Transcript
Tristan Tate
How are you?
Good, where you been Jim?
Jim, Alex?
Alex the man, nice to see you.
Andrew?
Thank you.
Too slow!
- -
*laughs*
I got you.
Is that funny?
That was pretty funny, you have to admit it, I got you.
I don't find that funny.
I find it offensive.
I'm going to get a Vincent.
because I trusted you.
It's not that I was actually too slow, because I didn't try and move fast. It's that I trusted you, and you broke the trust.
I don't think that's funny. I don't think breaking the trust of your friends is a very funny thing to do, Bailey.
Maybe for you white people that's normal. But where I'm from, when you grow up together and you live together,
fighting the war against the matrix you rely on each other.
I guess we're just built a little bit differently, aren't we? Okay, okay. No, no, no. Okay. Let's try it again. Let's try it again. No, no, no.
I will never
shake your hand again. I will never shake your hand again. You can take your Christian shit, you can go read that Bible,
Jesus forgives.
I don't.
Everly.
We do jihad.
We're built different.
You can go forgive.
Go forgive, go read the Bible. No, try Jesus.
Don't try me. Andrew. I will never, ever shake your hand ever again.
So you're just going to leave me hanging forever?
Fair.
What's up, Nigel? How you doing, bro? I'm doing good. Nice to see you.
- I'm sorry.
She needs a silver and steak. Why would I take women out? Women.
the most disloyal creatures on Earth.
Take them for beautiful dinners.
I'm not giving my boy who's never let me down once ever the best food on the planet. Of course he eats turban stick
Last time you said that you gave him beef ribs and everyone on that TC episode freaked out because they said like those bones can like kill him. Like pierce his stomach. Freaked out where? What do you mean?
He just said you're not supposed to give dogs bones like that because it can kill them.
What, in the comments?
There's like 50 comments.
I'm a real G with street problems. You think I read fucking comments?
I don't read comments, I don't give a shit what they say. Plus, they obviously forgot the science that I am built different
Meaning, by extension,
My boy's built different.
Imagine having a dog that's dead from a bone. Isn't it "Give a Dog a Bone"? Isn't that the whole fucking song? Can't give your dog a bone, it might die. No wonder all of you fucking losers can't get anywhere in life. Even your dogs are pussies. Well, G is built different. He'll eat a fucking cow.
Bone and all.
Fucking crying her eyes about giving your dog a bone. The world's gone so fucking soft.
Thank you.
I eat those bones, bro.
I chew those beef rib bones myself. If there's one thing that doesn't police my behavior, it's the comment section.
She's built different.
As am I. Yeah, Bailey's a Star Tart. I think the sun's real.
The sun's real, bro.
The sun is-- - I think the sun is a star.
And you think it's real?
I know you're a star target.
Your startard, bro. I think you weren't with us in KT Confidential.
when we worked out the eggs weren't real. It meant that you were still somewhere in Texas reading the Bible.
- Crocony, yeah. - You believe in that? - Yeah. - I don't believe in eggs, both. - Sorry. - I'm not sure I believe in boats. Wait a second, Andrew might be fucking right. There might be no such thing as fucking eggs. - You tried to order me eggs on the menu, and this has come, and they're trying to pretend this is eggs? - So is eggs like a floating, it changes? - Is that an egg? Is that how they describe eggs? Tell me eggs are real. - Is it just fries? - What do you do to order off the menu? Try to order eggs to be a smart ass, and this shit came. Is this an egg? You said when that eggs come, you're up to admit eggs are real, blah blah blah. - I did say that.
Thank you.
I agree with that. 100%.
And now you're sitting here telling me the sun is real. The sun's definitely real.
You missed out on something. - We've been discovering what's real and what isn't for the longest time, and Bailey was somewhere in Texas.
Yeah.
All right, baby, prove the sun's real.
Have you ever touched the sun? Bro, I'm gonna go touch it now. Have you ever held it?
Bring me this on if it's real.
you and your burden of proof because you can't even look at it yeah how do you look at something that's not real don't even look at the sun I'll admit it's real only if you go blind
If you don't go blind, it's not real.
- Ah! - See? Can't even look at it. I can look at something that's not-- I can look at something. - How come your camera can't see the sun?
Wait a minute.
Bailey, I'm not joking. Your camera can't see the sun. Why is that? Point your camera at the sun. So wait.
We're talking about something that Bailey can't look at that doesn't appear on camera.
Baby, point that camera at the sun. You cannot see the sun on that camera. I think I burned my retinas. It doesn't exist! It never existed! Your camera is the real universe. Your mind has been fooled into thinking there's something called the sun up there, but the camera is a machine. It's not emotionally swayed by the arguments of big sun and big government. Point the camera at the sun and admit you can't see it with the camera. He comes from the Earth's molten core. From the ground, dummy. Yeah, the air is warm enough. Doesn't need no sun.
Space Tarn. Yeah.
I have nothing to say. You wear such dorky little glasses. Because they make my skinny neck look bigger. It keeps the focus up here and not down here, you know? Why don't you just get your eyes laser and be Cyclops? Absolutely not. I'm scared of lasers.
I'm scared of lasers.
because I'm a super dork
I tried staring at the sun once but then I realised it wasn't real because Tristan was correct.
You look so weird in those. Yeah, so do you.
*laughs*
I'm trying to show you how gay you look.
here and I'm
Can you hear me on the mic? Yeah, yeah. It's all right. We're going to be live editing this one.
Cool.
So I've prepared absolutely zero questions. That's good. No, that's perfect. We'll just freestyle it. Yes, I don't think we need questions. Me neither.
I think we'll agree on most things. Hopefully we disagree on a few things as well because
conversation.
If not, we could just complain.
we can really can I think we can compare quite a lot as well I think we've had
many similar
Is it different?
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Diet champions.
Built different.
I'm on some 2024 badness.
- I'm a bad man. - You do have to fuel up for body shots in a few minutes. - Oh yeah, I'm probably beating the shot everybody.
What time is it? One?
Let's go, bro. Let's go.
Luke's gonna get his ass whooped by a man who is fueled by M&Ms. And strawberries. And strawberries.
No, maybe. Well, I mean... Why are we taking this elevator? Why? Why? Come on, it'll be snuggle-buggle. This is the shittiest elevator. This is the greatest elevator. Look how small it is. Look, his head's nearly on the bloody thing. Don't go on my face.
Nice! That's fucking huge!
Nice, nice.
Ten seconds! All that calisthenics. Let's go. Ten seconds last. Ten seconds last. All out. All out. All out war. All out war. All out war. All out war. All out war. All out war. All out war. All out war. All out war. All out war. All out war. Time. Three, three, three.
Free, free, free.
- Here we go.
-
- Everybody up. - Everybody up. - Give him up. - Everybody up. - Give him up. - Give him up. - Come in, yo. - Send that one, yo. - Help me. - Help me.
- Don't fuck up. Don't fuck up. Don't fuck up. Why do you move the side? - She got it. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.
Yep.
-
- Okay.
*thud*
*
- Everybody here.
*BANG*
Ten seconds.
-
*singing* Face roll and watch
Go to the air, Abraham!
Just so people know, we went straight from Katie Hopkins right to sparring. Not even five minutes. We were home. Shorts on, gloves on. Go.
Fly.
- Mm.
*thud*
-
One minute.
One, two, three, two, one, two, one.
More clothes!
- Let's meet you.
- Wait, headshot.
Thank you.
- What's going on?
Come on! Fucking go! All the energy in the world is a fucked pussy. No energy for your pork. What do you think I...
I can't think of a better gift to give Luke for his birthday than a broken rib.
I'll do my best
- Is that gonna be your birthday present? - Yeah. Yeah. - You brought me the gift of pain. The gift of pain. Normally your friends, they get you nice things. 36 rounds for my birthday. The gift of pain. - He's gonna break your rib for your birthday, then I'm gonna take all your money at poker. - Good luck bro. The rib might happen. The rib might happen. You are not touching a fucking penny of my money. That is not gonna age well, but it's fine.
Hey, beautiful, beautiful. 10 seconds. Last 10, everything you've got. Don't stop punching. Don't stop punching.
Go, go, go! Two if you have to. Breathe, breathe, breathe. You've got a minute.
Three, two, one, time!
Last shot was good.
Five, four, three.
Two, one, five.
- Nice. - Love you.
- Thank you.
It's poker time boys, let's go!
-
Thank you.
trash.
You were in your tactical gear, I see.
Very comfortable.
That is a very good move. Tristan's gonna get stuffy in his tuxedo,
You're playing for comfort. I think you might have an advantage there. So plus one point to Andrew for sure. But Nigel is wearing the tactical black man bandana.
So we're all screwed.
Just saying.
You're making me.
- What's that? - Dirt cheese.
Thank you.
*thud*
Mr. Fagman?
I knew you were full of shit, look.
- I hope they can keep raising that. - Good call, T. - I had the highest power on the board 'til the eight came up.
Two diamonds, but I didn't worry about that after the slot. Well, I had ace, two, three, four. - That was a great cost. - That was a great cost. Well, you had what? The losing hand? - So is that what I heard? - For the first time tonight, yeah. For the first time tonight, I had the losing hand. It was quite a big one though, wasn't it? It was fairly big.
I'm still doing okay.
Check. Check.
Check.
- Check it.
- Good luck.
this evening's banker.
Thank you.
Sure.
- Thank you.
I don't know how Tristan feels holding my money. That's a lot more thinking right now.
Let's dance ladies, let's dance. Tristan, are you turning up the shit talk? I'm turning up the shit talk. Oh no, no, no. The shit talk, the shit talk's now being turned back. Alright, good. Oh, you have to be fucking joking. Oh, quiet. Oh, Justin. Seven's coming, it's alright, it works.
Suck my short dick! Lanky, ugly, goofy birthday thrift. I don't know. He took him out.
Yeah.
Fucking knew it. Come on. Oh
I'm happy.
- There you are.
- Look, look, look, you could use my mic.
- Why are we playing Uno for $500? - 'Cause we are.
- Highest cargo is first, yeah?
Ah, sure.
Ooh.
It skips higher than eight. It just is, isn't it? It's a better card.
So what does that mean? I go first? You go first so I deal to myself first. Alright, let's do it. I insist you cut the deck. Tristan, it's 5am. I know, bro. We've been gambling, playing poker all night. I've won loads of money on side bets. Cut the deck. So I deal to me first, you go first. That's what I'm going to establish. Let's go.
Bye.
Thank you.
Okay.
Give me your money.
*crying*
Thank you.
thank you sir good night
You are not touching a fucking penny of my money. That is not going to age well, but it's fine.
*Piano music*
*music*
*Dramatic Music*
*music*