Transcript
He's flying to Baileys family. If you ever know Tranny's world, it's back in the back of my break. Listen, you're really bad brother. Brandon struck us all up. What did I do?
I'm on holiday, so instead of sitting on my laptop and working at home, I'm not going to sit on my laptop and work on my phone.
- No. - Let's not holiday. - I'm on holiday, I'm on my laptop, exactly the same as I am everywhere else. At home, I sit on my laptop all day, and then I probably find time to go eat some food, go to the gym, and then I go to sleep, and on holiday I do the exact same. I heard there's pigs somewhere, but I fucked enough of them in the mood when I was younger. - Ooh. - So I don't really give a shit. Holiday's bullshit, everything's bullshit. What are you gonna do in the Bahamas you can't do in Dubai or Tokyo? You're gonna go for dinner, you're gonna fuck your three wives, and you're gonna sit in your laptop. - Hey, we have a beach here though. Wanna go to the beach? - We're on holiday, enjoy it. - Andrew,
I don't like to leave my house. I really don't. The viewers of Take Confidential probably don't know how much I hate to leave my house. Why are we here? We're in Dubai. We're not. This is the other side of the entire planet. This is Dubai. We're in Dubai and you're lying to the viewers. I'm not. This is not Dubai. This is Dubai and your house is right there. It's not. This is bullshit. Prove we are where you say we are. Because you can see. We're in the Bahamas. No. Do you want us to go?
- No, but you're not allowed one. - You didn't even offer your brother a cigar? - I have two.
Bailey, would you like a cigar? No, I'm good. Please, can I have a cigar? I've got two. Tristan, you can't be so selfish to take two cigars. I've only ever spoken good about it. I've done nothing but sing your praises. There is no chance I'm ever giving you one of these cigars. I've done nothing but sing your praises your whole life. Never in a million years can I have a cigar. I'll see you in hell before I see you smoking a cigar. What have I ever done to you? Tristan, you're a really bad brother. I will see you in hell before I see you smoking my cigar. You're a shit brother. You want to see a magic trick? Are you scared of me? Sure. That's your camera, right?
No lighter. That was magic. Can I have the lighter, please? I know you have your own lighter in your bag, don't you? I've been defeated. Can I have the lighter, please? Can you submit that you have your own lighter? Of course I do. So this is your chance to be a good brother.
So the thing about Tristan is this.
He walks around like he's a person with a hand. And his little suit would suck. I'm just going to tell you. Everybody who has ever encountered Tristan hates him. We hate him.
group chat he's not in yeah yeah we all talk about it anyway i brought your cigar and i hate you and i meant what i said earlier you are a con nobody likes you you're only in this series you're only in take all financial so i can let everyone at home know that you're the archetype for a piece of shit nobody likes you nobody's ever liked you your kids hate you i hate you mom hates you that's
and you're broke and you're short. Yeah, shorty. Weak and stupid and ugly. Really ugly. Oh, two filmers. Luke, someone's trying to steal your job. At least I'm trying to steal my job. You're like Luke from T-Move. Yeah.
You're just Luke from Alibaba. Alibaba Luke. Nice. That was a good one. The comments should have come up with those. Not Tristan should have come up with these. These Alibaba Luke. I was just remembering what the comments said on the two years of episodes. Nice. Every single episode, Alibaba Luke. Nice.
What have you been waiting for since you got to the bar? Every minute of every day. He keeps asking. He's been asking for a Goombay punch. I have.
There it is. I got one for everyone. Here you go, baby. Oh, thank you. Sorry. Thank you. I didn't want one of these. Of course. There you go, Tristan. Oh, 300 calories in a smoke can of drink. It's just carbonated water and sugar. An artificial flavor. Then why are you even begging for one? Drink your Goombay. So in lieu of me being very rich and retiring, basically, I've become a food reviewer. So the local dishes that I try at various restaurants, I like to review. This is a Bahamas Goombay punch. As we know, Luke has been asking for it every single day.
day. Luke, why have you been asking for this disgusting shit? I haven't been. You've been begging for these. They're fucking horrible. I didn't even drink it because I don't want it. You can sip your Goomba punch. No, I'm not gonna take it. You have to try it. I don't. It's for take on the edge. I don't. I want your honest opinion on it. I will never have a Bahaman Goomba punch for the rest of my life. Why'd you buy four of them? I did. I didn't even know you'd buy four. Bailey, you saw me. I was just waiting for them just around. I've never been filmed asking for one of these things. He was waiting for the Goomba punch.
Trust me, there's a 0% chance. Bailey, try some Gubay Punch. I've got my own. Fruit roll-up? I don't want a fruit roll-up. Here you go. Thanks. Sorry. You don't want a fruit roll-up? No. Well, what I know is this. No, I don't want any of this stuff. Ever since we were locked in prison, we said, I can't wait to run the backseat of an escalade in the Bahamas and all four of us have a fruit roll-up together. Do you remember that? I remember that. We've been sitting there for years. And Luke, you don't want to join us? No. We've been talking about this for years. We're saying how to stop. We can't wait. We're having a stop. We're a team. You're going to rob us. We're a team. We're friends. This is bullshit.
How many of your five a day have you had so far? We're on zero. You better get with the fucking bro. This isn't five a day. Look, there's it's not a coincidence that you are the smallest of all of us tape men. It's fruit flavor. Eat it. Eat your fruit roll-off. Ingredients derived from a bioengineered source. Can I ask you a question? Who is more educationally qualified? You or an engineer? Tristan, my stomach hurts. Not because I ate some bad food. My stomach hurts because I'm nervous because we're taking a seaplane out to an island. We are taking a seaplane out to an island.
Tristan, we have a rule, no helicopters. And I know a seaplane's not a helicopter, but statistically it's almost as bad as a helicopter. - I don't know, man.
If you ever know Tranny's rule, does banging a hermaphrodite break it?
Tristan, I feel so sick I can't even think about what you just said. Let me tell you a secret. No one wants to do the seaplane.
less than me
But I have a plan. What did the men on the Titanic do after the iceberg was hit?
They dressed up in fancy clothing and they got drunk.
So I plan to have three or four measures of rum at this seaplane station to calm my nerves. Be prepared for the worst. Tristan, why are we doing this? Are we doing it for take confidence? Are we doing it for fun? This isn't fun. I don't know. But I'm speaking to the rescue operator who finds Bailey's footage.
I never liked Bailey.
and I want that on record.
Final episode of Take Confidential. You don't make me feel much better about this situation. You know, I don't necessarily feel good about this situation myself, Bailey, but sometimes in life, you know? Gotta spin the dice, spin the roll, whatever it's called. Roll the dice. It's worth it. We're going to an island filled with a lot of, let's call them your types, if you know what I'm saying. What are my types? I don't even understand. I'm just saying, I think you'll really like the island, a lot of your types on this island.
You're speaking to someone in New York, but the account was generated in Mumbai this morning.
automation farms replicas and somehow you're still trying to build a real life in the middle of every day every hour working hard just not the right way that's why the real world exists because no algorithm can forge a man only a brotherhood can inside you now have access to millionaires who teach shape and pull you forward blueprints that make the right move the only move systems already built to take beginners from 0 to 10k a month in a fraction of the time
operators real wins happening in real time i've made now over twenty two thousand dollars in the real world managed to make like over forty thousand dollars fifty grand sixty guys close to a hundred thousand dollars no lone wolves only real men a real pack built to win you rise because real brothers refuse to let you fail iron sharpens iron in the real world is the forge join the real world now and start making money today there's no easy way out
Here's what I'm gonna do. Because Bailey is a dishonest piece of shit who always tries to screw his brother over, here's what I'm gonna do.
Instead of flying
Bailey, Brandon and Luke business.
right hear me out hear me out we spend the same money we buy one first class seat and two economies and we randomly card pick the seat random allocation yes it's the same money
instead of three business class seats i'm not trying to save money a first class seat and two economy seats
Middle of the row if I get first I'm never taking those slippers off
You would have made Brandon fly economy anyway, he's got nothing to lose everything again We're gonna live this down. I bet my first-class slippers are my new full-time footwear in the box. Oh
To be fair, I've not seen you take those off. Exactly. Because these, the shoes I'm wearing are the best shoes in the entire world.
But it's so deep into my slipper. Look at that. And it caught my foot. That is betrayal because your cousin, your cousin betrayed me by saying that my shoes are not the most comfortable shoes in the world. Then placed a rock to make his betrayal come true. Seriously, we're going through all right now as a team. Why do you have to do these things? I didn't do anything. How dare you? I didn't do any of that.
a lot right now, it's a very stressful situation. Do you really have to try to kill my brother? I didn't try and kill him. On top of everything else. Oh, it's a little rock in the foot walking down the stairs.
Slippers can't protect his toes. Toe breaks, tumbles, head cracks open. I know the playbook. You tried to destroy the world, Luke. Why would I want Newton myself? I'm here. Giving up because you're the biggest loser in the world. I'd do the same if I were you. I totally understand. We're trying to decide if we want to go to America or not. Fly to Bailey's family's house. Oh, hell yeah. They would love that. Live for free off these fucking white people. Yep.
their nations we live for free off of them eat their food sit around and wait for adventures to appear that'd be epic there's no enemies there you got Ghana can borrow we got loads you in let's go to Bailey's house no I want to go to my house the only thing better than your house is not Bailey's house that's right correct answer where's the nearest airport there's one no there's one in Paris like you can
Texas. I'm going to give my two cents because I feel like there's a division here. I genuinely feel like the Tristan Tate from the future has put a voice in my brain saying keep your brother out of America. You wanted to go on a seaplane. Hear me out and I super don't want to enter in America but it would annoy Luke so much. You're going to not listen to future you from the future giving
at all. You're the reason we go out. You're the reason I have to buy all these cars. It's your fault. Because you say, you shouldn't do that. You should buy a girl of that. Nobody wants that shit. Everyone does. I know everyone does. So the plans change in a matter of five minutes. I'm thinking of going with my banker to New York City because I'm an influential millionaire.
Not Paris.
Fuck Pear.
not penis laughter
-Luke, you love Paris. -Sorry, Bailey.
Why am I in New York? Because I'm extremely rich.
- Yeah. - And I do business.
Trying to boost their millionaires per capita ratio. I do business. I have a bank transfers.
Fucking...
I buy scratch cards from the gas station. I don't even care if I win. Andrew, you don't have a bank account.
I'm so rich I buy scratch cards from the gas station and I don't care if I'm the realest nigger alive. I'm so rich I'm gonna go to a 7-eleven.
and only drink half my Slurpee and half my bag of Cheetos and throw the rest in the trash.
That's a vagina.
in the Hudson.
In the Hudson. I'll pour half a Snapple in the Hudson. We weren't even where we are now very long at all. We were here for like a day, two days. Let me tell you a secret about us.
We can't enjoy anything because we're fucking lunatics.
I said to Andrew, "Let's try and enjoy Bahamas, enjoy the sunshine,
I'm pale as shit, Steve.
I've done nothing but work, and now I'm leaving. Your brother's pizza decisions have driven me to New York. We need to get some better pizza. Brandon's fucked this all up. What did I do? Brandon, you didn't order the worst pizza ever. We're invoicing him for the jet. We're invoicing him for the hotels. We need to get some good pizza, and it's all Brandon's fault. That may have been the worst.
financial decision made at a pizza place. - Ever. - That's the first use of Bitcoin.
- We should be going. Maybe we should be going. - Why are we going here? I thought we were on vacation, so it's holiday. - How are you gonna edit this? If I keep looking different. So for continuity, you can't edit this whole conversation together, 'cause I look different every time you show me. - I'm so confused. We flew here for holiday. - I don't know what you're doing. - We didn't even do anything, and now we're leaving. - You were saying that yesterday. What do you mean?
Yeah, are you trying to pretend today's...
Yesterday? Yesterday when I was here I had a Rolex on. Yeah. This is clearly a different day. Look over there. It's weird. Why did you eventually think some weeks ago? Yeah. Babe, we've been here forever. We've been here a long time. We've been here for a month. This conversation is weird. Oh. Okay, time to go.
Time to go, time to go. I'm so confused. He's a lesson about himself.
chess game and because they're fucking you in the ass and stealing all your money people think they're dumb my country's shit and they're just stealing all the money they're retards no they're doing real shit you're worried about your little fucking crap community they're stealing billions and beefing china in honduras what the fuck are you doing my school's broke though fuck your school fuck your kids fuck your future and your family your community fuck you all the things you care about don't matter it turns out trump is beefing china via honduras did you know that mexico
a 50% tariff to all Chinese electric vehicles under threat of Trump? No, you didn't. Did you know about the Panama Canal? No. I'm gonna read it all to you. It turns out China's getting ass-fucked and Trump doesn't give a shit about your crappy park. Your park is full of druggies, that's fine. The chinks are over there. They've got guns. We've got guns. I'm dealing with the big crap. Fuck your park. Fuck your community. Fuck your school. Oh, did your library burn down? Oh, is there no books in your library? No one reads books.
Wake up! The only faggot left on the planet who talks about books is Tristan. I read this book and I'll go soon on. No one gives a fuck about you. The Chinese don't give a fuck about you. Trump doesn't give a fuck about you. I don't give a fuck about you. No one on this plane gives a fuck about you or your books. Even this, even this newspaper, which is not a book, doesn't even mention your fucking name. You're a nobody, a scumbag. You always have been a useless piece of shit. Of everyone on this plane, you are the least needed.
You're a failure as a man, and I want you to know that. The Chinese know it, Trump knows it, the Hondurans know it. They're fucking Mexicans and they know you ain't shit. So I'm gonna read to you about geopolitics, because he's a fucking loser with his stupidness.
see all the time. Some of you may wonder, why am I wearing a long sleeve? Literally, I was deciding, ah, t-shirt? And I'm like, no. Everywhere's a frigid box. We live in refrigerators. I'm not wearing long sleeves, and I'm very happy I decided to wear a long sleeve. Americans live in the fridge. Americans are jars of pickles sitting there in the fridge paying their taxes. I gotta do my taxes to the IRS. Hey, Brenda, have you done your taxes? Living in a fucking fridge with the eggs and the
The house they go in, the air con has to be on, it has to be fucking freezing fucking cold. It's 100 degrees outside and they're fucking sitting there in the fridge doing taxes. You could be eating burgers and hot dogs and invading countries. The fucking, America's a fucking retarded. You could be a billionaire, you're still sitting in a fridge. Flip flops, some Hawaiian shirt, you look like trash, your wife's up here, fat. You're sitting with a beer t-shirt on, I'm worth 45 billion dollars, yeah. Put the air con on, Betty.
Fuck these people. And they make fun of Europeans because there's no aircon. We live in the weather. If it's warm outside, we're warm. If it's cold outside, we're cold. We live in what's called the weather. The real world. The atmosphere of Earth is our home. You live in this manufactured reality with your CNN and your fucking aircon. Everything's fucking fake. The tits on your fucking whore sugar baby are fake. Everything's fake. You live in a fake fucking reality. Sitting there watching CNN.
Oh my God, another election. The midterms. Shut the fuck up. Turn off the air conditioner. You can't go anywhere in America without fucking freezing to fucking death. It's the Bahamas. I'm wearing a fucking hoodie. I got on this fucking plane. Yelling at her. Turn the aircon off. Why is the aircon off? Why is it so fucking cold? All the fucking time it's freezing. The fucking... I'm serious. I know you're just... It's fucking incredible. I mean, you're wearing a t-shirt. I'm wearing a t-shirt. I mean, you're wearing a t-shirt. I love the AC.
that you live in in my home and they're-- - Brandon, no. No, it's freezing. - How do we handle the atmosphere of the normal air? - The normal air. - It's easy. Just man up. A little cold. You're scared of a little cold. - You're scared of the atmosphere. I'm not interfering. - Y 'all all believe that aircon makes you sick. - God's atmosphere is what I'm living in. - If you're a real Christian, you'd accept God's decisions. - Fuck. - I'm a pigeonhole. I'm a night out. It's a different mode. I'ma had to make a pan of six on a pinky. So heard you with a shooting guard. Just let a nigga know. I'm gonna hang you courtside. Not the middle row. All good love in a minute though. Fuck. Open and do it. I can't stress about it.
♪ ♪ I don't get ♪ ♪ 'Cause I'm excited ♪ ♪ So I'm cooking up a mission on the kitchen stove ♪ ♪ Pop stock and bubble seed ♪ ♪ The surs that you're good to go for ♪