Transcript
Good shot there from Tate!
you
Thank you.
Yo, Luke.
Yeah.
Look at this, people in Romania.
actually think.
I'm like a bad person or a scary person.
One of my neighbors messaged me about
the parking situation on the street.
And she said,
And I quote...
I always tell my children to stay away from their cars, although they really like them.
I'd hate for them to scratch one and me have to sell a kidney.
Ha ha.
So...
I told her that tomorrow she can bring her son around and we'll unlock all the cars and take loads of photos in them.
Yeah, and like...
You could show them to the girls in his school and stuff. You know, like five years old. Yeah, and she's super surprised like wow, you're so nice like, oh
What does it cost me to unlock my cards and let some kids see? Zero.
What, 10 minutes? Well, people think I'm- people think I'm an asshole. I know. That's right. That's right. I'm much nicer than people realize.
So tomorrow, my neighbor is bringing her stun opener
and taking photos
in my cars.
Just the kind of guy I am. - Bro, you're much nicer. You just can't post, you can't post this shit.
Yeah.
I don't know.
But if he scratches them, shit. Two kittens. Two kittens.
*thud*
Luke, I need a favor. - Yeah? - Right. A friend of mine, a colleague of mine, has left his car.
in Bucharest, and he doesn't know what to do with it. He's going to be gone for months and months
but his vehicle is still here.
So I've decided,
become an Uber driver.
I'm gonna use his car, and I'm gonna drive Uber
in the city.
So in 10 minutes when the car arrives,
"You've got to go and get my new one from outside." The tow truck is bringing it.
and you're gonna show them where to park it.
because I'm busy.
And that's going to be my Uyghur.
I mean
Alright, what car is it? You'll see.
Perfect carpeting room for these streets.
The perfect car. It's on its way.
*sad music*
What do you think it is? Like a Toyota Prius? Probably it's an Uber car isn't it? Uber car bro.
Thank you.
-
Thank you.
Thank you.
Here it comes. Here's the Uber car. Still can't see it.
- Amazing, gotcha.
Prius. Prius, yeah. Actually, Dacia is a good guess. They'll have a Dacia in Romania. Dacia Logan. This is the Uber car.
That's not a fucking uber car bruv. Bro that's not an uber car. That's a fucking uber car. That's
It's a Rolls. That's a Rolls Royce. F *ck.
He's not Ubering this. They might have just bought another car. But there's no way this is an Uber car. This is fake news. Bro how's a Rolls Royce an Uber car?
Imagine your Uber picking you up in the rules once. You'd be so happy though, innit? Would you? I guess you would. Cool. Yeah.
We shall see we hiding I do I don't think if I eat fast enough they must not go no, you still owe me money Where's the money? Give me the money. I'm starting. I'm starting. I'm gonna have to drive uber. You see that uber?
Need it
It's done basically, I'm not just trying to get the back chunks off
Gene, do you admit that this Tomar is defeated?
Kind of, basically. You beat it on points, sir. It wasn't a KO victory. Wait, I'm still going. Well, I've been finished eating for about six and a half hours and you're still sitting there. So, yeah.
Not bad, dude. Not bad. Maybe you'll finally grow taller.
I don't know. Mustn't be getting done yet.
It's an English car.
and it's right wheel drive.
*thud*
Because it's here.
No, the legal owner...
isn't in the country anymore. I've been left with the car. I'm insured to drive it.
but it's an English registered car.
Why I want to use it in Romania.
Thank you.
What do you mean safety ratings?
You know, the best car I've ever fucking got when I ordered an Uber was like a Dacia Duster. You do realize that? That in this country, everyone laughs at your company. Everyone laughs at the service because all the cars are shit.
When I'm in England, I can order Uber Black, I can get the Porsches, I can get the Mercedes. I'm trying to do you a favor.
I'm trying to up your game, I've got a Rolls Royce Phantom
and I want to be an Uber driver.
And you're asking me all sorts of difficult questions like I'm some sort of weirdo
Do you know what it would be like if you were in Bucharest and your Uber pulled up and it was a phantom?
That'd make your fucking day!
Here it's just fucking Nissans and Dachias and pieces of shit.
And you won't let me because my car is registered in England.
Who would have a Rolls Royce Phantom uninsured?
Have you ever driven in Bucharest?
If someone hits me, that's $100,000 worth of damage. People here drive like idiots. Of course I'm insured.
Thank you.
You know what, what car do you drive?
Thank you.
Where do you live? Estonia.
Why is Uber in Estonia? Why am I talking to you? You're in Estonia. Can you give me a Romanian?
A Romanian will at least say, "Ah, yes, you're trying to drive a Rolls-Royce Phantom as an Uber in Bucharest. Thank you, sir."
That's why you're so fucking rude.
Well, you know what? Fuck Uber. Fuck Uber, baby. I'm going to sign up to one of those other companies or I'm going to become a private chauffeur. And you can stick with your Dachia Logans and your fucking Dachia Dusters and leave Uber in this country to be total shit. I tried to improve it and you're fucking useless.
Fuck Uber. I can't become an Uber driver. Fuck them. Right wheel drive. The insurance is in my name. Unsafe. You tried. I tried, man.
- Wow.
Thank you.
Salute. Yes.
Andrew thinks he's going to have more fun in Paris than we have in Switzerland. He won't.
Because we... Will be in Paris. And he doesn't even know it. Shit. And when he tries to tell us how much fun he had in Paris... We're going to show him that we have also...
been in Paris. And I'm more than that.
And done more than him. He doesn't know. It's a competition.
Of who could have more fun in Paris. And we're going to win.
Thank you.
Right, so we're in London, England, failed society. We have to get to Stuttgart, Germany to see Tristan. He's leaving from Bucharest, Romania. We're leaving from London and he messaged me yesterday saying he's gonna have more fun than us on the journey. I don't know what that means.
M5 covered in bird shit. Right, so I don't know what Tristan's fun plan is. Our plan is we're
We've got something to do there. We'll spend one night in Paris. We're gonna leave from Paris directly to Stuttgart, Germany. We're gonna meet Tristan. Get the Porsche, which has been upgraded. The 992 had some work done on it. And then we're gonna take the M5 competition, the new one I just bought. Brand new Porsche. We're gonna race straight to Romania. I'm probably gonna stop in Cluj, which is a city on the outside of Romania, the second biggest town. And then on to Bucharest. Our trip is not gonna be that fun.
shit loads of money. That's all he would have done. He's just going to spunk money on champagne. I guarantee it. One way or return, Johnny? One way, please. Any peps? Zero. LBG gas? Nope. I wish you took LBG. Yeah.
The holiday price is £175. Jesus. I know. It's getting expensive, bro. What happened? I know. It's crazy, isn't it? All right, whatever. It's fine. It is what it is. I'm afraid so, yeah. There's not much alternative choice
there there's no other way besides the ferry i can swim yeah exactly yeah true i'm a good swimmer and it leaves it it leaves in 30 minutes it leaves at 20 past perfect so if you uh check the amount
i'm on the euro tunnel if you don't know what that is
The Americans won't know. That's how you get from England to continental Europe with a car. You take your car, you put on a train, the train goes under the ocean. It's pretty cool. And as I've left London just now, there was a news report that they've locked down Canary Wharf because of this virus, the coronavirus. The coronavirus is making me shitloads of money. And it's making me money because it's having a huge effect on economies and countries. I was supposed to go to Turkmenistan, Ashgabat. I was supposed to go next week.
Now, I know most countries can't do that, but Turkmenistan can do that. They can say no foreign people at all because they're like a hermit nation. That's how much this virus is affecting things. Now it's in London, it's in Italy, it's in France, it's everywhere. It's affecting global markets, which means it's affecting currency markets, which means if you're involved in Forex, there's huge fluctuations. Anyone who trades understands that the worst thing that could happen to a trader is if things stay stable. If things are stable, no up, no down, you can't make money. But if things are going up or down, it doesn't matter which way they move, as long as there's fluctuation and volatility,
you're going to make some cash. This virus has come along at the exact perfect time for me. Just as I started my Forex program, anyone who's inside is making a lot of money. If you want to make a lot of money, we'll show you our trading history and you can try the program first. Trial it for 10 days. So next time you see some virus shit on the news and everyone's dying, at least you can be making some fucking money.
The plan for today is as follows. First, I'm going to order loads of Chinese food
and travelling soon
And the more Chinese food I order, the more immune I am to the Wuhan coronavirus. Lager. Step two.
It is my assistant Georgiana's birthday in two days when I am gone.
So I'm going to buy loads of flowers and cake.
and make her feel special today because
She's like family to me.
*music*
We could get her some wine. She does like wine.
Also,
- Too nice to us, eh?
Nice.
Hello.
I want the biggest bunch of flowers in the universe.
- Uh, I have something.
Thank you.
- Okay.
- Oh, oh.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm -hmm.
Hmm.
- It's amazing.
the most patient.
Which is the most special?
That's the most special.
That's the most special.
These are too much like decorations in the house. I want like a
big bunch of flowers in Africa, West Africa. Yes, I know. We don't have fat flowers, Jeff.
Just these, yeah?
Okay, give me this.
Thank you.
Wonderful, thank you.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
*click*
*knock knock
Don't read my message. It's terrible.
Hmm, that's alright.
Cheers, Tony.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Good.
Oh, gotcha.
Nice.
Nice. I didn't like it.
I think she'll like it too.
- Yeah.
- Mmm.
I'm a nice guy. Watch this.
is she not gonna answer i've got a personal assistant doesn't answer when you call this is a shit personal assistant yeah maybe we should just eat the cake eat the cake let apollo destroy the flowers and drink the champagne drink the champagne that would be a wonderful day you know what if she doesn't reply to me quickly that's exactly what's gonna happen i'm gonna eat her cake she's not gonna know
Yo! Hey dumbass! Where are you? What do you want? Um, Nagamegg. Which one? Jollyville. Jollyville? Yeah. Alright, anyway, super urgent, meet me at my house. Super important. Okay. Alright, I'll see you then. Bye. Bye.
So, we literally missed her by one second, buying her flowers and cake. Yep. She's in the same place as us. She is.
Oh well. So we're not drinking her champagne eating her cake? No. That said, she's not gonna eat all the cake. She won't eat all the cake. But cake does make you weak. I don't even like cake. I don't either. Good point. Fuck the cake.
Thank you.
Imagine
Thank you.
Why are you standing?
Come on.
What did you do?
Here.
Why didn't you tell me? Georgiana, why didn't you tell me? That it was your birthday coming up. I'm gonna be gone, but I bought you.
flowers out and express my deepest sentiments towards you.
Thank you, that's nice. Give me a birthday hug. And fuck you. Georgina, if you want to fight, I can still give your birthday hands. Jesus.
Birthday hug. Birthday hug. Tristan style. There's a cake fatso and there's some champagne drunky and here's some flowers. Oh my. Letting you know how stupid you are.
- Thank you.
But for the record her birthday is in two days but I'm not going to be here.
I hate flowers.
Yeah, you thought you wouldn't like it. I'm talking.
Fuck, blah, boy.
I call pussies. For you. Look. If you want birthday hands, I can give you birthday hands. You want birthday hands? No. I don't want birthday hands. I'll go.
So to confirm, when me and Andrew sit down and have our competition of who had the most fun journey, the only thing he's going to have over us
is Paris. He's gonna show us all the stuff he did in Paris.
with Rory.
That's why secrets.
instead of flying straight to Zurich,
were flying to Paris first
five hours.
have more fun than Android.
in that time.
So when he says power,
all show that we had no fun in Paris than in
He won't even know we've been there.
Yep.
What is this shit? This is better than Burger King. Where is my Burger King? Burger King's whack. It's closed. You're a liar. It's closed. This place is open for a reason. It's your fault.
Now.
This is Romanian food in Romania.
It's better than Burger King.
Burr King is whack.
*Dramatic Music*