Transcript
*MUZIEK*
Spider-Man's a pussy.
I cannot remember how this conversation started about superheroes, whatever, whatever. And I was talking about how all superhero movies are stupid and it's all bullshit, but the worst of them all is Spider-Man. Spider-Man is a bitch.
- -
If you like Spider-Man, you need to seriously reassess your life.
He was a dork.
who got bit by a spider.
Now he's super spider dork.
and he still can't get laid.
Who's that bitch, Mary Jane?
Parker some shit.
You're Spider-Man.
and she still won't have sex with you. - It's not working.
You and me.
Thank you.
What?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Oh, but I don't want her to know I'm Spider-Man. I want her to still think I'm a fucking nerd.
If I was Spider-Man,
You think that bitch wouldn't be sucking and fucking?
By hook or by crook? Bitch, I'm Spider-Man, come here. And she'll say, okay, if by some crazy twist of fate,
Some crazy twist of fate. She goes, "No, I don't want to." I'll be like, psst.
Fuck you talking about no?
I'm a G.
Spider-Man.
The only thing Spider-Man is doing is sitting at home jerking off.
How are you a superhero if you're sitting at home jerking off?
Fucking loser. Spider-Man is a dork. There's nothing admirable about Spider-Man. Didn't he like he became super Spider-Man and then someone killed his uncle, some robber killed his uncle. Is this the right story? Stay back. That's my uncle. What happened?
Carjacker, he's been shot. We just called the paramedics. They're on their way.
So Robert killed his uncle,
And now he decides he wants to stop crime to get the robber who killed his uncle. Does he even catch that robber ever?
I don't know. I'm genuinely asking. Does he catch the rubber? I don't know. If you guys know about Spider-Man, tell me.
Catches him the same day.
Does he catch him?
And what does he do, put him in jail? He kills his uncle when he catches his uncle.
I don't know, he's a
Does he hang the rubber by his neck?
in the middle of the city with rope. So he, and hangs him to death. No, he takes his ass down the police station to fill in paperwork.
What kind of fucking superhero are you? Killed your uncle.
He's a pussy.
If you killed Venom's uncle, Venom would fuck the dude up.
But no, fucking Spider-Man. Oh, I'm taking him for justice. You're a fucking nerd, bro. Spider-Man's a nerd. Anyone who likes Spider-Man, by extension, is also a nerd. He was a nerd who got bit by Spider-Man and became a super nerd. And why does he still live with his parents?
You're a fucking superhero.
You're living with your parents. Why? Or his uncle or his grandma or whoever the fuck he's living with, those old people.
None of this makes sense.
I'm a superhero and I don't live with my parents.
So you're a superhero, why the fuck you still living with your parents?
It doesn't make sense to me.
I don't like it. And the whole fucking yeah, he was a wrestler or something and then some guy robbed the wrestler, killed his uncle, and then he started crying his eyes out. "I'm Spider-Man, I'm Spider-Man."
Fucking hell.
I'll not say that.
Can I say that? He's a...
Can I say that, Tristan? I can't say that.
All right. You're a loser.
Spider-Man, you're a loser. No. Please. Please don't say that.
What else does Spider-Man do that offends me? There's something else he does that really offends me, and I can't remember what it was. Oh, yeah.
That's it.
If you're sitting this watching,
If you're sitting this and watching and you're thinking, okay, Tate is eternally wise.
He's always correct. Everything Tate says is true.
But on this one issue, I disagree because I always kind of liked Spider-Man.
Let me ask you something.
Look at the actors.
They have chosen
to play Spider-Man.
We're gonna show pictures of the last few Spider-Men.
They're not men.
They're barely boys. Look at these Spider-Men.
At least with Batman that got Christian Bale.
*BOOM*
Okay, now they're talking about making another one.
with the dork from Twilight. Everything gets ruined in the end.
But for the last few Batmans, he was Batman.
But look at the dorks they choose to play Spider-Man because even Hollywood, even the people who are in charge of making the movies know Spider-Man's a bitch. Quickly, let's make a superhero who's actually secretly a little bitch. Find me an actor who looks like a bitch. Oh, this guy. Yeah, he's a punk. He can be Spider-Man.
It's all garbage.
Spider-Man should be erased from the face of the planet.
And I've decided the superhero to do it should be
I don't know shit about superheroes.
Andrew Tate.
me.
I want someone out there who can write comics. This is a genuine
genuine task. Anyone out there who can design comics, anyone who's good with drawing or whatever, whatever, a lot of three or four page comic.
where Spider-Man meets me,
We meet on top of the building. I call him a punk. He tries to throw some web at me. I use my Aikido ninja moves and I destroy Spider-Man.
If someone creates that to me and emails it to me at the email address below, there'll be a cash prize waiting. And we're going to get famous, we're going to put it all over the internet, all over tape speech, all over Twitter, it's going to become everywhere. And Spider-Man will be officially destroyed for the rest of humanity. And when people mention Spider-Man they'll say, "No!"
There is no more Spider-Man. And if you're taking beat him, read the comic. We're going to conquer Spider-Man right here, right now, and you're going to help. Rock Spider-Man.
*Mario's music*