Transcript
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*clap*
Tristan's asleep. So if we all leave now, he wakes up to a completely empty house. I feel like that would make him happy. He would feel like he won.
Not only empty house
But no electricity. - This is no electricity. - No water.
There is electricity. The lights are literally on, but only half of them work in the house. The other half don't work. Why, baby? Why is that? How is that real? Because we're in Romania. That's why. It's called Romania?
Put you in jail without reason.
We have power cops in jail.
You know what my number one fear in jail was?
Fire.
Because there was electricity wires all hanging out the ceilings, buzzing. And I was like, if this sets on fire, how the fuck do we get out?
True. You just roast food.
Gay.
And then...
Romania has loads of hospital fires, don't they? All the time. All the hospitals burned down. That's real? Bro, last month, a hospital fire, and all the old people, how many, like 30 people burnt to death? Because they're all on anesthetic and shit. Well, it's a regular thing. There's been like two a year, both hospitals burned down.
Bro, that's crazy. Yeah.
Nice, so anyway
There's no power in the house.
But you have a Lamborghini, you have a Ferrari, and I have two Aston Martins and a Ferrari, all outside, and a Maserati, and I say we get in them and we fuck off out of here.
And I say we go to,
The height of Romanian beauty, Bacow. Bacow is an actual shithole. It's a communist dump. It's not in Transylvania, it's not in the mountains.
It's not old, it's not Anglo-Saxon, nothing.
On a flat plane, they built a communist hellscape. It's literally five hours away. A straight shot, middle of nowhere. Shit hole. We have a friend there.
Nige is there and he's gonna come right back. So we're literally gonna pass him on the way going.
No. That would get him.
If you see that sort of... What I think is...
that we should go back home. Why? Support our friend.
Yeah, you must support your friends. If you support your friend, you must support me also. And we go around.
But why the cow? Why the cow?
That's my question. But we can all agree that there's nothing in Bacow.
Thank you.
There are many things in the book. It's the journey, not the destination. Exactly! That's what I was saying. It's not the destination.
And Nigel calls it Baku. We'll go to Macau, then we'll wake up there, then we'll go to Cluj, then we'll wake up there, then we'll go to Oradea, then we'll wake up there, and then we'll drive nine and a half hours all the way home.
Wait, so are we going on a three day road trip? And not telling Tristan?
Exactly.
Let's go. Nothing.
Nothing. We're gonna be going for games. It doesn't matter. We buy stuff there.
Good night, love.
- Just go. - Yeah. - You're going like this. - Yeah. - In the flip-flops. - Yeah. - I'm ready. - I was in my stomach. - Baby, I'm in my stomach on the treadmill. I just threw on shit to go on the treadmill, and now we're going to have a case.
Andrew said we're gonna leave in eight minutes.
- Eight minutes, ready, set, go. - So we're gonna drive on the most dangerous road in Romania. And you can see how many cops there are. Look, cops, cops, cops, cops, cops, cops, cops, crash.
along this road.
- -
Nine police, two accidents, and four hazards.
Why are we doing this? And when people say the most dangerous road, I know you're thinking, "Ah, it's going to be crazy, windy roads like the Transfiguration." No.
It's not the fun kind of dangerous.
It's a highway.
with no middle barrier.
Head-on traffic with Romanian drivers trying to overtake each other. There's nothing fun about it. It's just hell.
It's literally a straight shot to hell.
Thank you.
Gotcha, Gotcha, Gotcha, Gotcha, Gotcha.
Lamborghini Aston Martin trying to get cleaned, but we can't because we're in Romania.
and everything's full of dachas.
We need to dodge you.
Thank you.
We are broke now, we don't have money for a car wash, so we come here because it's cheaper.
You only do what? I can only pay you the 10 legs.
How much does a car wash cost?
Looks like it's too cheap.
I'm not money
- -
I think I forgot my wallet.
I got cash.
Am I well out of my driving license?
So we have to go back.
Let's go back home.
Thank you.
That'd make me a dickhead, wouldn't it? Captain Dickhead.
- What's it?
That's a cold war.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
the car walk.
Bye, baby.
Fudge wash the car.
Ah.
- Thank you.
- The man of the people.
I'm just an ordinary man.
The screening is Ashton Martin.
CBS 77, E-Limited Edition.
in dark chrome.
with red carbon.
- Yeah.
- Stop thinking!
- I'm so glad to take a billion out.
But I'm not just like you!
- I'm driving one of my 59 supercars.
This reminds me of something.
Yeah, guys, don't think just 'cause I'm a billionaire if I'm not.
just like you.
cleaning one of my 59 supercars.
We're Dr. the Saiyan.
Thank you.
-
-
So,
What happened?
We're not going.
So you've run out of coins.
Alright, admit it.
Admit it. It's not broke.
You're broke.
You ran out a coin!
We're not pulling so I can't afford to
You can't afford to wash your car because you've run out of coins. That's right, so my car is half washed.
You're broke.
I'm a broke. I don't I don't have.
10 cent coins for the Romanian car wash to clean my $700,000 ass car and I am broken.
I'm doing anything just to get you off of my mind. When the moment comes, I'm back back when we started again. Trying to forget you is just a waste of time.
Baby, come back.
I'm gonna send this to all my exes today. Every single one. Do you mean it? No, I don't mean it. I'll do it too.
Rile them up.
Well, our road trip might be ruined because we have a new pace car. We have the police. So,
I think we're not gonna make it to Pacau in good times.
- Thank you.
It must be annoying to be a police officer because everyone around you drives at the speed limit all the time. So you have to drive at the speed limit and everyone behind you drives at the speed limit. I mean, what kind of fucking madman would be on bail for human trafficking and then just overtake the cops in his Aston Martin DBSC?
Super Leggero. It would have to be a really really really mad man. What kind of psychopath?
would do that and then think that if he gets pulled over he can talk his way out of it
Definitely not us.
No way. No way.
Because that would make no sense at all.
Especially with all the kind of legal trouble this madman would have hanging over his life. You think he'd just want a quiet, peaceful life.
and just drive at the speed limit, listen to some songs.
He'd have to be a complete idiot to overtake the call.
Yeehaw! Let's crash into a truck. My name's Andrew and I want to crash into a truck. And I brought my friend, Bailey, to film me crashing into the truck. I have the button protection. Bro, I'm deadly serious. I have intended to kill myself for a long time.
I've decided to do it vehicularly. I want to kill myself by crashing into a truck. And I didn't want anyone to think that it was an accident. I wanted them to know that I did it on purpose. So I needed it to be filmed by a competent cameraman. And I thought it'd probably be easier just to convince you we were doing an episode of Takeoff and Ed Show than convince you to film us crashing into a truck. So I want you to know now, that's why you're here.
entire life.
Are you trying to tell me that this is some random communist hellscape
was simply
dotted onto the map during the height of the Iron Curtain, in which they built a bunch of
existent pods for the slave people.
Is that what you're trying to say? That this wonderful city, they've just built a bunch of existence pods for the slave workers to...
live in and hide from the rain.
Is that what you're trying to say? That's exactly what I'm saying.
Oh, they have China pandas to chop.
You know what? I've got to give it to the Chinese. They're fucking everywhere making money. You've got to give it to them.
Where the fuck are we?
And how did he get here from Beijing
He's turned up to this fucking communist show In the middle of nowhere I agree with you, communist dump
Not only did I go to Romania,
fine doesn't want to go to transylvania where all the beautiful history is where the beautiful mountains are doesn't want to go to Bucharest the capital no he wants to go
Far to the east of Bucharest.
in the communist flat plane garbage part that they tried to build up there in Ceausescu, because there's nothing of actual value here.
I go there. I open China Panda Shop.
-
Who is he using his kung fu on?
Him?
That man's probably never left this town.
Why beat him up? What's going on? They're fucking everywhere. I think he knows something that we don't know. Bro, probably he's the dark triad. He probably runs this whole place.
I turned stick up, kid, but look what you done did. Got set up for an eight-year bid. Now your manhood is took and you're a Maytag. Spending the next two years as an undercover bag. Being used and abused to serve like hell. But you was found hung dead in yourself. Was playing to see that your life was lost. You was cold and your body swung back and forth. But now your eyes sing the sad, sad song. Or how you live so fast and die so young. So don't push me, cause I'm close to the edge.
lose my head
Alright, so we made it to Bacow.
But we're missing somebody.
The Aston's here, the Audi's here, the Ferrari's here.
The Lambo is missing. Alex is missing.
The police officer we overtook.
caught up and pulled his ass over.
Like an hour later? An hour later.
- We meant to pull us both over. I guess he thought we'd both stop.
But when Alex stopped, he pulled him behind Alex. Technically, you didn't stop me, friend. You stopped him.
Bye Alex
Why are you scared to go to the other side of Romania? I thought we were road men. I was a great to go there. What is that?
I'm not scared. Let's go.
Let's go somewhere. And they both look at me and say no.
Luke with Cellar's computer, Tristan with Fuckgirls.
They don't leave the house. They're boring. And then Tristan says I'm boring because I don't drink.
Thank you.
He's boring because he only drinks.
Thank you.
The chance of you getting Tristan to go anywhere tomorrow is zero. Good luck. Go.
Tight words. Try harder. Come on.
Believe. He ain't going nowhere.
So we have to forget him.
Lost cause. Dead soldier. Leave him in no man's land.
We have to press forward to the destination. The tops are the flag.
I agree.
So let's go to Mishara, let's go to Cluj, let's go to Mishara, come back Sunday night.
- So that's nice.
Thank you.
Cluj tomorrow.
What about me?
Thank you.
If we're going to Ploge, we might as well go to Tinnishwara.
Let's take it in baby steps.
to lose tomorrow.
We live it up Friday night. We're not going anywhere. We go buck wild. I thought it was included. Tristan kicked the fuck ass off.
Do you ever see that video?
Yeah.
That's what happened last time. Let's run it back. Let's run it back.
Last time it was just you and T, now it's you, T, Nigel, Alex, Alvin, Rory. If Rory's gonna die, someone's gonna die.
It's the next morning. We're leaving in 10 minutes.
as per my usual plan.
We have two options. I was thinking last night. I was dreaming about Stevie Chara.
Yeah.
And I came to the conclusion that we need to go
back home
or brush off.
and back home.
Thank you.
I vote Bradshaw back home.
No, back home. I think the first option, back home directly.
back home directly yeah
No, absolutely not, Alex.
We set out for an adventure. I think back home directly. Nice. I think back home directly, Bailey. Why is everybody turning on me the next morning? Because...
Thank you.
I feel
without Tristan,
We need Tristan.
for a start to go anywhere.
Why? A person's never with us to begin with. Chess is good for the mix, bro. He is good for the mix, I agree, but he's never with us. Yeah, he mixes the humour, he mixes the...
whiskey up
you know, things get a bit wild. - Alex, what's your vote?
I'm voting for Brush Off.
- Brashoff? - Yeah. - Alright, so we have Brashoff, we have Pong. - So far there's three in favour of Pong, one in favour of Brashoff, Bailey.
Home. Home.
What's the vote?
Final decision. You're Mr. Brasov. I have to stream tonight as well.
Sometimes in life you need to make wise decision.
not hardest.
Hand it which vote.
laughter
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