Transcript
Good shot there from Tate!
you
*Pewds*
- Yeah.
So basically, everyone remembers when Luke didn't know he'd go to the fire near the flame ones.
I said I was gonna buy Street Fighter. I couldn't find the SNES thing.
So I provide arcade issues. So Luke, in his fear, decided to hurt his hands on purpose and have double hand surgery. He formulated a plan to put him out of action. To avoid getting busts up at Street Fighter.
So I buy an arcade machine to teach him about yoga fire. And now he can't.
I cannot. Rick has no hands.
He's definitely out of fear. Here comes a new challenger.
- Dal-sum. - Dal-sum.
- Yoga fire, yoga flame. - Luke doesn't know what it is.
*Gunshot*
*
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
*thud*
Thank you.
Who's who? I'm Dal Sin. That's Dal Sin. Shit.
I'm Ryu
or why?
You are nobody because you've got no hands.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
*Loud noise*
Thank you.
*thud*
Okay.
-
*Loud noise*
-
Thank you.
- Thank you.
*Loud music*
-
We'll be right back.
There's been power. Our power has gone down. Jacuzzi, the heating ain't on to the Jacuzzi. There's some kind of windstorm, some arctic windstorm.
It's an emergency. We're in an emergency situation.
We have no cameras in our war room. Why don't we buy a backup generator? That's a good idea. Look, that's a good idea. All I know is who's the idiot now. Now we're not starring to death. We've got the cans, we've got the wine, we've got the whiskey. He has a very good point.
Thank you, Ron Fall. Whiskey is not-- we need power. We need a diesel generator.
Listen.
We need whiskey, that's all we need. And if you observe the booze collection over here, this is just a fraction
of the collection of fine boozes, which I have stashed in case of an emergency just like this.
So I'm gonna crack open
this beautiful bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label, get a few glasses,
And we're going to sit down at the table and have a wonderful fucking time. I'm the first to get a table booze. We have ice cream. We need ice cream. None of this makes sense. We need ice cream.
Ice cream is going to melt. I'm going to get some ice cream. Bring ice.
All right, let's drink whiskey and smoke some bars in the powerhouse. Obviously.
Obviously.
Me and Andrew, we're not scared of having no electricity.
We once ran up an electricity bill so high in our flat and dumpsable that we couldn't pay
That we called the electricity company and lied and said "Oh, we just moved in!" We don't know. Uh, yeah, this Tristan Tate is just, uh, I don't know who he was. My name is Andrew Tate. And Andrew tried to pretend he just moved in.
So then they said they needed to speak to the landlord.
So we got our friend Glenn, our friend, to call and say that he was our landlord when he wasn't.
to the electricity company. And eventually they believed it, and then they put us on an electricity meter.
So our electricity would go down, 20 pounds at a time, it would kick down.
until we get into a situation like this. So I ain't scared of a situation like this. - Yeah, we lived this way. - Oh, a few candles. - We lifted our electricity until the fucking money came in. - But we didn't even have emergency food or booze.
Nice. And then juicy booze. Yeah.
Crystal decanter for a Johnnie Wolt and Blue Lane. Is booze the answer? Is booze the answer? Anything to do? No ice. It's cookie dough.
- They're gonna get a ice cream. - You have no hands. You have no hands.
I'll have a smoke.
I'm nice for my whiskey.
Command the wench to bring ice.
Lent! Ice from the freezer. Single word, simple command.
*laughs*
Here we go. Now we've opened the Cubans, maybe as well smoke them. Three Cubans.
From me and my boys, Rumpold, Luke, Andrew.
I'm gonna smoke a big Davidoff.
No Davidoff, no Suck Me Off. We might be doing good. Let's see.
*BEEP*
Let me tell you a story about the Stokian future. At some point in the next 10 years, you me and Tristan are going to be in some kind of car crash in the Mongolian mountains, and we're all going to have injuries.
And Tristan and I are going to continue to walk all the way, bus up,
No fucking plasters, no casks, we're gonna get to the end. Your baby ass is gonna be like, oh, but I haven't got casks, I don't have plasters. No, but I wouldn't. I'd walk. You'd die. I would walk. Well, then take off your fucking thing if you walk in the Mongolian desert, bro. You're either a hero or you're not a hero.
When I bust my hand, I put the picture in, I bust my hand, I punched him in the top of his head, I broke my hand, I continued to punch for 12 rounds, I broke my hands in eight places.
- I went in for fucking emergency surgery, I put it on, and as soon as they said you can't drive with a cast in validation insurance, I bought a fucking Stanley knife, cut it off, and put on a glove, bro.
A witness to that story is flying in. He'll be here in two hours. "I've replaced you, Luke. I'm getting a replacement, Luke. One, because you're out of action, because you cut your pinkies.
And two, because you look like a fucking geek with those gloves on your hands. I can't hang around with you. We have to replace Luke until he removes the cap. Take him off immediately.
You look like a baby.
Oh my pink, my pink, my pink, my pink. For everyone watching at home, he's cut his pinkies. That's why he's wearing-- The tendons are cut! Zoom in! Zoom in on these things! Three tendons, zoom in!
And tuner. Pinkies on the eye. Pinkies. With that amount of bandaging, you shouldn't have no pinkies at all.
If they're still there, then you don't need that much. Yeah, that's amputation level bandages. It's Romania! They don't know how to minimize the amount of bandages they use. I blame the Romanians for the amount of bandages.
Take off. It's Romania. The casks.
You look like a geek. You're bringing shame on this family.
Thank you.
You're bringing shame on this family. I've let you into my household and into this family. You're bringing shame on them. Alright, so if I take them off, I'm going to recast them. But in a more effective manner. There is no casting. There's no casting, bro. There is. Take them off. They're going to be fine. Don't take them off.
Please don't take me off. Luke, take off the casts. Andrew took out the stitches in my head one day after I got them because they looked stupid.
And I need to gel my hair. So Andrew will take off your cast. He's a professional. I don't need my doctor. I'm a doctor. I've got a PhD.
Like...
In fact, let's interpret that right now, let's post the photo in the series of you taking the stitches out of my head because that photo does exist.
I had them for one day, couldn't gel my hair, my hair looked whack.
*thud*
I've got a PhD. Your hands are worse than my hair. Take them off. I've got Pimpin' Ho's degree, bro. But I'm not going anywhere. Take off the gas. We're staying in home. So?
There's no one to impress
There are people to disappoint, though. Your lovely cousins who have let you come here and be a millionaire are upset with the way you're conducting yourself. Because I have tasks on. Yes.
You look like a geek. Do I take them off? No.
And if you look like a geek, you must be a geek. And you're hanging around me looking like a geek.
Embarrassing me in front of Ronfold.
They are very impractical, however. Yeah, it looks like they're pretty gay. However. Shit, they are very impractical. Very impractical, however.
Take off the cast. I'll go get Andrew a knife and he's taking them off. For long term reasons. What do you mean no? For long term reasons. But.
I could walk through the mountain Mongolian desert without... No, no. I could. No, if a doctor told you to sit still and don't walk...
keep waiting or die no i'm gonna walk well you're dying now of embarrassment
And you're killing me along with you.
It's that thing. - Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
It's true that it is too much. You look like a geek.
You cut your pinky. I cut my pinky when I was a kid. What day is it? I have to cut my tendons.
Your tendons are half stitched together.
with surgical thread, they're stronger than ever.
You got Matt, you got Invincible Bionic Anders. I don't believe they're stronger than ever. I believe they are. I believe they used to be very strong. Now they've got a weak.
What is the name?
Remember yesterday when I said we can't be cousins with such a punk and I was going to replace Luke?
Luke, come in.
Luke. Yeah.
Here we go.
What are you doing? I'm here. I've known him for ages and his name's Rory. No, I'm Luke. This is our cousin Luke.
I've officially replaced Luke. He is. He's our cousin. We've known him since we were kids. So this is Luke now? This is Luke. Look at his hands. This is a fucking game. These are the hands of a cousin of ours.
Tate hands, they're not crab hands.
At least he could punch somebody. Yes, Luke. Alright, Luke. Welcome home.
Thank you.
How's your mum? How's Ankefi? Is she good? She's good. She's lost. Sophie's alright. She's doing well.
close to me here.
I'm battling it.
Alright, make this up a hug, bro. You know who your room is, yeah?
- What's up? - What's up?
Gene Gataway. Goddammit Gene.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye.
Thank you.
Who are you? Who the fuck are you?
I'm fucking Luke.
Tristan's cousin.
I'm Luke. Bro, who is this guy? Luke, come in. I'm fucking Luke. How many times do I have to tell you I'm Luke? What do you mean? What the fuck? What's happening?
Who's this fucking dude? Andrew, who's this dude in my bed?
Andrew, who's this dude? He's Luke. I'm Luke. Because no cousin of mine will still, five days later, have some bullshit crab hands. How are you going to fight with them?
I'm not rolling with a guy who can't fight.
He can pop Luke. Why has he put my jacket on? He's Luke because I'm Luke and this jacket fits me because I'm Luke.
He's Luke now. I don't know what you are. No cousin of mine walks around like this. Bro. He's Luke. What do you mean?
What's happening?
So from standing in a wall table,
No, you come on.
If Luke goes to have a drink, I'm free.
I don't want a drink.
Who the fuck are you? Luke, we drinking. Yeah. No. No, it's Luke. Look. This is just a random man. Luke, don't. I'm not a random man. I'm not a random man. I'm not a random man.
Tell this guy, you're gonna be my family. You're gonna be my cousin.
- They always think that this is what they're family, bro.
I don't know who you are.
He's our cousin Luke. Luke, can you act the last one to capture a whistle? What?
Thanks, guys.
He may look like a spy, but he's actually from San David Caldwell. He looks super white. He's got a picture of being so cute. You've never seen such a tape.
Exactly.
But that's 20, actually, that's all good.
Cognac's good for me. Alright, I'm gonna get the egg. Got blasted this guy. What's your name again, mate?
Luke, don't copy Luke's name. Look, Rory, just take a call.
So that's not a worry.
stupid fucking instinct in there. I think parents must be a canonical writer. Exactly.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
Your mother is an esteemed university professor.
So I'll be on the next flight back to the States if it's carried on. I'm not going to see another man in my fucking bed.
Try these guys! This is my...
Bro, why are you eating my food? Look, Luke Freeman, it has my fucking name- Who's this random man? And why is he coming and eating my food now? You eat my cousin's food? You try to eat my cousin's food? Seriously?
Seriously, what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? Get the fuck out of here. That's how you feed me. You can help me.
- Tee, who is this man? - I don't have to spalk this stranger, but I'm gonna... Who is this man? Trumpo!
Bro, you're not gonna stop this.
Rob Fogino lead. Man that Luke, innit? Obviously. Thank you.
Help yourself, guys. It's on me.
I paid for it!
No. I put my name on the receipt.
See ya, that's funny. I see ya. Luke Freeman. Not random cut in my house.
on the receipt. Thanks.
His name's on the fucking receipt! Bam!
Can you read?
Am I going insane? Thanks, Luke. Thanks, bud. No worries, man. Thanks, Luke.
I try hard. I'm a good cousin.