Transcript
And she got FDB'd, and obviously she's still upset, so... Fuck Amy Louise! Cheers, guys! Fuck Amy Louise!
*laughs*
Good show, every day.
Why are we here?
'Cause we're gambling.
this morning.
So we're gamblers. Yeah, gambling.
Where?
some casino in Croatia
Casino Aikido.
So let me explain what happened. We went to the casino. They told me to stop filming. We went to the casino. We lost 25,000 euros. Nothing's on camera because we're not allowed to film. When we left the casino, I said, should we even film? There's no story here. We just lost loads of money. Let's just go home. We went back to the hotel. Because we're fucking G's, we had these girls at the hotel. We're sitting with a bunch of women, drinking loads and loads of booze, super, super drunk. I took my jacket off and guess what fell out?
a 1,000 euro chip. It's now five hours. It's like four in the morning. The casino's probably closed. But now I can't sleep knowing I have this 1,000 euro chip. So now we have to go back to the casino. Even though it's probably closed. To try and make all 25. Imagine the story if we make all the money back. With this one chip that I forgot. Tristan, we're going to bring them bankrupt. No, they fucked up. We're going to do it.
try we'd be cowards they're so fucked I'm sleeping no no hear me out no no I was asleep when you knocked on my door tell me you had that shit yeah and who's still here in the cab so we're going back to the casino they're fucked now we're gonna make it all they shouldn't have let Leslie with that make it all back all back
Thank you.
So what did you come with and what did you leave with? Tell me the truth. I'm Rain Man. You're not Rain Man. It's poker. It's bullshit. He might be fucking Rain Man. All the games are closed. All there was was poker. So I had to sit down and famoose them. I'm actually super good at poker. I actually know the statistics. I know the odds. I know the chance of getting that 10. What did you win? I turned 1,000 into 3,000. And then you said we've been here for three hours. That's not worth 2,000. That is what happened. So now we've left. And now we've got to get up in about an hour and a half.
hammered drum to drive 11 hours across Europe. Yes. Correct. But I made us money. Yes. You didn't. No, sorry. Oh no, actually he should just play poker forever. Exactly. I'm getting, Tristan. We're down big. I remember, I remember being on my phone. I looked up, he had a little bit of chips. I went down on my phone for probably two hours, a good two hours. And then I looked up and he had way more chips. So you losers think a thousand dollars an hour is good money. It's not bad. It's not bad at all.
here see we should live here and i should play poker yeah he plays poker we just sit around boom tristan do you have out in the poker team you don't stay here i'll see you there do you admit my name is vladimir scorpius no it's my name no shit no wait wait wait wait i just want a poker his name might be fun all right so tristan is vladimir scorpius bad or good at poker he doesn't gamble that's a lie that's a fucking lie i'm vladimir scorpius i that sounds like good
poker name to me.
Yeah, he admits it. Without saying a word, he admits it.
*Rain Man* Hour and a half sleep, Luke? How you feeling? Horrible. Hour and a half sleep, plenty of Audi? I was Rain Man at fucking poker. I'm actually extremely good at poker. I'm very, very, very good. You are. Literally. Tristan wouldn't let me play any longer. I'd be toooped. I think you would've got it all. Man, I would've. Could've made us trillionaires. Those fuckers weren't ready for me. Take all their money. All in, all in, all in. They're all shitting themselves like, "Bitch, who is this crazy man?" This is all I have left.
- You think I need money? Last thing I need is money. I have so much fucking money.
- So now we're headed back on the road. - Back on the road.
Three, two, one, go. You let him go first? Yep. And goodbye.
Man, this thing's otherworldly.
This thing's completely otherworldly. - 765.
- Let him go. - I let him go. - You get a head start. - I let him get a head start. And I had to show him something about why McLarens are McLarens. They're unreliable, they're a pain in the ass to drive, but they are the fastest cars. - They're the fastest. - They're the fastest. That's all you care about. You can't compete with McLarens. - So as usual, we're stopped by Border Patrol.
Thank you.
They super don't like us.
As usual.
Thank you.
Nobody like us. Another Border Patrol drag race. Let's go. Go. He couldn't grip on the ground.
We've done rolling races, completely different. Hungarians have constructed us to race each other. Yes. It was a demand. Hungarians at least said race, race, race.
Off to Budapest. Off to Budapest. Another border crossed. This one I at least filmed a little bit.
Thank you.
Eat faster. I know. No, this is bullshit. What do you mean?
We haven't slept at all. We've been driving literally all day. We just get here, and you say, Luke, go inside, order fast. Yep. For why? What's the reason, Tristan? Because we've got to get to the club at 8.30. We've got girls meeting us.
- What do you got? - I don't know. - Homosexual? - Yeah, no. I just want to eat nice food.
and chill.
Yesterday, we drunk loads. I don't know about you girls.
Got hammered.
Went casino, lost $25,000. Found out we're different girls. I thought we did that. Found out we're different girls. Found $1,000 in my pocket. I went, turned it into $3,000 in poker. Went to bed at 4. Got up at 6.
Drove 11 and a half hours across Europe. Now we're here. And you want to go to the club. You want to...
What do you mean?
Yeah, it's fucking weird. Oh, I'm the weird one. Yeah. I'm the weird one. What are you gonna do?
Sleep? What are you? He's right. Old? Retired? He's not right! He's right, we don't need sleep. Cowards need sleep. Normal humans need sleep. It's the right thing to do, Luke. It's not about wanting. It's about what you have to do. I don't want to go far, but I also know that I don't want to go far. I live life in the fucking fast lane.
It is actually the fast lane. People don't understand.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, blues please, go so. And we have to be up early tomorrow guys because we have a flight back to Bucharest at 6 in the morning. Can I have three vultures please? Thank you.
and i went to the wrong part of the park that i had to go my day and i feel like that i'm weak
But I guess it ain't no good. I said I was gonna go. Baby, now I'm out of my mind. Cause I'm in all that money. And I'm in the amount of money. Sleep is the power. And I'm in all that money. I'm Brad Justice, baby. I'm Brad Justice. What's Brad Justice? Andrew, it's Brad Justice. Brad Justice. It is. I'm Brad Justice.
I know
*Music* *BEEP* *BOOM*
You got a toothbrush?
We're going to London.
Do you hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London!
*Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot * *Gunshot
- Okay.
Thank you.
-
Thank you.
Uh...
Good morning.
in operation.
door opening
Thank you.
Thank you.
*sniff*
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
-
Thank you. Thank you.
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Tale of victory.
victory jesus is a victory there's a tale of defeat god knows
I was almost defeated, so a moment ago I was walking through
this fine establishment down at the luxurious hotel bar at the Bulgari Hotel where all the spoken is fine cubans
And a blonde girl looks at me.
I look at her, eye contact, eye contact, I'm thinking what do I do?
Time to make a move.
She says, "Oh my God, I know you."
Fuck, I hate when you do that.
I hate when this happens, and I will go, "Where's Amy? Where do I know you from?" She goes, "Oh, it's me. It's Amy Louise." Now, honest to God, I've never heard of a slugging name Amy Louise in my entire life.
Then she revolted.
Are you still horrible?
So it could have been me, but I was thinking, I think I know what's going on here. I said, you know what, I think you've got me mixed up with someone else. I mean, in the meantime, you've shaved your head, my hair's...
not the length that it was when she met you.
She said, "Let me look at your Instagram and I'll..."
I'll tell you. So I open my Instagram, I show her the picture. First thing she does is take a picture of me and Andrew together going,
Who's this?
So that's my brother.
Tell your brother he's horrible. I said, well, you know, I actually like my brother. I think he's lovely.
And I began to walk off. She was a bit swayed.
You know?
typical English girl. And as I walk off, her last words were,
What was it?
Tell your brother he's an asshole. Tell your brother he's an asshole. And I said, he probably hears that a lot. So over to you to explain exactly why the fuck that woman was talking.
I'm very sorry we can't find a place on earth I haven't thought something I'm sorry gentlemen Amy Louise, a long time ago
and she got FDB'd and obviously she's still upset so... fuck Amy Louise! Cheers guys!
- Yes.
- Yes.
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
♪♪
What are we doing? You're interested in buying several row suits and we're in London, which was the height of civilization at one point. It failed due to... It has completely failed, that's it.
But it's a shame because it literally was the height of civil war. Didn't someone just die yesterday? Oh yeah, someone got chopped up.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, in Hyde Park, yeah. It's good for outside. But in London, everyone just pretends like, "Oh, it's mine. It won't affect me."
It does look nice here, but I also am actually on edge.
You should be. Literally. You should be. Literally. And in London you shouldn't walk on your phone either. I know three people had their phone snatched in their hand on moped. So if you don't want to lose your phone, it's not worth using. Man. Why do people live here? I mean it does look nice. Don't get me wrong. This does look very nice. Small areas are nice and everything around it is just decaying. Yeah. This is a problem.
Thank you. Thank you very much, Brian.
It's really, really cool. - It's kind of like a growing tweed pattern, and you just stick to it.
That's all.
Yeah, they choose everything through the button.
Good.
basically
the sample
- Okay.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
Getting both in.
When was the height of Western civilization?
It was the capital of the largest empire in human history. To say that London is shit. No, London was literally the number one premier place on the planet.
It's become shit. Yeah. So now we have ring links.
- Yeah. - Total beauty.
and all the crap. How do we go about
- It's a shame. - It's a shame. I like England. I like the British. I like London. I'm half English.
But I just understand now that it's failed.
It's failed. It just has failed.
No, it's a shame.
But there's little pockets. The pockets of
And this is where people go, right? These people stay in the penthouse. They'll come here. They'll come here. The chauffeur will wait for them. And they'll be all right. But if you're living day-to-day life, like we do, running around, getting boozy and stuff, you're going to get in trouble.
We were in London and we were careful enough. We could avoid the crime. We definitely could.
go to certain bars, certain places. If you wanna be like us on the street boozing, random movies, random hoes, - Yeah, runnin' around. - Her ex-boyfriends around, that kind of random shit, you get in trouble. Can't do it.
*music*
What are we doing? We're driving to Ibiza.
I fucking love the cannon rod. Drive it to Ibiza. No one remembers it. No one understands. No. If we make it without getting arrested, it'll be a miracle. A miracle.
I thought they said go right. I mean, go straight. I didn't know. Go. Oops. I didn't know. Oops. Must have got someone.
Go over here. Also fun, yo.
They're going.
I have no clue. I don't know. I don't know. What's with this? I don't know. I don't know.
"Alsovon." That definitely means "go straight ahead." No problems.
Come chase me! Nobody likes us! Nobody likes us! We don't care! We don't care!
Let's see what happens this year. Another year!
- That's what I asked him, no? - Yeah, it's normal. - And each other said, "Anyone with a fucking alcohol?" - Yeah, the one we had drunk. - The original one. - Yeah, we've not had that one yet. - No, we had just the original one. - Oh, just the normal one? - Yeah. - Drunk is gotta be named. - So... - I'm not orange. - I'm not orange. - Wait, is it? - No. - No. - That's the other one. - What is this? - Before you drive super close to Ibiza, you need to get really drunk. - Is that the trick? - That's the system. Before you drive, you've got to get drunk, right? To relax. - Listen, listen. - To relax. - I don't get in the car unless I'm drunk. - That's right. - Nice. - Just so you're in this cold now. - Road booze.
You don't have road booze in America? San Francisco? They don't have road booze in America. Cowards. Amateurs. I heard you go down Route 66, but we make our own route. That's right, make our own route. Through the fields, through the trees. Wherever the bar is, that's our route. I'm not even driving. Why do I need road booze? Passengers need to be as calm as the drivers. Exactly. Keeps you calm. Does that outwork? Yes, with your car. Chat life, baby. Chat life. All right, cheers.
There's parking tickets in all the cars.
All of them. What are they doing? Nobody likes us.
they need to move the car you don't get it yet one day you'll get it
Tristan! My cigar is starting to fire. Tristan!
There's no gasoline here.
What are these?
Gas? Fuck that.
*Dramatic music* So it's cancelled. It's cancelled. We drunk loads of booze and we're supposed to be leaving today to drive around. Yeah. But Luke's family... But Luke's family, the French, have said that we're not allowed into the country. *Dramatic music*