Transcript
Who remembers my old Christmas message?
where I sat down and called you all losers for having jobs. You're existing in your peasant life. You wake up when the alarm goes off.
Thank you.
You go to your job.
Sorry.
I'm so hungry.
My balls to the plane. Okay, you got your job.
I remember. That was a fun day. I don't want to do that. I don't want to laugh at you.
Yeah.
*sigh*
I don't want to laugh at you for still having jobs.
still being wages and still being brokies. Years later, I made my first Christmas message. I said, if you don't do something about this situation you're in, sir, you're going to stay a wagey.
And you watched it and you laughed, ha ha ha, and guess what?
You're still a wagee. Still! Quite remarkable, really. It's almost impressive how monumentally you fail.
This Christmas message
I'm going to try and be a little bit more positive.
I've already pointed out to you that you're a loser. As many ways as I possibly could think of a way to do it. And all the different plethora of ways in the entire spectrum of the obvious, I have pointed out at every single point along the way. And you continue to refuse...
to be anything better than what you are, you insist on being a wagee and a brokie,
and dumb so you can stay there.
Instead, I'm going to give you a philosophical lesson about Christmas as a whole from Top G himself. Because everybody knows the G stands for Christmas.
Christmas.
Thank you.
Thank you.
When you're a child, Christmas is all about getting things.
Give me things, it makes me happy. What presents do I get?
As a woman, life is all about getting things.
That's what most women think a relationship is, by the way.
Do I get to put on Instagram,
my pictures with my man,
so that I can show he's cucked and subservient to me? Does he take me on holidays? Does he give me money? Does he buy me presents?
Does he give me flowers? Does he give me stuff?
If he does, I love him.
Of course you do. Funny that. So if I was going through life and I met some individual who just gave me everything all the time, loads of stuff I wanted that I couldn't afford myself, I'd probably feel pretty fondly about them too.
That shows how shallow female love is. Anyway, I digress.
As a female or a child, it's all about being given things. But as a man, as you evolve, as you grow,
you realize that the only kind of joy you can find that will put you in the Christmas spirit is to be the one who is giving.
Which is why on Christmas Day, everyone opens up all these amazing presents and Dad gets socks.
Because dad's worked all year long. Dad has gone up earlier than everyone else, worked harder than everyone else.
fed the entire family, dealt with most distress,
was responsible for your financial and physical safety,
made sure that nobody murdered you, made sure you had food to eat, and he's done it all year long, and now it's Christmas, and everyone gets him?
Sucks. Because nobody gives a shit about how men feel and nobody wants to make men happy.
Nobody cares. Only person who can make you happy as a man is you.
So,
What's actually beautiful is that God has instilled within us this natural generosity.
Because if the only person who can make me happy is me,
And I'm also responsible for making everybody else happy. It's actually quite convenient that the number one thing that makes me happy is giving things to other people.
Do the math. It all adds up.
I love being exceptionally generous.
at Christmas.
In fact, I'm exceptionally generous all the time.
People talk about 20% tip. I often double or triple my entire food bill everywhere I go. I have Tate pledge. I give away $25 million a year. In fact, I can't think of anybody who I semi like, who has asked me for money at any point during this year, who I didn't just give it to them. I didn't even track it. They want to back. I don't care. I don't believe in money. Money's not real. I'm super generous all of the time. But at Christmas,
I want to feel happy. I want to feel Christmassy. So I want to be as generous as possible. So then you have to sit and think, what can I give the people I care about?
And here's where the interesting conversation begins, because truthfully,
You give things to the people you care about as a man via your excellence and achievement.
I don't believe you love somebody if you will not suffer for that person. I do not believe you love something if you will not suffer for that thing. If you love tennis...
You suffer to be the best at tennis.
If you love a person, you're prepared to suffer to protect them.
If you love your family,
You watching this, Mr. Midwit, Mr. Average,
sitting there who says, I love my family. I love Christmas. I love my family around the Christmas table. I would argue the point that you don't love your family.
And I'll also argue the point that your family doesn't love you.
And the reason I will say that is because if you loved your family, if you truly gave a shit about them, you would be instantly and endlessly inspired and motivated to become as brilliant as possible so that you were now useful to them.
You show respect to your ancestors, respect to your parents, respect to your little girlfriend who sucks your pee-pee, all the people who are in your life. You show respect to them via a quest for excellence. The better you become and the harder you work shows how much you truly love them. If you had a woman and you truly loved her,
Truly, you would want to be your best self for her.
Which means you wouldn't be a skinny, fat, little fucking nerd like you are right now.
So you don't love her.
You may love that she gives you things.
She gave you a blowjob once.
Hmm.
- Okay.
She'll make you dinner, whatever. But that's childish female love.
That's female syndrome. We just talked about it. Being given things is what children and women want. Real men, we don't want to be given that much.
What we want to do is show to the people we care about how brilliant we are, and them to remind us of it endlessly.
Best Christmas present for me is when one of my wives walks in and says, you are the closest thing to God I have seen in human form.
And she says it with love in her eyes.
I'm like, correct.
Dinner.
That's my present. Done. But I gave that to her.
as well as giving it to myself.
Once again, God has made it extremely convenient.
for me.
that the harder I work on myself, the better a present I give to all the people around me.
So if you are sitting there at home and you are broke,
And when I say broke, I mean less than 10 million.
'cause that's the bare minimum standard.
if you are weak
If you are dumb,
If you are lazy,
You don't love any of the people you think you love.
The only person you love
selfishly and absolutely is yourself.
And then we're going to sit there
and do is hard cope.
He's saying, "Because I don't have muscles, I don't love my family." Correct! Correct.
Because you could make them if you truly gave a shit about being excellent.
And you don't.
The second part that I said earlier is that your family doesn't love you.
Because they don't.
I mean, they can look at you. I mean, you're sure your chick looks at you, your family looks at you like, okay, yeah, he's all right.
They don't love you.
Like, my family loves me.
Please understand I'm the head of the clan. Hundreds of people eat because of me.
I am the big boss. I have never failed.
I am adored.
I am loved completely. You can be my second cousin. You can be my sister, my mom, anyone. If a big problem occurs, it's call Andrew.
That's why I'm loved.
I'm loved as an overwatcher, as a protector.
I love the way people look up and love the sun god Ra. The way the Egyptians worshipped Ra is the way I am worshipped amongst my clan because I can give light.
Nobody calls your phone.
When there's a problem.
Because nobody thinks you can do anything about it. They don't love you, and you don't love them. And if you actually truly love them, you would change. Whenever I see a weak idiot or a brokey talking about love, I know they don't know what love is.
Because if you truly love somebody, you refuse to not be exceptional for that person.
Thank you.
Amen.
a grander and more meta thought.
I was having.
Sorry, let me just light my cigar.
I bought a $55,000 silver DuPont.
It's got a little Rolex wheel in it. I thought that was cool.
And then after buying the $55,000 silver DuPont,
I thought it'd be nice if I matched it with the $72,000 card.
gold
to pawn.
Sorry, just a side note. How much does your car cost again?
Pussy.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
*clap*
Sounds like money.
Thank you.
If Santa Claus was a real person,
And instead of going around through the world to decide who was naughty and who was nice, he went around through the world to decide who had genuinely worked hard this year and who hadn't.
And the ones who had really worked hard on themselves, never missed a workout,
Never missed a day's work, was never lazy, never took the short way out, did everything they were supposed to do on time, every time. Helped the people they care about.
networked with their brothers, saved up, got inside the war room, got inside the real world, started to make more money, paid attention, read interesting things, who really genuinely tried, didn't waste any time.
Would Santa give you a present?
Or would he put you on the naughty list?
of boys who tried hard most of the time,
Or some of the time. But not all of the time. Because Santa knows when you are sleeping and he knows when you're awake. He knows it all. And if you're honest with yourself right now, you know that there's been a bunch of times you fucked up. And so does Santa.
And the most beautiful thing about this little analogy I've come up with is that Santa is real.
His name is God.
or the universe.
And if you genuinely do what you're supposed to do all of the time,
God slash universe gives you a present.
Isn't that amazing?
Just like when you were a child, be good, Santa appears, gives you what you want.
Work hard, God appears, gives you what you want.
So if you don't have what you want,
There's only two possible explanations. One, God somehow got it wrong.
Or two, you're a lazy fuck-up.
And the thing about being a lazy fuck-up, I've often noticed, is that most people are not happy to permanently be a lazy fuck-up.
Because they are perspicacious and conscious enough to sometimes feel a level of guilt for their mediocre existence.
So they'll wake up one day and go, "I've got to do better. I've got to change things. I deserve better than this." And because they're pissed off, they'll feel temporarily motivated.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Get the cups at topg.com.
But then what will happen is they'll go back into their loser life,
and they'll find some weed.
or some stinky puss puss.
or video game.
whatever it is,
And they'll be happy again.
Oh, I smoked weed and I got stinky puss.
Yay. And then they're happy. So then what happens is they drift in and out of motivated
and then happy. Because if you're truly depressed with your situation, if you're truly unhappy with it 24-7, like you should be, like I was, you won't stay there. You'll get out. If I set you on fire, you're going to do anything it takes to put the fire out. But if I set you on fire and it burns for a few seconds, and then for another two minutes, you don't feel the pain, you're going to stay on fire. And that's what most of you are doing. And Santa is watching you do that. And that's why year after year, nothing remarkable happens in your life.
Nothing
remarkable happens
in your life. Let me repeat that. Nothing
remarkable.
happens in your life.
Your only existence on this planet, before we transcend into another version of consciousness, you are here once, and your chance to do remarkable things is being squandered,
Because you are too fucking lazy to try.
If you were to tell me your best story
from this last year.
Not only would I not be entertained, I would likely be offended.
and bored.
Oh, did you drive a fast car once? Did you rent it?
Is that what happened? Did you go to a club
Did you go party? Did you have sex with a girl? Whoa. Did you go on holiday? Whoa, crazy.
Did you fight the matrix?
Did you put a genuine dent
and the information wall which is being used to enslave us all.
Did you suffer for 93 days in a Romanian dungeon?
You haven't done a fucking thing.
You've wasted another year and God knows it, which is why for Christmas, you're going to get nothing but socks. You're going to stay a fuck up until you do something about it. And every single person close to you knows you don't love them because you perpetually fail and refuse to try. And they don't love you either.
You're living a loveless life.
self-obsessed, coping hard for your monumental and endless failures, hoping one day somehow you're going to pull it all off. Maybe when my ship comes in,
Then it will change. If I just sit and wait long enough, God will give me what I want. No, he won't.
because you're on the naughty list.
Because you continue to be a fucking loser.
So for Christmas,
Because I'm a loving, nice man, and because I love all of you at home,
Because everybody knows Top G is a nice man. Top G, G stands for Christmas.
I'm gonna dedicate myself to be even more brilliant than I've ever been.
Because that's why you watch these videos. Because I'm so exceptional. Because I could fight, drive fast cars, and have all these wives and endless children, and all this money, and I talk so slick, and I'm funny even when I don't say anything.
That's why you're watching me. So I've decided to become even more brilliant than ever before
to show you how much I care about you.
And if you want me to give a shit about you back,
The only Christmas present I could possibly hope for, for many of you at home, is for you to stop being a little fuck-up, for you to finally, for once in your life, feel the stinging burn of guilt in your mind when you start to type,
www.fema.org
P-O-R-N-H-U... There should be a point where you stop and say, "No! He's watching! God's watching! This is gonna go against me! Christmas is gonna come! There's gonna be a new message from Top G! The G stands for Christmas! He's gonna call me a loser! I'm gonna know I'm on the naughty list! I fucked up! God's watching! Santa's watching! I'm a fucking nobody!" No! And delete it! And you should go to www.cobratape.com and change your life so that your mother finally loves you!
Merry Christmas.
Yeah.