Transcript
Didn't say who, no! It's the right to eat breakfast. You can't be throwing money everywhere. You're just gonna lose all your money. Tonight and I, loops dressed like this.
Bailey slept with five men in the backseat of an escalator. It certainly doesn't sound good, but Tristan... No, you were trying to sleep with me, but I wouldn't sleep with you back. It's true, you didn't sleep with them back. If someone else slept with you, they'd be gay too.
five men in the backseat of an escalator. None of those men were interested in sleeping with you. So American paparazzi are real. They're super real. These drivers are driving like mad men just to keep up with us, just to take pictures of you guys. No, no, no. They want a picture of your mustache. They're actually ice and they're here to deport you because that mustache makes you look guamalic. They can't be here to deport me. They're here to deport me. That's not why they're here. Look, it's guys you were talking about. I know. They're here. They're here for your job, Bailey. Do any of you two want this? Yes or no. Is this a thing? Do you want to film
- I'm gonna take things. - All right, I'll hurt you my own eyes. - Is this a thing? - He can't handle it. - He can't handle it. I saved it. - Luke, there are two distinct realities. There are two versions of the universe. In one of those universes, I finished this pack of Oreos. In the other universe, I don't. And they're completely different. They head in completely different, opposite directions. Everything will be different. Nothing will be the same. So I am in charge of your future and your fate and your life. Leaving this one Oreo in the packet,
on the table will change things. - It will. - Someone's gonna have to come and clean it up, and that person might be five minutes later, driving home from work, and then there'll be an accident because of it.
Someone might die because of you, Luke. The consequences, I am in charge of your fate and your future, depending on whether I eat this last Oreo or not. You can't say the Oreo. I've decided to not eat the last Oreo. That is the future you're forced to live. You're forced to live. Here it is.
You're forced to live in that future. What are you gonna do about it? Ah wait wait wait wait.
If you eat that Oreo, that's a different future than if you don't. Be careful.
It'll change everything. Which one's better? Be careful. If you don't eat it, or you eat it, the people who watch this clip, millions of people around the world are gonna watch it instead of watching something else. And it's gonna change the trajectory of all of their lives. You're affecting the entire planet depending on whether you eat that Oreo or not. You need to think carefully. It says fucking calm down and think about your actions. This is stupid.
But I'm getting it. - If I now lose at gambling in Vegas,
It was because of that warrior. Good. From now on, every problem in our life that we're going to have in this new universe is because Luke...
Abe DeOrio. My footage is going to go and take confidential. I'm not going to let his in. His is going to be super high quality, but it won't have my comments.
No narration.
They knew you were coming. Yeah, why would it, what's it gonna do with Bailey?
Yeah. While showing them to the camera.
You said "you" to the camera. Why Dustin here? He's a shit character.
I'm nuts.
-
- Mm.
Sorry that was a little corny.
What's fun in Vegas? A lot. Tell me. A lot. Well, you want to shoot guns? Sure, shoot guns. You promised we're going to blow shit up. We can blow shit up. We already have that plan. What else do you want to do? UFC, power slap, number one, stat. We've done that. Tonight if we want to gamble, it's a good night to gamble. Are you lucky? I could be lucky. I keep getting criminal cases, but I don't go to jail, so I don't know if I'm lucky or on my win. How many push-ups per day if we go to the bin right now together? A thousand. At least a thousand. A thousand? At least. Be good for you. Yeah. Remember when we go to jail? I'm not.
my speech in our podcast. What do you guys want to do? Hang out. Watch the fights. Big Pereira fan. Everyone knows he's one of the best to ever do it. Yeah. Never been to a UFC event? Funny. Well, my invites start coming after I got arrested. Yeah, I came with to check out the UFC. That's going to be good. I'm going to fucking Vegas. Fuck the AG. Fuck the governors who don't like me. I'm not a criminal and I'm a US citizen. And I have a constitutional right to eat breakfast.
He snaked you. You can't just accept it. He's like moving on.
These suck.
These are excellent. Here, try it.
I paid for the jet. I paid for these snacks. You might think this is a waste of money but it's actually an investment. I'm about to win it all back. Times a hundred.
time times 30, hear me out, one time, double it once, times 30, you'll be a multi, multi -millionaire, hundreds of millions, billions of dollars. So my plan is, because the thing is, if you put it all on black, it's never going to be black 30 times in a row. It's never going to be red 30 times in a row. But every single time, it is a mix of black and red. You see where I'm going here? So what I'm going to do is I'm going to mix it between black and red and double it until I've made hundreds of
$10 ,000.
$10,000. Double it at blackjack, $20,000. A few rounds of baccarat. Then I'm up at $160,000. I take the $160,000. I walk over to the roulette table. It's going to be $20,000 on black or red. Double that multiple times until I hit the craps table and bring it home for the multi-million. You're just going to lose all your money. This is not going to happen.
- I know, 10 grand. - I know, 10 grand. - No, win. - Have to get more. - No, but that's the thing. The other money's starting with one dollar. I have millions to start the process again. With millions of tries, I'm bound to quit. - It sounds to me like you've gone through your life just losing. - I've been to the casino with you guys. I've seen you lose my thing. What happened? You lost. - What happened was the rich? - Maybe. - You're gonna lose. - These are formal scientific. - This isn't scientific. It's not a plan. - Like, yeah. - Do you even have a dollar?
have a dollar to start the planet you can't be throwing money every time 160k you can't be throwing hundreds of dollars around this is stupid
My turn, my turn, my turn. Red!
So you gotta mix these two off. He goes first, but he's red. Tristan, decide who gets what card. Luke. Luke. Reverse.
Reverse.
Return. Skip. Draw two.
Say Uno!
Pick up two! Kermuffle! Pick up two! Okay, okay. So now it's my turn? That's pathetic. That was his turn. That was real pathetic. Uno. Okay. Plus two. Never lost a game! Never lost a game! Never lost a game! I have never lost a game! I have never lost a game! I have never lost a game of Uno!
- He's a faggot fumbled that badly. - Luke had to pick up four. - I was ready for you. I went nuclear, I did the shuffle, I took you out. I mean, I got you. - You got me. - Because I didn't say Uno, I got myself.
Dog, play your eye, get it. Frog, play your eye, get it. I understand, understand. You ain't the man, you ain't the man. You ain't nothing but a hand.
Leave it to Las Vegas, escaped Communist Florida. A very warm welcome here, thank you very much.
Cigars are ready and everything, we have food.
Would you like a grape?
Would you like a grape? Grape sounds nice.
Yeah, well, can't have one. I'm eating it. I should've known. War.
I've got Skittles
This is the two bedroom suite. Most importantly, we have Smash Bros on the projector. It's not going to bust you up any time.
I guess you would call this the communal meeting and seating area. For all my friends I don't have. It's like the coolest...
- Well, tell me, remember I stayed there.
Got my bed here.
Let me just quickly, one, two, three.
About four bitches.
the mayor
So you know I have to downsize because I'm traveling.
Drop him.
Some would say I'm living the dream.
Imagine, from being locked up in jail,
Everyone told me I'd be there for years. I was locked in my house and all of a sudden I'm here.
Strange twist of fate.
You could argue, huh? Many people would think I feel strange. They'd say, "Wow, it must be such a weird change. "You're all of a sudden in these amazing places "after being locked up for so long. "How does it feel?"
- Four, six, seven.
I don't know.
Mm-hmm.
Normal.
Because I deserve it. I'm a good person. He's done nothing wrong. I'm feeling lucky, Bailey.
So give me a budget.
between $300,000 and $500,000 to gamble today.
Split it right down the middle. What's in the middle? 400,000.
$400.000.
Let's go. Let's go.
All right, let's do it.
Are you ready to let the dogs out? Tristan, it's an eye for night. You don't lose dressed like this. What was the quote?
It's not gambling when you know you're going to win.
You're damn right. Look who made it.
Luke's here Luke's here here's a mayor where's the charger
Luke, it's not time to work.
No, I super- It's time to gamble. I super need to work. Don't know, Andrew has to talk to his cousin and we go. No, but why? Because sometimes in life you just have to do what you have to do. No, but what's that? Okay, what's the upside? Listen, Luke.
You ate the Oreo. If you didn't eat the Oreo, you could have stayed in. You chose this path. You chose this destiny. So fucking live it. Get up and let's go. Are you ready to let the dogs out? No.
Now I'm not ready to let the dogs out. Here, have a gummy bear and calm down. Let's fucking go. I need a lighter. The dogs should stay inside. You want a lighter?
Thank you.
No, I was waiting for Bailey to cop, because you can't smoke on the casino floor or in the room. You can't smoke in the hallway, so if you like that, you can't smoke. Walk for me. Okay, fine, light it and go.
Fucking watch me.
Fucking film man.
Ron DeSantis, Andrew smokes in the whole ways.
100,000 on the coupe, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want some killers, my niggas, a load up and shoot, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm stabbing bugs with some niggas, don't know what to do, yeah, yeah. I did some shit in this shit, mama, you never knew. Luke, you're gambling making billions. What are you doing? I'm busy in the real world. Why are you in the real world when you're gambling making billions? None of this is important. The real world's worth it. Well, I made six grand. I'm just gonna make that. Six means three thousand.
I spoke into loads of students. In the May I had more funding. The real world might be more funding. It is. It genuinely is. I made six thousand dollars I don't care about at all. Yeah exactly. What does six grand mean nothing? I should have ten X'd. I should have a hundred X'd. I should have made six hundred grand. Yeah. Have you learned nothing from the trenches? Even that I wouldn't care. Yeah. I'm having a spiritual crisis and I think the source of my spiritual crisis is the Oreo. It's not the worst. That you ate. If you didn't eat that Oreo I wouldn't be talking about it right now.
Everything would be completely different. Maybe we could do something else much more fun. No, because they need me complaining about the fact I didn't eat the Oreo.
Laps, fight Luke. No, admit that in a different parallel universe where I didn't eat the Oreo, this would be worse. We might have to fight. We don't have to. I'm just trying to find solutions. I'm not the solution to an Oreo that was the solution. Solution Oriental. It was an Oreo. One Oreo. Is it a lucky or not a lucky thing? It's a perfect time for you guys to sit down. Sparkling water. Sparkling water? Do I ask with that or just... Yes, please.
D -Cot
D-Cot took all my money. Every penny.
We're on DeSantis next. Motherfuckers. Do you have any idea how rich I'd be if they would've just left me alone these last few years? Jesus Christ. I must be 100 million down. See how Andy goes. I'm gonna lose. Thank you sir. Thank you. Appreciate it. Andy's gonna lose. Don't worry. We're not really lucky gamblers. Watch this now. 14. 14 against an ace. He made me do it.
- Ooh.
Kyle, listen, my mother doesn't get a Christmas present because I had you lose all of my money. That's right. Blame Kyle. That's all we got. Blame Kyle.
Big 31. All right. You're five grand up. You're done. So you won. Just like you said he would. His plan was to win. I bet he won his first spin. You won your first spin, Tristan. Yes. Luke, he's going to do it 29 more times in a row.
He's now up like 25 grand. I said he was going to get that one. No, you said he's going to lose it all. And now he's made the average person's yearly wage in two minutes. It's excitement a bit. Can you accept what's happened? It's fine. I'm happy. Tristan, I'm happy. Can you accept what's happened to you? I'm not going to wait for you. Bailey, he's not going to make a billion dollars. He's going to make a billion. He's up 50 grand. At this rate, he stays up all night. He just won again. And your fucking cousin is still heartbroken. Bailey's cousin. Heartbroken. I'm all heartbroken. Don't cry.
Don't cry. Luke, we told you what's gonna happen. He's gonna win 30 times in a row. Ivan, Ivan. Bailey, I said we should go home. I did. Ivan. I was wrong. It's not gambling if, if you know you're gonna win. So did I gamble? No. You just won. And I made like $17,000, $18,000. You came in, made $17,000. Now you're doing. I fully can see. Because I told Tristan and I told Andrew and I said you could. Yeah, I said we should go. I said we should go.
And then if they listen to me if I Now I did eat for you. So maybe this is actually all because of me twisted Tristy, you know what I ate the Oreo didn't I wait a second Bailey Bailey you remember when I ate the cookie right the last cookie I ate the last Oreo Reminds with the time line in two. It's compelling
If you had not eaten the cookie or not in the cookie would have changed the number that's second delay we would have been here at a different time
in the air. It's basically his money. Basically. Interesting. You might as well owe me. I'm pretty jet lagged. My brother wants to go to sleep. How much you down? No, I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this. Happy birthday, bro. I'm not. No. 28. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. I ain't touching it again. Happy birthday, bro. Now you go. Now you go. Best guy. Thank you so much, bro. Don't worry. Happy birthday. Yeah, we're jet lagged, man. We might hit the hype. No, we're going to go sleep too. Isn't that as gay as it gets?
It was always going to be us in the end, wasn't it?