Transcript
- Gamers that you know nothing about cameras. - Old school take confidential. - Fuck, how can people leave? - Fuck off, take the camera. Take confidential. - Whack me, whack me. - Whoooo!
- Let me see some. Okay, okay. - I've done a lot of this city now, and I think you're both on an adventure. Maybe we need to see some nature, see some animals. - I'm always that friend. - Will there be soju there? Do you like cows? - Cows? I'm fine with cows. I have no beef with cows.
a cow that exists in China but you can't find anywhere else. It's called the "Math". Have you heard of it? The "Math"? Have you ever heard of it? No. It's a cow. They call it "Math". It's supposed to be good luck. Oh it brings you money doesn't it? Yeah these cows are supposed to bring you money. You in? It's a couple hours away. You can get some money. Where is it? What do you like? You just see the cow and you just go there and then you have the chance when the cows are there to increase your money.
You put some money down and the cow makes decisions and then you get to increase it. It's a Chinese tradition of putting a curse on Ben Shapiro. It's complicated. I don't expect you to understand your uncultured. Is it gold or what's the cow? It's a cow. It's a cow that only exists in China. It's called the Mac. You've never heard of the Mac. You've never heard of Mac. You've never heard of Mac cows. I've never heard of the Mac. I've never heard of the Mac. I've never heard of the Mac. I've never heard of these. We're going to take you to the Mac house.
*Tonk*
*
- Oh my God.
Guys, I have no idea where we are. Is this the room? Ah, Andrew's cousin. We finally found you. It wasn't just Thunderdome. This is the Hunterdome. This is the Thunderdome. And what's up behind you?
This is stupid. You're a stupid cow, yeah? Did you see the cow? I haven't seen any cow. There's a man. There's no cow. I was named the cow.
Macau. Thank you, city council. Ready to see the Macau? So the snow cow is a city called Macau, famous for gambling. What sounds a cow say? Who? Cha -ching! Wrong!
Whoa!
How much money is that? These are Hong Kong dollars, so the answer is I don't know. What's the Chinese song? Who's called the Chinese song?
Chinese phone. Yeah. Chinese, let's answer the truth. Chinese phone. Win, win. Go dollars, go Hong Kong dollars. Go fucking Singaporean dollars. Go Singaporean dollars. Where do you get this money?
It's just so stupid. It's just what I do. It's just what I do.
get an ace 21.
he doesn't know about gambling it's a gambling thing you don't know anything about gambling we're about to learn we call a man who gambles gambler we call a man who wins
last time i checked a winner we call a man who always wins a gambler the winning gambler if a fruit had to be in charge of the world would you choose a lemon or a lime
World emperor. One fruit. Lemon or lime. And why? It's 3 a.m.
I don't know.
Unless you start analyzing really important questions in life, you're never going to work out the secrets of the cosmos. Personally, I'd choose the line. It'd be less bitter. What happened in the casino? I want a bunch of money. So? At the end of the story, cut the camera. I ain't cutting yet. So, Luke, what happened? I just told you what happened. How much did you win? Just nothing. It's raining. Let's just go back to the hotel. It doesn't matter that you want a bunch of money.
you can't afford a taxi. I don't want to share my limousine and you can't afford a taxi. You don't have a limousine. I could pay for one with the money I have if I spoke Chinese and knew the relevant number. Call the competent Chinese authority and let them know that we need a limousine for us as brothers who won as a team. Who won as a team? What is this? When I lost money in Vegas you called me a faggot a thousand times.
You didn't win as a team. You and Luke, he really is your cousin. Why? Because your family lost. No, Luke didn't play. I strategically lost to warm up the numbers to allow you to win. We play on different tables. Call the competent authority and inform them of our requirement for a limousine. Because as a team, we have won. You can't dance in the rain in the middle of a town. History. Redemption is the measuring song in our head.
authority.
Basically, basically Luke, there's more to life than casinos and glitz and glamour and money. I know you're obsessed with fucking fancy watches, fast cars, all this junk, but there's more to life than that. So I'm here to show you. This is actually the first lighthouse in Asia. You didn't know that, did you? Do you know why it's called a lighthouse? It shoots light? No, there's light at the top of the house. Dummy. It shoots light
It's not lasers, bro. It's like fucking 300 years old. I thought you were smart. The goal of today is for me, as an expert on Chinese history, to show you around. Because Luke is obsessed with gambling in the casino, trying to get rich and buy fancy, expensive things. This is stupid. No, we're here to see. It's not like we're here. We're here to see history. We're not a Chinese expert. This is a lighthouse. It's the oldest lighthouse in Asia. And it was built by Chinese people. Maybe not by them, but they certainly helped. Whether they liked it or not.
Good layup. 1949, in full white navies.
Some Portuguese dudes were standing around out here in 1949. They sailed all the way here from fucking Portugal. Unlike you, Mr. Emirates, they sailed here like real men. And then they stood around and they built all this crap. And now here we are 100 years later. And what does the average white man from Portugal do? Jerk off, watch porn, smoke weed. Not one of them are sailing the seven seas. Not one of them are going to China and saying, build me a lighthouse. Locals will face certain retributions. Look.
They're cool, they're conquerors.
I'd be one of them. I am one of them. I am. I'm doing the best I can in a shit generation. Hundred years too early to explore space. Hundred years too late to turn up in China and build a lighthouse. I mean y'all, I can't even have a cannon on it.
You know why?
We live in the gayest time zone. You can't do anything. Gayest period of human history. Can't have a cannon, can't shoot anything, can't explore anything, get super rich, all there is to buy is a program. Can't even have fucking ten wives somehow that's human fucking trafficking. You can't do anything.
stuck with one fucking bitch, like a white boy. Do I look like a choir boy? Am I Bailey? No. The fucking holding hands with one hug, or I'm fucking killing myself. Get me out of here. Hundred years ago, we would have gone onto a merchant vessel
We would have had cannons, we would have sailed around,
We would have done merchanting
and then eventually would have turned up somewhere, got a local native wife or seven, impregnated them, built a lighthouse,
And if we didn't do that, we would have become pirates.
and went up to other boats and shot them and took their shit.
That would have been fun. In 100 years from now, we'll be doing some version of that
but with alien hoes, alien ho, half alien baby, etc. And you're telling me now that we don't live in the gayest,
Time zone, the gayest.
Guys.
Take it from me.
No matter how much money you make, there's nothing to buy besides a nice car, a nice watch, and eventually,
You get so bored.
so bored with having a huge bank balance like I do.
You invest it all, it keeps going up.
You keep getting more and more money. You get so bored, you go, "Let me buy a yacht." 'Cause all rich people buy yachts. Isn't that pathetic?
Thank you.
that in 2026, the height of success as a man is to end up buying a boat.
Who even wants a boat? What do you do on the boat? You sit on the boat, smoke cigar. What am I doing here?
Stand and smoke a cigar. I can sit anywhere and smoke a cigar.
There's hotels all around the world. What the fuck do I need a boat for?
I'm on a boat. Let me invite some whores on my boat. Yay, I've got whores on a boat. I've got whores in my house, Luke. Do you remember Globos?
There's hoes everywhere, there's whores everywhere. I don't need a boat for this, but you buy one because your bank balance is too big and there's nothing else to buy. If we were super rich 100 years ago, we'd be able to do cool shit like raise armies and fucking invade China. If you were super rich 100 years from now, you get to terraform planets. We live in the gayest time zone ever.
No war. I mean, there's war, but it's not war is worth dying in. You need a war you believe in.
Nothing's cooler than a war you believe in.
I believe in this war, I'm ready to die for it.
I'm gonna go to war.
Now they're like, "Hi, do you want to go fight for the Goy Corp?" I'm like, "No."
That sounds stupid. I'd rather just get rich and stay here.
And then what do you do when you're rich? You get some fucking entitled bitch girlfriend. Hi, I believe it. Shut the fuck up. And then you get like a bunch more.
Then they all complain and cry, but they don't leave because you're too rich to leave.
buy a boat you don't even want, buy cars you don't even drive, go to Macau, but in a gay way. A big flying fucking homo tube.
Not a battleship.
You know, I even made our yacht look like a battle ship.
but they won't let me have guns. I keep asking, I know, what if we do this?
I think I've got his harpoon guns, at least.
-
So we're getting there.
I'm just not sure if we can conquer and invade and subjugate a native population with a few harpoon guns. But if anyone can do it...
It's us.
We're gonna have to look at the map and take some shit, you know?
Take it. Erect a statue of me somewhere. Did you order properly this time or did you fuck it up? Yeah, no, I ordered properly. I hope so. You're gonna fuck it up again. He's gonna be super happy. One bullshit coffee. No. No, this is fucking, money isn't real. We've been talking about that. I know, you're gonna be super happy. So, okay, order the whole menu five times. Okay, I didn't order the whole menu five times. That's ridiculous. I'm preparing to work on my zen and as usual, you're pissing me off. Fuck, I'm gonna move to China with you. Tristan's cousin. Where is T? He was boozing and gambling all night long.
be recorded because every time we try and record anything inside the casino the ccp would come and rave us and delete it from our phones so tristan was up for 12 hours boozing and gambling sending me messages calling me a faggot and when i woke up this morning i saw my last message was about 20 minutes before i woke up meaning he was still awake 20 minutes before so i said are you still awake and he hasn't replied since so after calling me a faggot all night long gambling all night and drinking all night he's now asleep okay that's why tristan's not in this episode of take home
move to china and work on my zen all i need is for tristan's cousin to stop being an insufferable fucking dickhead and it'll be easy but that's it no it's not it there's loads more coming i got english breakfast three cappuccinos two americanos for you i see four waters in one coffee that's it no that's it's all he could carry we said order for the table we said order for the table no we're like money ain't real we've been talking about how money ain't real all fucking morning talking about conquering the world talking about being i got even going around getting cannons
You have unlimited money, you've got hundreds of millions of dollars, you go to the fucking menu, you get four waters at a fucking coffee. No, there's cheesecake, English breakfast. The culmination of your fucking shit life. I've been talking to you guys. How the fuck am I going to work on my zen with Tristan's cousin being a permanent fucking failure? Every time I've ever required you to do anything, every time I've ever thought, you know what, maybe Luke can pull it off. You know what, don't fucking count him out yet. Maybe we just give him a little bit of faith, a little bit of encouragement. You just say, come on, Luke, you can do it. Really, I'm relying on you, you can do this. Every single time I've ever thought you might be able to pull it off, ever in history, all you've done is fucking fake.
I'm done talking to you guys. I'm gonna enjoy my water. You, BMN, the whole fucking squad, everybody. No pants pissing. No being scared. No being wimps. No being babies. And just finally stop crying. Finally stop crying. Then finally we could have a Romanian summer.
- Carcel.
Nigel, Rory,
Thank you.
Luke Barnett will definitely be there at some point, Justin Waller, you, BMN, BT, you two got everyone.
The whole fucking crew.
H.Q.
Supercars, bro, run it back old school. Old school take confidential.
War Room Smokes
Shisha, pool party, we got other inflatable pool.
We go to all the Rarys, we'll run around Romanian villages.
It'll be a great time. That sounds amazing. I'd love that. Eventually they raid the house.
we laugh we joke we knew this was gonna happen ha ha ha we all go jail take confidential jail i'm staying to buy that would be the best time ever biggest scam of the century came here to see the pandas go pandas this is the only panda they do look cool though no pandas are retards
where is he you know what if i got stuck in a zoo my whole life for people to stare at me i'd hide
all day. I'm here in the zoo. You're gonna stare at me all day. How about this? I find the one place you can't see me. Sorry.
Your mate. Who's your mate? I'm scaring the pandas. Who's your mate? You just got shot. I'm a loud American. I'm exactly what they hate. Yeah.
The stereotypes are right. - I instantly agreed. I was like, you know what, little Chinese lady? You're right.
I'm yelling at your national animal.
Saying they're hiding. This is a giant scam. I've come here. I've come to your country. Start yelling at your national animals saying they're fucking scammers.
I'm surprised you didn't fucking attack me with a fucking blade. I'm a piece of shit. Don't joke. Okay. I'm a piece of shit. I should have been nice to the invisible pandas. Sorry. Let's go get some movies.
Now this feels like what I imagine China to be. It's cool.
Look at the turtles, I wonder what they said. To go far in life, you must focus. - They're probably telling us wisdom, or telling us, end of the world with confidence. - That is the kind of incense stick I would like in my house.
in my bedroom. - It wouldn't surprise me if you bought this.
This one. This is the kind that you'd buy.
You'd come here, look at all these other ones and be like, I want that one. I want that incense stick alive in my house.
Exactly.
You know, the coolest things happening in the internet world, and I don't know how much the world knows this, but you know the whole age verification thing, how they want to dox every single person so you can't use the internet without them knowing exactly who you are so they can come after you and fire you if you say anything that they don't want you to say? You know that's coming in. So in the Linux world, they actually were able to get traders to go in. It's called SystemMD.
And from my understanding, essentially, most Linux distros are up here. They all rely on SystemMD, and they were to convince three guys, traders, I consider them traders, traders to freedom, to install inside of that code, that piece of open source software,
to allow
for age verification.
Just to-
It's not forcing it on you. It's just saying that if we had to, you can do it now.
So that's going on in the Freedom.
So people like me now have to, it's very annoying, I have to find a different Linux distribution that doesn't use system empty
or I need to find one that uses a system MD that's clean
But that's what's happening in the software world. Probably happened over the past three days, I believe. - What does that have to do with incense? - The incense. What does that have to do with incense? We're talking about big incense. - Who uses Linux? - Me. I'm using Linux. You know why Apple and Windows are so nice to you guys?
They're nice to you guys because Linux exists.
So if they ever decided to enslave you and say, "Hello, upload a picture of your butthole to log in."
If they ever said that to you, you guys would be like, fuck you, Apple. Fuck you, Microsoft. I'm going to use Linux. So they're trying to get rid of Linux. They're trying to get rid of the freedom fighters who have been fighting for your freedoms to use that iPhone without having to upload your butthole.
I'm just letting you know what's going down. Get your cousin. I am not using Linux to text
on Instagram. Story, I'll use it.
I'm defending. You're not going to text the slots on Instagram. I know I will. All right, so basically the slots on Instagram are going to force me to use the Apple operating system. Look, I'm protecting your freedoms. You're welcome.
And now I have to go through this whole thing, this whole massive thing to try and protect humanity.
And I have to change my operating system. And I still don't know which one. I think it's Duvian. I don't know what it's called. Anyway. No man is downloading Duvian to text bitches on Instagram. Which means that bitches themselves will be the...
Candy that allows men to upload their fucking passport
to the Apple software. So it's all women's fault, no matter what you do anyway, because people like tits and ass. - No, don't worry, we'll protect you guys. - No, you're not gonna do anything. - We're gonna continue. - Just like everything else in the world, women are gonna fucking destroy it.
Why are you talking about this? We're an ancient temple. Yeah, because these ancient temples inspire rebellion.
I just had to let you guys know. It came to mind. Alright, are all the students with the real world?
prepared for whatever crackers are on. 100%.
- -
- Yes, sure. - How do I get it to Romania? - No, I think you can buy one and they put it here. - My shipping. - And they burn it for you.
That's great. Okay, let me ask. Yeah, let's do it. Let me buy, let me buy insets and get good bucks. Now I want to buy one. You never would, you're a little fucking tight-ass little cracker. Oh, I'm not too bad. I don't save any money from your 401k. You're a fucking loser. You're gonna live your life. Let me save pennies and cunt and fucking money.
I hate it
I hate it. Make sure when that comes up we talk about it. It's full of uncertainty and fear. I hope all people can experience backup.
Luckily I played college so I can dual wheel. I got you.
- Yeah.
It was in good old days. Tactical reload.
The world is full of uncertainty and fear. I hope all people can experience life free from anxiety and worry because we all love our children. One day I hope we can all coexist in this. Top chicken.
- I choose a picture of a tomato. - I choose a picture of a tomato. What the fuck? I just ate two bottles. - What the fuck? - You tried. - No, no, no, no. Seriously, in my house, you're trying to take tomatoes. That'll work.
- Wow, you took those parts.
Dude, the smell of this, I don't even want it. Guys, give me an advertisement to this. - Don't be gay.
Bailey, don't be gay.
I'm Nardu. Nardu, you can taste it. Nardu, what do you mean you got here? You're flying economy.
Until further notice, I'm going to eat this big taste.
Brandon, you've been upgraded. Give me a big taste. Give me a big taste right now.
You suck.
That was a good one. That was a good one. I don't want some first class butt you. I'm gonna eat it. But I'm not scared of it like a tomato. Nah, you look petrified by it. Take him bits out of the burger. I don't discriminate. Because Nigel didn't charge his fucking phone. We would have been out of here.
I'm
Look at this. I'm just there. I'm not doing anything. I'm just there. You can text me. You can text me. I'll probably reply.
I'm having a good time in Tashkai. Hi guys, I'm good. I'm in Tashkai, so...
Thank you.
Come to me.
-
What are we doing in his backseat?
Thank you.
50 cent pop in. Oh, you better have to do that, though.
We need to go to Jamaica.
- Yeah. - It'll be fucking nuts. - It's got fun here.
Thank you.
Grim owes us money. Grim owes us money. Grim owes us money. Over the A. Over the A.
- You got to eat. - I'm gonna kill myself.
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Thank you.
Your first language is Russian or Uzbek? Kazak. Oh, Kazan. Yes. You're in Almaty. Oh, I'm from Almaty, actually. I almost went there. Nice. And I'll let you know. We cook them in portion, in kilogram. The meat tastes like the meat in those. Have you ever had that?
Like Georgian dumplings, you know? I don't do a dumpling. I know. Do you know? You know what I mean? Yeah. The Georgian dumplings. So the meat tastes, but this is bread instead of dumplings. Why do you line up?
- Well, you did yours now. - Thank you. - And our dish is also for the German. - Say... - I'm gonna blow. - Artyom, I'm going to blow. - No, this.
- Thank you. - Thank you. - Thank you. - So there's 12 different regions, meaning there's 12 different types of plov, and we're trying the 12 different types. Which region was this first one? - Buhara. - Buhara? - Yes.
And this is... Asamaka. I can't say this. But the first one had raisins. So it was a little bit more fruity and sweet. This one is a little bit more oily and salty. She's a great tour guide everyone. She's teaching us everything. Thank you. She knows everything.
But you're originally Kazakh, no? Yeah, I am. But she's in Uzbekistan, she knows everything about Uzbekistan as well. She's smart. She learned all of her English from...
SpongeBob cartoon. SpongeBob. I'm the oldest. I'm fine. It's good to that stage of life when you still feel like you're a young man and you sit down at tables and you're the oldest guy there. It's crazy. It goes like that and you're like, or I see famous people and they're all so much younger than you. It's crazy. Or what's most scary, you sit there and you see Pete Hegseth bombing and blowing shit up and you're like, who's my age? What the fuck?
What does he do? I feel like it's...
Before you know it
It's time to die. For that plov. Plov is P-L-O-V? Yes. I love plov.
- Move. - Like move. Like move. L-O-V-E or no? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.
I'm not sure about these little modified air hood things, but besides that, 10 out of 10. Solid vehicle. What kind of man drives such a sexy car? Who's your Mac-Hater? The face of a hater. You know when you drive past in your Bugatti people are just looking like this? I hate your face. That's what you're doing right now.
And I don't blame you personally. I mean, I'm jealous. We're here to punch a hole through the surface of the Earth's mantle. So we decided that Tashkent was the place to get it done. Uzbekistan. You don't know that? We want to attack the Earth. You do it via Uzbekistan? How do you attack the Earth? You're gonna see.
We have to explore new places. The entire world's falling apart. Don't you feel it? Kind of. Don't you feel like the whole world's fucked? America's blowing everything up. Everywhere's at war.
fewer places to hide, the few places that are left are getting objectively worse as time goes on. Germany's forcing you to stay. Yeah, everyone's trying to lock their citizens in to prepare for the impending culling of the populations. So you just look at a map and you go, I'm super rich. Where do I go? Well, let me go where no one is. Uzbekistan. Where is this on a map? I can't even point to it. Next to Kazakhstan. We were just there. We're checking out the countries that are all forgotten. You know, we're going to set up a new home. A big compound with horses and wenches, which birth our children.
We had that in Romania, but it was human trafficking. Buzzkill. Total buzzkill. Bunch of squares. You can't do that. Watch me. So now we're doing New Speck's tent.
Grapefruit hot tub. Never done this before.
-
That feels good.
Great.
This feels great Andrew. I'm like freezing cold ice for her.
Scared?
Why don't you hear?
- Thank you.
*crash*
My orange flavor was man-ass.
Doesn't sound ideal. For you uncultured Americans, like my cameraman who's watching, Banya is essentially supposed to be a health spa, but there's a twist I'll tell you at the end.
So it's got saunas, super hot saunas with leaves, massages, cold plunges, hot tubs,
And the idea is to hang out all day
with your friends, and it's supposed to make you healthy. The transition between, you know, ice water and sauna and ice water and hot tub. It's supposed to be good for your blood vessels and good for your circulatory system. And people of Russian cultured countries do this all the time and they spend all day in these things, spending 10, 20, 30 thousand dollars sometimes, but the
issue that i've never understood about banyas as a british person is very simple it's all supposed to be about health and it's all supposed to be good for you
But they drink so fucking much.
that I'm not sure it's that beneficial overall.
So it's like a bros hangout where they say to like their wives, oh, we've got to go to the banya. It's for our health. Makes us live longer. And then they poison themselves with copious amounts of booze.
- Thank you.
You got the whiskey? Let's go. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.
Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm -hmm.
No, it's good. It's bearable. I'm supposed to get in the cold water now. No, I'm okay, bro. I'm okay. I'm good.
How are you feeling? Good bro. I'm good, no cold water, I'm 100 % fine. Thank you. All good bro.
I'm getting an ice bath, no way, no matter how hot they make me, never.
Never ever. People don't realize that's not relaxing. It's kind of like torture. It is torture, yeah. The leaves aren't what hurt. It's the hot air. Yeah. When they bring the hot air down, it's like they're punching you with lava. That's right. Yeah.
Yeah, a good 10-15 minutes and then it's like, okay.
How long must I suffer? Was I born to suffer?
But now it's good.
You have a super false feeling. No, no, you're the... Yesterday we said road beers. Can you not be a baby? Grab it in the newspaper like a Polish. There is a point, and that is that I would argue the majority of people who drink on the train become loud, drunken Russian singers. And I have a feeling she's right.
It's conspicuous. I'm trying to hide it like this. Hard turns is the shape of a bottle.
*Solambo*
I'm sorry.
What will shake the foundations of the earth
What will genuinely move the tectonic plates of the universe? I have no idea.
getting Luke a new hat. So we're gonna do it here
in Uzbekistan. How can he turn down a hat from such a beautiful UNESCO World Heritage site
somewhere far deep in Uzbekistan that nobody ever goes to. He's never going to come here. We all know Luke would rather stay at home, sitting on his computer because he's a dork.
So,
I'm going to get Luke.
an Uzbek hat. He's gonna wear it.
Thank you.
You saw hats?
Cat?
No, we're in business. We're in business.
Uzbekistan.
All that. What are the choices? We have Uzbekistan or we have...
This one. Which one will Luke hate more? It's got to be the red one. You think? I think walking around trying to explain why he's wearing an Uzbekistan hat when he never came to Uzbekistan would be better.
I think he needs to use the Uzbekistan hat.
or
this.
I don't think he'll wear those two. I think he might wear the Uzbekistan hat. So you don't wear them? We're gonna take a risk. We're gonna buy this and this. I don't think he'll wear this.
Do you?
Now that's that's a gangster hat. I look like one of those black guys from the 1980s who talks about white oppression. Oh
You know, those black guys are like the white man of Black Panthers.
Nice. Alright, I'm buying this hat.
Okay, so I need this hat for me, and then Luke needs one of these two hats. Skip both.
Do I look rich to you, Bailey? We'll get both then. There's so many hat choices, it's getting difficult. How do I decide what hat to wear? I'm gonna come home to my women.
Take everything off but the hat.
Hat stays on. Hat stays on, woman. Get to work. Nah, the green fits in. Yeah, green fits in better. Nah, I think this one because it fits my outfit more. Hi, my name's Tristan. I need to color coordinate my hat. We're in Uzbekistan and we've met one of the students of the real world. I see you students everywhere. Everywhere I go in the world, it's like Fight Club and we meet students.
And he had something really interesting to say to the other professors. Yeah, yeah. So all professors are fine, but Mr. Arno is the best teacher in the real world. Yeah. Arno.
You know, all he talks about is how he's the best and how Holland is the best. So you've given him, from Uzbekistan, you've given him some support. Thanks, thank you. You bet. He's in the real world. In the real world, baby. Nice. You're tuned a thousand actual people. Our private jet airport in New York, we meet a student, yes.
In fact, we meet students everywhere we go all around the world, but even I did not expect
to meet the real world students here
in one of the oldest schools in the world.
I think it's 15th century Islamic school in Uzbekistan.
In Uzbekistan there are students of the real world. And the fact that we meet them inside of an ancient place of knowledge, there must be some magical lesson in this. The universe is telling us something. This was once the most important place on the planet for learning things, and now the most important place on the planet for learning things is of course the real world, and we're meeting some of our students.
right here in this place. I don't believe in coincidences. I think this is the cosmos sending us a message that we need to continue
on our path
to free people from the indoctrination that they're receiving.
and also free people from the slavery that they're receiving in terms of debt.
from modern traditional education.
and bringing as many people as possible out of the Matrix
and into the real world.
- Tristan, are you sure you know how to drive? Can you operate this machinery? - Are the blacks at the back of this bus? There's no blacks in the front of the bus, no? - I'm at the back of the bus. - You're at the back of the bus, okay, great. Just double checking.
- Come get in. - I'm gonna do the photos on camera. - I'm gonna do the photos on the back here.
He's got a camera. I'm two. On three guys. One, two, three.
Brandon take one step back for me. One, two, three. This is crazy. It's actually truly crazy if you point at places on a map that such amazing things exist I've never heard of.
incredible who even comes to uzbekistan from the west almost nobody iranians come here russians come here look at this boulevard look at this flip the camera look at that that's cool i don't know what it is but it's cool it's very this is amazing isn't it crazy how many countries claim to be democratically better economically better societally better and they don't have one
It wouldn't be so safe anymore. What makes a better society really? Or a country better? GDP numbers on a screen for the elites that most normal people never get to experience? Thousands of families walking around in peace looking at a building that's 1,200 years old and is greater and more grand than anything the West has ever built. Fucking thousands of people. It's wild.
*music* *music*
- What about the beginning?
*crash*
Bailey, Brandon.
Nice. In London, where you can't buy knives anywhere, everyone's stabbing everyone. In Uzbekistan, normal stores sell hand-forged knives, and no one stabs anyone.
because it's a nice society.
Yet.
I did not put this here. This is already on the table. So? What do you mean so?
This is the best country ever.
Okay.
When I was 22, meaning 17 long years ago, my brother and I, with our meager wages, decided to go on holiday, all inclusive to Sharm El Sheikh. We stayed in a terrible hotel called Sharm Holiday Resort. It was about 200 pounds for the entire week, flight, food, hotel, all included.
or Spanish. I don't know. His name was Gino. And he was in charge of the
Entertainment. Poolside.
and you'd wake up every morning and you'd be trying to sit by the pool
and he'd be constantly screaming to make you do aerobics or sing a song or some crap. And then he randomly offered us drinks. He said,
Would you like a drink?
drinker
We said no, because he had an accent, he had a thick accent.
He said, "Coca? Fanta? Sprita?"
And for some reason, ever since then, whenever Tristan sees a Coke, a Fanta, and a Sprite together, he says, Coke, a Fanta, Sprite, Cheeto.
Now, brother and I have had a very close relationship, we're closer than most brothers, so our inside jokes are, of course, going to be this level of pathetic and stupid. The fact that 17 years ago, some random Italian dude worked in a crap hotel in Egypt, and now he's being disgusted by some of the most famous men in the world, is really, truly ridiculous.
He wouldn't remember us, but we remember it. So whenever there's a Coke, a Fanta and a Sprite in the same place,
Tristan takes a picture of it, pretends it matters, and says he's going to send it to Gia.
I wish I had a better story to tell you.
I wish the story was better. It's the greatest story of all time. It's not. It is. This doesn't matter. It matters loads. It doesn't mean anything.
Well, and it's here by coincidence. We talk about it for an hour.
So it's clearly meaningful to us.
He doesn't remember us.
Gino doesn't remember us. And he doesn't matter anyway. If Gino, the Italian entertainments guy at Charm Holiday Resort circa 2003, could reach out to us.
I'm gonna buy you a Coca -Fanta, I'm gonna spray. This gives you all the power in the world. Lemonati. Yeah, you become a member of the Ill -Liminati.
This is where all these dumb jokes start. Just kill yourself. Jokes? Just kill yourself. I wasn't one percent funny. Kill yourself. I thought you were talking to me. Now I can get behind person killing myself. Yeah, just kill yourself. I mean you can kill yourself too. Both of you are fine.
I think Brandon liked your joke. Thank you, Brandon. Man of excellent taste over there.
- And our dinner is still here.
Okay.
How about a panther?
Thank you.
I'll take a Sprite.
Yeah.
It's pronounced Esprita. In the original Italian. You wouldn't get it. Wasn't he Spanish? I thought he was Italian. We don't even know where he's from.
Fuck this guy. Stop letting him control our lives 17 years later.
He's a nobody. He got paid like fucking 50 euro a week to dance by a pool.
He's a nobody yet. The most famous man in the world is talking about in a prank.
I wonder if you could find him.
Yeah, find the fucking Italian called Gino. I'm sure it's going to be funny.
Just finding an American called Brian. It could be on LinkedIn.
-
Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Everyone kill themselves and leave me alone. You honestly think Chris is going to give you the salt? You honestly think T is going to give you the salt? I'll end asking you to pass me the salt.
- It's not better, man. - It's not better. - Escape the metrics. Let's go. - Escape the metrics, sir. - I'll sign my photo. - Of course. - Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, like this. - Okay, okay. - I don't know if it's gonna go. - Can we sign here as well? - One second. - Yeah, the market is there. - You want me to sign this? - Oh, thanks. - Can I take a photo? - Yes, let's do a photo.
- Over.
- What knows better than to burn me? - I'm walking to a train. Don't take your career. - Uno, full fuck up!