Transcript
Father, son, Royal Rumble, Cold Day. That'd be ridiculous. Any time, any place. Just go back and you're already lying. Watch him not being able to do that. As if it wasn't already fun. I will get that pastor by his neck. I will show him a man.
For some reason, people seem to think I'm a bad guy. I don't know why or if they get this impression. There's negative press around me, first time this has ever happened. Interesting. Seems like we have a lot to talk about.
How have you been? I'm excited. Ready? I'm ready. Let's do it. It's been six years since this man's been in America. Are you sure they know who I am? I don't think they've heard of me. Anytime, anyplace.
Father, son, Royal Rumble, Cold Day. - That'd be ridiculous. - Anytime, anyplace. I will get that pastor by his neck. I will show him a man. He's taking money from OnlyFans as it stands. - Ben does OnlyFans videos? - Ben, oh, I'm sure for enough money he would. - I did not know that. - I did not know that. - Look who that person is, he's a rocket. - All right, my right is so bad. I'm gonna conquer it. - Up G, bam. - Boom.
Luke, did you do this?
Was this you? No.
But you remember? I do know. It cut back to the hack that Luke and I discovered last time we were in Florida. It's midday. Yeah. What's Luke's usual bedtime? 5pm? 5pm. Correct. 5pm because he's a little sleepy head. Well these is an amazing American potion that I've discovered. I've had four already. What do you mean? So if I drink my fifth one then I'll be up for 25 hours. It's science Luke. America is leading the world in scientific innovations.
day.
and you drink five of these per day,
not only
do you never need to sleep again, but you have one hour extra of rest on top of your 24 additional hours of the day, and therefore, you're much more efficient.
It doesn't make sense.
It's bullshit. Watch Tristan, drink five of them.
- Yeah. - You still need to sleep. - Watch him not be able to do that. - So you're lying to the audience. You just got back and you're already lying to the audience. - Watch him not being able to do that. For how long? What? - Bailey, get the camera on him. - Set up the show. Give five of these a day. Let's go. - And that's it. No food. - No food, nothing.
Oh, my God, how do we go down space? I'm gonna catch a case for space aliens space. I'm getting a case right here on fucking earth. You think I'm leaving earth? Oh
With no kicksies?
There's no fucking chance I'm leaving Earth with no cases. I have a fucking English case that we beat all those years ago. That's coming back up. We'll defeat that in remaining cases. We beat them one after the other. Now, Florida wants us? Good. Maximum stress. Maximum testosterone. It makes you live in a fucking high blood pressure environment that increases the potency of your Aikido. The moment we clear all these fucking cases, I'm calling the cops on you. And you. They're going to swat our fucking houses. I'll plant fucking drugs under your bed and snitch.
litigation for the rest of your life. I'll commit crimes myself and say you will accompany me.
At this point, we go to outer space. We're going to catch an alien. Do you have your space suit yet? No. We're going to fucking need it because we're going to space jail. We're getting cases for being cool. Cool cases, space cases. Tristan's right. We need endless litigation for our blood pressure. Sorry, your space honor. I forced my way into Uranus.
*laughter*
- Mates. - No, not my mates. I don't know if they're your mates. - They're definitely your mates. - They're American. Living the dream.
Some men just have it all. - Andrew, we're out of the house. - Plus a lollipop. I'm out of fucking Romania.
I'm at David Guetta's son's birthday. Didn't know he had a son. Didn't know it was his birthday. - You got the lollipop. How is it? Give me a rating. - 10 out of 10. - Whoa! - Tastes like freedom. - So does this cigarette happen?
time.
as if it wasn't already fun
smoke a lot of these even in Europe. Two retarded women
We want to try a cigar.
Two of these and then how many of us are there? There's one, two, three, four men, right? Well, three men and then Bailey.
- Thank you. - Thank you, you're smoking a cigar, yeah? - If I move to Miami like I think I will, if you get something really special in, price doesn't matter, you let me know, 'cause I like to enjoy those things.
Because there's very few left. When you get something really special... Remember the night we met Steven Seagal?
Yeah. He gave us two Cubans, I swear to God, brother, this long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 1980 something. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, and perfect.
stored the entire time. You could tell if they've dried out and been re-- you know, you could tell. If you move to Miami, come back. Oh no, if I move to Miami, I'm getting a membership here. What was your name, sir?
Byron. Tristan.
Good to see you. I don't know you. Yeah, you know me? Yeah, he don't know me. Who's this guy? You don't do whiskey, dude. The less it burns and the smoother it feels without irritating you, the better it is. Double espresso. I got it.
and a tequila lime for the alcoholic. You really caught German, and you saw her in Munich.
Yeah.
Do you know how many Germans are you?
Every single member of the Nazi party. I know, I know. I know the whole story. I'm saying she actually looks actually German. So your turn.
- You're a Nazi.
Do this a little. No, Nazi.
- Do it. - Pick 'em up.
Oh, hey, hey, hey, white power. You say white power one time.
The worst thing is if you're talking to an American online and you ask for their phone number, because Americans are so America-centric, they just send you their number without the country code. 7158190. And you're like, "Well, what fucking country are you in, dipshit?" As soon as they do that, you're like, "Oh, American, plus one." It's the only country that does it. Every other country is plus 40, plus 44. We tell you where we're from. America's good.
Other thing is Americans say their things they're not. Like, "I'm Irish!" And I'm like, "Have you been to Ireland?" No. "Your mom in Ireland?" No. "I'm not making fun of you." "Let me change you." "Let me change you." "I'm Scottish!" "Have you ever been to Scotland?" No. "Were you born in Scotland?" No. "Have your family born in Scotland?" No. "But my great-great-great-grandfather who came over to New York City in 1986..." Shut the fuck up! In 1815? Shut up. We're Americans.
I'll message you when I'm done to see if you're still up. If you're not, if you're going to sleep early, whatever, I'll hit you tomorrow or Sunday.
Women's streets are real quick.
you
So purple is the color of yours, huh? Yeah. That lean, I'm kidding, is not one.
Good. Good. Good. See you. How's it been? I know, same old. Good one. Good one. Good one, man. Good one, man. Hi, team. Nice to meet you, man. What else do you have playing over here? I know we might go to UFC and power slap.
You've got to know this.
Cheers.
We either.
The guitar. I've heard it before.
Who is it?
- Talk soon. - You gotta name the title and the artist.
no no but i want to be happy so i'm going to go and sit in the field and take mushrooms well then my love is completely valueless because when they call me and say there's a problem i'm going to say i can't and men are nothing but success objects we are valued by what we can do we are competency objects thank you bro okay that's awesome tonight tonight i'm lube dressed like this i'm broken
- The first goal tonight is a threat. - What's your name? - The Gambler. - It's not gambling if you know you're gonna win.