when people want war and they tell you, hey, these guys over here can reach us. I heard it before. No, but they fired the intermediate police. But they did this time because they hit Diego Garcia, and it was double the distance of what Iran said that they could reach. So it's not America yet, but I get your point. That's my concern. My concern isn't the nukes. It's a dirty, even just the uranium. And then their reaction to this was the worst possible reaction.
and we'll strike everyone in the Middle East. And everybody goes, that's what we said you were going to do.
The question, go ahead, sorry. - No, no, no, please go! That's the only reason why, as a guy who has never been from war, who is, nobody is, so it's easy to say that. But even this one, I'm with you, I was like, "I have my reservations." And then I saw the way Iran responded and I went, "Okay, so they lied about the range that they already had." We were told that we got rid of everything underground, but we did not. But you used one word that was very key there.
responded.
the way that they respond. - That's true. - The word that I don't like, and this was Libya,
Hillary Clinton on Libya. - Oh, I'm off. - She used the word, she used the word,
preemptive. Now, preemptive is a word that Hillary Clinton used that I did not like.
She goes, "Yeah, no, these preemptive strikes on Libya, you know, because Gaddafi was just about to do this." Yeah. If I preemptively walk up to you and punch you in the face, and I tell you to what, he was going to punch me, trust me. I tell him, just say, "Preemptive is just
violent assault out of nowhere. That's the way I see it.
So words like respond, words like preemptive, you have to be very careful about digesting these things on the news to go, okay, we preemptively got Libya. Libya was never, ever, ever, in my opinion, ever going to attack the United States.
in a million years.
Guy just wanted to make his own currency. Yeah, Gaddafi was trying to unite the Avri Khan on a good strike. So I'm like, preemptive? What was he about to do? He wasn't even, like, chanting death to America. He was just some guy. Yeah. Yeah, so you have to be very careful about the language used here, you know? Yep. I looked at how they responded. It's like me saying, oh, you know, he's not a... Him saying, I'm not a violent guy, I'm not a violent guy. He's definitely not a violent guy, right? And then I attack him, and he pulls out a gun, shoots me. Like, oh, the way he responded shows he's a violent guy. Well, not really.
Yeah.
Yeah, I... It's complex. I agree with you about Libya 100%. I think Iran has demonstrated itself to be a completely different entity. I mean, they were massacring tens of thousands of their own people. They were...
there were bullet holes in people's heads in hospitals. - Oh, yeah. They've demonstrated that they're a little bit... But either way, I understand both sides of this argument.
And I think that it's just like, it's an impossible situation. And we don't know what Trump knows.
In the end of the-- to the length, I agree with his point. I don't think it's going to last long, because this isn't a rock.
you have the Strait of Hormuz, and that is a choke point for 20% of the world's oil, and you're already seeing economic effects in every country right now. Everybody's interested. I just don't want, like, and again, I just don't want, because people don't realize,
the war that we're fighting there,
Guess what? When they can't win there, you know what they do? They bring the battle to you. This is the United States for, for,
four years, Alejandro Mayorkas left the border wide open on purpose and looked on the camera and said, the border is secure. The border's our Kamala Harris. I've been to the border. No, you've never been to the border. Yes. Well, I was going to go there. They're like, they did it on purpose to me, but all purposeful. And I'm telling you right now, we haven't,
tasted what this war is yet because they're once they're they know they know that they're screwed there's no what IRGC we're killing everybody
It's gonna come
here and that's a huge that's gonna be a huge shift because once something happens here Tris
Then it's...
They're gonna be like, "Oh, we told you guys!" And then they're gonna start bombing places. Bro, we're that close to just
Wiping them out.
completely the president I know it's it's veiled threats and he's trying to scare the hell out of them and all that stuff But bro one thing bad happens one base gets bombed over there or something here something major then they're just gonna get the public opinion just like with the
You know, 9-11, they made everybody go, oh, yup, it's terrorists. And we went to a place that didn't have anything to even do with it. Let me say my piece on this before we end. Because when this first started, I said, look,
I'm praying for everyone innocent.
I'm praying for everyone innocent. I don't care if you're in Dubai, Iran, Israel, United States. I said that and I got flack from all the different teams who hate all the various different teams.
I said, that's all I can do.
but I will say
You know, the days when they could convince
Us?
that everybody in a country is our enemy, I think are over.
I think globalization, I think the internet can show us that that is not true.
I think in the 1970s and 80s and 90s, they convinced Americans all Russians were our enemy.
I've got loads of great Russian friends.
They're wonderful people. And let me tell you something.
I can't think of a single Persian person I know
And I've met
hundreds in my life in Dubai, in the United States, in the United Kingdom, all over Europe.
I can't think of a single one I've ever disliked.
So you could say these people are being oppressed by an evil regime and they're all brainwashed or whatever.
So you're telling me that if these people were just like here in this cafe, I'd be cool with them.
No, I don't want to...
eliminate anyone. I don't want to wipe anyone out. And, you know, and the, to be frank, the Persian civilization,
is older, with more history and more complexity, and maybe in some ways more beauty than the United States, which is a relatively new country.
and we shouldn't be looking to wipe anyone off the face of the planet. That's just an insane statement when he said, "I'm going to wipe out an entire situation." When he said, "I'll kill the whole... and I get it. And I get the tactic, but bro, words...
Matter. People read that. I know you're trying to scare the crap out of the leadership, but if you're an Iranian, bro, and you know how Trump is, and you know his allies, and you know what's going on,
That's a holy moly moment. Like, wait a minute, what the hell is he talking about? Like a kid has to go to school thinking like, bro, they might bomb the hell out of us if something happens.
But I think it was Churchill who made a quote about how, like, the world will respect an insane man. Because there is an element of Trump that I think he'll just say the most, like you said, insane thing possible. And then we'll see the complete opposite effect a day later, which is exactly what we saw. I'm going to wipe out the whole civilization. Didn't do it. Cease fire. Not only didn't do it, cease fire. Well, Trump's very smart. And when I was talking about that, I wasn't actually referencing Trump's tweet. I was referencing the attitude to a lot of Americans who don't know where Iran is on a map.
- Of course. - And I was talking about them.
But Trump is actually, in my opinion, a very smart politician.
"We're gonna take Greenland, fuck it, you know? "Greenland's gonna be ours." And he gets the minerals deal he wants because the Greenland's like, "Oh, don't actually take us. "Here's the minerals." So Trump often says things
that are very exaggerated, knowing that he's going to fall far short of that, but that's the result he actually wants. So I wasn't actually referencing Trump's tweet. I was referencing, I know Americans who are just like, yeah, well, them Iranians, they're crazy. They want to kill us all. And I'm like, I know loads of Iranian people. And they're all wonderful people.
Shut the fuck up. You don't know. Where's everyone on a map? Here, point. Yeah, they won't know. They don't know. So, like... Yeah, what's a map? A map? Minor attractive person? There's only one. LAUGHTER
That was a good one. That was a good one. All right, so I want to ask one more question. Well, I want to ask one more question, and I have two things that I want to do with you. Sure. That just sounded really bad. But I also think, because we talked about faith. You brought it up. Yeah. I think a big problem over there, too, is...
There is no Christ. Me and Humberto have had this conversation. Like...
And submitting to Christ, I think, is a big thing over there that will make everybody, don't get me wrong, Christians have killed people in the past and all that stuff. And, you know, Old Testament, I get all that. But what I'm saying is with Christianity, I know that you're a Christian Orthodox, correct? Indeed, I am. So am I.
And so Andrew went from atheist to Christian. He's a practicing. I don't think he went from atheist to Christian. I think Andrew went from
atheist to deist
muslim he went from not believing god to believing there's a god got you okay never i don't think it was ever okay so and i so being a christian orthodox i'm pretty sure because you read the bible yeah
I've done it twice. I'm actually doing the Bible in a year again. You can read the Bible a thousand times, but you're going to keep finding different stories. So in John 14, chapter 6, chapter 14, verse 6, Jesus Christ says, I'm the way, the truth, and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through me.
So you, Tristan, knowing how much you love your brother, you guys are inseparable. I admire. Me and my brother are very, very close. You guys are...
at a whole different level of closeness.
you obviously want the best for him you ever feel
press to bring him back to Christ because we know how this all if God forbid everything ends Tristan
We know God is a very loving God, but he's a very jealous God. And I want... Let's reverse the question. Yes.
If Andrew was sitting,
with
with an imam and two other Muslims. - Yes. - And they said, "Andrew, you dearly loved your brother."
As you know, Islam is the only way. - Yeah. - Why don't you talk to your brother
about becoming a Muslim.
If you were to watch that conversation happening, you think, well,
They're wrong, and Andrew should just leave Tristan alone, yeah?
Well, I understand that they think I'm wrong.
And Andrew's a 40-year-old man. I'm a 40-year-old man.
We're both family men. We both have our own lives. Yes, we live together and yes, we are a team.
But if you take
something as big as religion,
And you...
have me trying to convert, 'cause you're worried about me trying to talk to him. Okay, well, let's make it an equal playing field. I'm gonna start trying to talk to him.
about Christ and he's going to start talking to me about the Quran. Then my Landreau's business empire completely falls apart because we're at each other's throats being like, no, I'm right. You're right. I'm right. You're right. And we have the fucking the 20th crusade in my house. So it's not actually a one sided thing of I can have a quiet word with Andrew and bring him around because I'm sure Andrew sits with a bunch of Muslim friends who says you should bring your brother to the mosque. And Andrew says, no, I will not do that. Tristan will do what he wants. And that's his own personal business.
Therefore, I have the integrity to hold by that answer when I sit around my Christian friends. Got you. So my question is, though, with the factual, because, bro, I've, I've.
I've read The Case for Christ, all these theologians, they're breaking it down.
Christ was definitely here.
I believe he was truly who he was. The stuff that was said in the Old Testament.
from Isaiah to
being pierced for our transgressions, you name it. I get what you're saying.
but what I'm saying is
You know the outcome...
of, I'm not saying
pick a side or do that, but like the Muslim faith, you know what I'm saying? You're sitting here saying, we're definitely right.
and you could save him. Well, not we. Christ is 100% factual. I mean, we're the same religion. So we're saying, we're definitely right, and you could save him.
I get that and I believe that. However,
On the other table,
somewhere else, it's we're definitely right, and you could save him. We're not gonna start that amongst each other. He's a full grown man and he can make his own decisions, and I'm not here to please him, and he doesn't do it to me out of respect, so I'm not gonna do it to him out of respect. - Have you guys ever talked about theology with each other? - All the time.
So then maybe, so what I see here- We have our conversations. Yeah, of course. But we don't ever publicly disclose it.
I will not sit here and say, well, he said this, and I said this. Or we'll never go on a live stream and debate who's right and wrong. We have too much respect for each other. And it's not only that, you could say, my brother, fine.
Forget my brother for a second. Let's look at my entire group of friends, the entire group of people I associate with. Probably you as well, you know? Do you talk to your Jewish friends and tell them they need to follow Christ or your Muslim friends? I do. Adam, Adam, like Adam. Oh, wait, you want to say Tristan, Tristan. Tristan, yeah, Adam. I swear to you, it's a funny question. Adam, yes, because an Adam is really open and listening. I know it's very, very hard, but like Muslims, I actually made one guy on Manek, you know, the app that we have created.
if I'm not even joking, Tristan,
75 back and forth, back and forth. And I was giving factual, and I get it. Everybody thinks that their religion, whoever you are, Buddhist, whatever,
Christ died said he was coming back came back nobody else did that and this one guy I'm not even joking he sent me photos because he had to send it in a Google Drive and
He got baptized and became a Christian. And I feel like me,
God gave it to me, which by the way, I'm not that bright when it comes to theology. No, no, I'm trying and I'm getting there, but I told him, I go, listen,
Jesus is coming back like a thief in the night and I'm trying to
explain to people as much as I can that bro,
He's a very loving God, but he's a very, very jealous God and no other. You will not worship any other God. Well, maybe then let's let's let me share why I
feel slightly different to you in terms of pontificating to people?
I know Adam very well. I was with Adam last time I was in Miami. He was sitting in my house three, four hours. Yeah. I didn't once try to tell him, "Hey, bro, don't be Jewish, be Christian. You should come across." I didn't once do that.
And I never did because I don't feel
at all.
that I have an authority to be the shepherd to Adam or Andrew or anyone. I feel like
It is my authority to be the shepherd in this world,
to my children, their mothers,
That's who I guide and that's who I teach. If my fans want to listen to me about my various opinions on things,
That's fine too.
But I am not a religious leader and I'm not going to start conflicts.
If Adam was my business partner,
the amount of work we can get done together
would be amazing because Adam is a smart guy and I'm a smart guy. And I feel like for every conversation we have where I tell him to start being a Christian, he tells me to start being a Jew. Yeah. Then we're just going to diminish and diminish the returns of what we're trying to accomplish together. So he has his religious beliefs.
I have mine, and we work as a team in the same direction while we're here on earth. - I just want to know something that I hear on, like, is that, and this is important too, sometimes the way you lead someone to Christ isn't through a direct conversation.
where they're going to be resistive or they're not going to want to hear what you're saying you can pray there's other things you can do you can pray for people you can invite them to church one day and just see if they like and if they don't want to come like the people i've seen have the biggest influence are the people who led people to christ
in a very passive,
tolerant,
way that they knew wouldn't create conflict. Because you don't want to create conflict. Oh, I agree. Mind you, I never, I never like, hey, you're gonna, I'm saying like me more, it's me talking on podcasts and me just talking about my faith. And then people hit me up and go, hey, can you tell me a little bit more? Like, I have a faith over fear
line that I do, Tristan, where people are like, I was at another diner and a lady was like,
"Hey, what's Hebrews 11? Are you Jewish?" I go, "No, no, but
Hebrews talks about faith and seeing what you don't see, but knowing that it's there. And then we had like a half an hour conversation.
You know what, I'm going to look into it. And then I was like, oh, yeah, I go to this church, Calvary. Why don't you go? And then I see her at the church.
So yeah, I'm not one of those, I don't pressure people. When people come, I'm like, hey, this is what I do. This is how my life has changed. And these are facts that I know.
and then you go figure it out on your own. And then some of them do come, Tristan. Some of them come to the light.
Two things, Tristan. Where are we at, Maverick? Where are we at time-wise? - Hour and eight.
Alright, so Tristan
I'm going to do one...
One game, and then we'll do one scene from a movie that I don't... Did Mike tell you what the... He asked me what my favorite movies are. Okay, and I've got them, but I thought something would be funnier. We'll see. I'll text you. All right, so Mary...
sleep with
Phil
Okay.
Get that in there. - Got it. - I'm gonna give you five different examples. I'm gonna let Rob, I'm gonna let you do, actually Rob,
Do the lines with...
Tristan, "Merry Sleep With Kill." Do the first row. All right, first one. "Merry Sleep With or Kill" Sydney Sweeney.
Margot Robbie,
Prime
- Salma Hayek. - Ooh, prime meaning from "Dust 'Til Dawn." - That's Salma Hayek. So, Sydney Sweeney, Margot Robbie,
prime Salma Hayek and you got to... Well, you'd have to marry Salma Hayek logically.
because she's aged quite well. - Smart. - And we don't know how far downhill the other two will fall in time. - Good point, good. - So I know how the next 20 years are gonna play out. - Brilliant. - Correct? - Brilliant. - So that's just a mathematical equation. - Okay. So you're marrying Salma Hayek, Prime.
- Other two choices? - Margot Robbie, Sidney Sweeney.
I would
I don't want to kill any of them. I know I have to. You have to. And I'm going to play the game.
But, you know, I'm sitting here on a podcast talking about which women I'd kill. Don't really need the smoke. But I'd kill Sidney Sweeney and sleep with the other one. Okay, Margot Robbie. I got you.
- The cops are just outside. - We finally got him! - You know who knows I'm half British and we have hate speech. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We're gonna be listening back to it in court. I'm like, "What? You made me!" - He had a gun at the table. - I'll play, I'm a participant here, let's do it.
Oprah Winfrey, Rosie O'Donnell, Melissa McCarthy. She's the big girl. Yes. So I would--
marry Oprah Winfrey because, you know,
I got some money, but I ain't got Oprah Winfrey. - Got you. - Yeah. - So let's-- - I got you. - You know, at least live the lavish lifestyle. You don't necessarily have to sleep with your wife that often. - No. - Let's do it. So I think Oprah Winfrey, plus she looks like, I mean, if we had to go down that route, she'd give me the strongest kids, you know? So maybe some NFL games. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, for sure. - So let's go. Oprah Winfrey, I'd marry.
Um.
I would, the other two choice, I would have to sleep with Rosie O'Donnell to save her life, because I like Rosie O'Donnell. Oh, really? No, no, no, I'm joking. Can't watch the O'Donnell. Okay. Can't watch the O'Donnell.
You're a good actor, bro. That is. You like her. You like her. What do you like about her? So I would definitely, definitely have to sleep with that comedian woman. Okay. Which would be fun. Yeah, I mean, it might be. It's just like, look, look, tell me jokes in my ear or something. I'll close my eyes. Yeah.
Treat it as like a stand up with a workout. - Oh, that's so funny. All right, ready?
Rachel Maddow
Lizzo
Kathy Griffin.
So I don't know who the first one is. I'm not a big guy in some of our culture. - Rachel Maddow's like the short hair CNN or whatever, MSNBC. - Oh my God, I have her. Hold on. - She's a lesbian.
You have Rachel Maddow's photo scene in your phone. Wait, let me show you. Normal people go to Google. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, you know why? You know why? You know why? Because I didn't. He's like, I'll show you a picture. I knew that you would ask about Rachel. I had a funny bit that what TDS does to people, that's Rachel Maddow before TDS. And then I said, this is her.
after trump she looks like uh stephen colbert all right so now i've got my answer you just help me out here yeah you know i feel like i'd marry her aha because
If she can change, maybe she can change back. Maybe I can fix her. - Okay. - You know the good church going boy who goes womanizing too much and goes, I'll be like, maybe I can fix it. Bring him back to who he was. - Okay. - Yeah, I'd marry her. - So marry Rachel Maddow, Lizzo, Kathy Griffin.
Jesus Christ. Please kill the crappy, Griffin. Please kill the crappy. I think that I could probably
more comfortably with my eyes closed, albeit sleep with Kathy Griffin. I just think the smell
Lizzo, I mean, just the stench.
I can't imagine it. I feel like why torture myself? You know? - Lizzo's dead. - Yeah. Sorry, that would be it.
J-Lo
Ice Spice
Sofia Vergara
Oh.
I don't know who the last one is. - Sofia, you're a pretty good one. - I don't know who the last one is. - She don't have very well, I know. - I know, I know, I know. - She married the guy who plays Al Bundy in Modern Family. - Yes. - Yeah. - I know she is. I know she is. - Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. - I heard Al Bundy. - I don't know celebrities. I don't watch TV. I'm a weird one. So, um...
I think I would...
What's the first two? J-Lo? Ice Spice.
You know,
This is tricky. I marry...
I'd marry...
J-Lo, I guess. - Wow. - The fever. - 'Cause I don't particularly find Mexicans attractive.
But...
but I don't care who that offends. That's not my type. She's Puerto Rican though, right? I think. Oh, Sophia Vergara. Wait, who are you talking about? Whatever, she's a Latina. Latina. Latina's Mexicans. You'll know what I meant. I'm European. I don't know. They're all Mexican. I'm European. Like Latina, Mexican. They're interchangeable words. They're fat. Yeah. So I feel like there might be a thing though where it might help business networking somehow. You know, yeah, I'm married to J.Lo, but I mean,
I'm not particularly sexually interested in her at all, but I can just kind of ignore her and just use it as, "Yeah, I'm married to Jacob." Because I feel like if I said I'm married to iSpice, people would be like, you know, getting AIDS tests.
Yeah. You know? And I'm not like, and I've got nothing against her. I just feel like it's a bit more, she's a bit more ratchet. Yeah. Less, less wife, less wifey material. Yeah. I think she'd admit to that herself. For sure. So I'm not trying to offend the girl. Okay. Um, but, uh,
So J-Lo, you're marrying. Yeah. Ice Spice, you're killing Sophia. Yeah.
I think I would have to kill Ice Spice. Got you.
Because...
I don't watch TV and I've never seen Modern Family, but I feel like that actress, the clips of her I've seen go viral. It's not about her. I feel like.
You know, her shows make people laugh and stuff. Maybe that's some positivity for the world. I don't particularly think the music of Ice Spice does anyone's, anyone's daughter's any favors. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You know, maybe I'm thinking about this in a weird way, but I like to overthink. I love it. I love it. You're not just spinning it out. Yeah, that's right. This is, well, you're marrying and sleeping and killing them. This is serious business. It's serious business. You've got to think about these things. Okay. So last one, you know, Ana de Armas is? Yeah, I know. Okay.
Her, Megan Fox,
Amelia Clarke, who was Khaleesi from Game of Thrones.
I didn't watch Game of Thrones. I don't know who Amelia Cross is. She's the dragon queen. I'll show him white hair. Yes! I see clips of her. Okay.
I would have to marry
Ana de Armas. Beautiful. Because
I sometimes
Pick up women
based on because I live in Eastern Europe, they look a bit Russian based on how
much of a Bond girl they look like. Because I've got a 1963 Aston Martin DB5. Oh, so you're the guy. And I feel like...
Yeah. Just, just, just, just the selfie stick of her in that car with me. You know, that's worth, that's worth the marriage. Anthony DeArmas didn't need an explanation. No. You're good. Marry her, we're good.
Um...
Oh, kill Megan Fox. I mean, surely. Because I don't know the other chick, but she's like, she's my type, you know? Blonde, pretty. White, she's white dragon. And I feel like the whole, you know,
you know, Hollywood culture of like demonic worship and stuff. I don't know much about Megan Fox, but I've seen her say some questionable things. - Friggin' blood. - Friggin' blood. I'm just like, if I slept with her, you know, my soul might get possessed by some weird demon or something. So let's stay away from her. - Okay, I agree. - I don't know. It's not that I necessarily want her dead. - Of course. - It's just like I've got to pick options. And the blonde girl looks innocent enough. - Yeah, she is. I actually like her a lot. - Fair. All right, one quick question before I go to the scene that I want to do.
if, 'cause you said you're not that big into celebrities, but if you had to pick from childhood to now,
your number one celebrity crush, who would that girl be that could make Tristan
Take a one-woman
guy it will be the first woman i ever found i mean now
that can't happen but if i had to of all time my celebrity crush at her prime it would be the first woman i ever found sexually attractive i remember i must have been nine ten yeah and i saw this woman on tv and i thought
That was the first time I ever felt sexual attraction in my life. So I guess it would have to be
Sandra Bullock in Demolition Man. - Wow. - In her police uniform. - Wow. - That was a surprising answer. - I remember they hook up with the head thing. - With the helmet and shit, yeah. - I just remember those tight pants and those little boots. I was like, wow, that is a woman. - She was freaking good. - Sandra Bullock in Demolition Man
That too, if I could just have her now. Wow. As my girlfriend. You know, I respect you for that. I was at Starbucks in Hollywood and I'm getting my drink and somebody goes, excuse me, I heard a female voice and Sandra Bullock walked in. Bro, this is like early 2000s. I was like, it was that moment where I'm like, she's good choice. Sandra Bullock's my dad's crush. Really? And just yesterday I was talking about Demolition Man, the Taco Bell.
- Oh, who's your number one? - Rosie O'Donnell.
- She's dead, bro. - Oh, she killed her. - Tristan, sorry. - We got to her first. - All right, and then Tristan, I guess you guys, you guys could stay here. Remember the movie, I'm gonna do a scene from a movie.
I know Mike said that you like, don't tell me, Shawshank Redemption. Yeah. Das Boots.
- Das Boot, the German submarine movie. - Das Boot, the German. And what was the other one? - I can't remember what other movie I listed. - I'll look it up. - I like weird movies. - Do you remember Wedding Crashers?
I've never seen it. You've never seen Wedding Crasher? No, I've just spoiled your whole bit. No, no, this is, this is, no, you know what's hilarious? Sorry, it sounds like a romantic comedy. And if you're the one who's seen romantic comedies and not me, there's more questions to be asked about you than me. Wait, I'm not the weirdo here. Is it a romantic comedy?
Technically, it's a comedy that's romantic. Are you ready for this then, Tristan? This actually might even make it funnier. Go ahead. So my character is a Wedding Crasher. Me and my friend Vince Vaughn,
Listen, we crash weddings all the time, bro, but I fall in love with a girl that, you know, I lied to her. I'm heartbroken and I'm coming to you. Your name is Chaz, Will Ferrell's character. Okay. And you are like an OG. You are the best guy, best wedding crasher.
but you're kind of a loser and you live at home with your mom. I'm coming for advice and you're wearing like a robe...
And I'm freestyling you advice. You're not freestyling. I'm coming to you for advice. But you're not really giving advice because you know me and you know my boy. But just remember, if you see anything with screaming and everything, you have to yell it.
Mom's in the other room. Your mom's in the other room?
So when you get to your Chaz,
And then I'm John. So this is hilarious. This is "Wedding Crashers," the Chaz scene, and he's never seen the movie.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
- Damn you, I almost nunchucked you. You don't even realize. - Ouch, so is this your place? - No, no, no, no, no. I live with my mom. - Oh.
Yeah, you hungry?
Hey, mom! Can we get some meatloaf? Hey, Chaz, I think I'm all right. I had a bite to eat before I came over. Thank you. - You sure? - Yeah. - So how's my protege? - Jeremy.
Yeah, J-Bone. Yeah, J-Bone, believe it or not, he's getting married. What? What an idiot. What a loser.
Good, good!
More for me and you. Yeah, more for me and you. Mom, the mean look. We want it now. The mean look. Actually, legitimately. Yeah, but I've never seen the movie. I've never seen the movie. I don't know. That's a wrap. This is the guy, by the way. That's what he looks like.
.