Transcript
*music*
Thank you.
This was a waste if we're only going to use it once.
If everyone can do the live stream from jail, then building the jail is a waste. So I've decided.
Rory keeps annoying me.
I'm gonna sentence him to jail. What's the point in having a jail if you don't use it? He keeps leaving the door open. He keeps...
Fucking playing video games at night at 5am when I'm trying to sleep. I might sentence Rory...
But I'm a fair guy.
Can't just send a man to jail without due process.
I am going to convene a court.
and put them on trial.
Rory!
Yeah.
A court has convened.
Well,
It's your trial. What are you talking about? The jail we just built. Yeah. What's the point in having a jail if you don't sentence people? You piss me off. What?
Why don't you come and find out exactly what you're accused of?
What's up?
Thank you.
Honourable Judge Top G, I present the defendant, Rory Sinnott. Please take a seat right here, sir. What is this?
The G stands for justice.
Justice.
This is my court. I am the judge, top G. And even I am unaware yet of what the prosecutor's case is. I understand that the state
is persecuting you for crimes against
the Republic
of...
Take the stand.
Right.
Your Honor, as you know, before we start I want to know I'm a very fair judge. This is not writ. I hope this is fair. This is a fair trial. The G stands for justice. Okay.
Now I want to know what I've done. Your Honor, as you know, in the Republic of Tegsistan, we have had an issue recently with invaders. Invaders illegally coming into this house and wreaking havoc upon our lunches and breakfasts. I'm talking, of course, about the flies.
You've seen me as the prosecutor of this great nation cleaning up the streets.
of this city by taking the flies off the streets. I have my cans of rain. I have my Aikido. I'm out there defending this country.
Against the invaders and the criminals. I put it to the court that we have a conspirator among us. A traitor working with the flies.
in efforts to ruin our lunchtimes. You, Rory Sinnott, have been accused of leaving the front door open on multiple occasions, resulting in the infection of this great society with other criminals like the insect you are.
How do you plead?
I plead not guilty. Not guilty. Have you noticed, Your Honour?
in the last couple days, ever since I killed all the flies, with my rave Aikido.
that there has been an increase in insects in this house?
There hasn't been an increasing... Your Honour, if anything, I'm always the one who does close the door.
I don't think I've been one who leaves it open. What evidence do we have that Rory was leaving the door open?
one
It's wrong.
I feel like that is a very strong argument.
Because Rory's Rory. Open the door, doesn't give a shit, drinking beers. It's his typical Rory-ish behavior. It's his character, your honor. Your honor. That's the definition, your honor. Now, when you look at his...
Instagrams, the things he said on the internet, he's painted himself.
as an irresponsible person who works in league with criminals. If he's the kind of person who's saying things on the internet,
that make him look irresponsible.
then he definitely deserves some sort of punishment. Ah, but that's not it.
Where's your evidence bro? You need evidence of this, you can't just pin this on me. I'm always going around with the raid killing the flies. That's very interesting. One second, of course we're going to take a quick...
Break.
- I've got a very important message as judge. One second. - Andrew, Andrew, why aren't you picking up the phone? I've been trying to call you constantly, you keep ignoring me. Why? You know how much I love you.
Continue.
Your Honor, this is an open shop case. I have shown you
the clips I edited from his YouTube videos detailing irresponsibility of character, which means of course he deserves some jail time. But,
That's not it. As you know, with any great crime,
24-hour CCTV surveillance can either exonerate the criminal entirely
Eww.
For example, if I were accused of something and I had 24 hour a day CCTV footage all over my house showing everything and no crime took place, that would exonerate me.
However,
If you were accused of a crime in a house, and that house had 24 hours a day CCTV,
That would prove that you either did the crime or didn't do the crime. I agree with that. It would be ridiculous for you to be accused. One second.
It'd be ridiculous for you to be accused of a crime in a location with 24-hour CCTV, and no evidence of that crime being taken place.
be on the videos. And the videos be ignored for that reason. So I actually agree with you. That's a good point. - That's a good point. - Your honour, may I add? May I add? There may be one instance where I may have left the front door open. - May have! - Hold on. - An admission of guilt! - No. - Right here in the courtroom! - However...
At the time, when you said I was drinking beers or whatever it was you said I was doing, surely I have a plea for diminished responsibility.
due to my lack of coordination. Your Honour, Exhibit A
Press play.
Thank you.
Thank you.
.
Shit.
The prosecution rests its case.
Any final words?
Thank you.
I think that you should take into consideration
that I'm very remorseful if there is
this evidence of me leaving the door open, and it could have well been diminished responsibility. I just want you to take these things into account before you send them to me.
Your Honor, fine words of the prosecution. As a known drinker,
and a fiend.
he is fully aware of the destructive...
The destructive effects.
of his lifestyle choices and his bad habits.
This is a pattern that I have seen in the defendant. This is not my first time seeing him. I've been familiar with this particular individual for over 18 years, and I'm telling you, he knows the difference between right and wrong, drunk or not.
Thank you.
I think it's very clear that the court understands how serious these allegations are. The flies have been a pest.
which has been plaguing our lives for a very long time. There's no small feat to destroy them and get rid of them, and then when they come back,
They are particularly annoying. So the flies,
in and of themselves is a serious issue, and I believe that the state needs to take it seriously to show that we are...
A fair system
of judicial control and everybody knows that they can have faith in the justice system. So for that reason, anyone who is aiding the flies must face
the punishment of the law. Rory, sin it.
Your Honour, you must take into account, mate. You are sentenced!
to two and a half hours
in jail. I've got shit to do.
I've got shit to do.
Someone take Rory away. Get him here.
Amir! This is horse shit. I've actually got shit to do today. I've got loads of work to do on my laptop. I don't care. I've got big hoes. I actually care.
I've got videos to edit.
This is horse shit.
Do you have anything on you that can hurt you?
I don't have anything on me at all bro. Where's your mobile phone? My mobile phone's in my shorts, I can give it to you. Give me your mobile phone.
Where is your money for friends?
Steph.
Thank you.
Bro, I actually need to edit videos today. I need to sort some shit out of them.
don't actually dare
How long a sentence for two and a half hours? Yes.
At least take an hour off. No.
What?
- Why does, right, so I'm actually in jail now.
Okay.
Take this off.
And now I'm just giving you a quick search.
Last second.
There's nothing on me. You've got nothing else that can hurt you with? No, nothing to harm us. Turn around.
Thank you.
Okay.
Fine.
I thought I'd need it to sip out.
I've got jail secret.
Let me...
At least I've got a jail cigarette. I don't think they've left me a light.
I need a light on. Look, cameraman.
The least you could do is go and ask your honour if I can have a lighter for a jail cigarette. That's a human right.
That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem. Come back, bro. Bro, come back! Bye!
*clap*
Who's that?
Thank you.
Ooh!
Thank you.
Hey, how's your time in jail?
Pretty shit, it's hot.
There's no aircon.
MR.
I've got cigarettes, and do you know what? I found supplies. I didn't know they left them in there for me.
So look!
I have
You left the cell door open. Shit! You can escape! You can escape! They've told the security guards if I escape to throw me back in.
Um, so look, we've got some plates, cups, noodles. I found some water.
So my time has actually been quite resourceful, but however,
This has been one big pain in the fucking arse and I know it's only been three hours
But...
You know, I had shit to do.
All I did was leave the door open. Why am I incarcerated, bruh?
- Thank you.
Don't ask me. I'm a neutral party in this. And I don't know if you've noticed. Are you trying to also get me incarcerated?
That might be a thing.
We have evidence now. I'm the cameraman, I can delete it. I don't know. But yeah, I tried to escape out the window.
Did you? Yeah, and I got told, "No."
to stop playing with the windows by the guards. I feel like they're gonna double your sentence at some point.
What for trying to escape? Just for continuing to act up.
- Yeah.
- Didn't you hear this is a no smoking, wild jail situation? - But they're clever because these windows were never locked.
For some reason today, they're locked, bruv.
so there was no escape and the guards the guards office just outside that door mm-hmm
So there's no point in trying to run because he's already said, if you try to run, I get you. And he's fucking huge, bro. So I'm not going to try my luck. How much time do you have left? An hour. I think an hour. What are you going to do? I don't know. You tell me how much time I've got left. I don't know. This seems like forever. No phone? No phone?
No phone, no laptop, they took all my electronics off me.
So you just have to sit here in pure silence, smoking, chain-smoking cigarettes.
.
What else am I about to do bro? I've got water, cigarettes, I've got a mattress, I've got a pillow. It's not really a long sentence, but I'm hoping someone gets a longer sentence because I feel like justice
has been unfair on me.
Do you need me to break you out?
Bro, if you break me out, you're gonna get a longer sentence than me. I'm gonna Aikido all of the guards.
How?
Don't worry about it. I'll be back.
Thank you.
Thanks. You're welcome. Thanks.