Transcript
*BOOM*
I like Belarus. I like Belarus. I can tell already this is my kind of country.
And every single hotel you go to, the mini bar has a variation of
snacks, drink some Pringles, some orange juice. Let me show you what you get.
in a junior suite at the Hotel Europe
in Minsk, Belarus, UK.
Okay?
One mixer.
A small bottle of apple juice.
*thud*
You get a whole bottle of Jameson whiskey, a whole bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey, a whole bottle of cognac, a single measure of tequila...
One?
And two more.
Wait.
That doesn't add up. It's supposed to be one to one. It doesn't add up to you. See, I feel at home here. I feel like the Belarusians understand my needs. No, wait. My boozy needs.
Tristan One apple juice For the morning For breakfast It doesn't make sense Wine for lunch
Two balls of whiskey for dinner, cognac and tequila for dessert. No, but have you done the math? It doesn't add up. There's more whiskey than there is apples. Andrew, talk to your cousin. What's his problem with this minibar setup? I like it.
There's certainly enough booze. But you have to order more apple juice to order more apple juice.
Yeah, made of apples.
I think it's made of apples.
What a cunt.
It doesn't make sense.
even with the waters the waters don't equal the total volume of the sun is shining have a look outside see the sunshine tell me you don't feel like naked half a bottle of whiskey i know i don't i don't care how much sunshine there is sunshine and you don't want any whiskey at all no not a little bit no zero zero i'd love water and soup some nice soup some of your cousins well some of
He's your cousin. Nothing to do with me.
Andrew, I thought you ordered espressos. I distinctly heard you ordering espressos. Tristy, what did you do? You spoke to the guy. Espresso Martina. No, no, no. It was espressos. I changed order to espresso Martina. Why? Upgrade. It's a downgrade. For you.
Tristan, you're right. I am right. As we get later in the night, we always forget. Because the booze continues to flow. People think, ah, that was the end. No, they don't realize, actually. More booze flows longer than we film. We started drinking at 9 a.m.
2 a .m. Yes.
Cheers, Andrew. Cheers, though. But no one even wants the booze. Hey, losers. Now it's just booze to booze. What is this? Andrew, cheers. The tea was good. The tea? Yes, the tea. Yeah, tea stands for take me to the booze. There you go. Take me to the booze. Yeah. Tea stands for the booze. Tea stands for the booze.
Is this good? It's not even
That's good. That's good. See that. All right, we can zoom with one hand by can. That's good. Me too.
Follow the clues to traditional Belarusian food. Nice. We're eating Belarus. Can't we just have some nice Belarusian food? Yeah, exactly. Follow the clues, guys. I think if we work together, we can find them. Starting to get... We are getting close, aren't we?
I'm getting lost now, don't know where to go.
yeah trust the D remember it was days
that leads downstairs
place that we came in. You've been saying this for three days.
It hasn't been three years ago. It has. No one watching this is going to believe that we've been in here. You've been saying this for three days. And how long have we been in this mall?
Three days.
Thank you.
three days you can track. Oh, don't go kart. Go kart.
I think we're going the right way. Oh genius. I don't want Burger King. I want something trusted. Yeah, Burger King. We'll find them. We're getting closer. I can sense it. Definitely.
It is cold. Nobody likes us.
We're racing on a car. We're cold. We're racing on a car. Zero degrees.
Nice.
Nice.
You're right, it's a straighter.
We don't care.
I assume so.
*sad music*
so
What are you doing? What do you mean? What are you doing? In nice water. A nice Perrier. They're really good.
*cough*
What are you doing?
But Jameson, what do you mean?
Period.
What do you mean, what do I mean?
I mean, what are you doing?
Bye.
Hi!
and Ric Flair.
- Okay.
Swim!
It's Jameson. I don't know who Ric Flair is. You don't? Oh, fucking hell.
Andrew, talk to your cousin.
He doesn't know who Ric Flair is. He doesn't know who the champagne drink is.
Jet flying. Limousine riding. Diamond ring wearer.
heavyweight champion of the world is.
No, I mean, I didn't. Woo! I'm having a hard time keeping these alligators down. And I'm having a hard time holding these alligators down. Woo!
Why'd I come here? There's one pair, gang. Jameson, drink it.
Good start to the night. Just the one.
Ah, what is that?
Booze!
It's a nice healthy hit of boobs and warm up the stomach.
Woo! My stomach didn't need to be warmed up. It was happy.
Thank you.
So I got him, didn't I? Tristan, you got me. Yeah, but I got him. But I got him. I didn't want to get him.
I care to get there before.
It didn't.
Cross my mind.
They expect one of us in the wreckage, brother.
- Thank you.
No! They expect one of us in a wreckage, brother!
Have we started the fire? Yes. The fire rises.
They do expect to work on the record, you still play.
You are in the wreckage.
But we're getting him.
Thank you.
*knock*
-
Tristan, whose car is this and where are we going?
This is my guy. Your guy? Yeah, my guy. Doesn't begin in English, but it's my guy. Basically, to leave this country, I need some special documents. And we don't have them. And we're not eligible to get them. And we don't speak the language. But...
I have a guy. In every country you need a guy. For various things. I have a guy who fixes my cars. A guy who organizes my private jets. And this is my Documents in Belarus guy. The guy. I've got a guy for everything.
You don't have a guy. Well I'd just use your guy. What if I told my guy not to help you when you use it? Stuck in me.
No, no. Look at this restaurant. Look at it. It looks nice. Andrew, we heard it, didn't we?
We can go there and eat food.
- That isn't burgers. - So you're scared of Burger King?
I'm scared of fucking Burger King. So are you just- Wait, wait. Grow up- Do you want Burger King? Yes or no? Three fucking days I've been in Minsk. I've had Burger King, Taco Bell, McDonald's. Stop.
eating shit. It's not even on the fucking film. Can we just go to a restaurant? Are you the lion or the scarecrow?
Sounds like the scarecrow to me. Are you the lion or the scarecrow?
There's the tin man
- If you make your Dorothy, we'll go.
I'm not fucking
and they're not gonna buy my fucking self and eat by myself.
I'm sick of YouTube cunts in your stupid fucking YouTube series. I don't think we should go to Burger King. Want some nice restaurant.
You see this? Hi Tristan, nice room. No, my hotel room was broken into.
I've been to my hotel room is broken into.
and I know who broke into it. You know who broke into my hotel room?
Now?
Fuck it, Andrew.
I gave Andrew the key, and he broke the door.
Ah, you forgot Jason.
- Man 4.
Exactly. Ah, nice. Yeah, I came back for this. No, you forgot.
Ah!
Jameson. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Good.
So, Andrew broke my door.
I broke him because what happened was... The key wasn't working and you tried to force the door open and you thought that was a good idea.
Okay. You somehow thought the door would just swing open. No. It did. It did swing open. It just just went open. It did swing open. It didn't work. So I thought, fuck this. And I one inch punched it.
and bust the door.
- So that's where we go get new key.
So I just had to pack all my stuff again. They're moving my bags.
Apparently, the room is an upgrade, but these were the best suites available when I first booked this hotel. Listen, mate.
You better hope the key works in the next room, because my one-inch punch is reloaded. It's reloaded by now. I don't play games. You're supposed to start this game. I'm going to kick your door. Let's go, you cunt. Let's go, you fucking friends. I'm scared of you.
This thing you need is this.
You have things in your room. I've been wearing the same clothes for four days.
I don't have any stuff.
I'm not in the universe. All my things are on the blockchain.
- CZ. - You're a clean joke.
With your nice big coat, your different clothes. I hope they downgraded you. I hope it's a huge downgrade.
I can't believe you didn't expect me to do exactly that.
He ain't working.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Shame you're closer to me now, closer to my room.
I got Fox.
Tristan's not on the same floor as me. Drinking partner. Oh, I know.
- Well, Jameson, they think we wanted the bottle of Jameson. - Yeah. She knows me. - She fucked me. She knows me. This woman knows me by now. Jameson is here, so...
That's why I'm back.
Thank you.
Alright, I see this upgrade.
I'm not grateful.
It's going to be a shit rumor because you're a shit monster. I hope it's a super downgrade.
They must hate us. Don't worry, the key is one. They...
Hmm.
Oh, nice.
Thanks, Andrew. Wait, what the fuck?
This is bigger than my fucking room. Thanks, Andrew. This is bigger- This is- This must be the presidential suite. It was unavailable when I booked it, but we've been here two nights already. It must be open.
So now you have a presidential suite. Yeah. So what do you say for me breaking your door?
Fuck off and get out my presidential sweet peasant.
You should say thank you. I got you a free up drink. Listen, what part of my sweet do you don't understand?
I'm not interested in talking to you. This room is like three of our rooms. Yes, exactly.
Good.
Thank you.
Good. Nothing bad? Yeah.
Let's see if the mini-box is having more time.
Thank you.
He has flowers in his fucking bathroom. Yeah, what fucking flowers?
Okay.
Okay, here we go. Ah, much more diverse.
Two bottles. They don't like mixers here, do they? Two different bottles of cognac.
Two different bottles of cognac. And then a bottle of normal brandy.
This kind of thing.
- -
Champagne? Okay, there's one bottle of orange juice. Okay, one sec. Let's do this live. Stand back. Stand back.
We've already covered how the Belorussians don't like mixers. So, the standard water
They have. So let's let's count their alcohol to mixer levels. Let me turn on the light.
This is their alcohol to mix with levels. So they have one orange juice, okay? Nice.
One
Two.
Three bowls of brandy, that's hard spirit.
I'm going to go.
Jack Daniels Tullamore Dew Whiskey.
*Tonk*
*clap*
Wait, what?
Beluga Vodka, Bacardi Rum, Jameson,
More brandy. They really like brandy. Bottle of Moet champagne.
Thank you.
bottle of white wine
Bottle of Jameson?
*laughs*
Havana Club rum and tequila. I have- Andrew!
There's one orange juice. Yeah, that's not the mixer.
Yeah.
That's a lot. Champagne's a mixture though if you're elite. And so is white wine.
- Yeah, the wine and the champagne, the orange juice, and the mixers. - The mixers. - Right. - Two balls of brandy. - Take a confidential episode. We have to drink all this.
today. Okay.
Alright.
You in, Luke?
and for a penny and for a pound.
So that's drinking a Belarusian mini bar in one day. Drinking a Belarusian mini bar in one day. Take Confidential Episode.
If you guys want to see that episode,
Well, fuck, you're going to because we're going to start right fucking now. And baby fucking you. Cry his eyes out. You're an original tequila man. I am.
Here you go, Luke. You're Havana Club Rum, man. Wait, no. This is ass. I can tell this is going to be ass. Why don't you go fuck yourself? Here. Havana Club Rum.
I think this is meant for like more people
- Like that? - Mark three.
fuck off maybe it's maybe three belarusians and we're just hanging out with some american dork can't drink can't hack the hate
Thank you.
of the real world.
*thud*
- Thank you.
Ah. Ah. Woo!
*thud*