Transcript
It's boring, although I don't train properly.
I'm not fight trading. I like to maintain it a little bit. There's some little boxes here. There's a heavyweight Olympian.
That'll be difficult. A few other guys. So at home we do just body shots in case someone falls over and hits their head on the concrete. We have a little gym here now. So the guys are here so we're gonna do head shots as well.
*BANG*
I'm going to go, I'm going to go to the next one.
Okay.
*Drums of music*
*Risor*
*
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Keep it in. - Yeah, keep it in.
- Oh, oh, oh.
*Bang*
What is far is more about fitness than just
Attacking, this is more about not getting hit.
Is it more technical?
Less strength and stamina and more technique. Footwork.
Head movement.
Everything.
*Mario's music*
The End
So explain the mask to me.
- Thank you.
The mask is very simple. How do you not know the very simple things? It's a traditional English celebration. It's very simple. It's very family oriented this event. What you do is you pretend that the little dolls you make
are a man named Guy Fawkes and then you burn him to death on bonfires in your garden and celebrate the fact that the state murdered him.
Obviously
It's family friendly fun.
What's wrong with you? How do you not know this?
She sounds degenerate.
Degenerate
We fucking- what language are you speaking right now? English. We civilized the entire fucking world, including your fucking little shitty corner of Earth.
that you call the United States.
Fucking speak English, why?
best country in the world. So if we want to celebrate torturing a man to death 420 years ago, that's what we do.
Independence Day, losers.
You're so independent, why do you suppose--
still speak English.
Exactly. Good point. Stick that up your independence. We're never independent.
You weren't. You're a fucking ungrateful colony.
of English people who got butt hurt.
turned your back on your king.
Your king.
Traitoring.
You did teach me that the American Revolution was just a civil war. I told you!
People think, "Oh, America beat England in a war." No, English people beat the other English people in a war.
Americans are red. You're all English.
There's a civil war, there's a civil uprising. You're ungrateful to your king.
And look how much.
your country has fallen.
Finally.
God is... *laughs* Finally God is repaying your ungrateful country
for turning your back on your monarch.
your king.
It's true.
Didn't want to pay your taxes over tea. Oh, that's fine. But paying fucking 50% tax to go bomb innocent people in Afghanistan. You're all fucking happy about that now, right? I just want MIT percentage, bro.
That's it.
Pay the fucking tea cash! No, don't dump the tea into the fucking ocean!
Chaotic.
Yeah, because like, yeah, that tea party, they tried to tax 2%, we threw a revolution. And then we got a government in that takes half of our money and throws gay pride parades and bombs Yemen.
Great.
You feel like a winner now?
You fucking lost.
Super true, bro.
So how do we celebrate November 5th? Well the thing is, so the very short story is Guy Fawkes thought the whole government were corrupt assholes.
So we decided to blow up the parliament building with everyone in.
So you start putting loads of gunpowder barrels underneath the parliament, planning this huge explosion.
and he basically put them all under there and then one guard discovered it for some reason. An anonymous letter made them search the place.
- Ah.
Who sent the anon letter? We never know. We think it was one of his guys that ended up getting
There's always some fucking traitor!
Anyway.
Guard searched, found the gunpowder, found Guy Fawkes, set his ass on fire.
So now it's kind of dual celebrated. It's celebrated by the normies.
like burning Guy Fawkes, ha ha, you couldn't kill the government.
And it's also kind of celebrated by the people with the brain, as in,
we understand that government's always been corrupt and shit.
And at every point in history, people have won the order of the government because all they do is lie and cheat.
So that's what Damascus is about, V for Vendetta.
5th of November.
He's talking about how.
Guy Fawkes nearly succeeded in destroying the corrupt power source.
So it depends. Everyone celebrates it. It depends which side of the coin you're on. Some are for the corrupt power source, and some are against the corrupt power source. So you're saying Guy Fawkes wanted to take down the Matrix.
You want to take down the 1605 Matrix.
Before mobile phones. Almost worked.
Wait, did they have Nokia's in 1605? Maybe 3310s. Yeah, yeah, 3210s. 3210s, Nokia.
I feel like y'all would have been friends.
Yeah, I would like Guy Forbes.
A few moments later.
Alright, what drink number is this? I don't even know, just pan the camera to the... To the glasses? Okay. Monstrosity?
So these are some of the glasses that we've been drinking from, okay? So... A few.
And as you know, you can't let the Englishman down on Guy Fawkes night.
I can't. So, right. So what you have to do is you have to tap glasses and say, "God save James the first."
And then you have to neck the drink. Because if you don't, it's seven years of bad luck. Who's James the First? Who's James-- the guy who Guy Fawkes tried to blow up.
on fucking
November 5th when he got caught with the gunpowder. I do now. Right. So you tap glasses and say, God save James the first and then neck your drink. It's an English tradition. Bailey, look, I like you. You're a good friend of mine, but you are an American in an Englishman's household and I want to celebrate Guy Fawkes night properly. And this is a tradition. We all do this. Everyone does this.
This is- everyone does this all the time. So
God save James the first.
God save James I.
Ah!
This is... you're really sticking to tradition here, Bailey. Thank you. I like it. You're sticking to tradition.
You're a good guy.
Respecting our customs. I feel pretty English. Yeah, this is what all English people do. I promise. Alright good good.
Beans on toast.
Beans and toast. Beans and toast, you frog. Beans and toast.
You fucking heathen! No, no, no.
Beans and toast. Beans on toast. No!
You're a heathen. That's disrespect on the highest level. Beans on toast.
5, 6, 7, 8, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
Oh,
*Ballon sound*
*
.
Bailey, now what we do is at this time, what time is it, Marcel? The time exactly? 10.06. Oh, at 10.06. At 10.06 is a very important day. Very important, because in 10.66, right? Okay.
There was the Battle of Hastings in England, which is a very important moment in British history. I'll tell you about it later.
Okay, 1066 was a very important date in British history. So at 1006 on Guy Fawkes Night...
What we do is say, Viva la Revolución, and we neck our drink.
Viva la Re... Revolution. Viva la Revolution.
and we finish our drinks what we do
every english person does this so god folks like 10.06 why why 10.06
I don't know, you tell me. Because 1066 was a very important battle in his history. How do you all know this?
I'm American.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, cut it, cut it, cut it. A few moments later.
They discovered the gunpowder. T.
- I have one thing to say, T, T I'm sorry. I have one thing to say.
I love you.
they've discovered the gunpowder.
But...
They discovered the gunpowder!
Isn't that what we always do at 10:34?
That is always a good day. It's British tradition. Several days later.
Is Chef Andrew back in the kitchen? Bro, I don't cook, and I famously said that cooking is for losers. But I have to teach you a fucking lesson about life.
because
in your infinite ignorance like all the other americans in the world
You said probably one of the most ridiculous and disgusting things I ever said.
What did you call that?
beautiful English cuisine which is world-renowned for its complexity.
and depth of flavor.
Are you talking about beans and toast?
Beans AND toast? Beans and toast!
Have you ever had beans on toast?
Amen.
That's definitely not a thing. Bro, I'm gonna cook for you beans on toast, and you're gonna learn a lesson.
about how great English food actually is.
I'm gonna cook a few because all you stupid Americans, in fact the whole internet, makes fun of English food. English food's shit.
England conquered the world to have shit cuisine.
Let me tell you all a secret you're not actually aware of.
English food is actually
Bang it.
And there's a reason why we eat it. And it powers us up to fight after our 16 pints in Wetherspoons that you Americans will never understand. English food is the best cuisine on earth. And the fact that it looks terrible and sounds terrible makes it even better.
So I'm going to cook it for you.
So first for beans on toast, you need toast.
I probably should use a serrated knife, but... And a cutting board. I'm a rule breaker.
So we're gonna squash the bread a little bit, but you know. - Did you wash your hands? - Fuck off, Bailey. Give me that shit.
First step, toast.
Okay.
Oh, the story of my life is too thick to go in. Been there before. All right, that's that. Next, you need beans.
Thank you.
*clap*
Thank you.
*crickets*
*clap*
Heinz Beans.
That's right, Heinz.
A nice traditional German, I mean English company. - Are there seed oils in this? - Don't give a shit.
Always some pussy on Twitter.
I'm a seed oil disrespecter. Bro, you look like a fucking pussy.
And if you're scared of seed oil, then you have bigger problems in your life.
And if you're gonna make a number one enemy of an oil bottle, as opposed to, I don't know, enter the cage and engage in Mortal Kombat against something that can actually fight back, then what you are, my friend, is a dickhead and a pussy.
Right, pepper, 'cause obviously, how you gonna fuck all those girls without pepper?
He never said that to me, my coach. I was sitting with my coach in the mirror. I said, "Pass me the salt." And he passed me the salt and the pepper. I said, "No, I just need the salt." And he said, "Andrew, how are you going to fuck all those girls without pepper?" And ever since then, I eat as much pepper as I can. That's really good advice. I had no answer for the man. But you're right, give me the pepper. Am I scared of pepper? Am I gay?
Oh my god, Margaret. Look how much pepper he's putting in the beans.
- Please.
Beans.
-
It's hot enough.
*Pewing*
Thank you.
You don't know about English, we would. What is this? What is this? It's sick!
Oh, wow.
- Shh.
I don't know about that.
First we need
Thank you.
See that? Got the technique down.
I love it that I don't clean up after myself. Loads of hot sauce, obviously, because...
Microplastics and hot sauce go hand in hand.
Did you know that? I do now. Microplastics and hot sauce is how you man up.
I can't wait. The first taste of British cuisine.
How do I eat this? For the knife and fork!
*clap*
Okay.
I'm going to go ahead and put it in the middle.
Why does it look gooey? It's gooey.
It's...
Okay.
I'm going to go.
Thank you.
*buzz*
Thank you.
Thank you.
Fucking banging.
What do you know? What do you know? Say something. I'm speechless. Say something, you fucking colonist. You ungrateful colonist piece of shit.
I love beans on toast. - Yeah, see, it's good.
Can I get a bottle of water?
All right, I think you've converted me to beans on toast.
That was good.
It is pretty good. I mean, it's good. It's pretty good.
The bathroom hits.
See? - You're right. - Beans on toast, official Top G style. - Pretty good.
Here's the best. I gotta get some of that mozzarella in here.
*sniff*
Yeah, that's good.
Thanks.
- Your time, friend.
*laughs*
*
.