Transcript
I'm right that we have to buy you dinner before you'll sleep with us. I'll go fight the bear and I'll see what happens. And what else do you do at a campfire? It's bullshit! And you know it's bullshit!
Why did you not take him anywhere? You had LOL whatever drink. LOL surprise. You had LOL surprise. And you're making fun of him for having rainbow marshmallows.
He's allowed to have rainbow marshmallows the moment he pays for his own food.
*laughs*
On my dime, he can't sit there eating rainbow marshmallows out.
I forbid it. Fine, I'm gonna enjoy my plain hot chocolate without the marshmallow. You are done. Says the man in the pink suit. Those are fighting words. He might have to burn you with the fire. Says the man who hasn't had sex with a woman in over six months.
I was gonna say six months
It's been eight months now. All right, all the single ladies watching this. Alex is also single.
and I'm putting this in TC
Be careful because he might not even speak to him. He's extremely wealthy. He just plays a broken character on this show. He's got a big
- Heart. - Nice, he's feeling my nose.
- He knows how to treat a woman. - They're safe with him, he can smell danger a mile away. - Bro, you know the same. - He'll never tell a lie.
- If North Korea actually opens the doors to some, I'm a farm worker. - I'm good. - Andy, Andy, how was your day? - Great. - Tell me more about it.
elaborate. I have an idea. What was the best part of your day?
His phone right now? Yeah. My friend Tristan, what was the best part of your day? It was actually all good until one second ago when this dork with a camera walked up and he started asking me fucking questions.
- Why don't you, how was your day?
I don't know who this guy is. I'm done talking to him.
That right there was the best part of my day.
Traditional. You take a bus to eat that at your house. Bro. What a nice restaurant in that is very energy. I'm in Romania so I'm eating traditional Romanian food.
You should try.
It's uh... just speak Romanian. What's a mess, yeah. Wow. Culture is really rubbing off on you, you know? What culture do you mean? It's not culture.
It's two shits. I've had enough. Culture doesn't impress me. I'm a boss, nigga.
I liked collecting wet wood in the dark. That's what made it fun.
That's a real nigger suit fire with wet wood.
Little pussy. I'm sure I got him if I'm.
prior.
*laughs*
Bitch asshole.
I'm gonna build the biggest fire in the world.
I'm gonna beat Elon Musk to space with my fire.
and launch something into space with the power of my fire in my life.
What are they? Don't. They're professional.
The girls can have chocolate, I guess. Can any of you ladies catch?
- Yeah, yeah.
Amen.
That was a good catch. Can any of you ladies catch
Perfect.
- Yesterday night here. I was thinking we keep our chair. - So you stole his chair?
Yeah.
You need to leave therapy immediately. I have anxiety, but I use my anxiety so that I wake up at 6:15 a.m. Instantly enraged, getting to work, so I win. I grabbed the demon of anxiety by his fucking neck and added him to my legion. He works for me! New legal teams, new money, new ways to combat their narratives. Endless reps, anxiety, OCD, fucking depression, everything. That's how I won!
No one wants to stay up until 6am. Don't film now because you didn't film the whole fucking campfire night.
You're tired, you need a little nap time. You need to go to sleep with a little girl. We stayed up to 6:00 a.m. baking campfire bread, like heroes on sticks.
We made huge fires and you missed out and you're never going to be able to get it back and you filmed none of it. And that night is gone forever and you wasted your life with your eyes closed like a fucking baby. So fuck off. Tristan, you're on my team. We both have to sleep. Try and tell the story of something you weren't on. No, I was there.
No you weren't and Alex wasn't there. It's three versus two. We're on the winning team. No you didn't.
We are on the winning team. Do you have photographic evidence that I wasn't there? Yes. There you go. Yes.
"Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence." Market saturation is real. It's a real problem. And I hear it all the time, especially from young men who are 20, 21 years of age. They say, "Tristan, I don't know what I could potentially open." When I was much younger, there was a real business on telephone sales. I conducted an interview with a student inside of the real world just a few weeks ago, and he understands that they are severely lacking in AI automation.
that didn't want a website, that didn't want a Facebook presence. They were left in the past.
Andrew, tell me about your road man plans. Can't be bothered. Can't be bothered to talk to the camera.
I'll give you the camera, what do you want to know? I need some commentary. I woke up this morning and said let's get away from Bailey. I'm tired of that little nerd filming us everywhere we go. We got our cars and drove away.
How did you get here? I flew. You have flu? I chew. Bless you. It's my second cousin. Do you know that?
Did you know that I inherited my wonderful singing abilities from him? Do I stop talking to baby? Yeah, it used to be. No, but do I start again? No. Each day I give everyone a fresh chance. Andrew's almost ruined his. Fuck you. What'd Andrew do? Stayed up by the campfire like a real man. You wouldn't understand. Do you sleep? I didn't sleep.
7 till 11.
Tonight is your last chance to sit by the fire all night.
I'm after this.
I'm going to drive back to Bucharest and play SSP by myself. Do you know why? Because you're a quitter. Like yesterday. In one player mode. I mean we can still go to the priest. Maybe we'll have no way back to the hotel.
Fine by me. You can go with Knight. He's a survivor.
He's not my man. I'm fine. There you go. Alex, you look tired, Alex. It's fine. He's tired. No. He's tired. I'm as fresh as ever. Man, you're doing another Knight like this and you're out. So, Mike, we have to buy you dinner before you'll sleep with us. I'm not talking to him anymore. Hey, Normie's brother. He paid for your food.
I beat you. You just bite the hand that beats you. If he ignores me, I'll be quite happy. Why? There's no like his annoying whiny voice. Hi, my name's Smannis. Who's ordering food? I ordered. I've ordered as well. I ordered a salad. Girls, did you order? There's no girls here.
Sadek's here. Just the one holding the camera.
And the ocean keep from rushing to the shore. It's just impossible.
If I had you, could I ever want for more? It's just impossible.
Should you ask me for the world, somehow I'd get it. I would sell my very soul and not regret it.
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These stones are going to become hotter than the sun. They're going to turn them into a fission reactor, which we use to power a massive billboard saying Tristan failed.
at life. We could do that or we could just cook sausages on them.
How should we use the unlimited power that we've now cracked? We've broken physics. We found unlimited energy.
tell me how we should use it admit you have no answers for my physics questions
You've entered the realm of biblical truth. What does E equals MCS stand for?
Something about the energy in an object is equal to the speed of light times the stone's heat.
Is that what you're trying to say? Close.
Energy equals mass times stone, yes.
Einstein worked it out because I made these stones hotter than the sun. Yeah, but that's not the equation. Hotter than the sun to cook sausages. Change.
And I could use this unlimited energy.
to power endless billboards on every single street corner across the planet from Bangkok to Boston.
Saying you're a fucking dipshit. There's a luxury restaurant right there that we could actually walk to and yet you're roasting whatever this is
We win I see it it's right there you make her I
There's a luxury restaurant right here.
Nigger.
What you do with that is you put jam in it and then you fold it in half. So there's jam in the middle and you put it on the stick and then you cook it.
I put stuff about it.
That's why you have a prayer.
Bye.
You're making toast. I want toast for the sausage. Did you learn that from your cooking shows?
I learned that from Boy Scouts
There's no way you run Boy Scouts.
Were you actually? Andrew and I were in fact in business. What? How did, how have I lived with you for years and not known this?
Because I was actually an Eagle Scout master. You were in the Boy Scouts. I didn't exit the Scout's.
until I came to work for you guys when I was 24. - It all makes sense. I could see you being a scout. - Of course. - So let's add a little bit of context to the video. You were up until 6:00 AM this morning. - No, no, no, no, no. We are not telling the story of the endless campfire night 'cause you didn't film it.
You didn't film the sun come up. You didn't film the beautiful stars all night long. You didn't film our stories around the campfire. You didn't film Christy being a legend, finding flower at 3:00 AM. You didn't film the growls from the forest.
You didn't film the trout jumping in the water. You didn't film any of it. You missed the whole fucking night because you needed to sleep. A little baby. A little sleepyhead.
But we stayed up all night next to the campfire until it was light like this.
And then we left. We made such an epic fire
that when I came down again today, this fire was still burning.
I didn't even have to use a lighter.
It was still burning. So of course I don't put out fires, 'cause I don't portray things that keep me warm.
So I'm not gonna put out a fire 'cause I'm done with it, 'cause that's betrayal, so I just let it burn. If the forest has to burn, so be it, don't give a fuck.
So I came back down and my fire was still burning. You missed the all night campfire, and because you didn't film it, because you're a fucking baby who needs
and milk bottles like a homo.
You now want me to tell you the story and recap it all,
to make up for your fucking failure, your permanent
failure which will be etched into the stones of time.
You will never be there failing.
You cannot time travel. You will never be where the action was. You will never have it on camera.
You failed forever.
So I don't want to talk about it.
It just reminds me of what a fucking useless
dipshit
You are.
Are you doing it again tonight?
Why does it matter to you? You'll go to bed anyway. I will, but I'm just wondering. Are you going to do it again? If we stayed up again all night tonight, you'd go to sleep?
I'm going to bed now. You're a fucking baby. Goodnight, Bailey. That doesn't surprise me. That's a really unsurprising answer. I'm just checking in on everyone. How are you doing?
How are you doing? I'm doing great. Nige, how are you doing? How many sets did you get for? I've been working on your photos. Did you finish all your sets, Feli?
It's bullshit, and you know it's bullshit. You're just talking absolute bullshit at each other. What else do you do by campfires? I thought you were American. I came down here thinking I'm missing something, but you're just talking shit. All of you. I thought you were American. What else do you do at a campfire? I don't go to campfires. You've never been by a campfire?
It's not my cup of tea.
As you Brits say. So what do you do by campfires besides talk shit? Dristen's got the right idea. I'm trying to take the bear out if everyone remembers me as a hero.
And I'm happy to do that. Do I think I'll win? No. But if someone's gonna fight the bear, I'm the one with the knife. I'm the biggest.
I'll go fight the bear and I'll see what happens.
I've either got the coolest story in the world, or I die a hero. He slipped in the shower.
It's gay.
Ganger.
Nice. Are you men in these villages, Alex? Find any good men on Grindr in the villages? That boat man's on Grindr?
Shoot the French.
They're going to commandeer their boats.
Let's kill the man. We actually had another friend in the group named Stevie.
But I killed him and I hypnotized all of you to wipe his memory from you.
But if you think very carefully,
You watch the old episodes of which I've edited him out of.
You'll be able to see a character in the background. His name was Stevie.
He's trained with us.
I used to cook with Christie
to box with Nigel, to watch gay porn with some Alex.
Remember, Stevie was the fucking man. So why are you kidding? Well, the thing is,
He caught me in bed.
Malik's
- Thanks.
and I knew the secret would destroy
the friendship
So I had no choice but to eliminate them.
I remember.
You use these sticks, these small sticks from Men in Black.
Laughing the memories.
Yeah.
Kill all its nets.
I came down here to capture content. I'm just capturing and documenting the delirium of my friends.
That's all this is.
You all get progressive look night Nigel knows you get progressively more tired and just talk. I'm quiet. I'm cool.
I'm leaving. Bye.
Fire was nice. I'm out. Bye. Yeah. Good night. Bye.
Long time no see friend. All right. Let's see what I pull all day and think of the most horrible names I can think of to call you You're gonna take off a natural for everybody. All right, let's drop. Andrew doesn't want to talk. Oh, you're not in the mood. Just give me a quick handshake.