Transcript
*music*
Andrew.
That looks like a big cigar.
Yes.
I do have one. I'll take it. Thank you very much.
I'll take it to smoke now.
Appreciate it.
Right
You have to smoke this right now.
RIT, you win.
I can admit when I'm beat. I said give me the biggest cigar in the place. I thought I had the fatter cigar. Tristan came along.
Can you tell me what can I say?
Hands down, Tristy Lace.
What do you mean? This is not normal life.
You gonna smoke it now?
- Of course I am. - Want a little smoke? - Yeah, let's have a nice little cigar.
You don't come in San Francisco.
*musique*
He wins, man.
I may not have to admit when I lose.
I'll fight a fire spare.
- I'm just gonna try to get some more
People should know when they're conquered.
I need some lungs on you to do that mate.
of all practice.
- That's me.
Now we're smoking. That was good.
How long do you think it would take you to smoke that?
- I should be done in my 15 minutes.
My real company of $400,000 guys like
Jake.
like
Leave that note bro, and he...
the point he made was
kind of pony
He said, "One hour later."
So you admit defeat? No human capacity is not this far. It's not made for humans. So you admit your human?
You are the consumption champion.
Don't tell us that you're conquered by this
It's just a tobacco leaf.
That's all it is.
It's a lot of tobacco. Just one more puff.
This just leaves.
It is just leaves, you're scared of leaves.
HA! GOT E! HA!
Oh no, he's got this right over the top. He's scared of loops.
finally been defeated by cigar.
It's not by cigars, by leaves.
You've been defeated by the Leeds, you've got to say that.
feed money.
*laughs* This is unsmokable. Let it be known.
that this cigar is too much for me to smoke.
Still the champ.
I'm not going to take it.
You're not going to be funny.
I don't know.
You've got to finish yours though.
I probably will finish it, but even this is a struggle, bro.
- Yeah.
He's done it good though.
Excuse me.
Can I have a double Johnnie Walker blue?
Nice.
- Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Back in the game.
I've officially rewired my brain.
Remember when I was gonna give up, right?
I vow you never will.
until this cigar is done.
I will never stop.
Ha ha ha.
One hour later. Alright guys.
It's getting late, it's time to go home. It's time to go home today. Finish your drink, it's time to go home.
Yeah?
Thank you.
I thought I'd finish my drink.
Yeah, finish drinks. I'm gonna go home.
We're done. It's time to go home.
To finish our drinks, I'll take this home.
Finish it then.
Thank you.
But you've done enough.
Enough work.
No, no, no, this is a good cigar, so I'm gonna smoke it at home.
Finish your drink.
and it's time to go home.
Oh no, I just wanted a gin and tonic.
Sorry, I need a few more.
Please.
Thank you very much.
And act like you're not impressed.
Good morning.
Not yet.
Not yet. - Oh.
Thank you.
-
Ooh!
Oh, I knew he was a genius.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Inject.
I won't.
It's okay.
- All my best,
bye. - See you later. - See you later.
Thank you.
*throwing*
The game continues.
Okay.
- -
You filming me for no reason will have a nice smoke, yeah.
Nice game.
a nice relaxing smoke.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Home sir, right? Yes, home. Thank you.
-
You're still going strong.
With what?
It's almost gone.
What? Your will to live.
Thank you.
You're a fucking hero. You're really gonna split that whole thing. What do you mean?
You might be the greatest man who ever lived. Well, I've often smoked at least four cigars a night, but one cigar in the evening.
You might be the greatest fan of his ever.
No, you're talking about...
*clap*
I'm trying to give you credit, that is actually epically impressive.
I thought I'd get the biggest cigar there, I didn't finish it. If you finish that cigar, Tristan,
I'll admit, once and for all.
Bro.
Gin and tonic, please.
Thank you.
this is not how it is.
- You did say you couldn't do it before you started drinking loads of booze.
Thank you.
The wire's busted.
It's burning on you, didn't it?
Why do you feel super sick? Why do you sound like Luke? You're right. I'm sorry. Tristan, I'm just giving him credit. Tristan, you're here. I don't know what else to say. No, no, I am sick.
Sick of you. Sick of the naysayers.
sick of the people in life who try to hold you back, try to push you down.
tell you that you can't do basic things like smoke one cigar.
- Good night.
You got skill issues, talk to me.
Chris is a check.
Tristan's the champ!
Who's the champ?
*singing*
Smoke it out, P.
Andrew, you wanna see my name move? Who told you that? Oh shit! Who told you that?
Come on Andrew!
Now we're smoking. Now we're smoking. I haven't ever smoked before.
Why do I have a drink?
I don't know. Why does he have a drink?
I'm going to go.
Why do you have a drink? No, all jokes aside, someone's got to study why this happens. There needs to be some sort of study on why your body can do this. It's not normal. But it's actually not normal, bro. Andrew, you're a cigar smoker.
Let me tell you.
the best fuck of the world.
That head spins real. Hear me out. I'm almost there.
You know what it is, bro? Black time.
I'm... fried. I won't taste shit for weeks. *laughs* Yeah, I'm real. Can you play...
Push it to the limit, please. We're on that vibe. When does the cigar finish?
It's done when I say it's done.
Tristan, you need to just rip it to this beat right here.
It's time to put it out, I don't know what he's gonna say
It's time now. The cigar is getting empty. The cigar is now done. Andrew's gonna have to concede total and utter defeat in every realm of human endeavor right now.
I'm back for that.
Listen, I'm a fair man.
I grew up in a warrior culture.
And as a warrior, you have to accept sometimes when you get beat.
I'm not gonna make any excuses
It was a fair one-on-one.
Tristan stepped up to the plate.
Put it all on the line.
Like a hero.
And he won. He beat me.
Tristan is...
the champion. He counteracted the spinning of the cigar with loads of booze.
and somehow
Beat me.
He made it messy. He made it a dogfight. Took me into the forest.
Where it was, I was confused.
Surrounded by enemies. I used my Aikido to the best of my ability, but somehow he was everywhere. Left, right, forward, backwards,
and he destroyed me. Tristan is the champion of the day. I should have known. I thought there was no bigger cigar there. I thought I could just push through and finish this cigar. He'll finish the same one, and then ha ha ha, it's all even.
But somehow...
If you pulled out the bag,
And I am defeated.
I don't actually really know
what you're talking about.
- Oh.
Thank you.
- Okay.
Thank you, bro.
Thank you.
*clap*
His victory lap.
Thank you.
What if it makes sense?
Okay.
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*music*