Transcript
*BOOM *
$8 ,000
$8,000 you can't film on casino floors no one's gonna believe it yeah you can't film on casino floors we've been winning so much money so much money we can't film it not as much as I made on
He's the king of Dogecoin. Yeah. He made thousands of dollars fucking around with Dogecoin yesterday. I bought in this morning. I'm four grand down. Thanks, man. Nice. Admit you want this vodka, Luke. I don't. Why not? We're on a balcony overlooking Vegas. We're making thousands and thousands of dollars for no reason. No work. We're already super lucky. We already have all the best cars in the world. We're already extremely handsome, extremely good looking. And now the universe gives us, on top of that, unlimited gambling luck. For that reason.
we're gonna do a shot from the balcony in Vegas. How about this Luke? Just the one. I know how this ends. Just the one. Cheers. Cheers.
High stakes.
I'm rich.
How'd you get it? Gamblin! It's a doge. It's a doge. It's a doge. It's a doge. It's a doge.
Hey Luke Yeah? Where's the glass full? I'm the Chad Boozer
You're the virgin, sip slower.
I've got some booze for you. Here drink it.
Drink it.
And you too. Cheers.
Let's cheers more beers.
I know when to insist and when not to insist. I like it too much. It's just weird because if I drink then all my hypnosis doesn't work. That's so easy. I don't know what you American think but you do realize that vodka martinis are shots. Don't you? Now I do. I'm serious. Welcome to big school. Look guys, I'm sorry. You're welcome. You're welcome.
Woo!
I'm gonna sit here talking all night and we're gonna go fucking gamble. Let's fucking go.
Are we gamblers? Where's your mask? What do you mean, mask? Mask. What do you mean, mask? No, it just tastes like it's mint. Let me tell you a secret, Luke. I'll kick the motherfucking fuck out of you.
Money isn't real. None of this is real.
This is just... It's free! It's free! What do you mean free? Free money!
Lose it all. Lose it all.
Andrew, I know you said money isn't real, but I am getting fucked.
*BANG*
Beautiful.
I'm playing $50. I have $1,500.
I'm a fucking millionaire.
- Yeah.
this is i want a thousand dollars only giving my money i know this motherfucker won 10 grand yeah you're not allowed to win all you did was win not allowed to win nope not allowed not here not here they make their money but you not win it no i win a foul i listen my friend where you from
Georgia, right? What's the capital of Georgia? Fucking Tbilisi. Jordan, Jordan. Jordan. What's the capital of Jordan? Amman? Amman. I know my brother. I've been around the world. I know. Listen, let me tell you something.
Don't gamble in here, they're motherfuckers.
I win $1,500. It's not even a lot of money. It's not millions. It will not change your life, no?
They start saying to me we cannot give you the money. We must take away 30% Taxes they leave me one hour waiting by the machine one hour I sit there one hour the manager come try and tell me not to take the money blah blah for $1,000 and
Unbelievable.
fucking joke. Yeah, for real. For real. For real. I said yesterday in the Cosmopolitan, I win 10,000. No problem. I win 1,000 here. You make me wait one hour?
fucking amateurs, idiots.
He said, well, guess what? We're going to do the same shit again tonight. Why are we supposed to meet Andrew here? I don't know. What's his number?
You don't know?
Terminal Velocity. What?
So you just assassinated somebody. What do you think? I'm the luckiest man on the planet. I can't think of a time in my life I've ever been unlucky. I can see the future. So what I'm going to do is use my powers on a roulette wheel to see the number that's going to come. To guarantee. No one's ever thought of this. To guarantee I always win.
found the best system with roulette is to bet heavily on the number that's next going to show up yeah people don't do that people do that they bet on all numbers yeah if you bet on the number that's going to come show up then you win and you're rich exactly sit think outside the fucking box uke welcome to the real world i think he's a great goose vodka doesn't he how much is this like forty dollars forty dollars doesn't matter we're about to spit it up and gamble welcome to las fucking vegas and let me tell you something we have to keep a clear head right we're drinking
clear head just the one shot just the one just isn't actually just the one just the one luke just the one let's gamble
turn the box spinning up now tristan why aren't you using your powers i don't why are you putting
I'm losing my own money, but I'm rich, it's fine.
Wait Andrew, the system isn't working. It's not working. I'm down 9 -9 gold. I just told him to do the ball that the number it's going to go on. Wait. Spin it up. So he's winning this hard story. You got it. It's only gambling if you win. Spin it up. That's the saying isn't it? It's a Russian girl.
just said that the machines with buffaloes are good luck and you know what they say always trust russians
spin it up where's the buffalo it changed time to gamble
oh gambling
oh this didn't activate you need a disc to land to get the real big give me money luke it's called
- Yeah, spin it up. - I don't have much cash. - You're gambling, dude. - Give us your money. - Now listen, unless you're winning, it's not gambling. As we say in the- - In the cash machine. - Yeah, cash machine. Now, let's gamble.
More cash.
- It was $50 a spin. - Yeah, give me more cash.
What you do is you take the money out of the machine, put it back in for cyclical gambling. - Cyclical gambling.
we can't spin it up unless you had you give me cash please some cash i'll give you all my money and you lose it in two spins two spins i'll can we do hundred dollar spins here up in this big fifty dollars i thought it's supposed to be the cash machine yeah it takes your cash no you guys told me i'd get cash woo fifty dollars spin let's gamble fifty dollars spin let's gamble
More money, more cash. It eats money. Hand the cash over, loser. They know how gambling works. They know how gambling works. Here, just have all of it. The more you gamble, the bigger you win. I give off. Scientific fact.
Welcome to big school. Where's the money? The cash machine is taking all our cash. Show me the money Luke.
Do you know why the strip is empty? Because Luke's not wearing a space suit. What do you mean space suit? No. What's the last time you wear a space suit Luke? Well. Are you in outer space? No. Why is Luke not wearing a space suit again? Again. Go under the strip's fucking empty.
Nothing to do with COVID. You're not wearing your fucking spacesuit. Dork. Unbelievable.
We're just losing money. Guys, look up. Look up. You guys didn't know where we were fucking going, you cunt. You don't know what to fucking do. He doesn't wear his fucking spacesuit. His fucking Taco Bell. I'm not hungry. Can we just go and gamble and drink, please? Seriously. All the times Tristan ordered Taco Bell. We'll get the best Taco Bell in the world. The best Taco Bell.
you guys.
I'm gonna taco crazy. It's gonna be a taco bonanza. Good. Here. Listen.
I'm rich. You're rich. See? Who doesn't have a space to? Can we?
A party. A party you wear? What kind of party? What kind of party? You're saying there's a party. A party you wear? I mean, so I've got this, man. I've got a bunch of dudes back in the joint. Top bunkers.
- I'm coming to your party. - Luke, we're going to this guy's party. Let's do it. - You getting noticed here? - Dice it up! - Alright, let's go, let's go, let's go.
Thank you.
Four! You've been showing me the one. You've been showing me the one.
That's your money! That's your money! That's your money! I'm out! I'm out! Because last night you gave up! Well last night you did take over my money. I gave up because I ran out of cash.
I need to roll. You roll it, I have to touch another surface. You can't only touch four.
- Can I bounce off the floor? - Yep. Hey, bounce off the floor. Alright, 100€.
Oh shit, well okay, well there's money in my hand, you should be
Off board!
Don't worry, don't worry. That's Aikido man, it's gonna be a six. What's this? Super roll. What's that? What's that? A six? Awww.
Alright.
All right.
Anyone else? Anyone else for some time? Fuck it. I'll be in. Do it. Do it. Like me?
What's wrong with me? Fuck you, I'm just kidding. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
We're in Vegas.
Three.
Thanks.
Woo! What else do you want for anymore? Side back, up there. Me? Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Woo!
Let's gamble!
Phyllis, shoot! Tatiana, I'm sorry, me and my friend will be... We are insane! We are insane!
I'll take it.
Roll off the patio door. - Boom! - Four! - Boom! - It's a four. - It's a four!
Whoa! Go away! Go away!
.
Alright.
- Brownie, two corn dogs, 'cause I'm a G. I'm here at the War Room Summit in Las Vegas, Nevada.
We've got 50 men here, we're all talking about making money.
Over 10 of these men are multi-millionaires, a lot of men are huge into crypto. We're here while this whole GameStop thing is going on.
and we're analyzing it right now in real time. Let me tell you something, these people are fucking criminal. They're criminal! They suspended trading so no one can buy, leaving you with no option but to sell,
then double down on their shorts.
to make sure that as the price slowly drops, they make all their fucking money back. These are the people...
who have had their fucking boot on the neck of the average American, the average person on this planet for fucking years. They're criminals.
It doesn't matter whether you're Republican, Democrat, liberal, conservative, it doesn't matter. These people will fuck you just the same.
They will destroy your life just to stay remorced
They don't give a fuck because they manipulate markets and play the game and destroy you.
They will wipe you out.
Let me explain something.
I've been broke. I'm rich now.
Most of you here, you've been broke.
We know how to survive.
Worst case, we'll get a can of beans and watch some TV. A new paycheck will come.
These people have never been broke. We break them, their whole world will shatter. You don't need a few of their shitty fucking dollars. Don't sell for a few crap dollars that they just print at random.
Diamond hands.
Don't give in.
We're still gonna win this.
Fuck him.
Because you know I'm not actually that guy but...
It's a dollar. It's a dollar. Yeah, that's what we're betting. Don't want it. Yeah.
No, it's a girl support! I don't have a cat's on it.
Where's the money? You want to have money? Money at keto. Thank you.
Sketch. I got eight. My wallet's on here. Come on.
skills.
Do a big side bit.
Out there the best. Hey, wait, I'm gonna- I'm gonna- I'm gonna-
Woo!
Yeah.
Woo! That's right, bitch! Welcome to Aikido, bitch!
You wanna fight?
I got it! I got hands on my legs! You ready?
You ready to be? Oh!
I don't think you're ready! I'm sorry, listen.
It's horrible.
Now I do have one, it's right here.
This...
-
Woo!
That's right, Mitch!
That's my bitch!
Woo! What a mix, Goldenbeger!
That's what you get! You go to sleep? Welcome to comfortable school! You want Aikido? You want Aikido? You want hands? You want Aikido? You want hands?
Shit, I got it! I got a few right here! It's right here!
Woo! Possibly.
I know you with your pin your own.
I've had this fool like 10 times, you can't push me? I don't care. I'm just broke. Alright. Alright. Woo! Woo! That's three. Three. These dice don't feel right. That's good dice. Good dice. One. One. Two. Woo! Woo! Woo!
Let's gamble!
Let's gamble! Let's gamble! Let's gamble! You know what? I swear, if I go away, I don't want to throw anyone in the pool anymore. We're done.
I did take my phone and put it in. Take my hand and take it. Woo!
Yeah.
That's a one. Six, baby.
I didn't tell you, I was a vice master.
What? Oh, here we go. Oh, yeah.
Where's the license? Where's the booze? Woo! Let's do it!
Spit it up! Let's gamble! Let's gamble! Woo! Where's the booze?
Three, two, one, one, one, one. Nice Aikido. Five, six. - All right, again.
Toss one down.
*music*
That's the middle one.
Oh, my God.
*Sings* That damn music! Alright! Awesome man! *Sings* *Sings*
*Gunshot*