Transcript
He's really starting to grow on me. It's like walking a dock.
It's quite easy.
Now he knows me.
He just keeps up a lot of cycles.
All right, come on.
- So, Jackie.
Come on Shaggy.
I think everyone should have a pet goat. You know?
Even the name "Goat" is fucking cool, right? Because it means greatest of all time.
So in my opinion,
If you haven't got a go, I'll go out and get one today. Come on, Dad.
He doesn't want to see anything. If he's gonna live here, Tristan,
We have to show him how we live.
Sorry to interrupt your webcam.
Look, look, I can use this.
What is this? This is called a weight spa. So we go up and down.
Up!
If you stop eating your rope, concentrate for a minute.
Get that fucking goat out of my gym or I'll fucking kill it.
I'll kill and eat your pet for you. I don't give a shit. Get it out of my gym.
That's this, he doesn't mean it.
I fucking do.
Come on, he doesn't need any.
See what I mean baby? Never let live, I'd never threaten to kill Trisky's pet. Come on Kevin, let's go.
- Thank you.
What the fuck is wrong with that boy?
He's 35 years of age. What is wrong with him?
Okay.
I think he's gonna grow on you. I'm gonna kill this fucking girl.
*laughs*
*
- What's up? - What's up?
- Tristan, what have you done? T. - Training. - T, there's a goat roasting outside. Is that Rory's goat, T? - Did you see any other goats in the house? Is there any goat I've seen?
I told him, goat shit on my floor, he put it in my fucking cars, slubbered over my Aston seats, fuck Rory, fuck Rory's goat. Tristan's gonna be devastated. I don't give a shit, he can't keep a goat here. Goats for one reason and one reason only. Today Shaggy's gonna fulfill his destiny.
We're gonna eat him. I'm gonna eat him, man. I told him I'd eat his fucking goat. You did tell him, you warned him.
I may God on my promises, hit my threats.
Hello, Roy.
How are you today?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Fuck no way. Rory. Has he cooked my fucking goat? Rory. Has he cooked fucking shaggy bro?
I'm sorry, Rory. Hey, is that gone?
Let's go.
This is a goat? Yes.
Oh my fucking god. Is this Tristan's idea?
Fuck.
Thank you.
Rory, I'm sorry. - Bro. - Rory.
Did you know about this?
No comment. Where is he? A few moments later. Rory called the cops on Tristan for being a meanie.
Yeah, that's right. Because Tristan killed his goat. Tristan is a nanny. Yeah.
If I go back to jail, could you call the cops? Well, I mean...
Thank you.
told them everything you've done, mate. You know? It's like a cold-blooded murder. Very selfish. Yeah. We had a whole game of UNO set up for the night.
You're boohooing because Tristan killed a goat that we can all eat. Exactly. I don't know where to go. Well, it's just the way it goes, mate. Seven years for killing the goat.
Nice.
Now they're here, the alarms are going on.
Shit.
- I hope Greta Thumper shows up. - Shit, Tristan, sorry.
Roy, it's all your fault Shit, sorry
Bye.
It actually is.
Press this and do you know what we're doing?
Wait for the cops! How am I put that? Wait for the cops! Look at our army of goons!
They might want to chat, not!
There's an army of armed goods.
Yeah, they're mafia mafia. They say we're mafia. We tell judges we're not mafia.
And then we set a house, an army of armed people, behind bulletproof doors, a Ferrari house.
We're not mafia though, we just basically look like them.
We look exactly like a crime fan.
- Yeah.
People are like, "It must be, they're big and strong, and they have all these hallway men, all these fast cars, all these armed guards."
- Right.
- Okay.
So you have time.
- Okay.
I don't have a jail.
It is Saint Patrick's.
- I'm trying to do what.
You wish you'd been gone to jail. No, I don't wish I wasn't going to jail. I wish I was going to jail.
You think I wanna hang out with fucking Rory and have whiskeys? No way. He's coming in now.
Take me to jail.
you
- You go to jail,
TO BE THE BEST.
Speak for yourself, I'm having some.
Nice.
That would be a useless sacrifice
- Good job.
you know.
I'm getting way better for my liver.
Yeah, because if not...
St. Patrick's Day, bro.
And he's already talking about getting the whiskeys out, right?
and avoid this.
Couple of reasons.
fucking
- Gosh.
His grandad's Irish.
That's what else.
Not even Irish.
Good.
Right. That's how I'm going.
So the next judicial trial thing is?
I like the baby.
- Oh, boy.
Thank you.
- All right.
But somehow I see fucking where we can go.
- Thank you.
No jail. That sucks.
Rory, don't be like that.
You are. Come on, let's eat, bro. Bro, you fucking killed my goat. Now you're eating it. Yeah, exactly. Come and eat with us. You eat goat all the time. You don't actually care. Do you know what I said? My last one didn't know.
- Whoa.
I buy dinner basically every single time.
So you bought dinner for once?
We're all thankful. Thank you, Rory. Thank you, Rory. We were just beginning to get close.
Don't feel bad.
You're lucky my mum didn't carry good.
You're super lucky Nigel's mama's here. - Yeah, I've watched you be finished. - Honestly though, Rory,
This is one of the best dinners you've ever bought. Shaggy, that tastes good.
I feel like he'll be part of you forever if you do.
- I have three. - Come on, Rory. - I'll leave some Shaggy in his honor.
Pass me a rib. I did tell you when you were trimming that goat. I said, "What's G gonna do when he sees the goat?"
- He said G would rip him the fuck. - Well, G's about to eat him, 'cause whatever's left to shag, he's gonna G. 'Cause G's a real pet, not some fucking stupid goat you managed to pick up from fuck knows where down the road, shitting all over my fucking house. - Come on, there's no need to be like that. - There is. Fuck your goat.
Fuck your goat. He's slobbered over my Aston Martin seats. Why was there goat slobber in my Aston Martin?
Oh, I was showing him the cars. You haven't seen that. You didn't see that yet. I was showing him the cars. I was showing him around. I was trying to teach him tricks.
trying to toilet train him, but you didn't give me enough fucking time and now we're getting him. This is what he's good for.
- He would have wanted it this way. - I don't think he would, Tristan. I don't think he would.
Just try some.
Just try some. - All right, fine. You can try some of Shaggy.
Um,
Where, what should I have? Is that a rib?
Bro, take a bite. Worth every penny, Horry.
Thank you.
He does taste good. Alright, Shaggy, I'm gonna eat you in your honour.
Hmm.
Mmm, good. Rory's sadness really complements this fine food.
You can taste his misery.
My misery tastes good, does it? It tastes absolutely awesome. Yeah, you bunch of fuckers.
You know what? He does taste fucking good though, I'll be honest.
Why did you bring a goat into this house and think I wasn't going to eat it?
I just felt like we needed a new pattern of spicing things up a bit, you know?
Take the edge off, mix things up, pop that.
What are you bringing next?
Lamb pig, rabbit. - I actually did have a plan, but now I'm starting to think twice. - Horse?
- Can't do.
Oh, you think I've never eaten a camel before?
You'll eat my camel? I will eat your camel! 100%
I'm not even going to say that.
I've never had a camera before. I definitely would. I guess I'm at a lose-lose here. There's no point in me bringing any more pets in here.
in the houses
Well, I don't mind.
- It stays on the food bill.
But you hired one of the best chefs as well. I'd vote for that. Well, I mean, don't I hire the best chefs every day? Think this is in tribute to your stupid fucking pet? Because it isn't. I don't give a shit about Shaggy.
But I order the best chefs to cook my food every single day because I'm fucking rich, Rory.
Yeah, well...
I just felt like he was a waste of money in the end because...
Look what's fucking happened to him. And I was literally just starting to teach him things. He was starting to learn. You can buy dinner for once. It's fair. All right. You've never bought dinner since you came here.
So finally you provided the meal. We appreciate it, Rory.
Are you thankful guys?
I love you.
Go.
No, okay, that's one poke, nice.
Goats are demonic. Goats are demonic? Yeah. Delicious and demonic, nice.
Yeah, guts suck. Guts suck.
I'm saying I would have eaten something better. So you kind of spoiled dinner tonight for us. We've settled for this because it's what you bought.
You did the grocery shopping.
Alright, fair enough, I can own that.
I can own that.
I got you all a shit dinner, is that what you're saying? Basically, yeah.
I'd be eating better somewhere else if he didn't bring this stupid meat into the house. Well I mean he's here now so let's eat him and get rid of him and Jake can eat what's left.
Alright. Is that more shaggy?
God. He was a big goat, bro. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of meat, right?
It was a huge go.
Yeah.
there's a lot of food it was also a huge part of my life you didn't count for that did you you know i'm not even that hungry so
Not even that hungry. I organise the butcher, the slaughter, the chefs and everything. I'm honestly not even hungry.
A few moments later...
Turn it up a bit.
30 Guinnesses, Bailey. I think that's a good start. Good warm up. Good start. Good first round. Me and Trist would do 50 each, so... You know, I think we could start slow.
Well, Alex did tell you you need a beer. I was so confused. Nice. Alex, do you need a beer? Let's do it. The sign does say my doctor says I need a beer.
Oh sorry. You're getting 20 bucks. You're getting 20? Yeah. What's for you? It's a Patrick's day I met you. Oh okay. Cool. Let's do this again. Let's do it again. Drinking it already tea. Sorry. Justin. Justin you in? Six. Justin. Someone pass me a beer please. Don't leave me hanging. We may need some beer. Nigel. Nigel. Oh thank you.
Happy St. Patrick's Day, gentlemen. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.
Oh, we're pounding it. We're playing this game. I'm not playing this game. I know this game. First night I'm here, every time I'm here. Don't laugh. I know what you're laughing at. Just the one bro. He laughs because he gets no beef. Nobody calls him gay. I quit. Call me gay. I quit. For religious reasons, Andrew doesn't drink. Jesus finishes one. But we drink religious. No, you're delusional. That's not how this works, Nigel.
You know better. This is not how this works. You pound this beer and 30 seconds later there'll be another beer. They're already loading the beers.
I'm going to do next one.
- Not like that. - No, no, but you can do this one.
Yeah. Look at him. Look at him smile. Have some respect for your Irish ancestors. According to the BBC, people who looked like you were the founding fathers of Ireland.
so. That's not allowed to.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Here it fucking goes. Nice. Listen, as a ginger, even though you're not Irish, you should embrace your ginger heritage. How do you know? I'm not Irish. Bro, you probably are. You probably are. You probably are. Something you probably love, bro. With the red hair? What? I'm pretty sure if I went to 23andMe, it would just say, "White trash." *laughter * I'm so sorry. "Tregular park." "Tregular park." Are we doing this for real? Every time, for a second. No, now it's symbolized. This might be the most casual thing we've done on it.
no. Now it's symbolized. This is a fake out. Watch this. No,
it's act, no more, I mean, meanwhile.
- Yeah.
I'm not necking Guinness with you.
Hold on, the real Irishman needs to sit out. But look, there's good iron levels in this shit. Load up. Yeah, that's the proof. That's the drunk Irishman's.
What are you going to do? Wow, the sparkling water. Maybe a coffee. If I'm feeling adventurous. But not an Irish coffee. Just a normal one.
behind this camera. - We need another hack. - Alright, I got to finish this. - I'm not doing this shit. - What do you mean? What do you mean? - I refuse. No, every time I come here, the first night, I get so shit housed that I don't come out for the whole next day. It's all LL Cool J's fault. - We'll keep it civilized. - Well, if you want to be gay tomorrow and sleep, that's not my fault. - Let's ask the Irishman. - Bro, look at that.
I'll get my others. Tristan, why? Andrew, why? Tristan, I'm done. I'm done.
Keep them coming. I'll tell you exactly what's about to happen. I'm going to say, hey, Tristan, I don't think it's a good idea that I get turbo shit-faced because I'm only here for a couple of days and came to see you, and he's going to say, okay. And at first, he's just going to call me a pussy. But then, he's going to be like, you know what? I thought I had a friend. He's going to tug on my fucking heartstrings, and then I'm going to threaten to go sit by Andrew.
- Yeah.
I am actually not a pussy, so I'm gonna drink not because he's pulling my heart strings because he's calling me a pussy. What's that? No, no, no. To be fair, I actually can see. You made it very clear. You've got a podcast in the world tomorrow, yeah? Yeah. And business is business, and I don't come between a man and his business ever.
I still didn't realize this was a business trip. I thought you were coming to see your friends.
I told you. Oh, so it's a business trip. That's cool, bro. To sleep in my house and shit and conduct your business.
My friend Justin was coming to see me. Turns out Rory's business partners in town, everyone. We can't drink. Watch out. Rory's business partners in town. Bailey, Bailey, let me explain something to you. This is how this generally goes. Yeehaw. Yeehaw. There he is. There he is. There's the Justin I know a lot of. Woo! Works every time. Works every time. It actually does. It's complete horse shit. I should have never shown up. I should have never came. Then Andrew just sits there and laughs a whole couple of times.
- I've been talking with these motherfuckers, they've been in court for a year. - I was gone in jail four days ago. - Justin, I got out of jail for you so you could come see me. - Right, right. - That would have been next. - Oh, it's all coming. - One of my favorite things to do is get downed. Let's say I got the first date and it's a bad bitch.
I got one of the tricks in the same time. I love the same.
It's a magical. I love the same.
That's number four. And he put it down in your face.
He put it down in your face. What are you going to do now? I'd like to say I'm above this. That'd be gay. What are we doing, bro?
Oh, no.
Oh no! No don't worry. Not a lot. Not a lot. Just having a few criticism on me. What are you saying? Number three? It'll be fair and nice if you can't investigate. Yeah, number three. I'm trying to wait for you guys and have a nice civilized time.
Before he pushes the pace, then I'll follow and I'll drag you guys up. All the strong stuff. Cappuccino.
I like having a coffee with my friends. I might wash it out with some sparkling water.
Two years, not a drop. Not a drop. Can't be tempted. Don't want it. I know you miss it 1%. Not at all. I want a different spiritual plane tapped into a higher reality. I find my happiness and peace. My whole life is chaos. When your life is boring, you want chaos. But when your life is chaos, you want peace. There's no more beautiful feeling than boredom. For me to wake up and go, I'm bored and I have nothing to do. That's amazing. I don't want to fill it with madness. The police have already arrested me. Bitches are crying.
Kid here, kid there, bills to pay, Ferrari, Lamborghini, coffee, nice boring night. Cheers. Can't wait to watch Netflix and go to bed. It's going to be great. Who's your mate?
Who? Your mate? That's your mate. No, that's your mate, bro.
That's your mate. That sounds great, Andrew. I'll drink with Tristan.
Cheers.
I have no idea what to talk. I'm telling you what's going to happen now.
round of pints are going to come. They're going to say, "Whiskey's Irish," and they're going to start doing Irish whiskey, become intolerable and annoying. I'm going to drive off at my Aston Martin. They're going to sit here thinking they're geniuses. It's 9:30. By 10:45 we're all going to be hammered drunk. They're going to come home around 11 and start screaming and singing songs and knocking on my door. I'll end up going to a hotel to sleep and leave them. And tomorrow morning, they're not going to be half as enthusiastic as they are right now.
were born. Oh, son, I see in memory too upon this day when I was just
A lad like you, I joined the IRA.
We're on the road to you, the old boy.
Thank you.
I'll leave a tip at the box, yeah?
All right.
- On top of the floor, brother.
Thank you.
You know what? All I got. All I got. Thank you. Thank you. Happy San Patrick Ziggs. Thank you.
*music*
You're wasting time. You have 19 year olds making millions while you're busy playing video games. Traditional education is too slow. You need to take life seriously now. Right now I'm currently 2k to 2.5 to 3k a week. I mean I'm only 19 years old. I show my parents like oh this is how much I'm making. Like I don't really need to go to college. They saw the paycheck and whatever he's doing is working. I'm 13 years old and I've made approximately $10,000.
and business practices, all on a world-class custom application. Hustlers University is the most up-to-date financial educational platform on earth, and you get to choose your weapon. Artificial intelligence, copyright, e-commerce, client acquisition, and more with unrivaled student success. 20 to 22,000 a month. 500 pound a week to build it in 60 days, a 60 grand revenue business. You can learn from literal millionaires how they made money and they teach you how to do it. $4,000 in four day. Unbelievable. Endless ways to make money. I've found
just over like 160K revenue now, six months later. By the time you're done with it, you can be out in the ocean selling fish water. We are the only platform teaching people where the future is going. We are the only place up to date. Hustles University will show you the future of business. We will teach you how money is made today. We will teach you subjects and business models not taught anywhere else. For only $50, we will equip you for the future. The world is changing fast. It will only get harder. It is time to take life seriously. Join the fight against poverty.
join Hustlers University.
.
.