Transcript
Yeah, we should have got off the train half an hour ago. I'm now claustrophobic at this space. It doesn't feel right. I feel like the train is going off driving towards a cliff. Straight to hell.
So
Wouldn't go viral? Wait, that would probably go viral. Think about it. Camel riding here.
I think Luke should kill himself.
That's a good idea, okay, alright.
Life? Take confidential life?
Take confidential life. Okay. Okay. I definitely do it in the tower thing.
I think we got back. Quick trip to that store.
cigarettes alcohol drinks at Prague Absinthe Center. At the time of your life
- All right.
But that wouldn't be a time of my life. So Luke, if you care about the channel, you know you have to. Because it would cost nothing. It would cost zero, it's true.
It's true.
Costs zero dollars. Really increased our heart. Alright, let's go find a place.
All right.
Andrew pissed me off yesterday.
He's a nerd.
Yesterday, we were celebrating New Year's Eve with a good friend of ours. And he left.
about 10 minutes before we did.
But without saying goodbye.
I said, "Why did you do that?"
"Oh, I needed a separate taxi, you could blah blah blah." Yeah, but why did you just leave?
So I'm gonna get him back, Luke.
Wee.
are just going to leave.
No, but we need to stop boozing. Tristan, I'm dying. I don't know how you're boozing now. I mean. Take confidentiality. You have no idea.
You have no clue. You cannot fathom. No, genuinely. But Tristan, take confidentiality. They don't understand how much booze.
It's consumed. Breakfast beer.
So anyway...
After I have my breakfast beer, Luke. No, but what do you mean we're going to leave? Well, there are no flights.
What do you mean flights?
you may actually leave the city listen andrew with me yesterday he wants to be mr independent i'm leaving him here
I want to hear
for him. He wanted to be here.
So let's leave.
Flights are booked.
Luckily, I have these.
Thank you.
One of these.
Train tickets. 31 hours by train.
That means 31 hours of non-stop.
Boozing with your cousin. The ultimate adventure for you, Luke. Soul, you in?
What does it say on the top right-hand corner of the ticket? What does it say?
It says my name. It says Luke.
Let's go!
I can't do it.
I'll show you training. We're getting the fucking train out of here.
I can't be convinced. Thrawl, more moves.
*music* He's literally not gonna be able to wake up snore man. Wait, so the ticket guy is trying to wake up the snore man? Yeah. Exactly. He's tapping him. I know. No, he doesn't realize the man's out. Why didn't I just not buy tickets and just fall asleep? No, but actually that's actually the trick I think. Look, he's still trying. I know, but I think the trick is if you don't wake up, you win. I can hear him snore him. I know.
*Sigh* What a cunt. How could he be so passed out? Drugs. It must be drugs. It must be drug use. No one gets that drunk. Yeah, it must be drugs. A drunk man will always kind of stumble away from you. Yeah. And make no sense when you wake up. Yeah. It must be drug cunt down. That is a very cool thing hanging. What is that? Railroad? Relaxed? Railaxed. I get it.
Maybe if I gave the ticket guy my ceremonial dagger would help. Yeah, use this. Here.
Perform the ceremony.
Anyway, I don't think I can record forever because I think it's literally going to take him hours.
Potentially the whole train ride.
Nice.
So we'll let people know. What happened. And update you. Yeah.
Luke, imagine having that little self-awareness. You're on a train. By yourself. Giant dudes are sitting nearby. And you're so asleep you can't wake up. And you're snoring super loud. I tapped this dude on the arm. I tapped him. And said, bro, he is out. I could murder him, take all his shit.
easy it would be. I'm fucking huge. I could kill this guy. So I have his fucking mind. Who does that, Luke? Who goes to sleep like that on a fucking train? Someone should murder him. I'm not going to do it, but somebody should.
So...
I'm a genius. This is genius.
Tristan, we're fucking train men! It's the best thing I've ever done. Look, we've quadruple locked it. Super ultra locked. Maximum locking.
Just stop
I need a sentence. Yeah.
Like Spectre. Got my knife.
Oh, yeah. I got my ceremonial dagger back, please.
Oh, you can have your ceremony with a dagger. Thank you. There you go. Thank you. Yeah, I feel naked without it. Yeah. Just in case they try and come in. Just in case. Yeah. I'll be able to dagger them in the back. Exactly. You wait up there. Exactly. Oh, trust me. They come in. Tristan. Tristan. No one could get in here. That'd be super hard. Through the collarbone into the lung. And then pull. Move them. Exactly. Move them around. Exactly.
And we have our Burger King and our stuff.
So we have enough food and water to last forever.
forever.
We live on this train. So we could hide out. Tristan, what if we never left the train?
We just never leave.
Well, continuously bought every back and forth ticket that exists for the next year. Yes.
Every time they come, they give me a new ticket.
I'm gonna leave it on the train.
We could live on the train.
We have a... you know what?
It would be cheaper to look on the train than what we do. It's true.
It's like hotels we do. It's like a month of training. It's true. I live here.
I live on the train now.
I really think we should.
In fact,
I'm Train Man.
I've decided
Not leaving. You cannot ever get me outside of that door right there.
impossible it's gonna take a minute i'm gonna skip to you leaving the train no it's not it is
You will never get me off the train.
- So take confidential-- - Okay, you live on the train.
good for you you can stay on the fucking train with your burger king sorry take confidential viewers but this is gonna be the scene for take confidential for a very long time unless they get new cameraman
we walk easily
Thank you.
Yeah, but it won't be as good. And I bet you'll always be wondering what's Luke doing on the train. No, I won't because I know what you're doing.
You're sitting on your phone.
Thinks that's all I do on the train.
I'm a pirate.
Tristan, I am.
What the fuck? I'm sailing the seven C's. You've been on this train. It hasn't been started moving. I've been on this train for 30 minutes. You're pissing me off already. What are you talking about? You're sailing the seven C's.
This is a tree. - Nah, this is like a ship.
Look at that. I've got the fucking high ground and the dagger.
You've lost your mind. No, I haven't. I think you live on a train. I do live on a train.
Sailing the high seas. Like a fucking pirate.
I need your eye patch.
If I stab your eye out,
You're going to need a fucking iPad. True. But I have the high ground.
But then what I can't wait to hear is that you're asleep.
Ambushed. Pirates don't sleep. Yes, they do. Known. What statistic?
It's known. No pirates ever slept. I'm not.
I'm not talking to you.
I fucking love the train. Look at my fucking dagger. Just ready to fucking...
I guess it doesn't work that well, but...
It looks cool.
cause it is I've enjoyed this did the creek stop? they stopped as soon as I filmed didn't they? now there they are
I told you we're fucking pirates this is exactly what pirate ship would sound like you're talking shit no tell me this isn't exactly how pirate ship would sound like
Like a train. No, it fucking wouldn't. No, it would. The creaky walls.
The creaky walls ceremony will die going on the wall.
- -
Thank you.
Yes.
Bye.
Thank you.
So you admit that I would have assassinated you? You admit that I would have assassinated you? I admit it.
I was gone. Don't admit it. You were not ready for the assassination. I fully admit that I was gone.
Tristan, you've gone train 10. It's only been 13 minutes that we're late. We're late. Yeah. We should have got off the train half an hour ago. I'm now claustrophobic at this space. It doesn't feel right. I feel like the train is going off, driving towards a cliff. No. Straight to hell. No, we're fine. There's a train to hell. It is a bit misty though. It's quite weird. It's misty. We're in mist land. Yeah, we're in mist land. That's not where we're supposed to be. No, it's not, is it? No.
its destination. No, people, he's been making stupid jokes for the past 13 minutes, ever since we've missed our time, and now he's on train and safe. My jokes are not stupid. I'm losing my mind. I know. I might cut my own face off. No. With a knife. No, don't do that. Why not? Because there's no need. Why? Because there's no need to cut your own face off. There's no need, Tristan. I could.
Cut your face off. I've got my serial dagger bait.
- That's the train. - Shit.
*music*
I'm going to go ahead and get a little bit of a break.
I'm going to go back to the next episode.
so
Thank you.
Hold on tight. We're about to get ready. It's right here at Hustlers University.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
you
*music*
- Shot there from 10.