Transcript
Music.
Music.
All the real ones know what chair I'm on.
The real G's understand.
Right, so,
I was one of the greatest humans who's ever lived. I was obviously, by extension, one of the greatest babies that was ever born.
And when I was a child, people would say to me, "Andrew, you can grow up to be anything you want."
You can be a policeman or a fireman or Batman.
Thank you.
And I was like, you're right, that's true.
Top G.
Top B at the time.
Top baby.
Like right now, I could become Batman if I decided to. What does Batman have?
Fuck loads of money.
And he can fight.
I got a Batmobile, I got a Bugatti. I got four eBatmobiles, I have 40 cars, four zero.
Kernan Zeg Jesko Attack, I've got one of them. Rimac Neveira, I've got one of them. Bagatti Chiron Pure Sport, I've got one of them. Aston Martin Valhalla, I've got two of them.
812 competition. 812 competition version, two of them.
McLaren 765LT. I have four of those. Four. This is just the beginning. Lamborghini Huracan. I've got the normal 812. I've got a DBS.
a DB12, a DBS770,
and a vanquishess Aston Martin.
Got M5 with 900 horsepower, an F63 AMG.
I can't even remember all my cars. So just coming to my head at random. Porsches, let's talk about Porsches. I got a TechArt Porsche, 1100 horsepower, GT Street R.
Carrera 4S, two GT4 RS's, a new GT3 RS,
I could be Batman. Bro, I'm Batman already. What the fuck? Put on a suit, get in a car, kick the shit out of somebody, come back to my mansion.
Anyway.
So for a long time I was thinking, well I could have grown up to be anything I wanted, I grew up to be top G, but did I make the right choice? Maybe I could have been something else. I was top B, I could grow into anything, maybe I should have been Batman. For a long time I've been contemplating becoming Batman.
But now,
Through divine inspiration,
I know exactly what I wanted to grow up to be.
Because when you're a child and they say, what do you want to grow up to be? You're like, I want to be a policeman. You never end up being a policeman.
Or I want to be a fireman, you don't end up being a fireman, you're not sure.
But now I'm entirely sure exactly
who and what I want to be. And let me tell you what it is.
Thank you.
Thank you.
*shriek*
Since I became monumentally successful,
across absolutely every metric that humans have the technology to measure.
both with the genetic gifts
bestowed by God, plus all of the material possessions a man could possibly buy.
I've done it all.
And now the whole world is at my fingertips.
And I've realized the funnest thing to possibly be is to be one of those super famous,
super rich hypocrites
who talk about climate change.
That's what I want to be.
Stop. Hear me out.
i could be anything but it's great every time i see somebody with a plastic straw
All right.
What about that turtle? Don't you remember the video of the turtle?
you should use a paper straw. And I tell them that before I get into my Bugatti and I drive to the airport and fly on my private jet.
Now I'm not the only one who does this. Leonardo DiCaprio does this. All the famous people do it. It's great.
You talk about climate change,
and you care loads, and you make sure the peasants don't eat meat, and don't use straws, but then you fly around on private jets. Let me tell you a secret. On my private jets,
-
We have plastic straws.
I know.
Crazy, right?
But you have to use a paper straw, because you're a peasant. And now that I'm like the most famous rich man on earth...
How can I not be one of these people?
I'm a climate change activist.
This is what I've always wanted to be.
So I am now officially letting the world know
that I'm a climate change activist. Greta!
Let's squash the beef. I'm sorry.
I'm on your team. I'm gonna take a jet to Sweden.
And we're going to talk about it.
I'm gonna jet back in the same day.
So we can plan how to make sure that
The losers at the bottom don't eat meat.
and eat the bugs and live in the pods. Then I might jet over to LA, have a conversation with Leonardo.
Me and him could talk about climate change for a while. Then we'll jump on one of our jets, or we could take separate jets, it doesn't matter, and we'll fly to the Mediterranean and we'll jump on his yacht.
And talk about it some more.
I better not see any of you.
Any of you, all you fans who come up to me and ask for a photo, all you people who go, "Oh, Top G, I'm a fan of yours, can I have a picture?" If I see any of you fucks with a plastic straw, I'm gonna strangle you to death on the fucking spot. With my bare hands!
to save the earth.
I'm a climate change activist of the most extreme kind, the violent kind. I'm a violent climate exchange activist. I've had enough of all you fucking...
What do you call people? Fossil... What do you call people who like fossil fuels? I need to make up a name.
Something, like Brokey.
So, it clicks. I need a name for people who use plastic straws and burn petrol and don't
Feel bad.
I feel terrible when I fill up
my Bugatti with 99 octane
an entire tank and it lasts for 16 minutes. I feel so bad!
People don't even care. Unbelievable.
And yeah, I fly around on private jets, but I do it to spread the news about climate change. So overall, it balances out.
You people should stop flying!
Completely.
Thank you.
From now on, if you want to be a fan of mine, you want to come up to me,
in public, you need to have all your booster injections, you need to wear a mask, you need to socially distance, and if I catch you with a plastic straw, I'm gonna snap your fucking neck.
.
Yeah.