Transcript
Good shot there from Tate!
you
So what's happened? Luke broke his Ferrari, so now it's great. Luke why did you break your Ferrari? I bought a car and a burger. I was driving on the highway and all of a sudden it just said
The engine performance is limited. So you broke the engine. I think of my vice owner of Ferrari.
- This is the cop, don't you? - Yes, I agree. - Straight. - Cop. Gonna have to straighten this out.
- Yeah.
It's going to have to be a straightener.
you
Go!
*BANG*
- Looks good all down.
Luke, tap into the power of the target.
Come on Luke, watch that footwork. Plant your feet more, don't just walk backwards.
Thank you.
You don't do headgater in your house.
*BANG*
-
and body
*BANG*
Touch it, touch it, touch it. Everyone's scared of the blue. Touch it, touch it. Touch it, touch it.
Touch it! Touch it! Touch it!
-
Luke, compose yourself. Throw those punches properly. You're throwing to miss.
Throw with intent or don't throw. One and a half minutes.
- Hey!
Yeah.
Okay.
-
Thank you.
-
Hey, hey, hey!
- Yeah.
- Hey!
*Splash*
I'm right there!
*BEEP*
*BOOM* Hey! *BOOM* What? *BOOM* Now, no one realizes this.
because we haven't been recording it. But Rory is addicted.
to Domino's cookies...
He's ordered them twice today. Here we go.
One box, two box, three box, four boxes of Domino's cookies
And there are more.
Now he's just gone to answer the door.
Thank you.
I wonder what he has bought. He has no friends here.
He has no girlfriend here.
Who do you think's at the door Luke?
Is it Domino's again? I hope not.
Bro, they come here like three times a day now.
He needs to stop this. Why does he do it? He does it to get us, that's why he does it. And he's also digging the dog nose.
It's a two-prong attack.
Thank you.
Thank you.
you
There he is. Who is at the door? Why Rory? Why do you keep doing this? I know.
Every day, why do you do this?
This is delicious.
Is it on? Yes, but what? This is the second, third time today. 20 cookies, two large pizzas.
Nice.
Having some? I don't like you. Why not?
Thank you.
I don't like you anymore.
You need to stop doing this.
Look, twice a day is okay, you know?
It's not. It is, but what is the harm? We train, I can eat pizza, it's not that bad for me. I'm not talking to you. Enjoy.
One more time.
*Breathing*
*Squeak*
A few moments later... *BEEP*
Thank you.
What's happened?
Go flat tire.
Driving was boring anyway because it was fucking raining.
Mountain roads in the rain are no fun, and now we have a flat top.
But there's a town, 10 minute walk that way.
What are we going to do when we go to the town?
Start drinking.
Get a taxi.
A taxi with a taxi and what are we gonna do with this car?
Your ID is...
suck.
Who's Chipman?
Chipman is the man that me and Luke know, who works on the trains and sells people's chips.
Then we should go see Chipman. You're saying we get a train.
Maybe we can leave the car here.
We get stolen, we get stolen, we have more.
We can get a train, we can eat chips from Chipman, and I'll feel better inside.
All right.
Got some train tickets.
I'll walk down there.
You walk.
I'll wait in the car.
No, my camera lens is not dirty.
*pickling*
*
- We're smoking. - Right, so let me give you a breakdown. What happened is this. I'm a multi -millionaire. I decided to go on a little road trip, a few pretty hotels, some nice beautiful roads. Convinced Tristan to come with me in the M5. Got a flat tire.
Now I want to become the train man. And in the meantime, Tristan's decided to kill us all. Saying we need to die with that thing you do in cars. With the exhaust. We don't have a hose pipe. So we're trying to do it with Cubans.
Thank you.
Why do we need to die again? Why are you trying to kill us? Because I'm depressed. Because he's depressed. I'm depressed. I'm trying to kill us both. With cigar smoke.
If we finish these, there'll be about $150 worth of smoke in here.
This car's going to stink forever. So? We're effectively ruining one of our cars. So our car? What are we going to do? Call Amnesty. BMW are going to call us and tell us off. Bunch of German cunts. Cunts.
Thank you.
Okay, can we go get the train now?
Can we smoke on trains? I don't know. Yeah, probably. Let's go get the train, man. Something's gonna go wrong if we go get the train. How can anything go wrong on a train? Things go wrong. Something's going wrong. Mark my words, something's going wrong. Andrew, can't take the smoke. Nothing goes wrong on trains. Get the fuck out of here.
you
We're on a train in Romania, and the train made an emergency stop, and they asked us to come help them. And it turns out...it's the train captain.
It turns out...
during the storm last night,
is walking.
A big tree.
a big fucking tree. A tree so big even you and me cannot move it.
No one's moving this tree.
But they obviously went down the train and asked all the big G's.
come out.
Big G's come help us move this tree.
- Mm-hmm.
Four or five tons at least.
I'm telling you.
*sad music*
Give me a chainsaw move.
chop it off
hours work with the chainsaw.
Give me a few Red Bulls, I'll be okay.
Can't do it without Red Bull.
We never take the train.
We always take supercars. First time ever we thought, you know what, the train will be a scenic route. We've never taken a train in Romania before.
And now, we're stuck.
Thank you.
And now,
This is our free.
That tree was too big to move. No one has signal. They've called the Emergency Romanian Training Authority backup, which is probably some 65-year-old man who sleeps all day. What problem? What? He's walking here.
I guess.
three hours
And I'm the world's worst train. No drinks, no food, wooden seats. And I've ripped my...
$2,000 shoes walking through the forest.
Me and you should have tried hard to remove that tree, but it must have weighed 10 tons
Huge. Yeah, I don't want to show off. I don't let the Romanians know how powerful I am.
Mm-hmm.
I want to flex my true powers.
If they were fucking superheroes, they'd ram the fucking tree with the train. We've already established by asking them that the train would move the tree if they rammed it.
This procedure. I have a procedure. Get me there on fucking time.
Nerds.
Dark territory!
Here we are three hours later.
Three and a half hours later
Some guys walked. I can't see any vehicle behind the train so they must not have driven here. They fucking walked.
They walked here with a chainsaw. From the nearest station I guess. I don't know how they got the message to them. I think one of the conductors walked back. And now these guys have walked here.
Apple.
with the chainsaw
Could just keep a chainsaw on the train, but...
Guess it doesn't cross our minds.
Time to get moving I think.
Saved by the yellow jackets. So we saved the day. The train arrived on time. I got out of the train. I was a little bit tired. I've been up drinking the night before but the tree was in the middle. So I gave the tree an expertly timed side kick. Split it in half. You took both pieces. Threw them left and the right. Everyone was super impressed. But because I was throwing the kick I couldn't record on the phone.
Fuck you.
It's a nonsense episode.
- Where are we? We're in a salt mine. This is a nonsense episode, nothing makes sense.
Through an assault mine half a mile underground.
We were on a mountain, and now we're underground.
Thank you.
Take confidential!
Thank you.
*thud*