Transcript
- I was right all along, Ferreros shades fix everything.
Why did they make it impossible to open?
so that we don't cheat on our diet.
Is that why? Is this tape?
Why is this tape so hard to...
No way!
Dig in! I wanted a chocolate
Thank you.
Obviously I had to have one.
Andrew Andrew Andrew Today is your name day.
And since I've moved to Romania, I've learned the importance
Of what a name day is.
And so I got you a gift.
I don't know if you noticed yesterday, but I was out of the house for quite some time.
And I went to three stores to find this.
I was super upset because I didn't think I was going to be able to get you a gift for your birthday or your name date. But I finally found it.
It took me forever, but this is specifically for you.
Thank you.
you
I went all over town for that.
and I smoke it then.
Do you like a gift?
I do actually.
It's much better than anything else it could have possibly been.
Love you too, Angela.
Okay.
I mean...
Happy birthday!
Name day.
This is olive oil.
Fuck my engine all the way.
Enjoy.
Present. Where is she tasting?
but it's healthy.
This is the most
powerful olive oil in the world. Alex, what's a name day? You're the only Romanian here. What's a name day?
So a name day is the day of a saint.
So when a scientist has his
They...
and his name, it's
saying like your name
This means that is your birthday name.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
-
Happy name day. The fact that my name day and my actual birthday or day after another makes it just even more pointless completely.
Your birthday is tomorrow.
- I'm completely ridiculous. - But today's your name day. - Get fucked.
- This is where the lines are blurred. Are these for your name day or your birthday tomorrow? No one knows. - Well, the fact that they're one day after another.
makes it even more ridiculous and pointless that they even exist at all.
No, you get double gifts.
Coffee? Oh. These are coffee. That's coffee. That's the coffee that they shit out.
Oh, that's the fancy coffee. Oreos? Oreos? All this stuff's from Bali.
Someone in Bali sent me a bunch of presents.
I get from this mall around the world.
But the best present I got was this cigarette. Oh, I think. Because I smoked it when I was alone, hearing none of you cunts. I'm tired of living with you all day, every day. Oh, more cigarettes.
Nice. Nice! That might be the best gift. Let's have a Bali cigarette. Bali cigarette.
Yeah, some super hot yoga chick in Bali who's obsessed with me and she's like 10 out of 10 and she's blonde and she's sexy.
He lives in Bali and says, "Andrew, the way to escape the Matrix is to come live in Bali with me in my treehouse and impregnate me repeatedly."
I'm like, well, I can't. I'm stuck inside the matrix now.
She's like, "Yeah, but you don't need the Lambos and the Bugattis and the money. You can just come here and impregnate me in my Balinese treehouse." You know, she's got millions of followers and everyone's like, inboxing her, saying, "I love you!" But really, she ignores them all because she's obsessed with me. Like every other female on the planet. And she's sent me Balinese cigarettes, so...
Props to her. She's one step closer.
You're knocked out.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Not bad. That is pretty good. Not going to lie. We should go to Bali.
Cheers to Bali. Cheers. Is Alex trying to poison you with nicotine gum? Nicotine gum.
He's got nicotine gum.
Why did you bring nicotine gum into this house?
Thank you.
Because you need all the instruments.
Nicotine does make you strong, that is true.
But why don't you just get it from cigars the old-fashioned way? Yeah, it was similar.
Loads and loads and loads and loads and loads of cigars. How does Nicotine Gum work? Pass me some.
How many are you supposed to chew? One. Four.
Six.
Thank you.
- Cigarette, nice.
Top lock.
I'm jealous. I'm a little king.
He finished my fifth coffee in the morning.
- Okay.
*crash*
*
- Nicotine powers your brain, makes you smarter. People don't know that.
Is that working? You do realize it helps in moderation, but you two absolutely abuse it.
I'm actually quite good with it.
English language.
I'm world-renowned for it, and I've never heard that word before. Have you heard that word?
Moderation.
- Moderation? What does that mean?
It sounds like modern gender roles or modern art. That's like being a pussy.
Andrew, did you get some of the nicotine gum?
I'm kind of enjoying this nicotine gum. It goes really well with cigar. I'm not even playing those games. I'm fucking 10 cigars today.
The reason, here's why. Let me explain to the world. My brother and I only have one speed.
We're either off or we're on. And if we're on, it's attack.
So I can't become a fucking loser as nicotine comes. I'll end up...
chewing 500 pieces of nicotine coming a day.
A cigar or a cigarette is a delivery vehicle which can slow me down. I can only smoke the cigar as fast as it can be smoked. So God invented the cigar to give me nicotine at a pace in which my blood will not turn to solid nicotine.
If I start chewing nicotine gum, my blood will coagulate.
and it will thicken up with pure nicotine, and it will stop moving through my veins, and I'll become the man of rock. I won't die, but then what will happen is, once I'm made of pure rock, my enemies will try to arrest me, and they won't be able to, 'cause they're gonna try to put me in jail with something I haven't done. I won't be able to move my arms, put my hands in handcuffs, so then they're gonna shoot me,
Thank you.
Appreciate it.
She just got to see God.
Another car.
Thank you.
What?
I mean, I certainly don't need any more cars, but this is one I'm not even sure I want.
Because I have struggles in my life.
nagging questions.
It's an M3.
Competition.
Trump change.
Lunch money. I'm free of competition. What is that?
whatever. Jesus Christ.
But because I'm...
The kind of person who has a constant quest for knowledge. Because I'm not a dork like you people, I have to know the answers to everything. When I see something, if I see a puzzle, I cannot remain perplexed, and I cannot just take my mind away from it, and permanently distract myself with Pornhub like a loser. I need to know the answer all of the time, which is my secret for unlimited success, and has propelled me to the absolute highest echelons of masculine achievement. And when I bought my RS7 ABT,
with 1000 horsepower. It reminded me of my M5.
which DCAW have taken at 900 horsepower, and I was comparing how heavy the steering was,
Because the car feels a little bit heavy, even though it is an absolute animal. And then I thought, I wonder if an M3 feels a little bit lighter. Driving this RS7, it reminds me of my M5, obviously. But then it makes me wonder, like, what's an M3 like? Like, steering-wise, like, what's the feel of an M3, you know?
So the only way I could possibly find out is to buy an M3.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So I bought this car because I was curious
how the steering will feel.
Okay.
So now we're gonna find out.
Require water!
Thank you.
What else would I buy?
I have 53 cars already.
So...
I know you nerds at home don't understand these problems, but when you're trying to compare
RS7 ABT steering against your M5 steering.
Then you wonder what an M3 feels like.
So you just have to buy one.
I don't give a shit about any of these cars. I mean, I'm a Bugatti driver, but...
It's just curiosity.
There's not much in the world that's very interesting to a man like me anymore. I have it all, I've seen it all, I've done everything.
You people are so fucking pathetic.
that you look forward to
Holidays.
I've had people tell me what they would do if they had my money and influence and all they're doing is explaining to me why they will never have my money or influence.
Bro, if I was just you, I'd just go to Thailand! That's your ambition?
Sand?
The beach, that's all you want? You want to sit on the sand? If that can entertain you,
There is absolutely no question in my mind as to why you're a fuck up.
Men like me, we search for problems and solutions and our brain is inquisitive.
And my inquisitive brain wants to understand how the M3 feels to steer.
All of a car, I bought the Audi RS7. And I only bought that because I wanted to compare it to my M5. And I only bought that because I wanted to compare it to my S6 3MG. It's the chain reaction.
That's literally what happened.
Okay.
So...
Coffee? Smoke?
Okay.
M3?
Let's go.
Thank you.
You should have a very inquisitive mind.
Any of you men out there, if you had half a brain, would be sitting there thinking,
Why am I a fuck-up?
Why am I a loser?
Why am I constantly outperformed by Andrew Tate? Well, obviously he's the top G.
But do I ever stand a chance of even getting anywhere near him?
Why does my girlfriend not like having sex with me?
None of these things cross your mind.
Should.
Thank you.
Let's put my coffee down.
There. Perfect. All right, M mode, obviously.
So does it feel as heavy as the RS7? We're going to find out.
Most of you would get a brand new M3 and it'd be the best day of your life. To me, it's actually a little bit inconvenient.
Imagine that, the best day of your life, I consider an inconvenience. You're like, hey, best day of my life. I'm like, oh, fuck's sake, I forgot about that.
Thank you.
It feels very similar to the M5 to be honest. It doesn't feel that different at all.
Thank you.
you
Yeah.
I think I still prefer the...
I think of all of them, the M5 is my favorite.
That'll be the RS7ABT.
And then probably the M3. Probably M3 is in last place. No, the M3. Then the S63 AMG is in fourth because that just feels so heavy. It feels like a boat.
Maybe I need to buy the new C63 AMG to test that.
just to see what it feels like.
This is just gonna sit on the driveway forever.
Well, I don't want it. What the fuck is it?
I've got Ferraris, bro. What the fuck am I driving M3 for?
Okay.
Yeah, so there we go. Car purchase.
Two kilometers on the clock, done.
Don't want anyone.
Sorry, but now I've sat, that's worth 200 grand, whatever it was to me.
That's worth it. Now I know.
M5 is my favorite. RS7 ABT is my second favorite. This is my third favorite. And the S63 AMG is my fourth favorite. Now the question is, do I buy a C63 AMG, the new one,
with the two liter engine,
4-cylinder, which is trash, but it's hybrid, and give it a chance, even though I'm sure I'm gonna be disappointed, because I'm gonna have a V8 like an AMG should.
And do I spend all that money just to
definitely put it in last place? Or do I just give up? But now I have a nagging question in my mind and I can find out for as little as 200 grand. 200 grand to me is like,
I don't even know what that is to you, Brokeys.
I can buy cars easier than you can buy Starbucks. I guarantee I could go into a car dealership and you can go into a Starbucks and you keep ordering coffees and I keep ordering cars. I guarantee you're not running first.
I mean, it looks good. The M3 sounds good.
You should probably do like a...
what you should do, Bailey, you probably should do like a video or something around it and get some pictures of it and like make it cool because
We've got to get some value out of it because I am never going to drive this car ever again.
Okay.
Thank you.
Bye.
-
.
Oh.
Yes.
Bye.
- Okay.
.
- -
.
Now I've felt that the steering is a little bit different.
I drove it up there. I drove it like
Two columns.
Bro, your blind cost is serious. I also wanna know.
Right?
Listen, bro.
Firstly, I don't know.
The problem with running a car is that other men have been in that car since those big games.
Thank you.
True or false?
Other men have been there. So if I want to test the steering on an M3, the only way to do it is to buy one. Okay, so why do we have carbon?
Once you go for a carbon body kit. What? What was this? Can you go? Well, I'm not broking. So you had to put that up there to test it. Yeah, but now the problem is, I mean the M3 is a very nice car and it's got carbon and it's a great car.
But for me to pick it,
I now have to go outside and say no to an SF-90 and say no to another SF-90.
and say no to a 765,
and say no to a GT3.
and then say no to an MC20.
Say no to the RS7ABT.
Like there's a lot of no's I have to get through before I kick the end three.
Yeah, but much because it's convenient. That's what he wants to get into.
To quote the esteemed philosopher,
Missy Elliott.
I don't want a family to see how the back doors open up
Thank you.
I feel it. I feel it. It was annoying me. It was in my head.
I wonder if the M3 steering feels the same. And I thought of it like three different times throughout a one-week period. And I thought, I'll fuck it. Let's find out.
Why would you not the most reason for this?
Well, thank you.
to see how the factors are.
Missy Elliott, 2008.
Let's actually work this out. Let's say you're the average man. Let's get a calculator. You're the average man.
and you earn $10,000 a month, which is a lot of money, you're rich, right?
Which means,
You ever put two different dishes in a restaurant? Because you wanted to taste it? How much does the average bag earn? The average bag doesn't earn $10,000. I don't know how much people get paid. I don't know. I'm rich. Okay, let's say the average bag earns $5,000 a month.
which is our three grandpacks.
or three and a half times. - All this to say about
- $4,000. - Yeah, you're right. We're proper from the ghetto. Let's say 5,000, right?
That is $166 a day.
I earn roughly half a million.
Bye-bye.
So a 200 grand car is around 40% of my income.
So, of my daily income.
So it's like the average person
166 times 0.4
If the average person spent 60 quid,
$60? The average guy who went out and spent $60 on groceries, you wouldn't say he's crazy. - He's only good at my question. - Yeah, if he saw- So I spent $60 on a fucking M3! Yeah, if he found a pair of sneakers, hear me out.
And they were comfortable. He wanted to try the different colors. He wanted an extra pair of sneakers for $60. And he had two pairs of sneakers instead of one.
- Okay, right. - The average man spent 60 bucks, I'm like, cool, but if I spend the same percentage income on a car, I'm crazy.
So, agreed.
Fall.
That's not what you did.
What do you mean? You're doing this. You've got groceries at home, you have everything you want.
And then you've bought all the groceries together in a different color just to see if they taste the same, even though you're not going to use them.
That's very different than spending the $60 you need to get off. How do the back doors open up?
.
.
*music*
I'm out.