Transcript
You met in mozzarella.
Yeah, Marcel's late, obviously, and I don't know why, so you're on time, you're on time. Justin, Alex, me are on time. Why is Marcel late? Marcel. What's different about Marcel that isn't... What's different about Marcel that would make him late to everything, all the time? So, there's something about Marcel that is somehow distinctly different to every other person who's coming to play poker. Marcel's the late one. Very interesting. I think we can work it out. Late time, which is GMT.
And he always talks about BMT. Here's what I'm... Something man's time.
Something. Something man's time. B.M.T. That's something to do with Marcel. That begins with B. That means he's always late and it begins with B. I'll tell you what, it's going to be broke because we're dealing him in to every game. He can bleed away big blinds until he's broke. Rules of the house. We start with Adam, we deal him in. Marcel, we're dealing you in. Welcome to the game.
Oh, Jesus!
Yep, and I also got this. Nice truck, cowboy. Alright. Alright, so because Marcel's late redeeming him in, I need to lose his money slowly and find him. Ah, perfect. So I'm gonna explain to Justin how poker works. Let's do it.
He doesn't need an explanation. Are you gonna take my money while you're explaining to me the game?
Someone gave him a five minute run down on poker. Did you Google it? I did. I watched the video. Good, perfect. Done. Done! It's enough. It's a six minute video. Surely I'll be fine. Yeah, exactly. Let's go. Come on, dorks. Alright, we're going? How the fuck is this? Yeah, we're dealing with Marcelo. All of you are still here to... I heard where you sit some. Ready? Yeah, I guess so. I'm so happy to lose my money. Just don't lose your Lambo. No, he's losing his Lambo. He's losing his Lambo. I ain't betting my Lambo.
- Oh, fuck y'all.
- Want to bug the martinis in her? - I'm down, bro. - Oh, I'm down as well. Gonna wake up at 7:30 for court tomorrow, but that doesn't matter, does it? - Ah.
- Hello, your honor. Yes, I'm extremely drunk still. Give me my things back, please.
Straight to the queen. 8, 9, 10, Jack Queen.
- I knew you had eights on the last card, I whooped you. - Is this martini shit because we're also a bond?
And then I'll get one here, please. Thank you very much. The girl's the one as well.
You would have lost if you got on then. And then we'll have one, two, three, four, five medium rib eyes. And nine and ten. Five medium rib eyes. No way you thought I had five rib eyes.
Yes.
medium five.
Nothing. Come play. You pay a lot of blinds, bro. Yeah, you're paying the blinds. How are you? You're paying the blinds. Bro, rules of the house. You know us. Where am I?
Right there! And there's your drink as well. Like a martini and you're down quite a bit. You're not out. Lines haven't gone up that much yet.
You need a booster seat. You look like a guy. I do.
He's got a five, he's got a strength.
- No!
.
Bye.
Look at him, he's full of shit. Look at him, he missed the strike.
- Should I go? - Let's go.
I also have a pair of 8th winter high card.
Queen.
Fucking 10.
I knew you were full of shit, Andrew, and I paid to find out. And I just lost. Just.
High power with a high kicker. Fuck you.
Excuse me, Bart. I'll have four gin and tonics, please.
I have three Hennessy Cokes. I'll also have four more vodka martinis, but lemon peel instead of the olive.
Thank you. Amen.
Are we moving?
I am. Who the fuck are you?
God! You don't do it for the big one.
Oh what? Oh! You're on my tooth! That was not... Oh no!
- She got it.
- Three decks.
Fuck. Fuck you. FLUSH!
That's right bitch that's right bitch why why did you think I all in on nothing oh just cuz I all in on nothing loads of times suddenly I'm all in on nothing.
Woo! Woo! Woo! Three ejects, I call! So fucking excited with your hard dick in your hand. Ain't no pussy he-- You're dead! You're dead to me! Fucking kill yourself you fucking dork! Woo!
Now we're gambling!
Let's go!
*laughs*
Fuck you! Bitch!
Five, six, sewage!
Boom! Boom! Howlitz! Howlitz! Full house, full house, bro. He had two pairs. The second two came up, full house. Suck this, cowboy. Three of the kind and a pair, full house. It was clear as day he had the flush. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. Yeah, yeah, I knew he had the flush, I knew that. He took the bat on with two pair.
And then the two came up that gave him the full house.
After the flop. He had ace and two, two pair against the flush, and then he got the full house.
Man, no, straight legit, I had a nine of clubs.
So I thought not many hands could be going to rub those up.
- Mm.
Do you- *laughs* *laughs* Faggot! You're a fucking faggot! You suck! *laughs* You suck! Respectfully, go fuck yourself. *laughs* *laughs* Woo!
You lose or you lose. Wait, wait, I got one thing to say.
Give me your money.
I need a breakdown. You've lost two times.
- To Wallah.
Two times, all of us have.
JW
JW took me out twice a day.
2-0, how do you feel?
Well, I know I didn't play badly, so I can rest on the fact that I played the statistical logs the best I could. Boo! Boo! I'm super duper Starship Trooper mad.
Right? Starship Trooper. I like that. Up in the sky, the Starships. I'm with you. They're pissed. Let's go. The game happened way down here. They're mad up there, bro. I hear you. You understand? Let's go. They heard about it.
from space, they're about to fight the aliens and they're like "For fuck's sake!" You lost twice? What? Twice in a row! What the fuck? What's going on? Top G's! Top G's! Let's go!
So we're here for the third game.
I have to set things right.
One week later...
This Guzo man bring power out, Kyan head size cover out, Kwan Dan just drop a check in this color hunt, full of chatter get a shot in your sour mouth, and money like the 24 rub and rub. Get all you to fill in a brick suit up a Jagga quick custom mends on the roof up and a brick, make us sing sweeter mad than a disc, Christian Keller came a brain she a Catholic, she nail down a goody cock of spit, ready crazy veneer cashier soon a pack of this, 40 ball in a chase and never sap a tick,
But he big butt slim as a fat a clit. So you're too god, me no matter this, tapas in circle a pussy with a long a clip. When me make a dia feed the pussy, them salary. Oh, oh, I make me jukey like a mackatee. Now we chill and give me kaka sit biggo. Dumb outside without apology. And if you man dead weed, are you a legend? Bang, chip-chop, me no mismatch, call a lick, a prick-chop, and he like me.
See you.
I have the most interesting group of friends of all time. They're all on their cell phones. I quit phones. You quit phones? Alright, team no phones. No, I quit. Everyone else, I want them on their phones.
I was in, I'm in, I know the rules.
Chair Tristan.
It's the shit it's all ever. And Marcel's gonna get himself in big fucking trouble calling me out. Chair Tristan.
And the tone to it. You can't just say like chair Tristan. It's sort of like chair Tristan.
It's gonna get himself in trouble.
Yeah! Water contest!
You would win. Decisively.
It would be decisive. It wouldn't even be close. It would be a decisive victory. I'm having a water drink off Marcel, your turn.
*music*
Nutritious and delicious You didn't like the music you stopped the electricity
Yes.
the power of my mind
Thank you.
You know like blind people can hear really good?
Alright, brother.
When you have no fingers,
Your mind allows you to control things. I'm not sure people at home realize that Tristan's actually the fingerless man.
Several days later.
you actually got two RS7s.
Totally different.
One's Naruto Grey.
One's dark chrome silver.
Those are identical. They're totally different cars, bro.
What do you mean?
This one's called a carbon...
Then in the hood, this one doesn't.
If I had to.
I had basically no choice.
Do I have an RS7? Andrew, you drove here in an RS7. I drove here in an RS7. Hmm.
You're right.
I drove here in what, one RS7 or two?
*cough*
See how good that sounds? Sounds like... Bailey... That's the thunder, bro. Buy it. Get it. You won't. You won't. I fucking will. You don't know me. Hey, Tristan, we don't have an RF7, do we?
- What do you mean?
- Drovenhauer is 17.
Oh, yeah, those ones here.
You don't need to, Ars.
You sound like babies.
You know what? I'm actually tired of all these dickhead influencers online renting a Lambo or buying one car and then show off saying, hey, I've got one car.
If you don't buy at least two supercars a week, you're broke.
Because the world's changed now and 300 grand isn't even any money anymore. In 1999 or 2005, if someone said to you, I lost 300 grand in the casino, you'd be like, whoa.
Lost in the Grand Casino.
Who cares?
Money's not real.
It's super easy to make money unless you're an idiot. If you're paying any attention at all, you're rich. Everybody is. So unless you're buying two cars a week, you're broke.
You know what, I pay myself a million dollars a week.
I could pay myself a lot more, but it's a nice round number.
And because I'm a humble man, I only pay myself a million dollars a week. Because I've always thought it was funny that people aspire to be millionaires.
If I could just be a millionaire, try really hard, dedicate my life.
I get a million dollars every single week. Friday mornings.
So if I'm gonna spend three to Grand deville in a car,
Why not? What else am I going to buy? Food? Cigarettes? Dumb shit.
I'm left with so much money at the end of every week, I end up accidentally investing. You know what? I'm in the real estate business on accident. I didn't want to join the real estate business. I always talked about how owning real estate is bullshit and the government's going to take it from you like they did here in Romania. And geographically, you're restricted and it's all garbage. But if you're good at any type of business, you accidentally end up in the real estate business because you have so many millions of dollars. There's nothing else to buy.
How many Bitcoins can a man have?
You have a thousand Bitcoin, you have enough Bitcoin. It goes up, you're rich. If it doesn't, you don't really care. You don't need to buy 1,300 Bitcoin unless you're a real dork.
So you just buy loads of houses all around the world. Oh look, a house on fucking,
Some tropical paradise, a house here, a house there.
new car
Some bitch.
Who cares?
You said you were gonna do it and I didn't believe you, but I should have known better.
Thank you.
Bailey.
when I already have,
A karate master champion's son.
And I already have 10 other sons.
And I'm 68.
and my 22-year-old girlfriend's pregnant.
with my 15th son.
Do you understand?
Sure.
He remembered every chess game he'd ever played. Or he could beat you at chess without looking at the board.
I learned a lot of my discipline, you're right, from fighting. I was a chess prodigy as a kid. I had my dad as a coach. It was chess originally and then it kind of moved to fighting. I trained so hard because I was scared of losing. I was afraid and I used that fear to train as hard as possible. And you can apply that to life as a whole.
you
.