Transcript
*music*
are you jacuzzi man now I haven't seen you in this jacuzzi in like a year
You never get in the water, you're scared of the water.
I'm not scared of water since when?
I said I don't like oceans. Doesn't mean I'm scared of water. I'm a very good swimmer.
I don't operate from around the sphere. - It's the biggest source of water in the world, Andrew.
I'm not scared of oceans, just fuck oceans. It's different.
There's no need to get in the ocean when you have a jacuzzi.
Thank you.
What if I put ocean water in the jacuzzi? Oceans are just swimming pools for poor people.
remember that.
sharks
Sharks and I have a deal.
I'm sticking to my end of the deal.
You wouldn't understand.
Okay.
But when you're a man of honor, if you say something, you stick to your word. Okay. And I promised the sharks they would never catch me in their house.
And they promised me I'd never catch him in mine. The day I walk in the living room and there's a shark there, then a sign swore.
But otherwise...
Peace treaty. It's a peace treaty, yeah. So I'm just sticking to my end of the deal, being a good person.
I don't know why that's so controversial to you. I guess maybe because you're a piece of shit.
That was funny.
I don't know, that was fun. You're a piece of shit person who doesn't stick to his deals.
So why the fuck would I go in the ocean? I got a jacuzzi, I got a pool. Andro has no business.
men's 96
Killebrow.
I have no business in Oceans. There's no money in Oceans. There's no business. Nothing. What am I going to do there?
There's no emergency meeting. There's nothing to do there.
It doesn't work.
What am I in the ocean for? Besides to break the peace trees?
and make a deal with the fucking mermaids.
Fuck whales.
Fuck dolphins.
and fuck turtles and fuck penguins. What do penguins do to you?
Everyone loves them for some reason. I don't get it. They're retarded and they waddle.
If I was alone on Antarctica, and I'm sure it's illegal for some reason, but if I was alone on Antarctica, the amount of running and football kicking of penguins that would happen.
I just kick them clean across the fucking ice.
Watch them all die of internal hemorrhage.
Penguins and melted ice. You can survive forever.
I wouldn't even eat him. I'd just kick him.
I didn't realize you had beef with penguins. Kick them like footballs.
- Stomp their nests out. - Never paid my bills.
We did eat whale one time. Should we eat penguin meat? Whales never paid my bills either. None of these niggers ever paid my bills. So, fuck 'em.
fuck them all. Dogs are the only animal
that matter.
Fuck horses, I didn't happily eat horses, don't care.
Can't eat dogs.
Dogs are good.
I'm Haitian enough, I'm black enough, I'll eat a cat, I don't give a fuck, I don't like cats. Yeah, fuck cats. Fuck cats.
Can't eat dog dough.
Thank you.
that's a crime. I know some pita motherfuckers will be like, what's the difference between a dog and a horse? Everything dipshit.
And you know it too.
Dog is man's best friend.
Why, if you eat a cow, why won't you eat a dog? How about you get the fucked?
How about you take your vegetarian bullshit talking points and fuck off?
How about I don't have to explain myself to you?
How about I'm allowed to be hypocritical if I want because I can strangle you to death with my bare hands.
How about that as an answer next time vegetarians say...
"Well, you wouldn't eat a dog." "No, I wouldn't eat a dog."
But I would eat a fucking cow and basically everything else.
Fuck you.
You're a faggot.
That's my argument. I don't explain myself anymore because you're gay.
But you know what else I don't do?
If a Chinese man
wants to eat a dog
I'm gonna go protest in China.
It's his business.
I don't agree with it, but fucking let him live, you know?
vegans are trying to protest my eating of meat. I'm not going to go to China until the Chinese man not eat a dog.
Like, if you don't see weird, fine, you know?
People do weird shit all the time.
I cut myself this morning on a macette.
I was there, I did witness that. - Skill issue.
.
Cut myself on a mache. And I repeat.
Fucking cunt. That's what I said when I cut myself. Andrew, leave the self-harm for the bedroom, yeah?
This is just finished. Huh? I'm gonna say I didn't even have a juice in. Yeah, yeah, that's been in our ages. Just never used it.
You good? Good, man, you?
A lot of trash.
Are y'all battling today?
Well, I'm...
We're waiting for the blacks to stop robbing people and then we're going to have a fight. I think they're going to come back. The blacks need to snog it out.
I'm here to fuck Andrew up, that's why I'm here.
He keeps calling me in to fight.
and I keep getting beatin' up, but today is my day.
Today I'm going to beat the fuck out of him, no problem.
No stress. I was drinking last night.
that gives me power.
So I'm extra powerful. - Extra power, the power of tequila. - I got an extra 10 kilos on me right now. So I'm gonna throw 'em around and just
for a while, shit.
Come on.
Alright, famous last words.
Okay.
I'll ask Andrew what his last words are going to be. Andrew what do you have to say? We'll see.
I'm talking on my stamina now. You're alright. It's a nice dehydrated jacuzzi in the hot sun and a cigar to get you warmed up for sparring.
That was a good point. We'll hear some more.
Ever since you cut your hand this morning, you've kind of been in a
in a foul mood, but I have a feeling that when you beat Barnett up, you're gonna be happy again.
I might not beat him up, he's a lot bigger than me.
- Andrew. - It's an unfair competition. - You and I both know that fighting makes you so happy
Like you're smiling now just thinking about the pain that you're going to inflict on Luke Barnett.
Yeah, perhaps I'm ready to absorb endless pain as long as I get to give pain to others. It's worth it.
- -
Even if I take more than I give, it's still worth it.
Just to spread misery.
*laughs*
You heard it, Luke. Must be some kind of personality defect.
You'll get hit 10 times if you get hit him once, fine.
I don't think spreading misery
is a good thing.
It just doesn't seem like a good thing to do. Don't call it misery. Call it
justice.
That sounds better.
Luke deserves every bit of pain that comes through his life.
My life's good, bro.
My life's too good. His life's great. He's a cunt.
So he deserves it.
He deserves everything that happens to him. So do I. 100% deserve jail. 100%.
100 all the shit I've done in my life. Fucking hell, there's a lot more shit.
I'm gonna cut that!
Don't cut it, no it's true. They locked me up for some dumb shit, but the actual shit I have done,
*laughs*
10 year stretch.
I walked into my room and saw Min installing bulletproof glass windows. And I can't tell if this is the most badass thing ever or complete overkill.
We started with the doors and now we've moved on to glass.
There's no way anyone's getting in this house.
Let's make you happy.
I told you the glass was the weak point of this whole operation, and you fixed that.
We have the shutters.
But then when they start cutting the steel shutters after 30 minutes outside the door,
They start trying to penetrate the glass off-ball. I mean, steel shutters.
and bulletproof glass behind it.
blast proof doors, bullet proof glass,
And then these steel shutters. - Everyone makes fun of my house. You know, they go, "Oh, he's so rich, "wasn't in a different house."
Why would I want to live in one of those big mansions with all the fancy glass and fancy gardens when police could raid it?
Any real man knows you want a house,
with a gym, with a podcast studio, with a cigar room.
with your boys,
Bulletproof glass, blast proof doors. It's a bunker. Doesn't get better. I bought the best house in the world.
You can't get into this house.
And now I'm even going to change the roof. That's all going to be bulletproof glass at the top.
Wow.
*BOOM*
So
three two one fine very impressive once i throw a drop back here that's impressive
all right five four three two one
Oh, oh, oh.
Time.
You were frowning this morning now I see that big old smile on your face.
Hey!
Punching Barnett, ultimate joy. That's right.
He's getting tired, Bailey. He's getting tired. Two rounds. Are you getting tired? Never. One minute.
- Come on, come on, come on.
30
- That hangover cure.
- That's right, you're hanging out.
- Here, hold on bro.
Thank you.
Thank you.
*sad music*
I get love letters every single day, but they're getting more elaborate.
Usually I get presents.
along with my love letters.
But, you know, because I'm a rich man, sometimes it's not all about the presence they give me. Sometimes it's about the effort they put in.
*clap*
So,
She made it nice and succinct, basic info,
where she's from, how much she weighs,
confirming she's not married with no kids,
That's nice.
And then we have her resume, qualifications,
that she can cook and all these things. I have her whole resume here. I'm going to hide her picture because I don't want her to get dogs.
We have here who she is and all our qualifications.
God-fearing, religious, etc., etc., her contact details.
Then we have the letter.
We have a bunch of religious things in here.
The thing that's good about this letter is
I don't want anyone to read it.
I just want you guys to see how neat her handwriting is.
Look how neat. I'm just going to show a line.
- The first time I was in the hospital, I was in the hospital.
Look how neat that writing is.
Isn't that neat?
Super neat handwriting, which is impressive.
on and on about how I'm the best man in the world.
Blah, blah, blah.
I think, because I get so many of these love letters, it's now going to become a competition between who has the nicest writing.
But girls, as you continue to send me letters, I like this basic info thing.
This is very smart what she's done.
Keep it short and succinct because I'm very busy. I want to get all the basic info cards every day and look through. You know, if I want a blonde, I'd put the blonde and see who's fat, who's not. I want basic info cards of every single love letter from now on because...
A lot of you girls make the mistake of sending me love letters and it's just large gibberish about how great I am.
You haven't told me your tits are big.
You haven't told me what color your hair is.
I'm just reading all this stuff. I'm great. I'm great. Duh. I know.
But I need the info. So this is good. So please
send basic info cards with your love letters from now on.
so I can save myself,
And you, time. I mean, let's be honest. You don't want to keep sending me love letters. Money you've sent...
20 or 30 letters
And it's just so much blabbering on about how great I am. I still don't notice those are your tips. That's why I'm not replying.
So,
This is good for everybody.
you