Transcript
Would you rather boo straight under Tristan or fight straight under me?
Make a choice right here, right now.
- That's Ross. - That's a good one.
Good show, Lackertate!
*Bagman* Hold on now because he is Case Man. Hi Case Man. We found out Tristan's Case Man. Me and Luke were always Bagman. Yep, always been Bagman.
Tristan's a casemate.
And now he has to collect his case.
halfway through our three flight adventure.
move his case, check in his case. Let's carry my bag. Yep, nice bag. Nice bag.
Well Luke doesn't have any stuff. I have stuff.
No excuse. He does have stuff. I have stuff.
I haven't he just doesn't need the ground to carry his stuff for him yeah I've got muscles
Yeah, he has legs. So I carry my own stuff.
Ah nice, putting the case on. Yeah, you put your little case on. Yeah.
Once it disappear. That would be funny. That would get you all your stuff disappearing because you wouldn't carry it yourself.
I admit you couldn't beat the case.
I admit it. We're going to jail because you couldn't beat the case. It doesn't make any sense. You are case man. You are case man.
I like being bad man. It's nice.
I have my stuff with me.
Yeah, you say that now, wait till I'm in San Fran. Exactly.
You say that now. I have to move around San Fran airport with the hobos. Waiting in lines, trying to find your case and move your case. I'll be some shit around your case by then. I'm first class and I'm waiting in line.
No one can take my stuff from me. You have to wait for your case.
Case man's stuff's already been taken. It's gone now. It's got robbed. There it goes. It's about daylight. Yeah, about daylight.
So Andy, should we tilt it to move or...
one.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Why would I have to move? Should he move? He's our cousin isn't he? Yeah, I'm literally part of your family.
I'm going to go.
I don't know, didn't you legally divorce him from our family somehow?
What do you mean legally divorce from family? I'm not sure you're allowed in the family.
wine.
Me and Andrew are more family than you are technically. - That's true, I am a cousin. - So reserved for family.
I think you need to get lost
That's okay, it's okay, no. I'll just leave. You know what? I don't want boobs anyway. Let's reconcile our family differences.
over a drink.
No. Much fresh and gin and tonic. They want a booze.
Why is boozing started? We have 26 hours of flying. Look, we have to reconcile our family differences so you can remain at the table. It can't be a 26-hour booze.
Okay, I'll take it.
There's no way we'll survive.
- He can't be.
Yeah.
Sometimes in life you just have to bite the bullet.
first class business
or first class.
Yeah, welcome to first class. Flights to...
Las Vegas shouldn't be biting the bullet. It should be pleasant. That's why you have first class.
Yeah, right.
I'm going to watch.
Lucas just said you're a friend.
I didn't say that. - Luke's saying you're afraid. Three gin and tonics, three glasses of wine, 26 hours of flying. - Luke's didn't do this. - I know, mine's completely-- - 26 hours of flying, and Luke's saying, "Oh, the Talos is scared to keep drinking, 'cause he has 26 more hours."
in the sky. Luke's challenged you to a booze straightener. I've never lost a challenge yet. A booze straightener. I haven't challenged you at all. Would you rather booze straightener Tristan or fight straightener me?
Ahhhh.
Make a choice right here, right now.
That's Ross. - That's a good one.
We don't have gloves for the fucking real straightener. Nope, no gloves.
I feel like the fight straightener would be too easy, you'd knock him out too quick.
I'm too. With me you be.
22 hours in.
He can't walk. He's throwing up on himself.
I feel like the amount of
pain
may be similar
What does G&T stand for?
Good and time.
That's not what it stands for. It does.
This isn't first class. Drink it all. It is. It's first class.
You're flying first class. This is real first... Do you remember on Take Confidential when you had a big deal about being in crappy business class that wasn't real business class? This is real. Well, the first two... The first two... The first...
flight for four hours is
Fake business class. So you can do your warm up drinks there. And then we've got 15 hours of real business. I don't need warm up drinks. Real first class.
How many age rates? First class, second class.
Andrew, three more G&Ts? Three more. Luke, go get 'em.
Ah.
Three more good times please. Here's a junior guy. Three more good times please. Take the bullet. Ahhhh. Don't lose. I'm gonna sit at the family table. Something disappointing this family.
So first of all this is very very very nice and you guys are telling me this isn't even real. No this is good business class. It's not really good. No this is very very nice. No there's better. Our next place better than this. He literally took our bags and put them on. Let's go your jacket and walk. And he hung up our jacket. And then he offered us champagne. Yes I know.
What do you mean obvious? Do you not know physics? The planes don't take off without champagne, you dumbass. If the three people in front don't have enough bubbles in their system, it doesn't get enough lift. That's not real. That's what happens. That's not what happens. It's like carbonated blood to make sure the front of the plane isn't too heavy. That's not real. That can't be real. He literally offered to put your bags up. A dream dream, you. He put your bag away. For you? Yeah. I know.
I know, but no one realized that this is a thing that can happen.
I've never learned that before. Where's my fucking champs?
Look at this. They have a footprint. I guess I'm not tall enough, really. No, the seat goes down to the foot.
Good luck trying to sleep. You're a rock.
I know that. You're a rock.
Champagne's refreshing towels.
to give you booze before you take off because it shakes and stuff. No, that's the comfort. Yes. Poor people are not allowed booze before they take off because of the shakes. But rich people are... They offered. Please drink the booze. Please. Literally. Please drink the booze. Please. Have more. What would you like to drink before we take off? That's what happened. He just happened to say champagne. What else did you say? Orange juice? Ginitone.
whiskey soda, pineapple margarita. They even rim the glass with salt. You see? I do see. It's a real margarita. So what did you order? I ordered whatever Angel ordered. I'm hoping there's zero booze. You wish. Yeah, right. So fuck, I ordered booze of some kind. What do I? I guess there'll be some. It's gonna be a surprise, I guess. Surprise booze? Listen, look, you can tell you something about me. I'm not boozing. I can't.
do it, but I don't really want to. If I want to destroy myself to destroy you, I'll do it.
Mr. Mesk. Ah, it's just how to do this.
Sorry, I'm new. He's new to business. He's our cousin. Welcome to the business. Thank you. All right, here is Mr. Mesk.
Thank you. Ah.
People won't believe the amount of booze. They don't understand. People don't believe the amount of booze. They go, oh, you made it up. They don't actually understand. You know what I genuinely think happens? I think they hear me complain. And they think, ah, it's not even that much. They don't understand. Yeah. Because they've never been around this caliber of men.
Don't go walk about. I don't have to sit down there.
with us.
You know who it is. No, I can't tell. You know exactly who it is.
You don't know who I am because you can't see my face. No, I know who you are. You don't know who I am.
- You can see who you are. - Whoever. - Everyone knows who you are. - Ask who I am.
Who are you? I'm not telling you. Fucking faceless man again! I know him. He doesn't know him. Bye.
I'm a man with no face. I know who he is. I'm a man with no face.
I live in my own hotel room Tristan. This is your hotel room which I'm invading. My presence. It's not a hotel room. It's a seat. No it's a hotel room. No. Look they even have little doors. It's a first class. Tristan. Yes I know. Look 4D. Yes I know. I'm 3A. I know they have doors. You must be 4A. No I'm 4B. And we're neighbors. No I'm 4B. I don't know what the way it works differently. Oh really. Anyway this is quite cool. Yeah I know it is.
They even have nice music here. I don't think they have this nice music in economy. How can I not shut you out?
because I'm over I've gone over the roof I could avoid the booze I could hide ah and I have a foot rest
It is late on limited booze. I've been eating loads. I haven't recorded any of it. But I've literally been trying to kill them with my food consumption. Yeah, but the food doesn't... I'm ready to eat again. You have to drink the booze. Drink the booze. But the booze doesn't go well with the food. Yes, it does. I still haven't touched my martini.
No, it's not good.
That's not refreshing. You must not be eating as much as me. It's refreshing. You're out boozing them. I'm out eating them. How much have I eaten? I've had three afternoon teas.
and three main courses. And I will continue to eat until they run out of money. It is.
Look at Mr. Case, man. Grabbing his case.
Mr. Caseman had to look for his case. Had to go through.
Had to walk through looking through the cases. Oh, is this mine? I'm not qualified.
I thought the earth didn't help carry their luggage for. It's not the earth, it's a car. You don't use cars?
You can get over yourself.
Do you need the microphone?
Yeah, please.
We're getting pure poison. Oh yeah, pure poison.
We need to get sweet tea.
Dangerous, but this is dangerous and boring.
Donuts with combo
-
Okay.
I killed myself. You think I wasn't going to? No, you don't do it.
Why?
And you don't die. Kristen, I'm depressed. Don't do what? I'm in America, my least favorite country on the planet. What's on this, Bill? There's nowhere worse than the rainbow. I'd rather be Sudan. I'd rather be Sudan. I'd rather be in Sudan. It's extremely harmful.
Extreme heartburn, eh?
We can start it off with Junior's powdered sugar crispy green doughnuts.
Don't want one?
You cut them on one bite. I definitely want one. Who wouldn't want one? Look at it. You two would live to regret this. No, I don't.
So you're scared of crispy cane? I'm scared of the crab.
What the?
There's no light at the end of this tunnel.
Her brain.
and use it to think.
And you think of stupid shit, as you say.
I'm in all that.
Oh. How do I admit it? This is true.
Let me have a five hour energy please. Luke, isn't it supposed to be one of your greatest cities?
San Francisco. No, I told you guys. This airport looks like a man's ass. I forgot they guys were expecting shopping. Yeah, I thought it'd be a Gucci store or something. No, there's no universe. What do you mean Gucci store?
I thought it was the richest country in the world.
They never have these in America. They have these nowhere else. Only in America. Christian has a brain. He uses to think of words. And he says the words. That's what happens. That's what happens, isn't it? At least every day.
It does smell good.
I have one.
How's this one? Just one. One high five. Give up. Justin look at it. It's squishy.
all different flavors together. They look like poison. Oh, just because they look like poison, they're not nutritious and delicious.
They might be just... she's handling this.
That looks like the most poisonous thing I've ever seen in my life.
*sniff*
If an animal was that color, it wouldn't go near it. You would not go near it.
He's the greatest country in the world. You're doing it wrong. Don't read the ingredients.
Tristan, stop reading the ingredients of the things I drink. Total fat, 0%. Total sodium, 0 % of your daily value.
total sugars.
48 grams, 96% of your intermittent intake. Justin, don't you want some? It's delicious and nutritious.
- Tristan, Liebenberg.
How do Americans teach this stuff?
Have some. I don't want to...
So it's just you drink water. Yes. So they already told me about my mask on as a federal offense. I've already been approached being told there's a federal offensive of my mask on. So this is how I wear my mask. Now I'm gonna wear my mask. America is officially the worst country in the world. Look at this airport. This is San Francisco. This is a big country.
I've been all over the world. I've been to 72 countries. I was in Sudan.
I was in Chisinau, Moldova and had a nicer airport than this. I just came from Doha, shopping at Gucci and drinking champagne. Now I'm eating airheads with a fucking root beer. I thought this country was rich.
whole it's all dirty it's all old it's crap
There's nothing nice.
The whole place is crap. And if you take your mask off, they're going to shoot you.
It's the worst country in the world. I'm never coming here again.
I've got 10 or 11 million dollars. I'm not that rich. But what kind of pussy would I be if I'd be scared to lose one of my millions? I have 11, now I have 10.
If I'm not contributing
towards the destruction of hedge funds. This is the thing, this is the problem with millionaires nowadays. They're such pussies.
I have 11 million. They put it in hedge funds. They put it in hedge funds.
We're from the street. I'm looking at my money. It's not a hedge fund. I'm a little stupid. I got 11 million, right? Let me tell you something. My life would be exactly the same if I had 5 million.
So if I have to lose 6 million to destroy Wall Street, I'm ready to fucking go. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all. These people on Reddit are geniuses.
They're geniuses. And this GameStop thing is genius. If you actually look at it and read what they've done, it's pure genius. It is pure genius. And what they're doing on all these other stocks, and they're going to war with hedge funds,
Have you seen their open letter? They made a letter to CNBC who was saying bad things about them saying, we want to see lost porn. I'm tired of my account going to zero and I have to give hand jobs at Wendy's. You get bailed out. We're taking you all down. I'm in.
I'm in. This is officially in the internet. I'm in for 6 mil.
Twitter, tell me what to do. Tell me what to buy. I'm cashing 6 mil of crypto. We're going in 6 mil. We're going to take out hedge funds. What kind of man would I be if I didn't go to war with a hedge fund?
*laughs*
This is the most fun I've had in years. It's super fun. This is one of the funniest things. It is. This is why, though. This is why.
These hedge fund cunts
I've been around them. Most of you guys watching this haven't been around these kind of people. I've been around these kind of people when I was kickboxing world champion or when I was buying my Bugatti or when I was hanging out in Monaco. I've been around these people. They're the worst people on earth. They're rude to staff. They have no respect for anybody. They're cunts and they have no talent. They don't make money. They just have a pot of money and they manipulate markets and make their little pot go up with other people's money and they get bailed out by the government anyway. They're complete dickheads with no skill. The worst people in the world. And they'll wipe out all the normal traders, all the average person.
sitting there with our big pot of money and manipulate the markets. When this cunt wakes up and his 13 billion
*laughs* It's gone! He hasn't got an income, he hasn't got a business, he can't make it back!
13 billion has vanished from the stock market and gone to redditors. People are fucking ready. It's brilliant. It's been two days, two whole days, six hour flight, six hour wait, 15 hour flight, seven hour wait. Just got on this flight, closed the door, got to the runway, turned around, told me to get off the flight. We don't know why. It's been two days and I'm not where I'm supposed to be.
any way.
So I do apologize for the delay, but please take all your belongings with you, and we'll have you go back up in the terminal for now. Thank you very much. A couple hours before we leave, because the first officer didn't feel well.
Nice. I'll be first officer. Just let me hear it. What the fuck? I do not understand. Autopilot.
Give me a vodka and tonic. Let's get the fuck out of here.
here.
The Faceless Man's back.
It's been two whole days.
It's been two days. We flew from Bucharest to Doha, took six hours, waited six hours, gone on the plane, 15 hours to San Francisco, waited seven hours, gone on our plane to go to Vegas.
sat on the plane, then after taking out, after leaving the gate, about to take off, they turn around, go back to the gate,
say,
- Yeah.
co-pilot doesn't feel well.
Get back off the plane.
It's going to be three hours more.
But that's clearly a lie.
This is all a lie. Don't you understand that America's the worst
the world, this doesn't happen.
in other places. I've been everywhere. This doesn't happen anywhere else.
It only happens here for some reason. Everything's so ugly and brutal.
inefficient
and everybody so disgusted me.
Everyone looks horrible. Everything's cheap and nasty.
and trash from the food to the attitudes of the staff who are supposed to help you
It's the worst country in the world. I hate America. It's the worst country in the world. If I take my mask off, they're going to shoot me.
- -
Why am I here?
- Yeah.
This is ass.
- All right.
Hmm.
So what's happening? The people flying the plane can't decide how many people should be on the plane and how many people are on the plane. So they've counted us about 10 times. Yeah, minimum. And we're an hour length. Yep.
Count number two. The pilot is now counting. Yep. Good old county.
I trust him too. I trust him to fly the planes. I trust him to count the number of people in the service. He's not very good. That would be funny if all three of them had different numbers after counting physically like that. I think the people on the plane have the same number. The ticketing, yeah.
America isn't the best best country in the world aren't you guys glad we're here?
Romanians definitely would have just left the people behind.
I know we definitely would have described the violin please leave
- Okay.
So we made it to Vegas.
We're here.
Yeah.
Welcome to Vegas.
I admit you want this vodka, Luke. I don't. Why not? We're on a balcony overlooking Vegas. We're making thousands and thousands of dollars for no reason.