Transcript
Thank you.
you
.
And we are live, I think. I'm going to wait 30 seconds for my screen to catch up. And I'm going to start writing down some of your questions that you've been asking me.
in the chat.
Because...
I haven't done one of these in a very long time.
So there's lots of questions that people are asking me about recent events that they'd like me to chime in on.
So I'm going to wait a few seconds.
Like my cigar. Not going to talk about my cigar today.
People don't actually come here for the cigar reviews, do they? They come to listen to me talk. And I have a very important subject to talk about today. And yes, I know, with everything going on,
The very important topic which is going to blow your mind is the topic
of the British television show MasterChef. I need to speak about MasterChef for about five minutes. Give it a good long
Rum.
Because what's going on
with the hosts of MasterChef
is very telling.
and very destructive to our society.
And I wish to address that.
*slap*
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
No name brand today.
No label.
No fancy plug.
You know, I plug all these cigars and just talk about how good these various cigars are as I smoke them.
These niggas should be paying me.
They really should be paying me something.
But they're not.
So it's fine. I'm going to keep it simple from now on.
Thank you.
So what I'm going to do first of all, while you're thinking of what to ask me about and what to talk to me about.
I'm going to run through some questions I got on X.
and give you some very brief answers so you know where I stand on them.
Thank you.
Because it's tricky.
Living my life.
No matter what happens, whether it be some drama on one of the streaming platforms or a major political incident,
Everyone spams me.
Tristan, what do you think about this? Tristan, what do you think about this?
And I feel like this is the best way to address all the questions because as and when I address these things, the clips end up being reposted and shared everywhere and everybody knows where I stand.
But...
I don't understand what it is about Andrew and I.
that people
care so much when we weigh in on situations that aren't necessarily to do with us or aren't necessarily to do with our areas of expertise.
And I think it's interesting because a lot of people in the world
And I'd advise you against this.
they outsource their opinions to other people.
They...
like Andrew and myself, you like Andrew and myself, I assume you do because you're watching my podcast. And what you do is when you have
Something come up that makes you think you want to know what I think first. I would advise you against that I would form my own opinions first and
I would look at the situation as objectively as I can and try to come to conclusions within my own mind, and then and only then...
Would I challenge my own opinions?
by listening to people I respect and people I admire talk about the exact same situations. So,
First and foremost, I want to...
Not apologize, I never apologize.
I want to clarify something I put on X the other day because I've had lots of questions about this. And one of them actually came from a 45 year old mother living in the United Kingdom.
saying are you sure this is a good thing
to post
You know, my sons watch you.
And it was a simple post, I said, something along the lines of,
I have...
a bad credit rating. I've got a bad credit. I burned it when I was younger. I'm a real nigger. Fuck the system.
so
That was not, I'll clarify, financial advice.
I have used and needed my credit rating at some points in my life to get mobile phone contracts, which I obviously didn't pay, hence my...
credit being burned. But no, it wasn't financial advice.
What I was trying to get across, young men, if you think you're gonna ruin your credit rating and send me a screenshot to try to impress me, don't do that.
What I was trying to get across
is that
I've moved so far past the need for a credit rating now.
that I find it kind of funny and just have it as a badge of honor. If I ever run a credit checker myself, I wouldn't be able to borrow 50 bucks from any bank in the world. I wouldn't be able to get a cell phone contract.
i would not be able to borrow buy a car on finance payments
That would all be impossible. And it's only because...
i've moved so far beyond it i can just buy things outright and i have
I have...
Cash, I guess if you want to call it cash, whatever form it is. I'm not going to specify too hard on this podcast Because I have cash I go buy whatever I like. I
So yeah, that isn't financial advice. And I don't expect fans of mine to burn your credit ratings and be like, yeah, fuck the system.
You may need that.
in the future. You know, I'm glad this mother sent me this message because the problem is,
A lot of people...
will read jokes, which that was, that was a joke.
and take it as some sort of...
Gospel.
And you should avoid doing that with absolutely everybody, because everybody's life circumstances are very different.
And if I make a joke, that does not mean that you have to emulate me in everything I do, including having bad credit. Plus, I'm black, so... the thing is...
I don't want to lose my black card.
And I already dress too white. I speak too white.
I hang around with
Nigel,
who is the arbiter of black cards, he's older than me, I respect him a lot, he's blacker than me, and he could take my black card away at any moment,
So, I don't want a good credit rating because it might wipe me up a bit too much. Not Marcel.
Chat, don't say Marcel. I'm not sure Marcel even has his own black card himself.
Just saying. I mean, he's a black man, right?
But he doesn't eat chicken wings or chicken legs.
or chicken thighs. He will only eat chicken breasts.
Now, I like to call him La-di-da Marcel.
Because he picks the tomatoes out of his burgers and goes "Oh no, wait, I only eat chicken breast, I don't want any chicken legs and wings and thighs."
What kind of black man does that? I'm not even sure Marcel has a black card. Don't type Marcel in the chat.
I'm not sure he holds his own black card and he's younger than me.
He's my little mix race brother. He's mix race at best.
Hot chocolate, he drinks hot chocolate.
So no he's not in control of who gets the black card Nigel has the vote so I like my brat bad credit rating cuz along with my jail sentence I
You know, the baby mamas...
I am quite black.
So I don't need good credit fucking this game up for me.
Which leads me to another question I got.
I'm going to try and make them all roll into each other today.
Someone asked me the very stupid question of...
Where is it?
Do I like being black or do I wish I were white?
Now,
For all intents and purposes,
I am white. I mean...
objectively
I can look at myself and say I am white. I know to the hardcore racists out there, I'm not white enough. I'm always a nigger because whatever. It is what it is.
But I don't really like answering hypothetical questions.
no matter what they're about.
Thank you.
you
And I also wouldn't change anything about myself.
I would not change my genetics in any way, I would not change my skin tone in any way, and I certainly wouldn't change the fact that I have African-American genes.
ancestry and heritage in any way.
The reason I would not do that is because I feel like it's given me a very unique perspective. I feel like
I can sympathize for the struggles of the white man in modern times without being called a Nazi. And I can condemn racism.
niggerism
Wherever I see it.
without being called a racist. So it's quite a good position to be in. And I feel like a lot of people are too stupid. A lot of racists certainly are too stupid.
to understand not to bite the hand that feeds them.
I'll give you an example. Our friend Nick Fuentes.
is a white Christian nationalist who doesn't like brown people and Muslims. It makes that pretty clear.
But nobody has spoken up more for Palestine and against the actions of Israel
Then Nick Fuentes, isn't that weird? White nationalist Christian standing up for a bunch of brown Muslim people.
You see, when he does that, I feel like the people...
are smart enough
To be like, okay, well this voice, even though we don't agree with everything he says, is clearly in support of us.
So it's good.
that he's acknowledging what is happening in that part of the world.
It doesn't work that way with white issues.
Because the hardcore racists, when I say...
You guys are not having enough kids.
The system is rigged against you.
and I name all the problems that the white man is facing, your countries are being taken over,
your home countries are being replaced with other ethnicities.
Fuck you, nigger. You don't speak for us.
You know what?
Fine.
Maybe one day I will stop speaking for you, but you have no prominent voices, no prominent white voices in Europe.
Speaking out the way I do.
So biting the hand that feeds you is very fucking stupid. Yeah, I am definitely happy to be mixed race and I'm happy that I can see things.
from the different perspectives that I have been given in life. I have black family, white family,
Um,
Yeah, I'm pretty happy with
The way that I am and I wouldn't change it for the world.
The BBC released a new series. Did you see it? Oh, no, the BBC released a new series.
In fact, let's get the picture up here. Can you put a picture up here for me?
Yeah, come on.
A series on the Battle of Hastings.
You know where this is going.
Thank you.
And for once, I'm not mad at the BBC.
I'm mad.
At the actor.
Can you please load this picture up?
I want to attack this man and publicly shame him.
for his actions, for insulting
the heritage,
of the UK.
I sent it on WhatsApp.
Is that fine?
So,
Let me give you a brief rundown.
of British history.
And...
whether or not blacks participated.
British history American history there been I mean since the foundation of what we call America Native Americans weren't Americans Native Americans were something else America was made by the Europeans who went there but black people have played some part in the entire story because from the very beginning They were bought over there as slaves. They weren't rulers They weren't legislators, but they did play some part in the foundation of the United States that can all be agreed by by everybody but
The UK and most European nations don't have
a history which includes a bunch of people of different colors and different ethnicities and different races and I was very upset that
as a man who knows British history very well, to see an actor playing in a recreation of the Battle of Hastings. Now, I don't know which team he's supposed to be on.
He's either on Harold Godwinson's army,
or William the Bastard's army.
Not William the Conqueror. He was William the Bastard until he won this battle. Then he was William the Conqueror. And this man is as black as Nigel's uncle's feet.
Thank you.
And I'm very upset by this.
I'm very upset. Everyone knows how sensitive I am about black people playing Vikings, black people playing James Bond.
But
to put someone in the Battle of Hastings as black as this guy,
is
A hate crime.
That's what it is. It is a hate crime against native British people.
And that's coming from a half black man. There is no excuse to have this African. Whose uncle is this? Can someone come and get your uncle and tell him to stop taking extra work from the BBC?
Please.
For the love of God, this is the guy. So...
I know if you don't understand history very well, you might think, "Oh, maybe there were some black people."
I'm gonna explain why there was none. Just- I'm gonna run off the top of my head.
Because I know British history inside out.
from the inception of the country.
Bye.
all the way to modern times.
Thank you.
By inception of the country, I mean Alfred the Great.
But, here's why there were no black people. People say stupid things about, "Well, the Romans were in England. Some of them were black." Yeah, maybe.
Maybe, okay, great, right? Now, when Paulinus was outnumbered at the Battle of Watling Street, he had 10,000 Romans left in the country. 10,000 Romans on the British Isles, which had a population in the millions at the time. And there were 10,000 Romans and they fought against the Iceni tribe in the Battle of Watling Street, one of the most famous battles in British history, and they won. And the Roman occupation then continued from there for another 200 and something years. Fine. Is there a possibility...
Is there?
that some of the Roman soldiers were black men? The answer is,
you'll be surprised to hear, is yes, at the time that Rome invaded Britain, the Romans had...
territories in New Mibia, modern-day Ethiopia, and soldiers were drawn from all across the empire, and anyone could get sent to Britain. There is a possibility
that a black man
for the Battle of Watling Street.
Could have happened.
We don't know for sure that happened, but it could have happened. There could have been Arabic-looking people, black-looking people fighting in the Roman legions at the time
of the Iceni uprising. Now, that was about 800 years before this battle was supposed to have taken place, the Battle of Hastings. That was 1066. 800 years. Let me explain something to you about genetics. Let's say all 10,000
of Paulinus's legion were black. They were all black. Right. I'm going to, for the sake of argument, every single person who fought at the Battle of Watling Street, every Roman soldier was black. And they all stayed. And they all mated with the natives. Right. My grandfather is as black as this African brother playing in this play.
I am two generations down from a man that black. And this is what I look like. The average generation is 25 years. You're telling me...
well, the Romans left in about 420 AD. You're telling me over...
Over 600 years later, there are people this black in England. No, the first black man ever to live in London, actually, was...
was 1593. His name was Cornelius and he was probably as black as this guy and he was a fucking celebrity!
Because he was the only black guy. Hey, I am Cornelius.
It's good to be in London. I don't know what he was doing there, but there was a black guy in London. There were no black people in 1066. Zero. England didn't have an empire. That didn't start to the reign of Elizabeth I. They had never been to Africa. They had never discovered the Americas. The slave trade hadn't began. There were zero black people. It was an island in Europe, isolated from the rest of the world, besides some minor outside trade. There is no way,
That even if a black man found himself somehow in 1066 in the UK, that Harold Godwinson was conscripting him into the army of Huskarls to face off against the Norman invasion. That did not happen. And this actor is at fault. Listen, fool me once, shame on me. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
That looks more like my guy Yusuf here than Isaac Newton actually looked. The BBC have been doing this for a very long time. So this is my message to black and brown actors out there.
Stop!
playing their fucking games.
The BBC should have said, "Hello!"
Ojigwe, we have a part for you. Would you like to play a Huskar on the army of Harold Goodwinson?
And he should have said, "Eh, you know what? I just live in England. It is a good place. It is a good home for me. I do no wish to insult the people of Britain by pretending that the soldiers in 1066 look like me."
They didn't know and Ojigwe should have turned down the part. The BBC are chicanerous. They're up to no good and they're butchering history. It is now down to you.
black actors to turn this shit down.
Who's that bitch who played...
Who played...
Henry VIII's wife, Anne Boleyn.
She also played in the Bond movie. She's like a famous Nigerian actress. They should have said, "Hey, you want to be Anne Boleyn?" She said, "No, I do not wish to be Anne Boleyn." She doesn't sound like that. She does for the sake of this. "I do not wish to play Anne Boleyn. We have paintings of her." She was what? Her daughter was a ginger. Elisabeth I was a ginger.
You ever seen a black woman give birth to a ginger woman?
And she should have said no, and then none of this would be happening. But it now keeps happening, and it's being allowed to happen and permitted by the black actors who are agreeing to this bullshit. It is not forward thinking. It is not cool. It is not inclusive. I tell you what, I'm going to use my own money, and I'm going to finance a documentary about Shaka Zulu. Shaka Zulu, I'm casting Daniel Craig.
I am ShakaZulu.
Let's do it.
Fucking ridiculous. RIDICULOUS! And I'm offended! And furious! No.
Harold Goldwinson did not have black soldiers. It is impossible. Even if all the Romans 600 years before that were all black, they would have been washed out and diluted by the native British population.
Bye then.
Absolutely disgraceful.
Which brings me to today's
Most pressing topic.
And of course I'm talking about a topic no one cares about, the drama going down.
Between the hosts of MasterChef UK.
Now, no one cares. I think actually I'm the only person online who cares about this issue. But seeing as a few thousand of you are watching me right now and millions are going to see this video, I'm going to break down exactly what happens.
What happened to the hosts of MasterChef and why Greg Wallace deserves your support?
What do I care about Greg Wallace for? Because this is an issue that affects and attacks all men.
What is that quote? Can you get it out for me? First they came for the whatever, I was not a whatever, and then the whatever. You know which one?
And then when they came for me, there was no one left to come to stand up. What was it? I didn't stand up because I was not a thingy. Find that quote.
here's the problem with the modern-day UK there is a man please look them up who hosted MasterChef UK for many years now MasterChef
believe it or not, was Andrew Tate's favorite TV show. Andrew Tate grew up watching MasterChef all the fucking time. And I, by extension, also watched MasterChef. There were two hosts, Greg Wallace and John Turode. Now, I don't know who Greg Wallace upset.
over at the bbc the batty boy club the pedophile run insane asylum where they touch and molest children and get away with it i don't know who greg wallace upset but greg wallace yeah send that to oh my whatsapp but greg wallace was mass cancelled mass harassed by the media called a sexual pervert called a dangerous person to work with
No criminal charges were launched against this man. No civil charges were launched against this man. He had obviously pissed somebody off and they ran his name through the media. Now, I'm going to break down, before we get into this, exactly what it is allegedly that Greg Wallace did.
Greg Wallace allegedly used to work with a girl on the Masterchef set and a few women reported him, he's a typical old English broke, for saying things like "oh you alright love, you got nice tits, you got nice legs" like everyone in England used to do all the time up until the world got so fucking woke around 2010. So of course he did that, but he didn't touch anyone, he didn't do any crime. Now allegedly,
He was on a date.
Thank you.
a date the girl agreed to go on a date with him with a girl who had once interned or worked at the bbc or whatever it was and on his date they were sitting at a restaurant eating i guess master chef he probably took her to a very nice restaurant having drinks and he said something obscene to her he said something along the lines of you know i'd really like it if he sucked my dick and licked my
Right.
Thank you.
Hear me out.
Thank you.
I'm not into that gay shit. That's not my vibe.
But what Greg Wallace did on that date,
was not a crime. He made an honest pop, an honest attempt at picking up this chick. Does he need to work on his game? Absolutely. And I'm not saying he doesn't. What I'm saying is, if two consenting people are on a date, I've been on dates where I've said to women, you know, we should go, we should get in my car and you should suck my dick, or we should go home, you should suck my dick. And they say, yes, okay. And then they come and suck my dick.
a pickup attempt. That is not called sexual harassment dangerous to work with. Don't go on dates with men if you don't want them to try to escalate it to something sexual. So Greg Wallace,
Bit of a weird request. Not my cup of tea.
Needs to work on his game, but for all intents and purposes did nothing wrong. Greg Wallace did nothing wrong. He was fired and slandered in the media, called a dangerous person. He probably found his BBC boss's child porn collection and threatened to go to the police. He probably upset someone powerful, but all in all, he didn't do anything wrong or anything criminal. So anyway.
His co-host, his boy
Because like Andrew and Tristan Tate made their fame together, Greg Wallace's right-hand man on the show MasterChef was John Turode. And John Turode is a snake and a loser. And John Turode cannot be trusted. Because what happened throughout Greg Wallace being slandered in this way, I was following them both and watching the media very closely.
John Turowd
said nothing.
That's your boy. The way Myron Gaines sticks up for Fresh, the way I stick up for Andrew, John Turow didn't say a single fucking word.
in support of greg wallace not one word because he was afraid of the cancel mob
And karma came around a year and a half later and got John to wrote. Did you know Andrew? I
Did you know Andrew? I'm used to doing podcasts with Andrew.
Did you know...
People watching at home.
That John Turowde at university was once filmed singing a karaoke song with the N-word in it. And he sang the word that was in the song.
Beep boop, he got cancelled. Everyone started coming for John Turowd. And I'm like, you know what? It reminds me of that famous quote.
First they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist. Then they came for the socialists. I did not speak out because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists. I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak up for me. Yeah, it's a very famous quote.
First they came for the men who asked to get their dicks sucked on dates.
John Turo did not stand up because he does not ask women to suck his dick when he goes on dates.
You know, you see where I'm going here?
Then...
They came for the men who mimed the N-word in karaoke when they were in university.
Thank you.
There was no one left to stand up. Let this be a lesson, John Turode. When you see culture eroding and weapons being used, the law weaponized in the media to destroy the lives and reputations of men.
Speak up because you are a coward, sir. You are a coward and Greg Wallace deserves a better friend.
Greg Wallace is the bald guy.
The guy with the hair is John Tirod. I am making an offer right now.
to the BBC and to Greg Wallace. I will leave Andrew and this whole empire I have built, and I will come and be the host of a new series of MasterChef alongside Greg Wallace anytime you like. The offer is there, on the table. Can't cook, know nothing about food, but I'll sure as hell make it entertaining. I want to be the new host of MasterChef. And this rant isn't about
It's all about Greg Wallace.
It's about integrity. It's about having your boys back. It's about not trusting the media when they slander people for no reason.
What I would like all of my friends and fans to do. I'm gonna repost this video.
with a link to Greg Wallace's ex page. Because Greg Wallace is now making internet content.
"Hey, I'm Greg Wallace, I'm making banana chocolate pudding today. Here's how you make it." And...
He needs to do some work. If you need a consultant on how to go viral online, Greg,
Holler at your boy!
But I'm going to encourage everyone to follow you on Instagram, to follow you on X.
And hope you take your career to heights that far surpass the infantile beginnings of MasterChef, standing alongside that snake.
John Turode.
Now I know that's what you all came here for today. You wanted to hear my opinions on MasterChef. Can you turn the air conditioning back on? I'm melting here.
Thank you.
But isn't it kind of cool that John Turowd got cancelled for saying the N-word? I might file a police claim against him for racial hatred.
You see, that's why I like being black. John Theroux discriminated against me. He's a racist. BBC, please fire him.
Snake.
What do you mean you're not following that clown? Kick this guy out of my chat.
You will follow Greg Wallace.
I'm kicking you out.
Thank you.
Mute user.
You've been muted from my stream, sir, for calling Greg Wallace a clown.
You have been muted.
indefinitely.
That's what you get.
*slice*
*sneeze*
Thank you.
Hey, Tristan.
What do you think about that little Scottish girl who is brandishing a machete and an axe?
in her small town in England.
Now,
This is a very tricky and touchy subject for me, Tristan Tate, because if I say, "I
Yeah, let your daughters carry around knives because there are rapists everywhere. The British government and the newspapers are going to say, Tristan Tate encourages people to carry knives, which I don't. I never encourage anybody to break the law.
Thank you.
to carry axes and knives around to protect themselves. This is a very and extremely sad state of affairs. I could go around the entire country of Romania and search the pockets of every 14 year old girl and I would find zero knives, zero axes. There's no need for that here yet.
yet. But there's currently no need for that here. It is an incredibly sad state of affairs where
Men?
English men, if they were to patrol around parks and make sure that nothing bad goes on there, would be arrested by the police and thrown in jail as racists. It's a very sad state of affairs when any of your local hotels that have been cornerstones of your local community for many years can at any point be taken over and filled with mystery men.
From God knows where.
around your daughters your wives your kids it is scary and heartbreaking that that 14 year old girl before leaving her house that day because knife crime statistics show girls aren't doing knife crime girls are not taking knives going out challenging their rivals stabbing each other that is young men
Predominantly in the UK now, young black men, and black men get your shit together. Seriously, it is you.
But little white girls...
aren't doing it. The reason she decided to arm herself to the teeth before leaving her house is because at 14 years of age, she is being harassed and propositioned by men from God knows where.
And it is...
Heartbreaking as a father who does have a little girl.
To even think that this thought crossed her mind before leaving her house, to go outside and play, as she should be safe to do, it is heartbreaking. And the fact that our politicians do nothing but talk and arrest those who highlight the problem...
adds further sadness to an already sad situation.
If you are a father...
in a low-income area of England, and I've lived in a low-income area of England, and you are in an area where rape gangs have operated before, where groomers are around, where people on the internet are trying to lure your children into sexual compromise.
what I would advise you to do is look at what is legal in your city and do arm your girls. I don't know what the laws are in England nowadays. I really don't know. Pepper spray, batons, tasers, there's little safety pens that you can stab people with. I don't know what's legal in England because it's been a very long time since I've been in a situation where I've had to consider self-defense in the UK. But do not break the law.
Because they will put you in jail. If you send your daughter out with something that's illegal, let's say tasers are illegal, to defend herself, you as the father will end up doing five years in jail.
Oh, he's racist. He sent his daughter out to tase ethnic...
People who stay in migrant hotels.
If they're close enough to her to get tased, they are in the wrong, sir. Either way...
Do whatever is legal and take care of your kids because it's a really scary situation.
Hi, Tristan.
Did you really have sex with a female prison guard when you were in Romanian prison?
*ahem*
An investigation was conducted by the Internal Police Force of Romania investigating police misconduct.
That report came to the conclusion that they had no proof or evidence to punish the officer that I had an inappropriate sexual relationship with her.
You know?
because
All my haters out there.
you know who hate on me for this accusation the romanian police are great aren't they
All my haters out there, the Romanian police are great, they're just doing their jobs, it's justice. You can lock people up for three years in their house and put them in prison, and then there's no trial and just fuck with people's lives. It's all good, it's part of the process. If you love the Romanian police so much...
Then the Romanian police came to the conclusion that they couldn't prove I had sex with her.
So,
That's your answer.
Why would I?
a man.
A tall handsome man.
in prison with no women around.
Try to have sex with one of the female attractive... Oh.
Yeah, no, that actually makes sense.
Anyway, there's no proof. No proof!
Leave me alone.
No comment.
None of your business.
you
Could I have gotten trouble for it? No. If I did have sex with her,
She could have lost her job.
It wasn't actually a criminal offense by me in any way.
It happened.
Which I'm not saying it did.
Hi Tristan!
Questions about history always get me.
I always answer them. If you could change one thing about history, what would it be?
Ah ha ha
What answers are you expecting from me, my friends, that the great city of Constantinople didn't fall to Mehmed II?
in 1458.
What answers are you expecting? The answer, surprisingly, is nothing. I would change nothing
At all.
But I would change one aspect of it. I wish
All history.
had been
recorded
accurately.
Now,
This is going to give me a lot of trouble if I start going down this rabbit hole. But I'm ready for trouble. I'm built different.
That leads me on to my next question. The funny thing is, is history is never really written.
Retrospectively, people don't sit around and be like, you know what? I'm going to figure out what happened 200 years ago and write history.
What happens is news is written. Current affairs are written.
Orders are given.
Papers are filed, tablets are carved.
Monuments are built.
and we make sense of them many years later. But the people who win write their own version.
The people involved in the struggles write their own version. There are so many versions of everything. I wish...
an alien with time travel invisibility powers could come to Earth and completely
non-objectively
Record all of Earth's history.
in a massive series of books that I could read
which was just true.
Because I wish all history was true.
Thank you.
Because knowing it doesn't mean much if it's not true. And I know it.
So it's very sad sometimes.
When I was a man in my early 30s,
And
There were certain historical events.
And I looked at them and I thought,
Why did they tell me this?
Why did I believe it so much and I was taught it in schools?
I thought I could trust my teachers and, you know, documentaries.
Why is this?
Clearly not true. And I was sad.
I was really sad. I was like, well, why did I learn any of this? And now we're in this horrible situation, stuck in the middle.
where you don't know what was true and what wasn't, and there are differing opinions on either side, you know what would fix...
almost every political problem in the world,
if history was true.
If history was all true and everyone knew it,
You could say, okay,
Communism is bad?
Fascism is bad or good. This is bad or good. This is right or wrong. This is what happens when this kind of leader takes over this kind of country. And if it was all true,
People today could come to some kind of consensus and be like, you know what? Okay, we know history.
So let's make smart political decisions. But the problem is
History.
as taught in documentaries and modern books, is very much written by The Matrix.
They write what they want you to believe to be true about certain people being good or bad or evil or wicked and us always being the good guys for some reason.
You know?
i'm american how many how many movies have i watched about how our poor soldiers suffered in vietnam
What the fuck were we doing in Vietnam?
You know how fucking far Vietnam is from the United States? What were we doing there? We obviously weren't the good guys. Vietnamese people were trying to do fucking Chinese shit. And we turned up and dropped fucking napalm on their kids. And then we make movies about how sad our soldiers got.
What? So it's very heartbreaking when you realize that the country you love hasn't necessarily always been the good guy.
You know, and it's happening today.
When Hillary Clinton was bragging about, yeah, we killed Gaddafi. Yeah, he died.
Gaddafi wasn't a bad guy.
What the fuck are we doing?
Have you ever read the Wikipedia articles on COVID?
If you read the Wikipedia articles on COVID, you would think the people who went through that lived through the fucking Black Death 3.0.
Read it.
Go to Wikipedia. Read what happened during COVID.
Mass deaths!
Fucking graveyards filling up, incinerating bodies in mass numbers. Everyone was getting sick. Everyone, no one could leave their houses. Airborne virus killing millions.
I was like, you niggers are lying!
And that's going to be history.
In a hundred years time, people will be like,
Man!
How the fuck did those guys around in 2021 live through that fucking plague?
I was drinking vodka in Swedish nightclubs, fucking bitches. That's how.
They lie!
So I wouldn't change anything about history. I would change how it's recorded and I would make all of it real.
I don't care what I like and what I don't like. If I had to read a book that said Napoleon was actually stupid, if I had to read a history book that said the people I like weren't actually good,
I'd be like, okay, fine, at least it's true.
I would like history to be true.
Hey Tristan, you are a free speech absolutist. What do you think about the one year punishment for burning the American flag? So this is funny, actually.
I
like Uno reverse cards, you know? I'm an Uno guy. And the reverse card will always be funny to me.
Am I a free speech absolutist?
Yes. If I were in charge of a country, would it be legal to burn my country's flag in my country if I was in charge of the laws?
Yes.
It would be.
However...
I have had to watch for fucking 15 years as good family men in America who love their kids and love their country go to fucking prison for hate crimes, for leaving skid marks on rainbow sidewalks, for burning the pride flag, and they're all going to fucking jail for hate crimes, and no one seems to stand up for them besides me and about 10 other people on Twitter.
And I've had to watch this
For years.
And it's made me extremely sad.
So...
Yes, I'm a free speech absolutist, but also Trump doing an Una reverse. Ha ha.
Do it to the American flag or you're going to jail.
is very funny.
It's very funny. And I am not the president of the United States. Trump is. And I like Trump. And I support Trump. And I think it's funny. Ha ha ha.
Don't burn the flag.
Or you'll go to jail. Ha ha.
That's my answer.
I'm going to end this conversation.
by ignoring many of your stupid questions.
One sec, let me read this.
You all ask the same questions.
This is a stupid question. You asked me this on Twitter as well, and you're here in the super chats.
What can we take away from the Great Gatsby?
Is that a serious question? Now, I know you know I'm a nerd who's read all the classics, so I know you know I've read this book.
And I think the lesson to take away from The Great Gatsby, because it's actually a really well-written book,
is don't be
a sniveling ass, punk ass, crybaby, pussy ass,
Bitch.
That's the lesson.
If you are in life, especially if you're good at everything else, you made billions of dollars, you got a castle, you're rich, you're popular, everyone wants to know your name, and you want to fuck some bit of dried up old pussy...
that you knew when you were a teenager,
Go over to her and say, "Hey, bitch!"
Look at my castle. I'm the great Gatsby. If my name was the great Tristan.
I'd introduce myself as that all the time. Come over here.
And fucking chow down on these nuts.
You know?
Thank you.
What you don't do is throw epic parties all the time across the lake from her house.
hoping one day she turns up and sees, "Ah, that guy I knew 20 years ago knows how to throw a party. Maybe I'll leave my husband."
She's across the lake.
her bedroom getting her pussy and or butthole plowed by some dude who's not you and you are spending millions on Parties in your house. Well, maybe she'll come by this week. You sir are gay. I
You are gay.
That is the takeaway from the great Gatsby. Do not be a sniveling ass, punk ass, crybaby, pussy ass, little bitch. If you want something in life, do a Greg Wallace, you know?
"Hey, I think you're very attractive. You wanna come and suck this dick?" The worst he can say is no! And then you get slandered by the Daily Mail!
But what Greg Wallace did is a thousand times more admirable than what the fucking great Gatsby did this woman aged? 15 years right in front of his face across the lake from himself and he's throwing fucking parties. Oh
Oh, but she turns up. The great Gatsby.
is gay!
Be like Greg.
The Great Greigsby. It's a new technique of just telling women what you want. You're very attractive. Would you like to sleep with me?
She might say no. She might say yes. It's not a fucking crime.
At some point, your dad tried to get your mom to sleep with him, and she did.
It's it's human nature your grandfather one day saw your young grandmother mother walking with her fucking long ass legs Up and down fucking pennsylvania avenue wherever the fuck your family's from i thought I want to fuck that bitch And he may have married her he may have not he may have bought her cat Flowers and candy may have taken her for riding his car, but he was trying to fuck. He was greg wallace in the situation
And that's why we all exist.
So people need to fucking get over this shit. In England, you now have female cops running around.
who are mid, by the way, at best, waiting for builders to... Hey, you all right, love? You look good.
So they can arrest them.
You know what's funny about England and English culture?
I guarantee...
Thousands upon thousands of relationships, families, children, before the year 2000, probably before the internet, were started by a woman walking down the street.
And some guy go, yeah, you're right, love.
Hey, you got a real nice arse.
"Hey, hey, hey, you're so cheeky." "Oh, no, why don't you give me your mobile number? I'll text you later." And then they got into a relationship.
Families are created that way.
I know it's not convenient when a guy's ugly who comes to try to talk to you, but let me tell you ladies a secret.
Oh, it's harassment. It's harassment. I'm so attractive. Fucking guys who I don't want to have sex with talk to me all the time. One, get over it. Two, I'm a fucking six foot four famous billionaire. You think I don't have ugly ass bitches trying to get with me?
The guy sitting to my left can fucking confirm. I have women who follow me.
around the city.
When I go into restaurants and they find out I'm there, they show up and sit there and look at me.
I get it.
But you know what? Maybe...
One of these days in a hypothetical universe, if someone attractive enough came and did that, I think, ah, she's into me. You know what? I'm going to fuck her.
And then she gets what she wants.
It's called having an honest pop. So we should all take some lessons from Greg Wallace today.
And move forward with our lives.
Appreciating.
That you don't get what you don't ask for.
And I think I'm going to leave it
Atta.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Thank you for joining me.
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