Transcript
You're a fucking f*ckbag. You wanna eat your own meal, bro? You're doing it. You're doing everything. I don't wanna eat dogs, and I do wanna eat a f*cking cow. *music*
I know, I fell right through you. I'm not trying to get you, I'm trying to give it to you. The move is, he just hands you something and says, "Hold this just for a second." I'm gonna put it down. Oh, it's normal. And now I'm in charge of it for the rest of the day. Yeah, that's what happened with these coffees. Is it too heavy for you?
I'll find a solution. - You know what, it's surprisingly heavy. - Here, here. - Nice. No, it is heavy. - Here. - Never, ever, ever take something Tristan hands it to you. It's probably empty, full of trash, it's super heavy, there's something with it, he's doing it, he's saying, "Just hold it for a second," and then he just walks away. - Yep. - That's not what it's about. - Classic move. - Classic move, classic move. ♪ I made you say the door, come on ♪ ♪ That's how my element ♪ ♪ I like dog skins ♪ ♪ Love a melanin ♪ ♪ Talk, crush a nigga, talk ♪ ♪ When I'm stepping in ♪
Andrew, everyone keeps recognizing you. Every single boat that comes by our way, everyone's like, oh, Andrew Tate, Andrew Tate, Andrew Tate. All of them, 100% of them, tour guides are pointing to you as if you're a monument of Miami. Like, oh, yeah, and there's Andrew Tate. I know, but it's actually ridiculous. Genuinely. I haven't filmed. I was able to get the last one because it gets like, okay, well, that's just one.
well there's another okay there's another it's like okay now i just need to start filming them filming us yeah the fame and status and recognition that every man on earth is trying to get they can't have because i have it all you may have taken it all it's like you're this feature in miami you're a thing you're like a monument it's like oh there's the eiffel tower by the way here we are i know it is i know but i don't think people realize i realized you didn't i mean i
realize but I'm not gonna Jack the coke it's the last thing I don't know no no it doesn't make sense those two sentences go together like peanut butter and see how jack in fact I'm done talking to you guys this is stupid he
- The best part, the best part of boats is that they're constantly moving. It actually makes sitting down exciting. It's super fun. - I wouldn't go that far. - I wish we were in a stormy sea and we were rocking back and forth almost so much that we think we'd capsize. - We're at the funnest part because we're at the top of the boat. So like if this changes a little bit down here, it changes quite a bit up here so we feel it the most. We'll move the most distance back and forth. - How do you know all this about boats?
Right? This barely moved. This moved loads. That's why being on top of the boat is the best part of the boat. We need to take the boat out to the high seas where the crazy storm waves rock us to sleep. Obsidian blade is done. I'm crossing the Atlantic. Are you in or not? Yeah, I'm in. 100%. 100%! Me and you! I want serious sea storms. Me and you across the Atlantic, just us. Everyone else, we're like, "Oh, we're doing it!" We'll go out to fucking sea. Get some eye patches. Sea storm.
Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. 100%. We're gonna run it. We're gonna go from Montenegro to Miami. You and I on obsidian blade. 1000%. Real fucking idiot. And if we crash or sink, we can swim. Just swim. Exactly. Fucking idiots. Yeah, we can swim. We can swim, dummies. My ship went down in the ocean. Swim, retard. Didn't cross your fucking mind? I'll bring armbands. We got this. 100%. What? Oh, some water. Get a little wet.
- Oh no. - Eat the fish, swim, wait for another boat to come. - Yeah. - Go, "Hey, another boat will come, "get back on that boat, commandeer it." - I knew you were gonna say that. - Go up to the captain and say, "I'm the captain now." - There's waves in the ocean, we just ride the waves like the surfers. - That's what life's about, riding the waves, riding the waves. - Literally. - That's what life's about. - Easy.
- Anyway, if a fruit had to be in charge of the world, would you choose a mango or a pineapple? - Bailey, it's a board. - To make all the executive decisions,
go into war, the nuclear codes, everything. Mango or pineapple? - Pineapple all day. - Pineapple. - Pineapple. - Why? - Pineapple has natural weapons, natural defense.
- Cut spikes, smart. - Smart. - Not bad. - I think they passed the test. Pineapple was the correct choice. Mango. - You were to choose mango, you and your shitty camera would have been on the edge of this fucking boat. - Immediately, can't be trusted.
This is my infamous friend Sean, also known as the New Yorker. Now let me tell you something about this man. Not only has he drank more tequila than anyone I know, he has spent more money on spilt tequila than most of you motherfuckers will ever make in your life. So this guy is
man to keep ladies we join us
we weren't gonna cheers very smooth very smooth this is great I love by a bottle wait hold on fuck this how about the company next year I got you man I got
- Girls, what do you think? - It's so good. - Very good, it's so good. - Very sweet. - Tomato or cucumber to rule the world? - Cucumber. - That's gay. - Ah. - Tomato. - You want a tomato to rule the world? - Yeah. - A tomato in charge of the nuclear launch. - A tomato? - You want a cucumber? - A little squishy, soft, sweet.
That's what you want? A whole little sweetheart?
Little red sweet are all of the tomatoes. Tomatoes are sweet. They are 100% sweet. No they're not. Yes they are. You could turn a tomato into ketchup. I've never seen anyone turn real nigger cucumber into any condiment. Just saying. Me neither. Real cucumbers create good times. Good times create tomatoes. Tomatoes create bad times. Bad times create real cucumbers. Okay you're kind of convincing me. And Brandon wants a tomato as a rule. You're kind of convincing me. To have the nuclear launch code. He's kind of convincing me. You're a piece of fucking, you're a piece of work. You know that? I can't believe it. You're a fucking scumbag. You want to know, you want to know. Why do we hang out with this guy? You're a fucking scum.
You wanna know a fun fact about tomatoes? No. Thanks. Why?
Truthfully, truly, if you have to poison your body and take drugs and alter your mind to make a bitch talk to you, then she ain't worth fucking talking to, bro. And if you have to do the same thing for these people at home to watch you, fuck them too.
Like you are who you are. Yeah. And it's not up to you to poison yourself to entertain any of these people. If they're unhappy with how you act and the things you do, unless you're going to take illegal substances, then let them all fuck off.
True. Because there's also, let's, let's, I'll be something, I'll tell you something about internet fame and this is true.
There's a lot of people who want you to be entertained. There's a lot of people who love you. And there's a lot of people who want to watch you set yourself on fire for their entertainment. They want you to get arrested. They want you to get in trouble. They want you to play stupid songs in nightclubs. They want you to be a fucking clown. They want you to be a dumb ass. They want you to do drugs. They want you to get shot. And they want to go, "LOL, clavish shot, look." And they want to retweet it and then move on with their life five minutes later. They want you to burn yourself. - Insane dopamine. - That's right. They want you to set yourself on fire so they can laugh for five minutes. And you have to be very, very aware of that.
Be yourself, say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't let any of these people and their fucking opinions come at you. There are so many clowns in the world who have achieved nothing compared to what you're going to achieve in your life. Same as me.
I come from Luton, from a council state. I come from a broken parent household. No money, absolutely nothing. At one point, I was one of the most Googled men on the planet.
hundreds of millions of dollars, and there's always some fucking jackass who's achieved nothing with an opinion. Fuck these people, fuck them. I refuse
I refuse to do anything I don't want to do and you should be the same. Fuck the drugs off. And you know this. I don't want to give you a lecture because you know this already. But don't feel any pressure to entertain these people and don't feel any pressure to entertain some fucking silly bitch.
with $7 in her bank account in a nightclub. Those women are fucking nothing as well. They don't even deserve your attention. The point you're at, I'll tell you what's really going to break your heart because I've got there as well.
You've reached a point now
On the ascend, when you're getting all these beautiful women, you feel like you're winning. Wow, I'm getting all these pretty girls. I'm getting all these pretty girls. But now you're at the point where they win.
If you sleep with them, they win. You do all the work. They get to brag about it. Everyone's pretending they're ruining their potential to get a husband. That's not true because 99% of men are fucking simps anyway. They're going to move on. They're going to get married. They're going to have a perfectly fine life. They're going to brag about the fact they slept with you. You're going to burn a bunch of calories where they lay on their back and do fucking nothing. They're going to try and extort you. They're going to claim rape one day and try and steal a bunch of money from you. They're going to sell stories to the paper. They are winning.
You're going out there and you're doing drugs and drinking alcohol to get women so that they can win in the exchange. They don't even win. You don't even win anymore. Yeah. And that's the sad thing about it all. That's why I'm at the point now where if a bitch talks to me, she better give me a fucking kid. I'm not having sex with you for no reason. I'm not giving you the opportunity to lie about me to the press.
to accuse me of shit I didn't do. None of that. No. Give me a child or go away.
Bailey, my SIM card guy did not scam me. It works. It's worked so far. Don't care. Do you want to experience Romanian jail?
All right, come with me. Hey, give me your phone. Okay, okay. All right. I have the cockroaches. Tristan, lock the door. Okay. Now, on the-- That should be a hole in the floor. There should be a hole in the floor, not an actual toilet.
And then you just have to stay in here.
- Shut around. - Let me look. - Yeah, our cameraman shits. - Go with him, but don't talk to him. You don't have to talk to him. He was flying a lot.
That's all, man. See you.
This is pretty bad.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I guess I just walk around.
It was tiny.
Okay.
Alright, let's go back to Rivalry. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's horrible.
How long did I go before boss?
No, it's not fun. This has to be a hole in the floor. There has to be cockroaches on the walls. Don't worry, twice a day they bring you hot water and bread roll.
Four months.
Bye.
Thank you.
*Gunshot*
Haley, if I'm sitting here four months, you're staying four months with me. I'm not going down with the record. Yes, you are. Hey, someone would need to film the experience.
What would we do all day? You'd sit like that. I'd get really good at this. You'd get good at my body. I'd really get good at this. I'd just, I don't know, I'd do this.
Stand up, walk around.
- Nice. - I don't want anything. - No, no, yeah. - No, it's gonna be bullshit. - No, it's not, it's fine. - Give me some garbage. - We got you. - Chapstick?
It's for you. It's for you. I don't need chapstick. That's actually why. In case he doesn't need it. Why do you think you don't need chapstick? Because why would I need chapstick? You haven't worked it out yet. No. You don't know. You have no idea why. What was I saying to you on the boat about the cucumber and the tomato?
You haven't worked out why you need chapstick? No. Guys, where are we by the way? Do you recognize where we are? You're a loser. Do you recognize where we are? We're in the private jet terminal when the police were following me and I was doing the hand signals. Remember? You remember the Oreo?
Fucking calm down and think about your actions. If you eat that Oreo, that's a different future than you know. Be careful. Bow on every problem in our life. The reason I have in this new universe is because Luke ate the Oreo. You ruined our fucking life. I didn't. Everything bad that's happened to us was that fucking Oreo. Everything good that's happened. Good.
Whether or not this year goes well for us all depends on if you put on this chapstick. This is a pivotal moment in the universe that breaks the multiverse into two different realities.
If you use this chapstick, we're going to be rich, successful, stay out of jail, but every single bad thing that happens to us...
If you don't use this chapstick, it's a direct result of you being too scared to use cherry protective. Alright, I'll use cherry. It's easy. It's easy. Andrew, he's gonna use the chapstick. Yeah, he's the chapstick. I'm gonna help you guys out.
We can help all of us out. So Bailey, apparently my life's gonna be better. All our lives are gonna be better. Everything's gonna be better in the entire universe if I put on this chapstick.
It's not even a sacrifice. I mean, I don't need chefs. - It's not about better. You're just responsible for all that. - No, that's not what Tristan sold me.
Listen.
The universe split once, it's going to split again. There's two versions of the parallel universe. There's two versions of the multiverse. There's a version where you use the chapstick and a version where you don't.
Whatever decision you make, you are now responsible
for everything that happens thereafter, good and bad.
So if you use the ChapStick and I get in a car crash, you did it.
If you don't use the chapstick and I get in a car crash, you did it.
You are deciding now.
Film him. He is splitting the universe forever. You're permanently responsible for everything that's going to happen forever.
What are you choosing? Are you going to choose to use or not use the chapstick?
I'm sorry.
- That's exactly the way it is.
Well, that's right.
I like it.
So next time something bad happens, all I have to do is say, "Luke,
Only you used the fucking chapstick. No, it's not- You could have prevented this. You could have stopped it. This is stupid. You really are a piece of shit. No. No. Do you have no care or no duty of care towards your family? If I use the chapstick and something bad happens, I still get blamed.
- You really are a piece of shit. - Well, you would be responsible.
There's a reason everyone hates you. But you could stop the bad things happening by using that chapstick now. No, but if I don't use the chapstick, then I prevent all the things- the bad things that would have happened if I did use the chapstick. No. What- if you don't use the chapstick, the bad things that happen in the future could have been prevented by your actions.
But if I do use the chapstick, more bad things would have happened because I used the chapstick. But if no bad things happen, you using the chapstick has saved us. And you're responsible for everything good that happens. And if no bad things happen, me not using the chapstick super saves us.
Because it was going to all reverse.
It's on you. Can't be on me. You know Luke, you really are a terrible chap.
All those poor people getting bombed to death in Iran. I hope you have a fucking good night's sleep. It's not because of me. It's just that fucking chapstick. Seriously. It saved lives. Chapstick won't change anything. Look, if there becomes a giant piece because of this. I'll keep the chapstick on my person in case you decide to do the right thing.
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I can logically back up that you shouldn't eat dogs. Even without my moral, I don't think you can. I don't think you can. Okay, right. So there's no such thing as a cow. A cow is an artificial animal, right? Humans selectively bred wild animals to create the modern day cow. Okay, we did the same with dogs. All modern day cows come from an animal that's called the European orbs. Got it. They extinct in Poland in the 1600s when we hunted them. Yeah. And every breed of cow from the fucking island cows to the American orbs. Got it. From that original. Right. The European orbs. So a cow is not a natural animal in the same way that a big red apple is not a natural thing.
Yeah. We made the apple so we can eat it. We made the fucking European Oryx into a cow so we can eat it. Yeah. Cat- dogs are the oldest domesticated animal by humans. Besides some say cats self-domesticate themselves, but humans purposefully domesticated dogs from breeding wolves, from the wolves used to eat from their garbage piles outside of their camps, right? At no point in human history, certainly in the West, in my culture, were dogs ever, ever, ever bred to be food in the first place. So dogs are artificial animals in the same way that a cow's an artificial animal from the European Oryx.
That's literally why it's designed. So logically, you can make a logical argument even if we hate dogs and cows, that this one's for food and that one isn't. And I don't know how you can argue with that. Okay, I agree. The premise of this question is gay. And I'll explain why. The burden of proof being put on me to explain why I eat some animals and not others is gay.
That is the justification of why I don't eat certain animals, and I do eat others, because I don't want to. You could find that hypocritical, but guess what? I don't care. Bros, I fucked you up. I destroyed you. It was on camera. It was the most brutal UNO loss anyone has ever seen. Perhaps recorded in history. It was the most brutal UNO loss in history ever. In front of the entire world. Everyone's memeing him. Everyone's making fun of him. He must have been hungry. There's no reason to lose that badly unless you were hungry, famished,
So I said to him, "You need to eat your oatmeal." And still to this day, Marcel refuses to eat his fucking oatmeal. Eat your oatmeal, bro. Marcel, eat your oatmeal. Eat your oatmeal. Ten-time champion of the World Series. I've never lost a game. We normally keep playing cards, poker chips, and then Uno. I've never lost a game of Uno in history. I'm the best Uno player there's ever been. Street rules, make it up as you go along. I need you to kerfuffle your pickup card. It's horrible. You have to get sued. I guess he doesn't have a red.
I guess.
Tristan's got a reds. Tristan's got a reds. Tristan's got no reds.
Uno.
Tristan's got a reds. Tristan's got a reds. Tristan's got no reds.
Uh oh. Uh oh. It's down the wire. Uno! Uh oh. It's down the wire.
*music*
- California, the blue side of party. California. - Oh, there's paparazzi. They're trying to take a picture. - I know, I step out and it's just flash and flash and flash.
You're trying to take your picture. You're famous. No, but do they just stay out here all day just for that picture? Yeah, they've been out here all night. Don't they realize that I report to my friends? They're called a paparazzi.
I'm famous. I'm an A-lister. It's no big deal. I'm just famous. What did the dog say to the tree? Bar.
This is stupid. You're made.
So Rodeo Drive, isn't that famous? Isn't that a famous thing? Welcome to Beverly Hills, Luke. Where even the palm trees need PR agents.
I don't get it.
Do the PR for the palm trees. I don't get it. That palm tree up there does not have a PR agent. Do you like it or not? That palm tree. I mean, it looks fine. PR is working. PR is working. All the money in the world.
There's no PR agent for that palm tree. Welcome to Beverly Hills, Luke. Is this acting like a sidewalk? It's just a sidewalk. It just is.
like a sidewalk. Yes or no? No, it's just is. Okay, but how is it acting? How does it behave? It behaves a bit like sidewalk. I agree.
Welcome to Beverly Hills. This does look very nice though. Yeah, but you're not invited. What do you mean I'm not invited? I'm here. Yes.
What if I say yes, it did? Why?
I'm going to meet you, man. I got it. I like that. They were ready. They were ready. Let's go on Porsche Design and buy that. Welcome to Beverly Hills, where the flowers are caught in scandals. The flowers are caught in scandals. Hey, how are you? Good afternoon. Welcome in. Thanks. Do you want a new hat? No.
i hate you or chat you at least be quicker you'd walk faster would i would i though probably we need to buy this poor chat please
Which one do you want? You'll walk faster. I don't want any of these. I have my hat.
Everyone likes the gorilla hat. At this point, the gorilla hat has done so much. Your hat looks determined. Alright, so I have to film you because there's loads of people just waiting for you outside. I'm an A-list celebrity. Nice. Hey, bro.
Thank you so much.
Germany? Yep, Germany. I got arrested in Germany during COVID.
Of course, you're British. Where's your family from?
I'm from Luton, bro. Don't worry about that.
Maybe you're S-tier.
here rank above it. I'm up top boss. Andrew this lady would like a picture. Oh of course. Thank you. My cousin can take it. Oh thank you. So there's the camera thing. You're English? Okay. Irish. Irish. Irish. Ah so is my mother. Very good. Cheese. There you go. Thank you very much. I'm actually American. Of course. I'm grandfather. I'm from York. Oh of course. Yeah let's do it. I will do it so. Okay. How you doing brother?
You have time for a picture? Sure, real quick. How you doing? Good to meet you, man. Hey, Tristan. Dude, I watched all of you guys. That's so crazy. We're out, bro. Two legends. Welcome to Beverly Hills, where even the trash cans have something to say. That's not true. That is. Ask him. Ask him. Ask the trash can. I'm not going to start talking in trash cans. Get rid of what he's going to say to you. No, he's not going to say anything. I'm just going to look like a retard.
you know they said to luke though they were talking trash smart said he's garbage this is stupid you're scared of the trash man real quick sure you're you refuse to admit the sidewalk acts like sidewalk appreciate that all right and you won't admit that you like to pick the palm trees because they have a good piece no i do like the palm trees but not because they have a good pr chain they don't need a pr welcome to beverly hills this is in beverly hills the trash cans don't talk the sidewalks don't act the palm trees don't have pr inches that's not real
- No, this is real. This is fake news. - Have you ever even been to California? - Yes. - How much cash you got on your list? How much cash? You know, like cash. How much cash you got? - Zero. - Who the fuck is your fucking cousin? What does he know about California? It's like he's never been here. - You're a loser, bro. If you'd spent as much time in California as me and Andrew, then you'd understand what we understand. - This is stupid. I'm done talking. - I like how you say that you can get our steps in there, and then we take a very relatively short walk to a cigar lounge to puff cigars.
Welcome to Beverly Hills, where the clocks count the minutes.
The clocks count the minutes everywhere. So do the clocks count the minutes? Yes, they do. In Beverly Hills. Yes, the clocks count the minutes in Beverly Hills. I'll admit this one. Bro, they're all true, bro. Whether you want them to be or not. They're not all true. Everything we've said so far is true. They're not all true. Of course they are. So, G, welcome to Beverly Hills. Have a good day. Thank you, G.
walks countdown to showtime nice all right are you gonna ask the trash can what he thinks about you or not i'm not because you fucking suck that's why and you don't want the truth you've been hiding from the truth your whole life i'm not i'm not hiding from the truth i'm just not talking trash cans because they can't speak find out so andrew you're literally a tourist attraction yeah welcome to uh easy hi team having fun this bus looks great i want to get on the bus and have
That is G. That is G. No matter how famous you are, Mr. I'm famous. I'm famous and rich. Constantly showing off.
That's not me. That is you. You'll be at 1.30pm. That's in one hour. Let's have lunch.
Welcome to Beverly Hills, where the Cigar Lounge is closed. Welcome to Beverly Hills, where the schedule of the Cigar Lounge goes up in smoke. I mean, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's not allowed in my thing. I'm sorry. So we're going to cut that one out. Yeah.
Yeah, that one was too bad. Oh, shit. No one's ever going to see that. You made a banger and now you just fucking ruined it. Turns out Tristan doesn't only make bangers. Turns out sometimes he's a fuck-up. He's a hit and miss kind of guy. 50-50. You promised me we had a star on this boardwalk. Because no one knows who these fucking people are anyway. I don't have to act. You're a fashion icon. I'm a celebrity. Fuck off. So I deserve a star. We're going to get a Tate Brothers star.