Transcript
If I hate it less than he hates it, I'll enjoy it.
I'm all good at learning lessons. Sorry, justice system.
As a logical man, there comes a point where, yes, Triss is too far.
to look so much better that it's exponentially worth 1% effort for 70% payoff. As opposed to 100% effort for 100% payoff. Now you do understand that it's exponential. Like being really overweight and not eating for a day and losing 20 pounds in a day.
You do know you could get a jacket and look a million times less retarded and there's so little effort included. Andrew, I want to look retarded. I hate everyone.
I don't like that. I don't care for their opinions. So it's 1% effort for 0% reward. Oh, I look better in their eyes. Don't care. I hope they think I'm a loser.
Please. - But look, even, okay, I don't know, super first off. I put on pants, I put on shoes, I put on a shirt. Do you have thermal under your pants? Do you have to change your-- - This took me less effort than you. - Do you have to change your pants? - Yes. - Oh, so you have to change your pants. - Oh, my God. - You hear that, guys? He changes his pants. When did you see me change my pants? - I've never seen you change your pants. - I have one pair to need. This is it. - Is now the time to show everyone the belt buckle? - Oh, yeah, we can.
and Bailey. It's both of you. I'm Texan now. We're Dineen.
I have a belt buckle. I get it. I completely get it. It's the way. It's the future. How has the belt buckle changed your life? It just has. I like it. I like the belt buckle. It just feels nice. I like belts. I get belts. And belt buckles make belts feel good. Are you wearing yours? Of course.
I don't like him. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why I'm here with Tristan. Off camera, Tristan has been practicing a voice from Zoom.
It's stupid. Luke said he liked to do movies and said they're terrible, but then he was talking about the voice. I said I could do it. It's working so far. It's not working. You're sitting down. He told you to sit down. No. I told you to look at the menu as well. Tristan just says something just before I do it. It's like him telling me, look at your phone. Or maybe, but in the movie, they say something and the person does it immediately after. Yes. I'm not doing it immediately after. Right now, you're not doing anything right now because you don't want me to say it. No, it's stupid. But you're not doing anything because I haven't said anything. No, it's stupid. It doesn't make sense.
What do you mean? He's retarded. He thinks the voice from Dune is real. And he thinks it's working. You're the one who liked the Dune movies. I do like the Dune movies. They're great movies. They just may have messed up on the end of Dune 2. Which Dune 3 might disappoint. It works.
Brian did you hear anything? Because I didn't. I just noticed Luke's demeanor change out of nowhere. My demeanor changed. This is stupid. This is stupid, man.
- I drink a hot cigarette. - I'm gonna touch my phone. - Luke, what are you doing? - Nothing. I'm doing nothing. - He's texting on his phone. - I'm not texting at all. - Why are you texting on your phone? - I literally put my thumbs to the side. - We're having a conversation. - To make sure that people can see I'm not texting on my phone. In fact, I'm doing the opposite. Bailey, put the camera down. - We'll go with the camera.
- This is stupid. I'm doing what I want to do. - No. - It might be a vintage. - He thinks he's doing what he wants to do, that's the whole point.
Exactly. We've not had a proper party in a very long time. You can't work in party. Yeah, it's like all these fucking women trying to have sex with me.
Can you not be bothered? Hundreds will arrive and they'll all be like dolled off. They'll be like, oh look, have sex with me. Please have sex with me. Please, big famous tall rich handsome man. Please have sex with me. Where's your cousin? Hiding. He's better. So he's not going to be a party member with you? Can I make him come?
that he hates it even more than me. You haven't gotta like things. You just gotta hate them less than the guy who hates them the most. You know? If I hate it less than he hates it, I'll enjoy it. 'Cause he's hating it more and I get to make fun of him. Even though I don't like it either. You know? - Yeah. - You're right. That's the key. You get Luke here, to son his phone, and ignore the girls. While I turn them all down until I eventually crack. I always fucking do. I eventually give in, before you know it, back in court.
Isn't this how all the problems arise? Yes it is, Bailey. Yes it is. Are you attacking the problem head on? I just, you know, I'm not good at learning lessons. Sorry justice system. Four years in I've learned nothing. Run it.
I'm sorry.
*music*
I'm a corny this agent, all over the neck, I'm a bulldog, kilos under the floorboards, I'm with the women in the store, I'm going to be made on the storeboards, whatever, I'm going to be sore drawn, I'm running the seat on the floorboards, anytime I smoke, I like four walls. Funnily enough, by now, even the SWAT guys, because all of a sudden all the investigators, they're just fucking, they hit me, they knew it for a shit. They came in, they were like, nice door, I said thanks.
house three times. I was like, bro, I don't know what the fuck. He goes, sorry guys. I was like, no problem. By then they were cool as a cucumber, the squat guys, because they felt bad for me. They knew. They knew. They were like, oh, bro, sorry. It's just business. They didn't handcuff us nothing. They're like, just chill, get coffee, play video games. It's just so good. By the third time, they knew. Look, it's a party. You can't stay. I can't.
in your bed
I can. When there's a party. No, I can stay right here. I can hide.
and no one will bother me.
In fact, only two people bother me.
You and your brother. These are the only people who have bothered me so far. My technique's actually working magically.
It's working wonderfully. How many people do you think are here? Zero. No. How many people do you think are in this house? Or in this house? I thought you meant coming in. Around 30? Ah, more. 50. So let's say there's 50 people.
Only two people have bothered me so far. That's pretty good.
This technique seems to work very well.
I've been here for 2 hours now.
Luke, I don't want to party, you don't want to party. Let's just go suffer together. No, I don't want to suffer with you.
What are you even doing in here? I'm just reading.
You're reading? Yeah, I'm reading. What are you reading? Tell everyone. I'm reading. I don't want to tell everyone. So you're not going to join us for the party? Let's stay here and continue.
*music*
lights to catch, conversations to have, set the world straight, and I have to get all that done while also remaining handsome and rich and tall and funny and charismatic. So, it's going to be an interesting day. Where are we going to first? Going to Patrick Bed David. We're going to a cigar
out that I have 12 a.m. podcast, meeting at 3, meeting at 5, pack my stuff from the mansion, get to the jet by 6, to be in LA by 10. Easy day. Just another day in the life.
Romantics, man.
You know, people think I'm a misogynist.
because I have all these women, but truthfully, I have such a big heart.
So much love to give that one woman couldn't possibly take it off.
Exactly. So...
Luckily,
along with all of my love inside of my huge heart. I also have a whole bunch of money inside of my huge bank.
So I can take care of them all and they all want me. So it's just a big happy world isn't it I guess.
- All right.
Do we need a bunch of stimulants this morning?
*sad music*
Doors opening.
Of course you do.
Why would you go through life without stimulants?
Why would you waste
You only have a certain amount of hours that you're actually going to live before you eventually die and rot on the ground.
So why during those hours that your conscious would you not want to be as heavily stimulated as possible?
Of course she wants to do that.
Not obviously gay narcotic stimulants, that's retarded.
but you need to be endlessly caffeinated and nicotated. Those two things are good for you.
Caffeine and nicotine are good for you.
The school of entertainment says so. So long. Practice.
Here's why the world's fucked. And this is why my first original war was against this thing.
capitalism, we can talk about all these things. I'll tell you what fucked the world, feminism. And let me explain why. Let me explain why. You know, I sit on podcasts and girls say to me, you say men should cheat, men can't cheat, men need to be loyal, all this crap, blah, blah, blah.
There was a time when there was a very simple social contract, and it wasn't too long ago. In the 1950s or the 1960s, you married your high school sweetheart,
You had children.
The man could pay for the house. His job was to go to the factory and pay for the house. She had a job, which was to birth children and take care of the children. It was bad, not only for her to cheat, but he would be ostracized. Even he, as a man, would be looked down on by society for stepping out of his marriage. That's how society worked. Did men break that contract or did women break that contract?
- I know what he is so shaming with the thing that he says. - Tristan you're fucked. - Tryna help in race. - Yo Tristan get in. - Hey, let's stop playing. - Tristan, tell him to do a big job. - Tristan I was a little bit of a dog. - What the fuck? - Hang on that tail hole close right here. I was like, sorry. - At least take the jacket. - I'm this ugly guy. I'm just getting in trouble with my mouth. - Ha ha ha, it's on camera. - Bailey set him up. - Bailey set him up. - Get it? - Get him off. - Damn, that's a new one. - Get him off.