Transcript
Everyone's on smoke today. Luke's a professional drifter, so... Watch out for the clutch. You don't even know what that is, you fucking yank. Son of a moron, bro. He's gonna hate everyone in this house.
So, Tristan fucked us. Tristan's selfish. Andrew got things. He got things for all of us. Loads. I went to the random Asians. Yeah. By the side of the road and ordered loads and loads and loads of food. Yep. So everyone had food. Yep.
I'm aware that I had ordered food just to feed himself. Yeah. He's selfish. He's selfish. And the Subway sandwich looks good. He just ate it all. Why did you do that? You know, I don't like either of you. You can't just do that. Why would you think about it? Yeah. Why weren't you like, you know what? This Subway sandwich that I'm really going to enjoy and I look forward to, I'd like to also give this to my brother and my cousin. I thought of you. Yeah. He thought about us when he got his order. He just got loads. He just got unlimited.
Drew, like, but... But, in what is today's biggest sucker, I'll take confidential. Just admit you're a selfish cop. Yeah, just admit you're selfish. Just admit it. I bought this for you. You didn't, though. No, because you don't have two. They're two separate sandwiches. You don't have two. Andrew, I bought this for you, and you've been calling me horrible names. So now I'm going to eat it. He didn't. There's not two. He bought it for himself. He bought it for himself. I didn't. Unless there are three sandwiches, one for each of us in this car. There are no three.
- I'm certain the Rio were there. - No. - Yeah, there were. That's what I thought. Because they were both for you. - I'm so excited. - The most exciting man in the world. - Mr. Happy. - Mr. Coleman.
- I'm trying to feel a bit too.
Ah, there he is. There he is.
You gonna do that? Hey bro, how are you doing? Nice to meet you. What a pleasure. How are you doing? It's great. I look forward to it. It's gonna be fun. Oh yeah, definitely. I'm not gonna be able to do that, but it's still gonna be fun. What's your idea? I have a business idea. You have a business idea? Yeah. I'm chewing gum and zenning at the same time. Okay. But the gum's gonna be caught in zen. Come inside. A little bit of warm up.
Ah, warm's fine, yeah. Do you have a cigarette? No. We have Zins. No problem. You're a better man than me. So, back to my business idea. Where's the nearest... What have I just chewed all this is? Where's the nearest cliff? I want you to flip it from there down the hill. No, I'm not gonna do that. You notice you can like drift off the cliff. I'm having conflicting ideas right now. Luke needs to drift off the cliff. Luke for content. It'll be good content. If he chews the gum, it'd be a good advert on the way down.
office. There must be a cliff here. There must be a cliff where he drifts the car off the cliff. You know? We get filthy rich. The cameraman never dies. That's not true though. It is true. No look it is true the cameraman never dies. Where's the cliff? Intermediate and then we go forward for the high zone. Okay. So I will love you guys to you know test your boundaries a little bit. That'll be good fun. It's a lovely thing. Really.
Thank you. Let's do it. I've been watching you guys on the TV program and suddenly, "Yo, you're out on the TV!" You're out on the mobile phone over here. Well, Luke's a professional drifter, so... I'm not. Not at all. He said he's gonna beat all of you. On his way down here, he said, "There's no one who can drift like me. Fuck those guys. I think they're good." He said, "I'll beat them all. They're nothing. They're scum." That's what he said. Luke was saying that the whole car ride down here. I didn't hear him. I didn't hear him. You already high-rated now. We need to see that. Great thing. With a blood splash car. Nice. I'm just amazed by Tristan's name.
Do-rag? Yeah. That's the most black thing I've ever seen you do. Come on, Marcel, where are you, Mom? I'm all that black.
What are you talking about myself? Yeah, I don't think I'll do a tandem run. Andrew can go. I've been in four serious car crashes and I have a pathological fear of driving faster than the passenger. But you know what? Luckily we have Luke. Ah, Luke! Luke! There you go. Everything is on the shoulder, my boy. They're gonna do a professional full speed dangerous run and Tristan obviously was in car crashes and I'm obviously
the superstar and if I died the whole thing's over. It's on the test. You got all the points for it today. All the logics. Did they get you? They're professional drifters. I have zero problem with that. Nice. I have completely zero issues. Just to break the ice. I don't. I don't have any secrets. And your cousin's holding out on the cigarettes.
I'm not. Look, we're not poor anymore. You can give me a cigarette. No. You know what, Tristan? Remember the Subway? You know, my own cousin. Do you remember the Subway? He's selfish. And the Subway sandwich looks good. He just ate it all. Bailey, so what you don't realize is just before this, before you came, he ordered Subway. Guess who he ordered for? Himself. Yeah, because you know Tristan, don't you? You know who he is. And one other person. No, and he ate both of them. I did eat both. He ate both. Yes, I did eat both. They were both for him, originally. Yeah, they always were.
wouldn't he get three? - No, one wasn't for you. - Watch out for the cliffs. - Watch out for the clutch, you don't even know what that is, you fucking dang. - Cliffs, cliffs. - Yeah, watch out for the clutch, you don't even know what that is, you fucking yank. Clutch, clutch, you can't even drive a fucking manual, you're a dumb fuck. - Andrew's gonna do shit, I'm gonna do better.
Everyone's on smoke today.
I see you got it.
Not quite.
Luke, Luke. Yeah? We're going off a cliff. No. No, there's no cliffs. Luke, we've had enough. No. Life's, we're done with life. No. Alright, what was your prediction? Luke. Yeah. Luke's alive.
- Bailey, I really feel invincible in these cars. - Luke, get back in the car. - I'm in New York. - Shit. - Luke stole my helmet. - Shit. - No, but they should have brought you a helmet for that. - I stole Tristan's helmet. I'll admit it. - Luke. - He stole your sandwich, you stole his helmet. - I don't know if you realize this. - What? - I've got nothing else to live for. - That's not true. - He has plenty of things to live for. - He's lying. - He's bluffing. - Oh yeah, I'm bluffing. - You might not be bluffing. - Get in.
- Luke, any last words? - If I die, it was Tristan's fault. - Oh. - I'm bluffing. - You might not be bluffing. - Get in. - Luke, any last words? - If I die, it was Tristan's fault. - Oh. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I'm bluffing. - I
Is someone there?
and going some donuts get bailey nice and safe nice and comfortable nice for the kill bailey thinks i'm dying but he doesn't realize we're after him okay right that's the actual plan right absolutely
coming for you bailey keep trying to take my job sorry baby
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i'll be your passenger this is hilarious because luke's about to drive and luke's american and americans are never taught to drive ever because americans are scum it's true so you don't even know how to drive a manual car so i'm gonna have to explain to you how to drive a manual car while
unless you put the clutch in you're going to stall okay that doesn't mean anything to me it does the clutch is on the far left these words don't mean anything to me how do i go into first oh there we go there you go so now you can let go of the clutch better than tristan yeah better than tristan because he stole because he's a faggot good point so that's the brake okay these have these
okay so now to drift now's the hard part because now i have to learn how to drift nah the first
Okay, so which way is the tire go? Which way is the steering wheel go? Ah, and you put the clutch in nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. So you're no retarded. No, I've got it. I've done these before. I've done these before. I've ridden bikes. So I get it. I get the whole clutch thing.
Okay, that's good. Now I need to learn. Okay, so now it's the drifting part. Yeah. So which way does the tire go? Do I? Okay, wait. So first I'm gonna start in the turn and then I'm gonna lose it in the turn. You can. And then I have to change the... Nah, just full lock it right and pump the throttle. Got it. Okay. Leave the rest up to guard. We're already in first. Yeah. No need for brakes. Full lock it right and pump the throttle. Okay.
Oh, that clutch.
You almost were with somebody. Forgot the clutch. Alright, I bet we didn't die. Yeah, you're not the suicidal one. This is the safest you'll ever be in a car, mate. You're driving. This can't be the safest I'll ever be in a car. Wait, calm driving. Calm. Yeah, at the end I got it. Because you was on a throttle. At the beginning you was not on a throttle. You were pulling off. Wash off, wash off all the time. Understeer. But at the end? Yeah, I felt it at the end. At the end I felt it. You're not being able to drift. Bailey, how you feeling? Nah, Bailey, you can get it. You can do it. You can do it. You can't drive a manual.
No, but he can figure out. I can't drive a manual. Andrew had to give me a tutorial while I was sitting in there because I forgot. At least you didn't crash. I know. Tristan didn't crash. Remind me again who crashed. Who crashed? It wasn't Luke and it wasn't me. I didn't crash, I attacked the tires. Yeah. To be fair, Luke promised me if I was going to crash to hit you. I'm a ninja, you can't hit me. No, in fact, our plan, which you'll see because I recorded it, was to do really good donuts.
to lull you into a sense of safety, to restart to try and get closer to the car. If I'm not doing something which is either extremely difficult or extremely stressful, I'm in a perpetual state of crippling boredom. And if I don't fight, if I'm not in a situation where I'm stressed, worried or concerned, I'm just perpetually bored. Boredom's crippling. If you're an intelligent person and you've got a good brain on your shoulders, you can't just sit there bored.
I'll let you kick off.
No, no! You didn't do that with my machine!
You're just healing hoping that shit's happening to somebody. Don't, don't master me. You're gonna shut up and like, watch this shot. I think about what happens in this game, we can agree.
That Marcel's moving.
- The Marshal loss. - I'll be great.
Marcel Walsh. Marcel Walsh.
You've got to be in a toilet myself. - I've got three now. - Exactly. Exactly.
You're gonna be in it to win it and you're not. You're playing the balls. You're gonna play with the other player.
Sick. Stupid. He's fucked now. Nah, he's fucked. I hit it too hard. Try it.
- -
I hit it too hard.
*laughs*
*POP*
That's it.
- Thank you.
Another form of four.
- It's fucking boring. - It's not boring. We're all boring. - You gotta take the fun shots. - Trisky hit the pin. - Shut up! I understand.
I've got the pink and the brown left. It's something your mum won't first. Wait, wait, wait, I'm in.
Those shoes are all not doing.
.
- I'm not the man who wears Crocs.
Crux are allowed. So I get two shots now? This game would be easier if I was good.
True. Go red, brown, blue.
Ah, fuck.
You would've hit that a little bit more to the right if we're going in. Shut the fuck up!
Aww!
Fuck this game. This game sucks.
Hey. This joke goes back further than when I hit record. People at home don't know.
This could be the last shot.
It's too fun. I can't wait till this is over so I can never play again. You guys play ball, I can go, "No, I definitely don't want to play." You just hit it and go... Come on, just hit it and hold two people back in ball.
- Keep wanting us out. - Good job, well done.
- So it's a draw. - Don't shake my hand.
You called me out! Just as you can't beat me.
Just cause you can't beat me, I pull.
Thank you.
Okay.
Whatever you say. It's on case. I've never lost. Today's a special day. Oh, oh, oh! Get him off! Four! Blind assassin. Get the fuck up. Come on. Four. You guys should be embarrassed. You guys should be ashamed of yourself. You must have got out of bed. He did. Why? Why?