Transcript
*Outro*
Make him dance. I'll dance. Come on, Tristan. Dancing time. Dancing time, T. Come on, Tristan. We don't need music.
First thing in the morning, let's dance.
Come on, Harrison.
Thank you.
*clap*
Let's dance. Are you upset they took your lada? Are you upset you got a small penis and the whole house hates you? Are you upset because everyone thinks you're a fucking dickhead? Is that what it is? Are you upset that when you're not around we all make retard voices and pretend we're Tristan?
Is that what it is? Is that why you're upset because everyone talks about you that way?
behind your back.
Is that why? Because we have large powwows standing around talking about the fact that the house would be better if you weren't in it.
Is that why you're upset?
Is that why? Is that why you're sad?
Come on T. Let's dance. Maybe you can dance it off.
Maybe you can dance it away.
Thank you.
*laughter*
Nice.
So you quit smoking? I quit smoking. People say quitting smoking is hard. So what I did is I supercharged my smoking. I was smoking all day, every day for two months.
All day, every day. I wake up. Confirmed, no? Confirmed. All day, every day. And not just cigarettes.
cigars and shisha, the strongest possible amount. So I was at least a hundred times more nicotated than the average cigarette smoker. So then when I was fully supercharged on nicotine, I decided to quit, cold turkey. So I'm three days in, haven't had a cigar, haven't had a cigarette, haven't had any shisha, I've just totally quit and it's easy.
Because I'm a master of Aikido. So I'm going to quit for a while. Prove that quitting is easy. So when the next person goes, I tried to quit smoking and I had a nicotine patch and I couldn't do it. I can just call it a loser. I'm going to get back on smoking loads.
Conclusive evidence that cigarettes and shisha are good for you is that I am sick for the first time in forever.
You're never sick ever sick and it's beautiful day outside. It's hot. It's not cold.
It's a nice hot day.
I'm never sick and I'm sick because I've quit smoking.
Tristan's also sick because he quit smoking. This both happened to both of you at the same time. We stopped smoking and it's made us sick.
Proof.
but smoking's actually super good for you.
I'm a week in, I'm only one more week till I can go back to smoking as much as humanly possible.
I get back on the full time, no longer breathing air, only breathing smoke.
Like a hero.
But
It's kind of amazing for when a home smoking is bad for you, then why am I sick now?
Was I ever sick when I was smoking all those shisha pipes? Was I ever sick when I was puffing on those cigars? Fucking never.
Now I'm safe.
Have you thought that maybe your body is finally expelling all of the nasty toxins inside of your body? It's not nasty toxins.
Power.
goes inside of my soul and spirit.
Why am I so strong?
the smoking. I've always knew it was.
But everyone said smoking was hard to quit, so I had to prove that it was easy to do. And now I'm mad that I'm down this path.
mediocrity
along with all the average normies. They go, "This is a hard path to walk." It's like a mountain. You're surrounded by a bunch of losers. And you're saying, "This is a mountain that's really hard to climb because quitting smoking is hard." And they're struggling to get up it. And you're just walking up without ease.
We're all losers.
Now I just, I need a fat cigar. I guarantee you I had a big fat cigar, I'd be fine tomorrow.
But I can't.
I have to go seven words.
So seven more days.
And you're right back to it. I've genuinely struggled 0% at any point during it.
Anyone who says quitting smoking is hard,
He's a fucking loser.
♪♪
What are you doing?
That can't be good for your teeth. There's no way.
Prove to me that's not true.
Prove to me. You're gonna break a tooth and then that's all the proof I need. Prove to me that my, I didn't say my teeth, I said my bones.
Prove to me my bones do not get stronger if I eat bones.
You have no proof at all. You're going through life with no proof. No proof.
None! She's saying shit, prove it!
- You have no evidence. - There's no way eating bones like that is good for you. - You have no evidence. - There's evidence though. - I don't have evidence. Pure intuition, because I said so, it's not good.
Trying to eat me broke.
Thank you.
And you have no evidence.
Tristan, your brother's sick because he stopped smoking. Yeah, I stopped smoking too. I've got this horrible cough.
Yeah.
I truly believe that this is a sign that you need to quit for good. Your body's finally getting rid of all the toxins. Rid of the toxins? Air is toxic.
smoke that keeps the
It's the cleansing smoke that keeps the bacteria and the germs away.
I feel much worse. This is shit. I didn't just prove a point. How many days has it been?
This is the fifth.
d5
Thank you.
I think you're going to become a superhuman at day seven. No, I was a superhuman when I smoked.
So you also feel sick. Maybe I need to substitute my smoking with some heavy drinking.
and that might fix me a little bit you know
What do you think? You might be onto something. Andrew can't do that, but maybe I can just keep myself going.
as sick as I feel from not smoking with some incredibly heavy drinking.
incredibly heavy. I'm talking start now. It's 11.30am. Start now.
Don't stop till 2 a.m.
14 hours.
I think Marcel wants to join you.
I think you want to join me. No, absolutely not.
*music*
Say again?
killed on
I've never seen Andrew sick a day of my life.
consider quitting not smoking.
I need to take my health seriously and make sure that I always smoke.
Andrew, this is your body finally expelling all of the toxins that you've accumulated over all these years. I run on toxins. I'm toxically masculine. I have poor toxins. I need toxins in my blood so it makes me strong. I think I destroy everybody. You look at me and see...
Okay, that man is dangerous. It's because I'm full of fucking toxins, of course. I've got nothing. What have I got? Water, air, green grass.
Your fucking Bible verses. This is bullshit.
They need nicotine and caffeine.
Bye.
I still have my caffeine. Thank fuck I didn't quit coffee or I'd be dead. I dare you to quit coffee.
If I quit coffee and cigars,
slash shisha at the same time i genuinely die i think that i'm actually genuinely very sick and i guarantee the second i can smoke cigars again i'll be 100 fine
Smoke.
I need toxins.
Tristan, you're on like what, day four, day five? Six, I think. It's day seven? Day six. Tomorrow's day seven.
Sunday to Sunday.
How many days you going? I'd say the same six. I'm gonna do two whole weeks to prove sweat quitting is easy and then I'm gonna
Get back to smoking as much as possible.
Peace.
Two expiratis and I'm gonna smoke my fucking lungs out.
You had three fucking aces. How'd you let... You fumbled the bag, Mars. You should have won.
Niggers can't do anything right.
- Nothing.
Unbelievable.
Tristan, you've got a fever. You can't be drinking beer when you have a fever. Yeah, I got booze fever.
Party fever? 100%. Don't tell me what to do you cunt. How much? 100%.
- I got shit carbs.
- Check right here? - I don't even know what I have checked.
Thank you.
Check the bucket list.
- No.
example.
Okay.
- Keep it.
Thank you.
- Okay.
I think I was only required to practice. You don't want to talk. No. I tried.
What did somebody tell you?
Fair points.
- One. - One.
Grab me a cigarette as well. And where's Marcel's rum and coke? Oh my goodness. My first smoke in two weeks.
You have been waiting for this day. - You know what, not really.
It's actually annoyed me how easy it was to quit.
'Cause it's made me hate humanity even more than I already did. - Same. - 'Cause people talk about how hard it is to do things. People say, "Oh, it's so hard to quit cigarettes, and I had to have nicotine patches, and it was so difficult to be because they're fucking losers." Do you know how easy it was to quit? I just stopped.
I smoked every day, all day, and then I said, "I quit now," so I didn't smoke anymore.
For two solid weeks I didn't touch it. And if I've kind of felt like having some, I just didn't.
So then the quitting completed.
If I couldn't quit, I'd have to quit.
But I could quit, so now I'll never quit.
Yes.
Does that make sense? Quitting was so easy after two days. I wanted to quit my quitting because I was like this isn't even difficult. This is just boring.
So after two solid weeks of not smoking, I'm back to smoking full time. And quitting smoking is easy, and anyone who ever struggles
If you're going through life, gentlemen, and someone comes up to you and goes, "You know, I actually struggle to quit smoking. Just don't talk to them."
'cause they're the kind of person with no self-control, they're probably gonna try and fuck your bitch,
They're a loser. Stay away from these people. It's fucking easy. - I quit from birth. - Oh. - I quit not smoking.
Thank you.
'cause I was not smoking for the last two weeks.
But my willpower, right? I've now quit not smoking.
Nice.
I'm back.
How is it? I'm back!
- Marza. - All right, who's turn is it?
- Check it out.
-Nigger. -Check it out.
- Oh, check.
Hello again?
Certainly not.
- Floor cut, six point six.
- Check.
Check.
- Okay.
Sir?
Stronger.
- Broke my leg.
- Oh.
Hold, hold, hold. Only to 50, 50 more.
50 more?
All in.
- All right.
Four players, one all-in.
Perfect.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
Check on this.
Jack?
Okay.
Two hundred bucks.
Thank you.
Hmm?
And cook.
So now we're going to put a sideboard.
Huh?
River
Yes, sir.
Check.
- Check.
- Check.
Check, let's see the cards. He's got a spade. Fair queens. I've got a spade.
Prince James Hunt.
What's up? What's up?
- Ah, yeah.
- Nice. - You had the flush, bro.
- Well aces have actually beat me the fuck up today.
- Yeah Nigel has.
Ace of spades, he may have.
career is
- Two thousand.
you
- We got bottles in there.
One only.
I don't know.
Thank you.
All right.
Shut up, please.
-
Great.
Thank you.
We'll be right back.
- That's true.
- Free of a kind.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay.
Do the kind, do the kind straight. When you have something is when you lose.
We both had three of a kind. We had to bet a bit.
Niggers!
- Nigger. Where's your dad?
- And got one. - He's dead. He's dead like your dad.
Of course.
Yeah, I'm sure he was home.
You wish.
The only person's dad is home at this table, Bailey.
Hi, Dad. Bailey, you lose. I'm going to call my dad right now. I'm going to call him and say I love you, Dad. He answers? I'm at home with your mother.
That's my dad. Weird! You're a fucking, your family is psychos. Small blind big like this.
Okay.
- No, they're very, very-- - Go all in.
Let's see the cards.
I thought I could bully my way out.
I'm sorry.
Aces and Kings.
Bye.
♪
Split pot though, no?
you
Thank you.
Races and Kings.
- Okay.
No, Deep Grogu, eighth place. - The eighth place, yeah. - No way. So he wins.
Yeah, you both have aces, you both have kings. Unbelievable. He's got an eight, you've got a seven.
Yeah, Nigel wins. Nigel wins that hand.
- 'Cause the aces and kings, we both had aces. - And I had two pair. - Andrew's seven being a pair matters zero, because the eight plays is the fifth highest score. - So good.
You see why I can't play this game?
That was the most winning hand. I had two pair, bro.
And then the king fucked Andrew.
Good job, 9, good hand. - How much has he got there? - 3,700. - Yeah, so I put four, I take three. - 9 is back in the game. Yeah, I got fucked over by the cards. It's bullshit.
I had two pair, he had one pair, and he wins. No, skill issue.
Yeah, true.
How the fuck did you lose in two pair, you dickhead?
I'm a dickhead.
I must be.
- It's like losing to three aces.
How the fuck did that even happen? - Knight, you're back in the game. - How did that even happen?
One thousand, two thousand, don't have any points.
Now I have to get extra reckless. What am I? One thousand. One grand. I have to get extra reckless.
Thank you.
Because if you win, you're kind of rich.
Thank you very much.
Because you win $10,000 anyway.
If you lose, you have to pay for them.
What a great bet. That's good odds. That's good odds. Dance a little bit. Should add to my powers. It's a problem with last round, not enough dancing. That's why Bailey got that lucky card that won the whole fucking match.
So you admit on camera that I won? You got one super lucky card, yeah. I planned that all along. You didn't plan that all along. I did, you fell into my trap. Well I planned you winning that game all along so I could all along beat you at this hand all along. All along. Sometimes you got nowhere to tap out.
Christy fell. Only the queen of hearts.
It could have beaten me.
Only the queen of hearts would have been...
And I just had to think one card.
- That was fun. - Queen of hearts!
*laughs*
- Gay. - It was gay. - So you needed a bitch.
- Okay.
Now I hate you.
*Gunshots*
- That was a sick hand. - This is a, needed a bitch. - Look, so what I did was, I distract the waiter with the beer sip, right?
Freeze time. Mm-hmm.
Deal myself the highest flush, but deal you guys good hands too.
And then when he deals the cards, he doesn't realize that I froze time with the power of drinking. All right, Bernard.
Bro, I was about to say the same thing. Bro, oh my fucking god. Sick shot. Bro, these are not Burned Watches. These three don't know.
- At least we can't know. - But I'm not gonna know.
These motherfuckers don't know about Bernard.
I don't know what to say.
Three hours and one.
Straight.
That's a straight and a straight and a split block.
Oh.
- Oh.
Thank you.
Yeah.
- I don't want to put in the shoes.
I doubt it too.
She needs to fucking floss.
Got to check.
I can just roll up cause I'm swole up so that birthday cake and the cobra. Bugatti for real, I'm cobra. The autobiography rover. Got the key to my city, it's over. Snow thoughts only in the color covers. I said wreck it, stretch it, hold up. It's going down for real.
It's going down for real.
It's going down for real.
*Upbeat Music*