Transcript
This is my human rights. Do you have the human rights in this house?
The human trafficking truck. Move fat Romanian. Brokey, brokey, brokey. Everyone's black!
You will have the occasion to know them better, but
They are real, real great men. And thank you that you came to celebrate my birthday. You can't miss Jail. You can't miss Jail. Why not? I don't know what to do. You've never been. You wouldn't know. Jail's not good. You don't understand. You don't know how good it is. There's no way Jail's good. It's super good. No! You ever been? I've never been. Keep your mouth shutters. It's super fun. Do I look like the Jail type to you? You're just chilling with the guys, you know?
I don't understand. Why? No, guys, I genuinely, I promise you, have no fucking idea why this is here or what it is. We thought Tristan bought it, but he thought you bought it, so now we're all confused. What is this? I did not buy it. It's a Cybertruck, right? Yeah. I didn't buy it. I didn't buy it. I got Jesco yesterday. I've never, I don't like electric cars, even though I have a Rimac Navarra. I did not buy this. I've never seen one before. I've never placed an order for one. I have no fucking idea what this is or why it was delivered here.
Well, your name's on it. Your name's on it. Look on the inside. Go inside. No, I'm not trying to get you. Has someone bought me a Cybertruck? I'm genuinely telling you the truth. How do you open it? Your name is on it. What's the button on the side? Okay, you have enough cars to know how to open a Cybertruck. I don't know how to open a fucking Cybertruck, do you? What's the key?
Ha ha!
It's like a security badge.
That's badass. - Was it close? - No. - Try the top one. - Oh.
Ha ha! Someone bought me a Cybertruck. What did I say? Your name is on it. This is your truck. Look at the headrests, Bert. Look at the headrests. And why's it got Albanian plates? Okay, that's kind of cool. These are the London guys.
Too much fucking money. Why am I got a Cybertruck with Tate on it? Okay, I actually didn't see the headrest. I'm gonna zoom in on that. Look, it says Tate! It says Tate! I didn't buy this! Let me... Bro, I swear to God, I had no idea what this is. I didn't even think Cybertrucks were legal in Europe. Because they have pointy edges or something. Yeah, yeah, that's right. But in Albania, everything's legal.
For money. Until they just delivered it here. They go on. Albanians must have done it. It's either. The only Albanians I know are.
London? The fuck?
It's so long. Get in the back, bitch. Is that how you do it?
You know more than me. I don't know how to fucking do any of this. It is called a Cybertruck. Get in. Get in. Get in the back. Ready?
It's the human trafficking truck. Doc. Doc. Oh my God. Decor. You have to let me out. No, you're not coming out. You're not coming out. You're not coming out. Hey. Who's the man? Hey. Who's the man? I know. Beg. Why? Because I said so. This is my human rights. Do you have the human rights in this house?
Free me! Say please.
Bring me please!
They're so ridiculous, let me out! Alright, so now we gotta go drive in the Cybertruck.
Let me go ask Tristan if he knows anything about this. Which of the Albanians we know sent us the Cybertruck? No idea.
There's the key and the security, I have no clue. You don't know anything about the truck? I have nothing, I have no clue. It has our names stitched into it everywhere.
There's a key in this theory.
That's a lie. So I'm truck timed off, you weren't here. Assume it was you.
So we're all confused. We thought it was you, you thought it was us.
Let me get security to make sure there's not a bomb. Are you trying to famoose us? Is this one big famoose? One Tristan famoose? Something to do with me? Is there some secret Oreo that never got eaten and you've changed this whole timeline? Ah wait wait wait wait!
If you eat that Oreo, that's a different future than if you don't. Be careful. Could be good stuff. All right, road trick with the boys? Looks like it. Let's go.
- -
How do I
Heated steering, arcade, I've got arcade. You've got Netflix. Hi, hi, I've got Netflix. Alright, I'm getting it. I'm getting it. Tap key card to drive, tap key card to drive.
I have never driven one of these, I don't even have a fucking clue how these work.
Jesus. Ride height low. Sentries available. Car wash, mirrors, child lock, glove box. This is confusing. Dynamics, beast mode. You gotta go beast mode. Okay. What a weird day. Very weird day. It's weird because other things have happened that the audience doesn't know about, but we know. Super weird day. Super weird day. Alright, so that's that. How do I put it in gear? Does it have gear? Does it have gear? Yeah, but it has a drive. There, that's drive. Park.
Keep her there. It's really um, directional. It changes, it just, the turning circle's super tight. What if the i8 guy is some
like scout to let them know that we're finally in the cyber truck. Fuck no. Now something's weird. I don't like this. Something's weird.
Hey G. G, what's up? I stay here because I want to thank you for everything. Good to meet you bro. I put the T8 CXI like your McLaren. First I think. Thank you for everything man. No problem G. Send me an email. We'll talk on email. You have my email address? Yeah of course. Thank you bro. So he's not related to the Cybertron. Or at least we think. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That was rollercoaster.
- Wow! - Yeah, it's quick. - No, that's actually really fun. It's too big to do that. - Okay, that floored me, I'm not gonna lie. - It's supposed to be mad quick. - Whoa!
What? Okay, this is weird. This is weird. Move, fat Romanian. Before you get run over. - Whoa! - This shit's cool. To see all the cars, it's scanning all the cars, see the cars coming even ahead of these cars, it's detecting them all. And I bet if you go through these settings and shit,
cool stuff. It's very directional. It's very pointy. I'm surprised by how pointy it is.
I didn't expect it to move like that.
Look, everyone's running to get out of the way of you driving. It kind of scans all the cars, the traffic of that as well. And it shows people too. Yeah. Look, there's a kid. Romanian Brokey. If it was really good, it was... He's really right there. Brokey, Brokey, Brokey. First impression? You know what? It's annoying because I can already see myself getting used
driving this.
It's so easy. Before we go to d***, we have time for one car review. Do you want to do this or the Jesco? What do people want to see? Do people want to see me ragging a Kernese Jesco around the Romanian mountains? Or me driving a Cybertruck? And critiquing Elon's creation? I know everyone wants to see the Jesco, because no Jesco review has been done the way I would do a Jesco review. We all know that my car reviews are the best. I know everyone wants to see the Jesco, but maybe, you know, maybe we should do the Cybertruck.
Mix it up a little bit now. I'm excited for my nevera because I thought my electric nevera which I bought for four million dollars would be boring to drive But now I realize it might actually be fun and that's quicker than this that's the scar in the world actually it's remaining in a fucking nutshell I wonder if it detected it as a horse and carriage on here. That would have been cool. I doubt it. I finally made the mantra come true What's the mantra? Say it.
The car has been full of all of us. The mantra is "Fuck gas!"
Luke and I were champions of Fuck Gas. I'm just a champion of gas. No, we ran out of gas in France. Fuck Gas! Fuck Gas! Fuck Gas! Fuck Gas! Fuck Gas! You know what this means, Luke? It looks like we ran out of gas. We said that gas was for faggots, no matter how low the gas gets, first person to stop to lose them. It was Fuck Gas. What are you putting in your car? That's what I'm trying to do. What are you putting in your car? Can you admit that I have made the mantra finally come fully true?
and now it's better.
It's a private property.
Super call. Sorry. Okay. We don't want to go to jail again, but I'm the fuck-ass champion. Can you admit that? Tristan, that's your mate, sir. That's your mate. You know why he's coming? You know why he's back?
Because I'm the FuckNass champion and you're not. That's why he's pissed. Because he works for Big Gas. He works for Big Gas and I've been saying "Fuck Gas" and that's why he's mad. Because I no longer need gas ever again. Yeah, and you're exposing it to the world. I'm exposing it to the world, so I win.
Basically, I'm doing God's work.
Basically, I super win and you mega lose.
And you and your entire family are fucking losers.
You and your entire bloodline.
A dynasty of cowards.
The coward dynasty. Admit it.
Admit it or I won't buy you a chocolate bar.
Fucking loser. Fucking loser. I bet they have gas. Look at her. Look at them. Gas, gas.
Fuck that.
- I want to see another one. - Oh, okay. You want me? You want the car?
We're at home. I just try to prompt for Take Confidential sometimes. I try to prompt Andrew and Tristan for action. And now they're back talking and refusing to give contact. We're at home. AI. We're saving money. We're Take Confidential. This is AI. We're saving money and you're fired. This is not AI. You're fired. I miss Luke. And I know you do too. Luke doesn't miss you. I guarantee you doesn't give a fuck on you. Luke is also fired.
Luke would really enjoy this place. I know he would.
Luke is a party animal. He loves going out.
- Thanks very much.
Put down the knife Andrew, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. Kristen. Kristen.
No, Kristen, for real, Kristen. Kristen, look at the camera. Kristen, I'm taking your photo. Look at the camera. Kristen, this is a boring episode of Take Confidential. All you're doing is ignoring the camera. So is Andrew. Andrew's not saying anything. Andrew, you can't boast it. Ignore the camera for all of Take Confidential.
*music*
And this movie is groundbreaking because Snow White was made that because her skin is white and snow. It's now brown. And I need to make my ethnic friends feel better. Imagine if I'm not a skin. This is brown. Ali's moving.
Why don't you tell us you're a movie star? We're streaming a Peter Pan peanut butter alert of us watching Snow White live because I said about 5 ,000 retweets I would do it. So now I'm going to sit there and ignore the movie on my phone.
I can't really do that because I'm not sticking to my promise, so I'm going to have to actually watch it at Epoch Park and I'm suffering. So we're watching Snow White. Tristan's favorite movie. It's Suicide by Snow White. What kind of trick is that? I'll bet it's down. I'll bet it's down. What? I'll bet it's down. You didn't give me much as you think it is. I got it. You'll never financially recover. From what just happened to you? There's probably a poor loser. If anyone here is a poor loser, you can all agree it's Alex. I want to see Alex's movie. You want to see Alex's movie?
What's your movie about? Your movie? I'm movie. Yeah, the one where you're an actor. It is, you're the star. You're in the middle on the poster.
Fucking dickhead. Zoom in. This is my cinema. This dickhead.
I've basically become suicidal and decided to commit suicide by a Snow White. So I'm going to watch Rachel, the most insufferable person in the world, dance around pretending she's Snow White when she's as brown as I am. I'm not Snow White. I am a N. I am an N. And she's my color. So, Snow N? Can I say the word?
- Damn! You're gonna be sick, guys! - Wait, are you excited?
Fuck yes! Yes!
Fucking yes! Tristan, are you excited? Yes! Traverse to ease our strength and it's set in medieval Germany. I bet all the other characters are black as well. Medieval Germany full fucking black. Nigel. Where's Nigel? So you rented out the whole theater, so we're the only ones in here. People say money isn't happiness. I got a whole set of my hair to watch Snow White.
Snow White with the boys.
Snow White with the man death. Snow White with the seven dorks. You do realize that because all these seats in this private cinema are expensive and we booked the entire cinema, we're responsible for about 30% of this movie's box office turnover. The first fully booked cinema to see Snow White anywhere in the world is this one. Every seat's paid for. Although we could have just bought our own seats and showed up and no one else would be here probably. So we could have saved somebody. Are you going to get sued? Yeah. Okay, I'll let you know when it's time for you to make your sexy granddaddy.
- Especially my hobby. - Is this the Grand Andrews? - I love getting sued. That's right. My favorite thing to do is be sued. I love that every day I wake up to new lawsuits. - So if everyone's wondering what I'm talking about, we're live streaming Snow White. - If they text me and tell me not to, I won't. But if they don't text me, then I have permission as far as I'm concerned. - Yeah, it's their fault. They should have texted you. - They should have texted you.
I don't know. Cinema didn't tell me to stop. Disney didn't tell me to stop. So how the fuck am I supposed to know? What am I, sidekick? No, they should be paying us. Free promotion. Well, no one's gonna watch this shit anyway, so at least someone's gonna fucking see it. No one's gonna watch it otherwise. Yeah, why aren't they sending us money? Whoever. They're gonna pay me. I'm famous. I'm famous. They're gonna pay me. I'm more famous than that bitch. What's her name? That bitch.
So black people only. Only blacks.
Once upon a time, there was a peaceful kingdom ruled by a virtuous queen and king. Kristen, the movie just started. We can't go home. Kristen, the movie just started.
I'm having the best time of my life. This is great. Oh look, look!
There's blacks everywhere, just like now. You're black too. Blacks are an idol black. I'm black. Everyone's black. Whoa!
assistance.
was a dirty Algerian like you saw. And was banging the queen.
- Loki, you sim, have you been having sex with the queen of Snow White last year? - No. - I caught you. Brown hands. Snow White pickpockets, thieves, everywhere. Watch out! They're gonna stab you and steal your stuff. Watch out, princess! - Syphilis!
Slot! Slot! Slot! So it took Androlla five minutes to get on his phone. Shit! Gal Gadot, we all know what kind of enchanting woman she is,
I'm not gonna say what kind of a changing lady she is.
It was a Jewish enchanting lady. I'd fucking lock you up if you stop fucking singing. You're annoying. Non-stop singing. Yusuf, you are brown and if you're singing my house...
every day being brown singing like
Indian songs and shit. I'd love to. I've seen her sing another video. She can actually sing. I'll give it to her. She can sing.
This movie sucks. You can't sit in a fully empty cinema that we've reputed for just us and watch a single movie without complaining. That sounds a lot like Princess Problems. Tristan! It sounds to me like Princess Problems. Tristan! Stay, Tristan!
We have to finish the movie. No way. No? I can't do it. Tristan, we're all in this together.
- No, you're in it alone. - No, no, no, no. - I'm not interested, I can't do it.
These will not help me. - They will. - I can't go, I can't watch them. - I brought those for when you reach your tipping point.
Very good.
and and you hit your tipping point so i brought reinforcements let's continue the attack
- -
Guys, he's back.
Oh, she's black. They're all black as afros. I can't. They're all black. Oh, sorry, baby. They had their chance. They fucking got me with the blacks. Tristan left. He left, didn't he?
He left us here to suffer by ourselves. He said he couldn't do it because of the blacks. He did, yeah. Are we leaving or are we staying? I even gave him zins to get him through the rest of the movie. We have to stick it out, we have to soldier it. Here's your motivation, dropping off.
Your willpower to endure Snow White. Nigel, I can't see you at all. It's time to leave. So I'm not here. Alright, I vote...
We... Let's do a vote. Yusuf. Yusuf, are we staying or are we leaving? Stay. Stay? Stay.
Leave. Alex. Leave. Leave, leave, Alex. Leave, of course. See you, Yusuf. I win. I win. Get the fuck out of here. This is bullshit. I need light on him.
It's the best day of my life. Wow, I was gonna fall in love with a mouthy brown, girl. Wow, a mouthy brown. That'd be great. Snow White. So nice to meet you.
So Tristan left, he took the Mercedes.
so good.
I'm not kidding.
He took the car so Dresden took the car oh
Yeah! Or something. We're stranded. Tristan actually took the car. You lose him. Tristan's taking the car.
Just needs to come back.
He's cheating. He's cheating. Alec, you're right. It's fine. Everything is fine because we watched Snow White and we all have the power of friendship now. Snow Nick. Uber? Uber.
Thank you.
It's raw.
That was sick. Sick. I found the next movie for us all guys.
We're going to rent the whole cinema again.
We're going to rent the entire cinema again, and we are going to watch... Bambi! Bambi tonight! I thank you a bit of Bambi. Bambi's cute. Why are we leaving, though? We can just stay here forever and watch Disney for me.
*laughter* Alright. I know he's got a beard, but he's actually 8 years old. That's why he's so small. I'm 100% undefeated SkyChank. Let's go SkyChank! Oh yeah, I'm full of shit! I mean no, I should've fucking made it! Fuck it out! That's also why we go to jail. Black genetic. One million dollars.
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