Transcript
*Dramatic music*
reality.
Well, I'm your brother. I'm not your cousin. You're not my cousin. And I feel like if you Aikido'd for a second, you'd be instantly cured.
I'm gonna stay nice and low because it's not as hot down here
Isn't it? It's not.
This looks hell.
This doesn't look fun for you.
It's nice and cool down here.
nice low
I'm at one with the heat.
Thank you.
I'm not. I'm nice and cold.
You're definitely not. I am. You're down here.
Yeah. Down here is nice and really nice and cool. Stand up for one second and you'll feel very pained. I know. No, thank you.
Thank you.
No deal. So you're a little pussy ass bitch. I just like the cold.
Oh, that's vastly different. I trust it. I know.
Tristan, I know. Vastly. Tristan, I know. It's like a 10 times difference.
Haha, now you went back up to hell.
So what would you two do?
If I use my Aikido hands...
to create a water vortex tornado so powerful
that it sucked you both under and you drowned. I wouldn't care. You wouldn't care. I wouldn't care. No, no, no, I'll stop, I'll stop. Sorry bro, I was kidding.
I was kidding. I'll stop. I'll stop. No, brother Luke, I'm not going to do it.
I know. Relax. No, I wasn't worried about it. Look at this beautiful view. But wouldn't you drown yourself as well? No, because what I would do is anti-Aikido.
The other way. She's saying Aikido can create a powerful vortex that drowns the other people in the pool.
But not yourself. Well, a man powered with that level of Aikido. Look at this beautiful view, guys. We can't be sitting here talking dumb shit with this beautiful view. It's not dumb, though. It is dumb. I'm turning this way and facing the wall. Yeah, you know what? I already was doing it.
And I don't think Tay Confidential needs to see the view. Nah, I think you do because, guys, the view is too nice to be... Should I, Luke? Should I? Nah, look at this nice view. Luke, should I get in? Maybe. Wait, can you make sure it doesn't get me? Oh, I... I'm not sure. Oh, stop. Don't worry about it. I was just joking.
Don't worry, bro. I'll stop, mate. I'll stop. It was just a joke. And seriously, no.
Calm down.
No need to worry. Get that upset look on your face. I'm not going to do it. So now I really can... Takeoff and Entra could never see the view behind us ever. No, that's not true. If I so wanted. Yes, you are a judge. And they could just see the wall. You are the boss of them and what they see.
There's a reason why you look over there. It was a trick.
because there's something over there that neither of you have noticed.
Oh, I noticed.
I immediately noticed.
I'm still not turning.
Well, Luke, you need to save this. No, I don't. I think you do, Luke. I don't. We have a nice view here. Record the B. He's just fucked himself.
Where?
A bee, he just fell in the water and fucked himself.
*water dripping*
My Aikido tornado was not powerful enough to suck you down because I didn't start yet, but it got the B.
- The Aikido tournament. - That doesn't make sense, because the bee was outside the water. Don't let the bee out.
I don't want to flick him.
Fuck him, don't save him, he's a cunt.
Don't save him, you dumb... He definitely just got saved. That's it. Tristan, why did you fucking...
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
-
You borrow.
Luke?
You're slow, ain't ya? You've always been the slowest.
Every time we go anywhere, you come up last. We notice that. Why is that? Because he's slow. What? Let me tell you something, Luke. Bad news. It's early bird to get the worm.
This food
was the last food and now the kitchen is closed till 7pm, five hours, and we thought do we save Luke some or do we eat every single scrap of food, every single scrap of food on the table,
Thank you.
That's just sauce and salad. It's calories and ketchup.
Ketchup for you, mate.
Leave my fucking mayonnaise alone.
*laughs*
- Yeah, I knew they'd do things. And they were clever with how they do it,
trying to pretend they're not unilateral. They're trying to fuck us up. Yeah. I mean,
So last night we, uh,
was chilling with Dan, and we drunk enormous amounts of Ignite tequila.
And I feel absolutely and utterly terrible.
in every single possible way. So what we need to do is just like, maybe we can just stay here. It's idyllic and we can just lay down and just, or,
Get in the supercars.
and drive
Top speed.
through the Alps.
That's okay, yeah, while our brains aren't functioning and we're all over... Wait, no, this doesn't make sense. No, but there is no spoon. You don't need your brain to function.
You need to just accept the reality. Well, I'm your brother. I'm not your cousin. You're not my cousin. Exactly. And I feel like if you Aikido'd for a second, you'd be instantly cured and ready to go. Right. Okay. So, all right. So, now we're going to get in some supercars. We're driving fast. And we're going to go to like another luxury hotel. Then we're going to do some booze. Oh, yeah. Get some booze. Wait. What? That doesn't make... No. No more booze. Get out of France. Into Italy. Famous for its Prosecco. Six bottles each. Nice. What? That's it. Fuck France. Go to Italy. Do Aikido. More booze. More booze. No.
Roman booze. Let's go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So the STO doesn't have boot.
- No.
Thank you.
It clearly cannot be the best car anymore.
I thought it was a contender. Can't be a contender anymore.
No, it has none.
If you literally can't put a backpack inside of the car without having to use the passenger seat, it can't be the best car.
And to be fair,
if you had
Even your case would be a bit annoying for the passenger. That's about as small as it gets. This is as big as luggage can get.
in this car. You cannot have bigger. Yeah, literally, can't get bigger than that.
With any comfort at all. It's not a very good... It's the worst road-tripping car.
Yeah, good race car.
Not a road tripping car. So you did no filming this time?
But to be fair, Luke, although you're used
We did no show in the past, but we'll see.
We ain't got a choice, we order in these. Shout out Noel for recording the V's. He know where this shit bout to go.
Cause nobody touching the flow. They say you alone at the top, but it's gotta be lonely below. You boys getting ready to dig. But don't even mention the whole.
Just, you know, things. Metaverse things. You know?
I know. I know. It's actually, it's fine. I forgive you. I'm a forgiving man. I forgive you. All you have to do is drink some booze with me. No, no. Booze is pure poison. That's not forgiving. Booze is the ultimate of all evils. How are we to get immune to it? No, it's not. No. I've tried that. I've tried that move.
fight power. No. Someone clip in every single time I tried to fight to become acclimated to booze.
That was great content, Luke. That was great content.
Luke's demise. The Luke. What? The Luke's demise. The Luke killing our channel. Luke just invented.
I fucking hate booze. I really do. It's pure poison. You know that.
To acclimate to booze. Booze and supercars. I've tried. I've acclimated to the supercars.
Supercars and booze. Way to live, man.
So we can't work out how the gas pumps work. No, because it's all in fucking...
I'm Italian and they keep declining our cards, even though there's money on them. And then every now and then they say, you know what? I won't decline this time.
So the machine called you a rejecto?
Yeah, rejecto loads of times. And then like, look, and now it's printing out all our receipts. Try it again, Luke. Try it again. Maybe they just charged us loads. Here's your card. Try it again. Maybe you're a rejecto.
Alright, we'll try it one more time. What's your name?
Wait, let's see if Mr. Rejecto gets rejected. Okay. Hold on, let's go work. I do the dance, the Italian dance. The dance is what? I taught George Prego. Pin? Yes. Tentative penis dance.
Thank you.
Transacciona negativa, that's not good.
Estara Carte
Possible.
Perf of all.
Okay, that didn't work.
Aparajat and yallah.
Yeah.
See, we're fucked. Didn't work again.
It's your failure.
Look, I don't need guests.
I know a trick that you guys aren't aware of.
I tried fuck gas in France. It doesn't work. When you get off the Eurotunnel, there's no gas station ever. And we've completely run out of gas. The car no longer functions. We're rolling down a hill.
Fuck gas!
No, no, no. Fuck gas works.
I'm gonna say fuck gas.
Listen, fuck gas.
I don't need gas.
Fuck gas. Luke, it's not gas again.
No, I feel always on. Fuck you.
So, just to explain how Mr. Good worked. Shut up. Because I know you think that I'm Mr. Good now. No one knows. No.
So the way we want to do viewers. Yes, they will. They are going to be thrown a race. I'm Mr. Goon. You're Mr. Goon. I am Mr. Goon. Can you show the audience why you're calling yourself Mr. Goon? Mr. Goon. Found this in the car.
And clearly I would be Mr. Goon if I wore this hat. Who else would wear this hat? Take the ticket. Who? Who should take the ticket? Take the fucking ticket.
Mr. Goon. Mr. Goon, take the ticket. It's not this. Hopefully we didn't lose the ticket, babe. No, we didn't. He's our Mr. Goon.
Mr. Goon never fails.
So, Mr. Goon was the incarnation of a hat. Once you wore it, it completely became a part of you to where you became Mr. Goon. It's a bit like, what's the spider, the Spider-Man enemy? You know, the leech thing that goes on you. I think, I don't want Spider-Man. I really have no idea. Venom. Venom. It's like Venom.
and a half no no that pass me the tickets at the toll stations did mr goon ever fail you yes no he never did mr you do not have do you have video evidence that mr goon has ever failed you ever i don't record as i drive correct so we can all agree that there is zero evidence at all to substantiate this claim that mr goon has ever failed because i can tell you from personal
failure incarnate no he's not mr goon has never failed you're right this isn't now is it it's not not far it's not very out of our tea why don't you buy it it's that bubble gum 40 discounted
haha i bet you'll never financially recover i might never find out you get any italian food
I'll get some pizza. Cheetos are Italian food. Aren't they Italian? Cheetos. Cheetos. Cheetos. There you go. Be Italian. I need to grow up. You fucked us. If you admit that your name is Big Dummy and his name is Small Dummy, I'll go buy you some pizza. No, don't admit that. His name is Small Dummy. That was your name. Big Dummy, I don't mind that much. Big Dummy, I'm big. You have to be Small Dummy. That's much worse. I'll take that.
You can't take the L. Only one of my words is bad. In exchange for pizza, I'll give you two bad ones.
See my mate. Save me. I'm going to just use all of it so none of you guys can't have any. Nice.
You can have one grain of salt.
Actually, I don't want any of that salt. Tristan, eat it. Eat it as well. We are both attackers. Now, as my grand conspiracy, the poison salt trick. You never would have seen it coming.
Admit it. It means you never would have suspected it. She is your agent working for you. Correct.
waiting for the time we come in this exact location
- I'm gonna have my Chio pizza.
- I think if I punch Luke in the face really hard, I'll be happy.
- It's worth a try. - It's not. It's not worth a try. - What's the downside? - Well, we're all Luke. - Loads. - If I just punch him as hard as I can. - What's the downside? He's not driving. - There's loads of downside. You lose the best cameraman in the world. - Luke, there's literally no downside to us.
You have to eat all the downside.
know that we don't need gas. I think we should say fuck gas and just drive off. I agree. You know what? We have a tank. I don't know if we'll make it there, but I do know that if we scream fuck gas enough, it'll work anyway. It will be very funny. It'll be worth it. You know what? I've run out of gas before.
Worth it.
Worth it every time. Andrew! Andrew! Andrew! Important! Fuck gas! Fuck gas!
Fuck gas!
Ha, he said it doesn't work because it didn't work for him.
Ha ha.
What a loser. Yeah, I mean, I was there too. It didn't work for me either. But Tristan, I believe in your powers. I have powers. I believe in your powers. Fuck gas. We're going to super need gas.