Transcript
Why are you eating ice cream at 7am? Morning, dickhead!
It's wonderful.
Have an ice cream because there's a car of you.
Duh.
I finally got you something you can man up. - Capri-sa. - Mystic dragon. Go on, be a man. First time in your fucking life.
*music* The fact that there's paper straws in Capri Suns is still one of the greatest crimes against humanity ever committed. Because it's the most straw dependent drink on the planet.
drink that you need a straw for in fact there's very few drinks you need a straw for you could do the straw you could go without the straw so if they fuck you with a paper straw you can just you know drink it without the straw but capri suns are straw dependent to both access and consume and they've made accessing and consuming the drink far more difficult with some paper straw bullshit because some turtle dumb turtle got straw stuck up his nose how stupid do you have to be
I'm not a fucking ninja. You're the world's shittest turtle. You're not a mutant. You're not a ninja. You're not a pizza. You're a dork. And you've fucked up Capri Suns forever. Then Greta just stopped oil and all started jerking off their little wet hairy pussies and took my straw away. It's like I'm fucking furious. I've had enough of this shit.
armpit hair has ruined my mystical dragon capri suns can i just live in peace i'm a simple man i want a capri sun on a nice day i want to drive my car but no there's some fucking hairy bitch who fucks it all up some dickhead turtle i guarantee in turtle world he's one of the stupid turtles you know you see people here in the human world you see them do something and go
turtles even the other turtles looked at him like bro we've been swimming in this plastic for years no one's ever done that how the fuck did you do that you know like you see someone crash into a tree and you're just like retard even the turtles don't like that motherfucker even the turtles are mad about this everyone makes fun of him fucking idiot
Thank you.
Nice drink, Andrew. Yeah, it's a pink latte something frappe. Real cheese. Can't drink my pink latte matcha fucking frappe with a straw though, because straws are gay. Real men drink their pink lattes
It's good at least.
There's a thin line between love and hate, Bailey.
For a while, I thought I liked you. I thought he's alright. But I started to realize that I've actually hated you so much.
It's a circle. Yeah. What did I do this time? You know? There's like and there's hate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was on like.
Do I like him? I'm like yeah, but I've gone all the way through hate to get back to the like and there's residue. It's because I didn't shake your hand. Too slow.
I'm thinking next time we're driving together, if I lose control of the car, just to make sure I steer the passenger side towards the tree. Nice. So that when you die, I can be like shit, Bailey's dead.
But he did kind of annoy me. If I'm not out immediately the last thing I want to see is your smiling face giving me a thumbs up.
You made his day. You're such a nice guy. You're really good at making friends. Everyone just wants to take pictures with you and talk to you. You're such a friendly guy.
I'm just gonna show you some strong like what I said.
We're on holiday. We're in Brashov. Yeah, we're three hours from home and we came in a GT3, which is funner than coming in a plane. By a pool, sunny, we're on holiday. Why are we on holiday? The original plan was to film a car review and we just stopped in the middle of nowhere Brashov and decided to make a holiday out of it. Yeah, we're on holiday. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
It's a spontaneous holiday and we got here by Porsche. Nice. Nice. We are by the pool.
- Tristan is the weirdest human alive.
He doesn't like the most popular things on earth. I would argue music is perhaps the most popular thing on the planet. Across all cultures, across all ages, toddlers, old people, Africans, South Americans, Chinese, Japanese, Nordic Vikings.
Everyone likes music, except for school. Put on music, he leaves the room. He wants silence. He doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere unless it's drinking. Then he wants to do everything. But if you don't drink, he won't do it. He doesn't like fast cars. What man alive doesn't like fast cars? He goes, I do like them. He doesn't like them because he never drives them ever unless you force him to get in. Ever. He doesn't like going anywhere. He doesn't like just changing his surroundings just because he's a millionaire. We're in the mountains. It's three hours from his house.
what normal man would wake up with nothing else to do and three hours from his house in the mountains when he has unlimited money millions and millions and millions of dollars on his checking account he has a Ferrari outside no, three Ferraris outside two SF90s, one coupe, one spider and an 812 competition, a Maserati MC20 what else is even there right now? I can't remember the cars we have and he just wants to sit in his house and refuse to go anywhere and just sit in the dark on his phone he's not even sitting in the house, he's sitting in his room
Which makes it worse. He's fucking weird. But you're mate. You're mate. He's my brother, but he's your mate. For people watching, he actually never listens to music. I'll be in the car with him for six hours at a time. Silence. He is so boring, he refused to play me at games in jail. We had nothing else to do, and I finally got all of a backgammon board. He said, no, that's boring. I said, we're in jail. And he said no, and just looked at the wall.
fucking weird. He is your man.
Right as I hit record. It's nigger, it's nigger, it's nigger. We're raw dogging it. Straight from the pool. Straight from the pool into public. Let's go. Yeah, that's right. The thing is, about me.
I don't business. You understand?
I mean our business. Like the little palm trees on your swim truck. Thanks. You're welcome. I'm a real fucking gangster.
I'm on holiday. It's a holiday time. It's a holiday.
Best holiday ever! Oh Andrew, you're trapped in Romania with all your supercars and girlfriends and women and money.
Life's fine. Might do some more human trafficking. Ooh, real nice. Yeah, get back to it.
It's holiday. We're on holiday. We're going sightseeing on holiday. Alex, it's holiday. We're going to go sightseeing.
We both know you don't read Romanian. Luckily it's in English and isn't it dickhead? Alright you got me. This tower protected the town or something. Something about you being a faggot. I don't know, read the sign. Go inside. We're on holiday. That's where the saxophone mage is. Up there, remember? We tried to go up to the sign. We went up on the thing. He's up there somewhere in the fucking forest. If we found saxophone mage again that would be epic. Might have to.
Where's Marcel scared? Afraid of another journey? Into the unknown?
Oh this is pretty. Romania is a very pretty place.
It's a beautiful country. It's doing with psycho prosecutors.
They won't let you in, Bailey. It's all good. They heard you were coming so they locked it so nobody else could enjoy it because you tried to go inside. How does that make you feel? I'm used to it. There's a nice view though.
We have to. That's where he is. He's up there.
Maybe if I go talk to him about my current predicaments of life, maybe he can fix them all for me. He needs to get your blessing IQ. What was it? Our skill points up? Our spiritual skill points? Is that what it was? It's our magic damage.
Dickhead.
We've run out. Have we though? I still feel like I have quite a lot of magic damage.
- -
Magical Uppercut
Never hurts to go renew it.
Alright, lunch down there. You can ask him to put a hex on Tristan.
*Humming*
It's interesting, why are you so sad all the time? What's the matter?
It's like, for some reason, you just have this negative energy all around you. Are you okay?
Then we can cut a brass shop once a week and renew it.
- So he kills himself. - We might need that.
- My idea's pretty. - You guys are good?
- Hitched a ride with your friend Alex, huh? - Well, - Nice plan. - Doesn't matter, next time Alex will be quick too. Then he'll be stranded. Cunt.
Thank you.
Such a nice guy.
Fuck you.
You ever heard that before? You're a nice guy, Andrew.
I've had nothing real shit.
I don't think they have some oranges.
Do I get one scoop or two?
Aww, look at that. Love it. Thank you. One sour cherry and one...
Pure de latte.
Thank you.
Sour cherry.
Fuck coward.
My friend who's deathly afraid what flavor would you like surprise me he'll have pistachio?
Thanks Andrew Anytime ice cream Alex they have tiramisu ice cream You're mr. Tiramisu
How do you get really muscle about ice cream? I love ice cream. Thank you very much.
He's American, you know they're weird.
Thanks. She just gave us completely free ice cream. All because we said you pee your panties when you see ice cream. It's true. To be fair, he's actually wet, like, exactly in that area. So she died laughing, bro.
It's a dopey-nay fucking pulamate. So what's the difference? Talk to me about how we're gonna make the best party ever tonight, and everyone's at home.
I'm tired of you telling me what to talk about, Bailey. I'm tired of you trying to instruct and direct my life, the entertainment of others. I'm a human with a soul, and thoughts and feelings. I'm not just here to entertain you. Alright, I'm not here to follow your fucking script.
Maybe I don't feel like doing what you want. Maybe my feelings matter today.
So fuck your request. Fuck the entertainment value of the show. Fuck the people at home. Fuck you.
one club and the whole city that's open and it is absolutely horrible. One of the worst clubs ever. Well, I look at everyone. I'm like, let's just go for 10 minutes. I'll set a timer. 10 minutes. Andrew looks at me and goes, that's it. 10 minute party. So we walk into the club. We have no idea what we're walking into. And it's some random kid's birthday party. We're looking at them. They're looking at us. They look like deer in headlights. And what you're about to watch is what happened at the 10 minute party.
You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub, mama I got what you need if you need to fill the bars, I'm in there having sex, I ain't into making love, so come get me a hug, get in there getting rough.
*music* That was so much fun and you know it. That was fun. That was a good time. That kid is gonna be the coolest kid in school. He got top G to his birthday party in the shittest club in Prattstops. Poppin' champagne bottles!
Romanian LA. Could be LA.
West Crockett's.
That is true.
It's holiday.
Alex we're on holiday. Yep, let's go.
The Matrix has attacked me. My brother and I have been Matrix attacked to the highest levels and we remain unfazed.
That's all it takes for us to wake up every day and smile. We're hard to kill. We don't give a fuck.
*Mario plays*
*music*