Transcript
Intro
I want both of you to know.
I want both.
Bailey interested to know officially on camera.
Completely unrelated to these protein pancakes. I hate both of you.
Go, because me and baby poison the protein. No, I just genuinely...
There's nothing to do with these pancakes. It's not even related. The scene doesn't even make sense.
I just want you to know that I actually hate you, and I actually hate you.
Thanks.
I love you. You're one of our best friends, Andrew. No, I heard we love you and care about you. Fuck off.
-
I'm only about to deal with that.
- Emergency me.
I know.
Yeah.
Remember like two years ago when-- no, you weren't even there.
I went with your cousin to look at the Pagani penthouse.
Where are we? Did you ask the time? No, I asked where are we. Oh, Pagani. What do you mean Pagani? Well, we don't have the Pagani yet, but so I thought, don't really need a Pagani house. Sorry. Wait, a Pagani? Yeah. What do you mean? That's what I mean. So I thought, we don't have the Pagani yet, don't really need a Pagani car, and maybe I should get a Pagani house. What? What?
I've gone the apartment.
So it's not finished because you get to decide exactly what we want.
We've got our main man here, security, keeping us safe.
The big G.
Thank you.
Bye.
So basically what I'm thinking is
What do you mean? What are you doing?
Okay.
What is this? It's like the most prestigious building. It's going to be the most prestigious penthouse one of one in Dubai. Because we have the Bugatti, so I decided I didn't need a Pagani, but I need something Pagani.
Sometimes we've got Pagani penthouse in Dubai, which costs much more than a Pagani car.
Like I know right now you're looking at it going, what is this? But when it's done, it's done.
with Pagani furniture. Imagine, couch.
- Hose. - Okay, couch.
Pulse.
Okay. You don't pull indoor warm homes.
A chair.
Okay. Hold on the floor. Next, just on the floor.
of Florida.
Forho. Forho's? Forho!
We've got hooks from the ceiling, and hoes can attach themselves by harnesses and just like handmaid. Sky hose? Sky hose! Okay.
Okay.
Okay, so car two.
Remember?
You were there. Well, that's an incredible story, but I don't have a cousin.
You look, I mean. You look.
No, no, no.
Who had a little Oh your cousin And I bought it I know And now they're finishing The insides And we have to design it So we've got a fucking designer A 26 million dollar pen
That would look like a design art.
And that was long.
Life's so hard. I'm getting sick of this shit. Fuck, can I?
Thank you.
Come out of jail. Everything's good in jail. No one stresses me. I leave jail. Andrew, come get your room act. Andrew, your yes go attack is ready.
"Andrew, your Pagotti penthouse needs designing." Just fuck off.
That's what I'm back. Tristan, let's just quit all this. Go back to jail.
Potato soup, cigarettes, push-ups. Life was simpler. Simpler times. All this bullshit there has to be. Andrew, Mr. Tate, we've given you the best penthouse in Dubai. You need to know what you want inside.
I don't fucking care. Did I give a fuck? Yeah, it doesn't matter does it? It's not gonna be shit is it? People at home think they've got stress. It's probably me.
Yeah. Right. So,
What I say we do is...
Because it's a whole floor. Yes.
many thousands of square footage, plus the glass dome, which is 98 size.
Let me go to the globe. What do you mean the globe?
What is this?
It's gonna have all whites and shit.
The Globe! Globos!
We can make it like a world and we can start from South America.
to all the way around to Russia, to the Chinese cities.
Okay! Yeah, the Globehouse!
Like I don't even know how much this is, like 15, 16 million dollars, Trump change.
- Got it cool. - Okay.
What I think we do is we just make a list of all the rooms we want.
- -
and then we send it to them and they have to do the floor layout and then they'll do a design based on like the walls will be made of carbon fiber and leather it's going to match Pagani and then we'll get a matching Pagani car so the interior matches to
penthouse and then we can basically never use it and just forget yava
Okay, smart. I don't care about it. Smart. Super smart.
So you have a list of rooms we need.
What rooms do we need?
Give me a bedroom and I'm done. Well, we paid top dollar, so...
We need a cigar lounge.
Agreed. We're currently in the cigar lounge. Where are we going to design other penthouses when we're in the penthouse?
I need a scarlet.
Yeah, makes sense.
Cigar.
Pugcast Studio. Yeah, you want them?
Also, you need an office. There's like six workstations.
I've been editors and stuff. Not even for us, man. Just for like people.
I work with like big computers, my laptops. - You'll spend all your time in there, though.
You call me a workaholic? I'm saying that we need it to be more casual or you'll sit at your desk the entire time and never enjoy the bed.
Make the podcast studio big enough so that one side of the room there can be
four or five computer stations.
podcast slash office.
Alright, Cigar Room, podcast slash office.
We need a restaurant.
Okay.
which we can keep staffed 24/7 with a menu.
Yeah. And we can call it Top G's. We can walk into Top G's and pick up the menu and say, "Can I have this?" And the chefs in our penthouse will run away and cook at our restaurant. Sounds good. The Big Dung, let's keep that as a living room area. Alright, that's a lounge.
Is that it? We done?
Bunch of bedrooms.
Do we need like a library or some shit? Oh yeah, library next to the cigar room. Do we need a library? Can't our cigar room incorporate a wall of library-ness? No, because they have to be separate rooms that the smoke will damage the books over the years.
Mr. Bowes.
Yeah, but the 1860s Bible that you have.
The 150 year old Quran, I don't want smoke. The Quran of course. Fucking up the pages. If you met men from the 1860s,
who wrote that book
and said, "Am I allowed to smoke in this book?" He'd think you were a coward if you didn't.
Fine.
The nice Koran goes in your room. Of course.
But normal books, non-holy books, I'm going to go in the sky and out.
Is that it? Now bedrooms?
So, cigar lounge with one wall of library, yeah?
I mean, library-ish.
You know?
One wall of books in the cigar language.
podcast studio slash office, restaurant.
Lounge
How many bedrooms do we need? How many bedrooms do we need?
Eight.
2
Smoothies
We're gay now? Are we gay now?
Maybe
It's a pretty good fucking smoothie. Take a bath.
Tristan, would you like the smoothie? I guess so.
Look at you and your smoothie. You're such a fucking faggot. Tristan is the exact kind of faggot in your smoothie, isn't he?
Hmm.
- -
Is it a good smoothie at least? No comment. Tristan is literally the exact kind of fucking homo who would sit at Mike and just hold the smoothie with his cigar and drink it. Don't talk to me.
Embarrassing.
You're letting us down. You destroyed the whole brand. You were the Red Bull World Champion. You were the inventor of red wine. Now look at you, you're the fucking smoothie of a girl. You're... you're...
you
Bye.
-
Pound the smoothie. Admit you have a smoothie on the table. I'm not drinking my smoothie. Admit it.
So now you're afraid of smoothness.
I was afraid of it.
The only thing worse than drinking smoothies is being afraid of the smoothies. What's gonna happen? You gonna die?
What's gonna happen? You go to jail? Again?
You're a coward.
Yes.
- That's cool.
You know the saddest thing I've always imagined?
Imagine you're living in some war-torn country.
and a fighter jet bombs you.
I always imagined it would be particularly sad
to be attacked.
and murdered from the sky.
Because I feel like
Although drones and fighter jets and attack helicopters drop bombs from the sky,
I would have loved to have a world where somehow that wasn't allowed.
where the sky was a peaceful place. You should be able to look at the sky and see hope and hope alone.
When the bat symbol appears, it appears in the sky.
for a reason.
because the sky symbolizes hope.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Here I am.
inside of a nation
with a language I don't understand, beholden to a justice system I don't understand, with my life hanging in the balance. Somebody is going to decide if my life is fine or if my life is completely over. Who is that person? Don't know.
Why?
Haven't done anything wrong.
They've just decided.
to attack me.
And I look to the sky and I think,
Thank you.
Maybe it's all going to be okay.
Maybe it won't.
Who knows?
Thank you.
A lot of people are asking me how I feel.
It's a good question.
- This is particularly a good question, because I am the hero in everybody's lives. Anybody who knows me, when anything goes wrong, they call me, I'm the hero.
I'm the Batman.
But now,
I have no one to call.
by people telling me, "Ah, you'll be okay, you're top G."
Will I?
I don't know.
But
If anybody
can defeat this matrix attack. It's going to be the top G.
Who else could it possibly be?
If there was a symbol in the sky which were to appear, like the bat symbol,
It'd be the top G symbol.
And I think we need Top G back. I think he stands the best possible chance of escaping this Matrix attack. Even though it's a level 10 Matrix attack and they're trying their best to destroy me without evidence.
and it's all a sham.
Top G stands as best possible champs.
So for that reason...
I have summoned
Top G.
I've summoned Top G.
Top G's coming back. He's the only one who can defeat this.
Now is not the time for cowardice. We have the cigar,
We have the Bugatti.
We have everything.
Now is the time for counter attack. For everyone who lied about me and against me,
to suffer the consequences for exactly that. Top G's the one who's gonna win this battle in the end. And if Top G loses, at least he loses like a hero, 'cause that's how he works.
The Top G special, please.
*music*
Thank you.
Thank you.
¶¶
you
My good friends coming to visit. Rory, which I think everybody knows from Altair Confidentials. What the fuck are you doing? Rory. I was upstairs. I lost it and I thought, fuck it. What the fuck are you doing?
What are you doing? You look like a fucking idiot. Having a haircut. And then, uh, here they are. And Dale was a good training colleague of mine. We used to fight back in the day.
And they've come to see me while I'm half a rest. How are you? Long time. Long time. Good to see you, man. It's too long. So, there's a gift here for you.
Now I hope you like it so
There's a girl called Emma, Emma Harris. She paints cars. - Okay. - That's what she does. She was determined that she wanted to get this to you. So we banged heads, we had it imported to England.
Where does she live? She lives somewhere in the States. I've forgotten whereabouts, but she was determined. So I do need to credit Emma for this. But I think you'll like it. I think you'll really like it.
Cool, I need a knife.
It'll take a while to open that. Hold on. You've got a key? Got some keys there. Yeah.
- Good night.
Thank you.
So it's hand painted, so you have to imagine how many hours went into this as well. So I really liked it. I really liked it. So yeah, I've
I was determined to get it to you in the end as well. Make my jail look nice, huh? My house jail. So make Andrew's cell look good.
I have a nuclear solution.
The famous new daddy that everyone's after.
- Bravo.
Stick it out. In the wrong collar.
*crickets*
-
- I'm so sorry.
- Thank you.
Ha!
It's me driving to Baguette.
That's my future life. When all this jail crap's over,
That's going to be me, somewhere in Italy, doing exactly that. What do you think? Amazing. Thank you very much, Emma. I appreciate it. I'm going to make the future come true. I'm going to hang this up today. Thank you very much. Going to hang it up today? Yeah. Cool. Excellent. Thank you. And what's the letter say? There's your note. There's your note. We'll keep finished. Perspicacity, coupled with sheer indefatigability, makes me a feared opponent in any realm of human endeavor.
Heavy dear, this man can't hear your face anywhere. Care accelerate, go for them. BK chop city rails with the hell.
The Matrix has attacked. Bad to the DM near them. BK sub-machine gun trample them head. BK shot, boo.
And here is Shaq.
you
Music.
Music.