Transcript
- Every time I go and meet a girl,
I ask them some important questions. Do you believe in God?
They always say, not really, but I'm spiritual. I believe in something. All girls are basically the same.
Less than people go, why do you just fuck up to girls? Why do men just want to fuck up to girls? Because they're all the same.
You look a bit different. You all think the same. None of your personalities are interesting.
You think you're interesting with your shitty stories,
Trust me, your story of going to the club and getting too drunk on Ibiza, I've heard it fucking before.
Anyway.
Every time I ask him, "Do you believe in ghosts?"
They always say, yeah. I'm like, why do you-- and he goes,
I saw a ghost.
Why do you think seeing a ghost is proof of ghosts? It's not proof of shit.
The least valuable form of testimony in court is eyewitness testimony because
Humans are fallible.
And plus on top of that, bimbo, who gives a fuck what you think? You think you're smart. You're a moron. Who cares what you think you saw? So when I sit there and say, you didn't see a ghost...
Ghosts aren't real.
"You can't tell me what I saw. Yes, I can."
I can tell you you didn't see a ghost because ghosts aren't real. Just like I can tell you you didn't see Santa Claus because Santa Claus isn't real. You may think you saw Santa, you may think you saw a ghost,
but guaranteed you didn't because they're not real.
And then they say, "How do you know?" "I'll tell you how I fucking know."
One, because I'm a genius, and you should be more respectful when you talk to God.
me
And two, the reason I know, is because there's no empirical evidence for ghosts.
And on top of that,
All of the evidence we do have, all of the science we have,
says there are no ghosts. For ghosts to exist, everything we know about physics has to be wrong.
Everything we know about medical science has to be wrong.
Biology has to be wrong. Everything we understand about the human body is wrong. We can cut open a human body and replace the heart. We can send things to space with physics.
but you're saying that that's all wrong because you, at the corner of your eye, saw a ghost once? That that all has to get thrown out the window because you think you saw a ghost one time? If you got sick, you go to hospital and rely on every single piece of medical science that's been invented,
to keep you alive. So you believe in medical science when it suits you and then you throw it away because you think you saw your grandma at the edge of your bed when you were a little bit tired one night after too much ketamine.
Bollocks.
Ghosts ain't real. Anyone with a brain knows ghosts aren't real. We live in a society where everyone has a camera in their pocket and to this day there isn't one half decent photo of a ghost.
or footage of a ghost.
Let me just make a side point.
You all better hope I'm right.
Because if ghosts are real, and I do come back as a ghost,
I'm gonna fuck some people up.
I swear to God, I'm tired of watching horror movies where it's two hours, the family moves into the new house, you know, everything's fine for about 20 minutes. Then after 20 minutes, there's a bit of a scary scene where you hear a noise and she goes upstairs and then she opens the door and then it's just the kid or the dog and ooh, it's not a ghost.
Then things start to move, the ghost starts to move a plate a little bit, and then towards the end of the movie the ghost has gone full psycho, tries to kill him, and then somehow they kill a ghost which is already dead.
Bollocks. If I'm gonna haunt someone, I'm haunting you properly. I ain't fucking around with a little teacup. I'm picking up every knife in the fucking drawer. I'm gonna draw your dead all over the fucking walls with a butcher's knife. I'm gonna get a bunch of my ghost friends. We're gonna have a ghost party in your house. We're gonna appear right in front of you. We're gonna fuck shit up. Lock doors and it's going down. We're smashing up all your shit. We ain't playing games. We're playing loud rap music. We're gonna get asbos. The whole environment's gonna hate us. Everyone in the apartment block's gonna fucking leave because the parties I'm throwing when I'm a fucking ghost.
When I haunt you, if I haunt anyone, I am fucking up your life. And if you think moving house gets rid of me, no. I'm following you. I'm a fucking ghost. I go where I want. Wherever house you go to, I'm coming. And if you're going to call some stupid old medium bitch, there's always some old bitch who knows about ghosts and she turns up and she's like, this place is haunted. I need to leave. Fuck that bitch too. I'm haunting her. I'm haunting you. I'm haunting everyone. So you better hope ghosts ain't real because if the real and big daddy take comes back as a ghost...
You are all fucked. Every single person who disagrees on any YouTube comment on this channel, from now on, if I come back as a ghost, you and your families are finished.