Transcript
- Emergency meeting. - It's not an actual emergency meeting. - Andrew has just sealed.
The business deal of the city.
Fresh Camel Burger. One, give me a Camel Burger and give me these Cheetos noodles. We don't need those Cheetos noodles. We don't need those Cheetos noodles. Yeah, Cheetos noodles and a Camel Burger. You definitely need the Camel. That's the Camel Burger.
It's not the Cheetos rules. It can't be. Cheetos rules. No.
I think that's Cheetos and ramen.
It's crushed Flamin' Hot Cheetos. It's Cheetos time. That's not? What car did we come here in? Oh yeah, we got you. Yeah, now we got you.
Cheetos noodles, fresh camel burger, dinner menu, mutton biryani, and one of them. Everything. And Walter.
Four waters, please.
My cousin will pay. He's rich. Thanks.
- Nice. - One water, okay? - Yep, that's it. - Just destroyed a distinctly average chicken burger. - Yep. - Now we are here for our camel burger. - It's gonna be amazing, isn't it? - I know, it does smell different to beef. I was worried it might just be beef and they lied to me. - Yeah. - But it does actually smell a bit.
I'm not sure that's a good thing or a bad thing. But this is water for you to drink. And you, why? I don't drink any water anymore. What do you mean? I don't need it. It doesn't mean anything. I don't need water anymore.
Okay, so is camel the best meat in the world? Should we go to a camel only diet?
The problem we have is the chicken burger we just ate was of exceptionally low quality. So I don't know if this is low quality camel or high quality camel. So it's very hard to judge camel as a whole. Although after this one bite I no longer need to go.
I don't eat water ever again. I never drink again. It's not true. You're gonna have to drink water at some point. I would describe it as bland, tasteless, horrible. Give me some.
Just meatless meat. It's almost like a vegan burger would taste. It's not gonna taste really. Not really taste.
bread but maybe it's low quality camel maybe camel's supposed to be better than this maybe go to a random gas station with no wi-fi in the middle of the desert it's not the best place to try new foods what do you think do you taste anything i can't taste anything but also i don't think it's because of the place that we're at
I'm just going to judge all camels now.
The camel's horrible. Yeah. Yeah, very bland.
Has no taste while also tasting bad at the same time. Yeah, very interesting. No taste, but... Bad. But it's not good. Yeah, very interesting. Less than neutral. We'll try the next ones. The next cuisine. That does five-star. I guarantee you, as much as you've tried to protest, the best food we eat today were the Cheetos. No, no, Cheetos. The Cheeto ramen. Yeah, you're going to look at the Cheetos and go, oh, you don't need that.
and you're gonna start going best-walking.
So I was right. You said Camel Burger and failed. For some reason I thought the meat would give us power, but I don't think there's any power with this meat. I do admit since I've eaten it, I've never drunk a single thing. Since I've eaten Camel, I've never ever had a sip of water, ever, in my entire life. That is true. Do you admit that? That's true, but you're going to drink water eventually. Never again. You will. I don't need it anymore. You will. I don't need it anymore.
Thank you. And you have forks. You have one fork. Can we have another fork? Yes, please.
Okay, so no Cheeto things yet. Must be the hardest for them to cook because it's so cuisine. So delicate cuisine. Yep, the most delicate.
Okay, so the Cheeto ramen noodles have arrived.
and they looked much better in the pictures.
Listen, mate.
- Thank you.
-
Thank you.
You're Matt Sullivan, whatever you want.
You still haven't drank any water. That's true. I'm a witness. He did not drink any water.
Also, all this stuff.
is very very low
2 out of 10, something like that. 2, 3 out of 10.
Yeah, it's weird. It doesn't necessarily taste bad. You can just taste that it's extremely low-pulling. Yeah.
- Thank you.
For some reason, I genuinely thought that this was a hidden gem.
deep in the desert.
I didn't think you could get low quality rice.
No, me neither.
- Some of it did.
Somehow you can get cheap.
Shit, right.
Right, Cheetos and ramen. Now, I know you accuse this. Put some hot sauce in there. I know you accuse this of just being ramen noodles with crushed up Cheetos.
But on closer inspection, we can see that it's clearly not the case.
No, it is the cash.
Clearly not the case.
Everything we've had so far has been horrible.
I'm going to try this.
*pfff*
I love you, man.
Thank you.
I don't even think these are just ramen noodles. They're somehow low quality ramen. If the rest of the food was a 2 out of 10,
I'd give this a two and a half maybe.
I agree. I've just had some. This is absolutely the best thing on the menu.
So, when you said we didn't eat it,
No. You should eat camel. No, this is actually all that we can eat. You admit that this is the best thing. Everything else we barely finish. Yeah.
Whereas this is actually
although it may be terrible for us.
tastes kind of good.
A three.
Maybe a four. Literally.
I thought the... Whatever it's called...
Biryani. Biryani would save us. I was wrong.
I was very warm. When in doubt, trust you. That's my friend.
I should have known. The American way.
I'm chilling in Dubai. This is what happens when you're outside the Matrix. You're geographically free. Anyone who's watched the Matrix carefully understands that the people inside the Matrix realize that something isn't right. So they escape the Matrix. Once they've escaped the Matrix, they realize how the Matrix works and they plug back into the Matrix with new powers. And then they hack the Matrix and then they escape again. That's what I do. I hope you're paying attention to me. I hope you can hear me over my W16 quad turbo 8 liter Bugatti. Wait.
Chiron
sheer on pure sport hope it's not too loud for you when it's idling here in the middle of the night in dubai you're sitting there going to work for our bills to pay none of those things are real there is no spoon money's not real numbers on the screen they're about to pass another 1.5 trillion for government spending what are they going to spend on nobody knows let's go into somebody you think i'm rich because i have a 5.5 million dollar car
That's nothing. Jump change. I consider myself poor. You're sitting near the Nissan and you're sitting yourself pretty well off. I'm doing okay actually. I put some money in my 401. Money's not real. You still believe in the spoon. I don't believe in the spoon. That's how I bend things. Do you understand? I'm the little monk kid that bends the spoon. I'm the man who walks in Jacob and Co and says, how much is the wash that's going to match my Bugatti?
$455,000 and I think that's a bargain! Can I see the big issue and watch? It has built in
16-piston
Bugatti Chiron engine
If you get the Bugatti and then if you don't have a Bugatti watch. Then you say not even having the Bugatti. Why even have it? 450,000 euros.
Bargain. I'm the man who just contacted the Burge Khalifa. I'm trying to put his name all over it. That's me. I'm that guy. I tell you these things. I waste my time like the fucking philanthropic, nice, beautiful, gorgeous, handsome man I am, explaining I came from nothing. I hacked the Matrix. I escaped, and I'm back to free your minds like Morpheus. I'm making the call. I'm trying to
cars at home and millions and millions of dollars and all this monumental success, people still sit there and go, hmm, I don't know if I can trust you. If you can't trust me, who can you trust? Your university professor? He's an agent. He's a slave to the machine. You must wake up and you're only going to escape with my help.
Transcription by CastingWords
- Emergency meeting. - It's not an actual emergency meeting. - Andrew has just sealed the business deal of the century. - All right, what's the business deal? - Now, am I correct?
Tristan's credit. It's the first emergency meeting we've had in the new house.
And by coincidence, I also pulled off something monumental. Monumental. Very discouraging. Luke thinks he knows about business. Yeah.
I've got my sales team. Can I sit here and do my work? Andrew has a bank transfer.
On its way to his back,
From Bugatti Motors Limited.
A bank transfer from Bugatti. Have you ever pulled up anything like that? It's a hell of a business.
We are in the money. - What's the business deal? - The guy here is sending me money.
For one. Do you understand that that makes me the greatest businessman of all time?
Don't forget
Because I overpaid by nine pounds and they said they had to give it back to me.
And I said, I don't want it. And they said, no, we have to go back to you for a pound.
So they're sending nightmares. So we're rich. So we don't need to work anymore. We don't do well. We got you up sending us money now. You even said you didn't want it. Listen. No, that's called a takeaway. That's business. It's a sales technique.
Don't you know what you think about business Luke? No, no, I don't want to, oh we'll send it to you. Woo! That you're sending us nine pounds now. In the month. We are rich now, basically for it.
If I ever get more money, I'll just buy another Bugatti and get another nine pounds. But how will we get the money to buy the Bugatti?
Luke, you must understand this, isn't it? From the nine pounds that build up from the various spaghetti transfers.
We're working nine pounds on our way there. What I'll do is I'll refinance the current baguette. You can buy baguette. You get another nine pounds. And then I'll just...
Build a pyramid. - Yeah, with two millions. - To the point where the nine pounds add up, to the point where I'm rich enough to pay off of the eggs.
You don't know math. Didn't you study math?
If it goes on forever, what's nine times infinity?
There we go. Infinite money. So, work to be... There's literally a limited number of baguettes. Work to be... Now we have nine pounds on the way. We need to stop all work completely. It's over. We need to go out and spend as much money as possible because we are retros. Baguette and I sent us money.
They pay us.
We're a small survivor guy. I haven't given you anyone. Exactly.
No, but I've gotten nine pounds before. Chipotle's given me nine pounds before.
Oh yeah, you're lying. They gave you dollars.
Okay, then you don't like this. More lies from Luke. Have you ever got line patents from a multi-fucking national company? Have you ever got line patents from the most prestigious car companies in the world? No.
Most prestigious brands in the world, have they ever sent you money, any of them.
Versace, Gucci, fuck anyone. Sunseeker Glass, Bugatti, Lambo. Anybody else send you money? No, because you're a fucking loser.
Business is over. We're closing everything. It's done. We're rich for it. We finally made it. Close it all. 34 years of hard work. We finally made it. We made it. Finally. We're done. We're going out. Let's move.
Woo!
*Drums*
We just left. There was 10 supercars. Some fucking chick. Some chick. Andrew, you live in a poor country. You will not see as many supercars in a row.
in fucking London, in New York, nowhere. You walk around Bucharest, it's just Lambos, Raris, Lambos, bro, it's mafia money. And they're like, oh, the country says it's poor. It's on the books. They don't understand how we work out here. Taxes. Taxes. We pay cash. They don't understand how it works. They don't get it. The richest country in the world. It might be. The richest country in the world, dude.
you
Guys!
I'm going to have to negotiate something even better.
Again, because Luke's fucked up business, obviously. Even better than Baguette is sending us money. I bought a shoe rack and they sent us a free...
sensor soap dispenser.
- Free. - So wait, now we can wash our hands without touching the soap spencer. - Without touching the soap spencer, and it cost us zero money. - Zero money. So if you kept negotiating this business here, how much do you think these are worth? 20, 30 bucks? - Yeah. - And we can sell them, we have unlimited free money. - Unlimited free money. - Forever. - Unlimited free stock. - If you continue to negotiate bills like that.
This is stupid. What the fuck have you done? I'm fucking G.
What have you done for the business lately? - A fucking genius. - Unleashed. - The guy who sent us money, free soap dispensers, what the fuck have you done lately? - Well, with your pathetic fucking life.
- Nothing. - That's worth money. All right, so let's order infinite of those. Hear me out, sell them for $1 each, nice and cheap.
high glass to see, and then we have infinite dollars.
It's not how it works. Isn't it? No. How much did this cost? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What?
The free box was a soap dispenser, but there's no soap dispenser in the free box.
They're giving me this.
What is it?
Wait, so it's not a free soap dispenser?
I'm going to go.
Grab a blade from the magnet on the table. Oh yeah, you think we're just sitting on the warm table if we can't grab blades and gums at random.
It's actually...
free vitamin C facial cream.
Right, that's gotta be worth at least three to four dollars. Wait, so who gave you this? Why? Listen, I bought a shoe rack, they gave me a free soap dispenser, but they put it as a soap dispenser really to fool you, Luke,
Because I always knew all along there was free facial cream, which is what I really wanted. This is a high command. A cosmetic company. This is high command stuff. High command stuff. So now we're going to be richer than we've ever been. Infinite bottles of this.
Free facial green. You can sell it.
For an amount of one cent-- - No, but you had to buy a shoe rack. - Luke, what is one cent times a hundred billion?
That's right.
*sad*
I don't know. A billion. A billion. Oh, out of my hundred. It doesn't mean no math. Listen. So I'm a millionaire. Look.
One cent. Can you admit, we got you send us money because of me. They did. Can you admit, I'll admit, free facial cream because of me.
But it's not free. You had to buy something. Can you admit that this is facial cream, which is free, which was sent to me.
for free.
Okay. So you confess. So you confess. So we got, we got money from spaghetti plus a billion, a billion dollar business. So I have just given you a business acumen masterclass.
Do you agree? What have you done, Mike?
Working fucking working fucking worm worm
Thank you.
you
Thank you.
Hey!
Outro Music.
*outro music*