Transcript
*music*
What's my job, Bailey?
I can't say.
Do you even know?
what my actual job is.
I'm gonna make it clear now to the world. I'm gonna finally come clean.
All of this time.
I have been Batman. Batman's just filthy rich with a strong sense of justice
and knows Aikido.
That is me, and everybody knows it.
So for that reason, I need a Batmobile. Think about it, you don't need any superpowers,
You don't need to be a little homo like Spider-Man. No, he's going to get filthy rich.
Get big muscles and fight super good.
And then you have to decide that the Matrix needs destroying. All the bad guys need to pay a price. I am Batman. I always have been.
And for that reason, I've decided to drive one of my SF90s into a Batmobile.
.
-
Thank you.
I don't normally like black cars, but it looks amazing on them.
Yeah.
Something that is different.
That is a Batmobile.
That is a Batmobile.
which means I have to become Batman.
We all have to pay the price.
Thank you.
Admit when that overtakes you, you're gonna think, oh no.
Batman.
Thank you.
- A minute.
Bailey, admit it.
I admit it. Admit it, we're all Batman.
*laughs*
You're the Joker. You're always laughing
Ah, you've infiltrated my Batcave. I've worked it out. Bailey's the Joker.
I'm Batman.
Who's Tristan? Catwoman. Why aren't the rims black?
It's coming.
Thank you.
So it's technically not the Batmobile yet. - Getting there.
You're the Joker.
*Muchas music*
Alex, are those the poison pills?
No.
These are the good pills.
Have you seen that movie "The Good Doctor"? Are you the good doctor?
I'm trying.
We have here, Bailey, a Vitamin C shot.
Thank you.
Thank you.
*sniff*
And also we have
the best olive oil.
in the whole world. So,
I'll tell you exactly what I will do.
I will give the boys
Thank you.
the vitamin C shot
and the olive
Thank you.
Oh yeah.
in order to protect
their
vitamin C,
Levels.
Alex, we have vitamin cigarettes.
The true vitamin C. The thing is, vitamin C is depleted when you smoke. This is science.
So,
What I will do...
is
- Two.
help their bodies to maintain normal dose of vitamin C every day.
Thank you.
You know cigars and of course cigarettes
has some benefits but
Thank you.
Still, they have also some side effects. Hi guys! What is this shit you made?
We have here olive oil and vitamin C shot.
Tristan, who's your mate? Andrew's mate. Why do we take this shit? Because apparently you smoke too much. Basically...
All your volume.
Vitamin C shot
Okay.
So we take this because you smoke too much and you deplete vitamin C levels.
So, vitamin C from the shot will help to increase your
levels of vitamin C in the body, and the olive oil,
will help deliver super good stuff.
internal
I like the MC.
Thank you.
Guys, what are you doing?
I'm trying to protect you here. See? Stand for cigar. You can see me smoke. I got all the vitamins I need right here.
-
Okay.
But...
Please, drink your shots.
Vitamin T
- It's a backhoe.
Nice. I've got it all. There's nothing I can't do.
Nice. What the fuck are all there? There you have a multivitamin mineral
Polyphenols.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Who's your mate? Who's your mate? Mike Tristan!
He's right.
Vitamin C.
He's right. All this time we've been smoking cigars, seeing we're getting our vitamin C, but we're not, because we need to be smoking cigarettes. That's the problem. Finally, it's making sense.
We need some vitamin C.
Sorry, you're right.
He was right, Tristan. He was right. Cigar ain't gonna do it. You're right. I'm not gonna hook him right and steal him. He's a cigarette.
You're right, Alex.
- 'Cause you don't inhale the cigars, you don't give it to your lungs, you know?
Fuck this shit. I'm right.
There is no more to cut!
No vibrancy for you.
Several days later. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Eight players.
makes the pot 16,008.
Thank you.
Alex.
You can gamble your way out of trouble.
Thank you.
Yes.
*laughs*
Alex, I hope you brought enough cigarettes. You're gonna need them. I have some thanks. Alright, calm them nerves. Yep.
- What nerves?
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Alex sit down Alex
Alex is in debt so he's trying not to play But we make him play, we get him deeper in debt
I'll sit here.
Are we the best friends or the worst friends? Best.
We're back at it my friend. I'm about to take all your money. Bailey.
I want you to know that I hate you.
You're really gonna hate me after tonight. If you hate me now, you're gonna despise me after I clean the table. See ya. See what you got. Baby. We have five Americanos please. 100.
Oh, did you want a tea? Can I have whatever tea that he got, please? Two of us left?
It could be a split pot. All in. All in.
Would it be a split pot? It could be a split pot.
- Full house with aces. - Full house. - But now. - Oh, Jack! - Sick! - My sound! - Oh shit!
I just told him a story so like the math teacher.
He had pocket aces. He folded. Somebody had six and made quads. But he folded before. I didn't fold it. I got fucked. Marcel that was ice cold Marcel.
So now when you have something, you're like...
Three good hands.
Thank you.
then I am the top G. You know what, sometimes in life,
You gotta let people know,
why you have the name you have.
I actually aren't in prison. I'll serve them three life sentences. Shut up. Three life sentences. Just me by myself. Solitary.
I said to the Commissioner, I'll play you a poker with no cards. $10,200. And if I win, you have to let me out. Here I sit.
So when these three people think they can go all in against the top G...
Let's go! Mmm! I am so ready for this! Raise me! Oh! I'm down! I'm down! Let's go you fucking little dickhead! Oh yes! Feels so good! Yeah, 400!
- So good. - Mmm, mmm, yes! Oh my God, you see what you got?
fucking pair of fours, pair of fucking jacks, you fucking dork. Give me the fucking money.
You fucking little jerk off! Right here, Yusuf! Right here, buddy! Hey, Yusuf! Hey, Yusuf! Hey, bro! Right here! Right here! Right-- Hey, bro! Right here!
Told you.
Fucking cuckhole. Fucking dork.
You fucking loser can't sexually satisfy your girlfriend or Marcel's mom. You, my friend, are the worst man that humanity has ever spawned for the entirety of its existence.
I'm gonna bet because I think maybe he'll fold. Fold, I'm fuckin' fold! I'm so fuckin' rich I don't care!
You fucking nobody! You're a dork! That's what I'm talking to you.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You, my friend, should be ashamed of yourself! Minimum bet is 400.
It's right here, buddy.
Now's your time. Now's your time to beat me.
Now's your time.
You soon.
your chances.
Now's your chance. Right here, buddy.
Bro, it's right here. I'm all in.
Molin.
It's right here.
You see, it's me and you, right here.
Two dicks, one shaft.
Someone's going in. Someone's making love. Someone's getting that baby.
No, no.
Let's go. You said, look, look, I don't know what you got, but it's your chance. I don't even know what I've got.
You say it. All right, all in. All in. All in. All in. All in.
Oh shit! So use it with me again. So do it to me. Do it to me back.
Me and you, buddy.
Me and you, buddy. Me and you.
Showdown.
*laughs* No way! I'm out! *claps* I'm out.
- Thanks.
Last card.
Told you bro.
It's me and you. Here's me and you.
You sit.
Excuse me.
Buddy.
That was it. It was us.
Me and you.
Told ya.
You dumb fucked up. You fucked with the wrong man.
I tried to play here with the drunk man with the sober man's mind.
Okay.
Mmm!
Ooh, the sweet taste of victory.
Wild, isn't it?
How do you feel?
Bye.
How do you feel?
Man to man, tell me how you feel. Because it's just me and you. Still interested.
Are you still in? I don't know who you are.
Because I was all in.
And you, my friend, are a fucking stupid
dickhead, loser, nobody, who everybody hates, and I always knew that.
Oh shit! Oh Tristan's a wild guy! He bets on nothing!
Oh, shit!
Trip Kings out of nowhere.
Out of nowhere!
Shit that must be it buddy right here, bro. Right here, buddy. Oh, please. Oh
- Thank you.
six
- What?
Right here, buddy.
versus this track. Right here. You sit. You sit and get it.
Your crucifixion is going to end. Oh, shit. How can I get it?
- United Kingdom.
- Okay.
You might get a six.
I won't.
- Okay.
- Hey, Jack. - I went with the Jack. - Hiya, Kar. - Yusuf.
Everybody respect respect. I gave you shit one night. Oh
I do actually like you. I'm gonna stop giving you shit. But for one last time,
Right here, buddy. Told you. I'm right here. I'm right here.
And you done fucked up. Trying to play like a drunk man in a sober man's game.
You've done fucked up.
- It's amazing.
It's me and you, bro.
I told you, when the drinks start flowing,
The card starts showing.
- It's true. - It's true. - Look at that. Look at that.
*BANG*
I'm a feminist, as you all know, and I really respect the opinions of women.
And that's why I'm here in this woman's only gym, to ask them what they think about my brand new product, Fireblood.
People often come up to me and say, "Andrew, you're so tall and strong and smart and funny and charismatic and extremely rich."
"What supplements do you take?" And I explained that coffee and cigars are the only supplements I've ever needed, but perhaps as I get old I should look into them.
So I decided to do a little bit of market research, and I was very disappointed by what I saw.
All of these supplements are full of chemicals I can't name, I don't know what they are, or they're full of flavorings.
I thought, why can't you have a product which is only the things your body needs?
Why can't you only have vitamins and minerals and amino acids
And if you're gonna do that, why not have loads of them?
I've never understood, girls if you don't mind,
I've never understood why you would have 100% of your vitamin B2 when you can have
7,692% of your vitamin B.
along with your vitamin B6 and your iodine, magnesium, zinc, copper, all the amino acids,
niacin, folic acid, vitamin A, it goes on and on. In one convenient scoop with absolutely no flavorings,
whatsoever.
Surely, Andrew, you're a business genius. Why? Who hasn't thought of taking all the minerals and all the vitamins and all the amino acids and putting them in a fantastic, easy-to-use product?
with no flavorings whatsoever. So I've created it, Fireblood, and we're here to see what women think of it.
at this girl's on the gym. So girls,
This is Fire Blood, this is my product. Please give us a very honest review.
Girls love it. They love it. Don't listen to what girls say. They don't mean it. They love it. And that's the best thing about fire blood because you know what? Life is pain. Everything good in life is going to be pain. When you go to the gym, you're supposed to suffer. Every single good thing that's going to come to you in life is going to come through pain. Your supplement, what is good for your body is never going to taste like cookie crumble. It's never going to taste like strawberry cotton candy. And if that's what you want, you are probably gay.
to be as strong as humanly possible with no garbage, only the things your body needs, then you need to get used to pain and you need to get used to suffering.
And only that way will you ever become a fraction of my power and manage to achieve
Fireblood.
Fireblood tastes disgusting because it is good for you and like everything beneficial in life it is hard to swallow. Fireblood is the most disgusting product you can buy but contains every vitamin, mineral, and amino acid required for muscle growth.
stomach may ache a little bit after consuming fire blood if you are a dork.
If you prefer supplements which taste of cookie crumble but are full of junk, you should probably get an AIDS desk because you are gay.
It's not good at all, it's very disgusting.
I really feel to throw up when I'm drinking. Do you want a supplement that makes you strong, or do you want a supplement that tastes like candy because you're fucking gay?
*music*