Transcript
There's no way you beat me on Smash Bros. All the characters are in Romania. Pack a bag, nigger. We can just go buy a Switch. 200 grand there, 200 grand back. That's 400 G. What is going on? This is a championship back. Who ever wins this? No! No! Shack of the jet.
How do you spill tea? If I didn't record this, people just wouldn't believe me.
You guys think you can beat me? There's no way I lose. No, but you think you can beat me? There's no way I lose.
I've never lost a game. This is gonna be a trans-Atlantic beatdown. We didn't even fly across the Atlantic. That's how bad it is. A continentally spanning beatdown. I didn't fly over. What are you gonna say when I win? All my thoughts. Baller Markets all the pussy.
All more fucks bro. This is for the Intercontinental Championship. This is Intercontinental.
Yeah, fast. This is the Intercontinental Championship. It's true. And guys, after I win, if you ever want a rematch, we can get a new jet. We can fly back anytime. Anytime. I don't live in fear. That's the difference between me and you.
What?
This fucking bitch. Fuck this game.
Fuck off! Ah, he was cheap. Oscar should blow.
No. No! You suck! Whoa!
You suck.
And the Intercontinental Champion of SSB is me. The award winning, title holding, Intercontinental Champion. We flew here, you ran your mouth, there's nothing wrong with your controllers. I am the champion. Fuck you. Retirement. The controller is working.
That was the warm-up. Warm-ups don't count. Exactly, that was the warm-up team. Tristan, that was warm-up! You can't be the Intercontinental Champion when it's just a warm-up match. Yes, you can because they'll say the control isn't working.
Every time I win until Andrew wins, he'll say never lost again.
So when I win, I win.
your shadow of your former self. I am currently the Intercontinental Champion.
And you're scared to put it all on the line. If I win, Andrew will say to the top of something. You are a shadow.
of your former self. Your former glory has faded to nothing. I don't remember you ever being a champion of SSP ever. You've never been a contender. You would be the best if you got out there and defended your title right here, right now. But you're not. You're scared. Tristan's scared. Can't do it. Yeah, Tristan didn't win shit. He didn't win. He was scared to put it all on the line. If he did, in fact, win. Yeah, but there's something on the controllers and he knows that. He knows that. Frame rate was off.
Brainwrake.
I hate it when that happens. Yeah, exactly.
Habits of life.
Who's the real champ who would've run it back?
We ain't a champ of shit. Oh, there he is.
a real chance to run a backfield.
- No.
I'm going to try the win with the fucked up frame rate on the screen.
Screen wasn't right. Something's on the screen. Taking all your niggers to fucking
on Bust 'Em Uptown. Are you out?
Again. Bro, you suck. Marceau, you're a loser. Marceau, you suck. You're almost as bad as Tristan needs to cheat with the frame rate.
You're almost about to stay.
I think T's the worst player, Marcel's the second one. I'm a low standard of play. It's embarrassing to ever share the stage with you guys.
You're not the champ.
- You're not the champion. - I have won almost all the games. - You didn't put it on the line. - You played with it, the frame rate was messed up. - And if I had won, you said the controls are messed up. - No, the Earth's equilibrium was off.
All right, one more game, championship match. At the highest position.
We get back on the jet, it just landed, they've refueled. We get back on the jet after this game, this is for the championship.
This is the championship match. I'm soaring out the clouds, I fixed the earth's equilibrium, I fixed the frame rate, I fixed the controllers. Daylight savings time. You guys are playing with daylight savings time an hour ahead. Cheers. Cheers.
The pure focus of everyone. They are sweating. It's a sweaty game. Kristen is locked in. Come on Alex. Come on Alex.
Cut! Nigger fucking bastard! Aw nice! Nice! Or so nice!
No! No! Nobody wins!
The computer won!
Rock of the jet.
What the fuck? So basically it was a draw. It was a draw because Tristan tried to win with Daylight Savings Time. Then the computer won. It was a draw. So I mean now it's a chance. No, what do you mean? Daylight Savings Time. Do you see why I don't play? No, that was a draw. The nucleus of a cell is the mitochondria.
Tristan, follow synthesis. It was a draw, but really, truthfully, because I spotted how they were cheating, I think I kind of knew.
You can't be poor without them. It's not hard to work out that if you have five people pooling an income and you all trust each other, you can acquire assets quickly. It's not difficult to do if you can find men you can trust. Now men are separated. Why are we separated? We're separated because we're not as powerful. So that's why they deliberately attack the idea of brotherhood and men just get dragged away from them.
What do you want to do about the apple crisps? There's apple crisps right here.
Right here nigger. What are you gonna do about it? He's hurting you. Eat the apple chips. You're not gonna do anything are you? Eat the fucking apple chips. You're a fucking bitch. Find out. You're a fucking bitch. Eat them and find out what I do. Bitch mate nigger. Edward, can I have 45 seconds of this room alone please? Am I stepping out of it now? Okay.
Ah, mister can't figure out how to close the door. Who's your mate?
You're destroying our beautiful home, planet Earth. This is Tristan Tate with Just Stop Oil. You need to stop flying on private jets with your brother and your mates. I was online reading about Just Stop Oil and how private jets are destroying the Earth and decided to secretly sign up to their organization so I can lecture all of you having a great time on your private jet how much you are killing the planet.
with any of you this whole time jump off i don't want to be here to tell you i need to be on the jet to lecture you guys about the dangers of of climate change i started this with apple chips i i know i i ran my mouth about apple chips and here we are if i had the power to control the emissions of this plane i would only amplify them to level max so that people below me on the ground are you
My only regret is that this plane does not emit enough carbon and greenhouse gases. I'm not talking to you. You're dead to me. That's fine.
Driving with your friends is such an analog experience of life. Setting ancient dinosaurs on fire, making small explosions inside of a combustion engine with cylinders. Some have eight, some have ten. Real G's have twelve. And then you get to race around and rubber grips you to the road.
this very analog experience of life, breathing in the mountain air. All of this, this analog experience of life is going to be replaced. There won't be V12 Ferraris to race around in the mountains. There'll be an automated techno box to take you from place A to place B. And I see the pattern of where we're all headed. And that's why I'm so dedicated to live the best possible existence I can live and smile every single day. And to do that, unfortunately, the truth is you need brotherhood, you need strength, you need capability, and you also need a whole bunch of money.
This is the last analog generation. This is the last season of the human series in which people could live an analog life. If you're not trying to get rich to spend that money on analog things, then you're a fool. Can I have this? Never lost a game. Never lost a game. Fucking pussy ass welfare ass diggers. Don't worry about me. I got a linger. Don't worry about me. I can't lose. I can't lose.
Oh my... This motherfucking cheek. Take a selfie. Come then. I'm just showing all my cars. It doesn't matter. Still attack. Uno.
Well fucking played.
Marcel! Marcel! I've never lost a game of Uno! What is going on? I've never lost a game of Uno.
I know. I know.
Pussyhole! On my jet! April 23rd,
you lost on my chair?
My!
Jet, April 23rd, you lost to me. This is my jet now. Me! I won. Tristan, did you notice there's something with the cars? No, no. You drive this to the way to the continental title. I just don't want to smile with synthesis. No, no. You drive this to the way to the cars. No, this is the frame rate with the cars. Andrew has in fact lost the game. In fact, this makes him the sky loser. Marcel.
What's your situation for? That's not biscuit.
What's the trick? I met me in your biscuit. Why are you so scared? Myself.
That's a small tree. What are you afraid of?
And now I'm drinking water. If I didn't record this, people just wouldn't believe me.
When I say, what do we talk about? We talk about being afraid of biscuits at 4 a.m. Milk. No milk.
That's it, that's it. Disrupt this blow like that. Where's the two, three, four, eight, seven, nine, ten punches? There we go, now you're working combos. Nice punch. Time, time, time, time, time.
Hold on.
- Watch out, baby.
-
- I'm not a big fan.
-
Get up, get up! Get up! Get up! Time.
No pay rights for you!
Yeah.
Come on, champ. Come on, champ. Come on, champ.
-
Yeah.
There!
- -
*coughing*
- No. - Time.
Huh?
- Go ahead, Tate. - Fun at the Tate Muncheon as always. Everyone beating everyone up. Happy coach, happy students. - We don't make it. You just wait. - Stay safe, stay strong. - Cross hook, Luke. There we go. And the hook. To his other shoulder. 30 seconds, jump on him.
Nice punch, that's it, get on in there! Work! Nice! Nice! Hook the shoulder! Don't let him recover again!
Reframe it like the time going down is bad. I'm almost out of time to hurt him.
reframing your head when I hear 30 seconds I'm like fuck I'm not like oh thank god it's almost over. Family love.
*Kiss*
You've got to throw intercept those ones. Straight punches. Straight punches intercepts. Come on, let's go.
*BANG*
- All right.
Come on.
- -
I think it's more white, though.
Come on.
Watch that.
-
Come on, come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's throw it. Come on. Come on here. Come on. Let's run this round. Come on.
Thank you.
Okay, boys.
- Oh!
*coughing*
*
- Okay.
*Tonk*
One breath go again
Just throw four. Many four. We won't buy you. No, but that's a lot. Excuse me, sir. What do you have for sale? I'm going to be the only guy who's smoking a cigar, racing around. That's wild. I think they got it.