Transcript
Good shot there from Tate!
you
*Bang*
*crickets*
Thank you.
Thank you.
.
Thank you.
*pain*
.
Thank you.
Thank you.
*BEEP*
*thud*
*BANG*
Bye.
I'm not.
Bang!
Thank you.
.
.
-
.
*BEEP*
Thank you.
*BEEP*
.
Thank you.
Thank you.
*BANG*
10 seconds.
*whistling*
*laughs*
- -
*BEEP*
-
No, no Red Bulls.
We're off the Red Bulls.
Yeah. I was having some really vivid dreams. I'm way into shit. Shit wasn't good.
To be proud, can you sleep on? No more Red Bulls.
- So what do you need to say? - Nothing, water.
Nah, well, there's water in there.
There is no regret.
Alright, come on with the regular.
I've got a new energy. It's Harry. Of course. What's the title?
It's a super energy drink. What is it? - It's smart.
What's your idea?
*thud* Okay.
Okay, shake.
Okay, I need some water in the kettle, give me a second. Coffee doesn't dissolve in cold. I've got a plan.
Like the world's finest energy drink. All I need... You just have a coffee.
No.
-
- Okay.
- The first time I was in the hospital, I was in the hospital.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're only supposed to use one. Tristan.
Stop. That's ten, that's eleven.
Oh, my God.
15, this won't resolve.
15 spoons. I think that
Looks like an energy.
Those are
It's a yard time in.
Pre-workout?
No.
Shout out to BigHerk916 on YouTube.
He gave me this.
He's a G.
I don't think he'd approve of how the season is. You know, maybe not, but he is also a big strong man just like me. And he understands that I'm an adult and I can do what I like.
Is this not going to give you a cardiac arrest?
This won't dissolve. - Vitemintablet.
There's no universe involved. - Half of the, you do not need vitamins in that.
There's no ice cubes.
for Jordan.
I ask you
Yeah.
Why ice cream? Because it's going to be too hot to drink.
- -
*thud*
This won't dissolve. It won't dissolve.
I'm off the Red Bull. I'm trying to keep it healthy.
We should just get back on the Red Bull. No.
Hey, but so was it. I should mix Red Bull with this.
you a lesson.
It looks evil.
Okay.
But it did dissolve. Looks like the kind of drink that you just served in hell. It's also too hot to drink.
Add some cold gloves, man.
*clicks*
Thank you.
What's wrong with you? Why are you... This isn't an energy drink.
It's not an energy drain. It's the ultimate energy drain. No.
It did dissolve though. I was wrong.
to dissolve its basic liquid.
Taste test.
Bye.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
Okay.
Amen.
It's terrible, isn't it? It tastes great, it's just too hot.
Oh, wow.
Thank you.
Amen.
Ah! Energy for days. Off the Red Bull. Keeping it healthy. If you like the recipe, it's on my website. $3,000.
A few moments later. Are you okay, Tristan? No! Fine. I feel energized.
I just need to lay down on the floor for a little bit and I can transfer all my energy into mother earth to fight the coronavirus and global warming.
It doesn't work.
- That's not what you can hear. Is that real science? - This isn't science. - I'll hold you camera.
Give me beer.
- I'm gonna call you.
God.
This isn't science at all. This is like the antidote. There's no science here. This is the antidote.
I think I might die. A bear will slow it down.
God.
If that doesn't work, I'll get the palinka out.
I need a cup of tea.
And the Ziggy.
If he is wise right now,
Okay.
I'm back!
.
Andrew, do you know during World War II, like Nazi scientists and the American military experimented with like
drugs to keep their soldiers awake and alert so they didn't have to
sleep and all that nonsense. - Is this more coffee? - No, no, no, I've discovered it.
No, no, no. Yesterday I slept with C-Brow. I had a question.
Because it's cold. No, but look, I'm fine.
I'm not tired and I'm certain you are out. Don't do this. No, I've invented. Scientists have tried this for hundreds of years, Anchor.
And I finally cracked the floor.
15 spoon of coffee pre-workout.
but add a bit of hot sauce for flavour, then I'll never have to sleep again.
I've solved it.
I'm going to patent this and make millions, more millions.
Richard Neverland.
Never sleep again.
Don't do this
No more sleep.
I told you once, I think I told it in the last take Confidential, but the video was a little bit dark, so I'm going to tell you again.
If you are not a dickhead,
because a lot of you people who are watching this are actually dickheads. You may not realize you're a dickhead, your friends may not tell you you're a dickhead, but that's because you hang around with dickheads,
- Yeah.
All the dickheads are together being dickheads and you don't realize it.
But if you are not a dickhead,
there may be a chance to join the war room. The war room is going to change your life. So if you are watching this and you are not a dickhead and you want a life like mine, fucking fantastic.
Go to Carpettape.com.
and message the live chat agent who have to say
I am not a dickhead.
See you inside.
Please don't...
What do we have here? A whole box of fireworks for champagne shows. And while I was getting the fireworks I decided to order a little bit more champagne.
Might as well.
*punch*
One and a half liter bottles.
1.5
1 .5
We don't even like champagne drifts.
Okay.
Bye.
Thank you. Order in.
You know, I do like Luke.
What? Thank you. I like hose and hose like champagne. Hose do like champagne. Georgia, you like champagne, don't you?
Yeah, I knew it. See? There you go. Yep.
How? Confirmed.
Confirmed.
36 million bottles coming. Wait 36. Yeah 36.
We don't need that much. Yeah.
Yes we do. - I don't drink that much.
You can.
You can. You like champagne. If you drink that much, you'd be on your back. For sure. For sure. Not have a good night.
Oh.
Thank you.
-
No.
A lot of water.
- Okay.
I do like water, but Tristan lives purely off champagne and booze.
- Thank you.
Aye. Thank you. Perfect.
and food
Perfect.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much. Thank you. Okay. Thank you. See you next time bro. Have a good day. Bye. Why do we have all this? We're drinking. There'd be air. Sandra's trying to kill us. There'd be air. There would be air. Be a hero and go under for fucking five seconds. There's a problem you can lift. Oh your big arms. You can't lift it off.
This is an idea. Alright. Can we survive?
Our head can't even survive. Our head genuinely can't fail.
There's air! No, we just have to go under water. Alright, ready? There's nothing.
two one
No, there's zero air. I tried to put my mouth up to the thing. No. There's no air.
Yes. Now we need air to land.
Apparently, jacuzzis don't work with the cover on. Yeah.
- In case you didn't know at home, 'cause you don't have your own jacuzzi. - It's a bit less comfortable. You need to keep at least a portion of your body above the water,
so you can breathe.
Yeah. Without that
It's not the same.
Thank you.
They're not as pleasurable
Well...
Now we know.
Here, we're gonna have to do a beer. Why with sparklers?
- They're millionaires. - I think that's for them.
He didn't ask for beer at all. I don't want to be. Get your fucking beer.
Only after I went through burning myself... Let's start from the pool tonight.
Thank you.
Nothing.
Are they still firing? It's burning magnesium, yeah. It's not as much as you're going to do. It's magnesium burning. It's over water, does it?
Thank you.
Hold on more see if it makes bubbles.
Let's make a bubble. One of them fell, no?
Yeah, that one stopped.
That one's still going up there.
I'm going to go on the boat.
Okay.
So now we're going to start loads of sparklers to something that plugs into the target.
Obviously, we need to buy a big float. All right, upcoming take off an answer. We're going to buy a big float.
You'll sit on it.
We're going to take a thousand sparkers, we're going to light them all, and we're going to launch across the pool.
It worked, look!
It's working in theory.
- Let's do it. - A new method of approaching.
propulsion. We're crossing the Atlantic in no time.
Oh, is it out now?
Looks like it.
Thank you.
Our pool has sparkles.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So now pull us a bunch of magnesium in it.
Is that good? Healthy.
Well, I've decided.
Open beers.
What are you going to talk about?
So it's time.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Well I don't think something about it.
Okay, the center bus wire.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ready?
Thank you.
How am I going to see?
Oh, yep. I'm throwing it at you. Oh, you're throwing it at me.
Yeah, what is this shit? Amateur hour?
Stand back.
bit everywhere.
How wrong can this possibly go?
Yeah, don't bat it into a car.
Ready?
Oh.
Thank you.
Got it. Next.
Boom!
One can.
Ah, I missed that one.
Almost.
Yeah, I know, I saw. You can see the lid come off.
- Come on.
Thank you.
This is definitely a productive afternoon. This is.
Super productive.
Got it.
- -
Thank you.
Don't do it like a professional.
Where's the...
discovered there.
Oh, you're full of Alan Slice.
You wish, brother.
You're right.
No way!
I...
Unlike you.
Now up the first one.
No way.
Ready?
- Yeah.
further back.
Ready?
Yeah!
Boom! I'm a pro! One more.
Thank you.
Thank you.
No throw! Two for two! I am the original samurai!
Why don't you just admit it?
You admit that I'm the original samurai and you're not.
*sniff*
This is how you make money.
This is. This is a- Now we're about to make loads of money.
Beers.
with your Japanese-made samurai sword.
Loads of money is about to be made. Yeah, loads of money. This is how money is made.
- Who's that way?
It is.
The samurai statue is happy now. So Andrew admits to honor the greatest samurai on the world.
I'm sorry.
I'm here for the Yamoto Massachi.
Emergency. It's not an emergency. It's an emergency meeting.
We're having an emergency meeting about work.
.
This is our one.
Everything's bought.
*thud*
Thank you.
Broadway celebration.
Thank you.
Thank you.
This doesn't make sense.