0:30.08Here I am. Look, I'm a fucking dickhead. Look at me. Peer pressure. Why the fuck am I around you?

0:30.10I hate you. You're the worst people in the world. I literally hate all of you.

0:40.14Two.

0:41.39Andrew, who am I doing an impression of?

0:43.37- -

0:45.99What do you mean? Luke. Yeah, Luke. Wait, what? Luke. It's a good impression. How do you guess?

0:51.49What?

0:57.16You can't just dance.

0:58.95Why are we here? What do you got? I got us these. I don't like the United States. They don't have them anywhere else.

1:04.77four toothbrushes for $3.00. And you're telling me, well you're asking me why we can't jam it.

1:09.17This is the reason. You don't need four toothbrushes. Tristan, they have these. This is the reason we came to my house.

1:14.40They don't have these anywhere else. We don't like Miami.

1:17.14Kristen.

1:17.79You said you wanted to save Romania, but you lost the card game. The card trick. I famosed you, I bamboozled you, and I predicted your card perfectly.

1:24.81It was amazing.

1:26.01- You didn't, you're making that up. - No, no, it was amazing.

1:28.93They're making this up. Interesting, genuinely, think about it. Where would we else, could we get these? You know I'm a magician. Oh. That's not what you are. No means yes. Am I a magician?

1:40.07- No problem. - Aha, 'cause he knows.

1:45.85So you got two toothbrushes. Why did you get two toothbrushes? I didn't realize how much I got you.

1:51.72You actually don't know why we came to Miami. Those are yours?

1:56.20We came to work on our cookie business. We don't have a cookie business. What do you mean cookie business? We have a cookie business named after you. We don't have a cookie business. What's the number one word people use to describe you? Loser. Talisman. Geek. Besides loser. No one. Tiny. No one. Tiny. I'm bigger than both of you. He is tiny, is he? Ah. Tiny cookies.

2:21.71Tiny tape.

2:22.92Tiny Tate's cookies! I need to grow the fuck up, or fly home by myself. Will you admit it?

2:27.27Do you make me have a cookie business? No. Do you make you have a cookie business? Ah, so every time we buy these we get profit.

2:31.29- Okay.

2:31.98-

2:34.20What are you doing? We're helping our business.

2:39.05- We can't just buy Cheetos. - Yes we can.

2:43.27we're going to eat the cheetos okay the no yeah we are you think we don't eat all that we make the best cookies i bet they're awful i bet they're the best we're buying them because it's our business it's our business it's your profit

2:58.03Oh, it's definitely poison. Yeah, wait, why'd you get that one? Get this one. Extra strength. Those are extra strength too. Yeah, with the red one. So listen, five hour energy. If I drink five of these, then I'll have 25 hours of energy per day. Here, I need five. I'll drink it for five. 25 hours of energy. I've effectively eliminated sleep and doubled my lifespan. And you think you're the smart one. I'm the brains of this outfit, clearly.

3:24.24Enjoy sleeping. Enjoy sleeping.

3:31.74Tristan, it's not funny at all. Listen, you ever heard of the term Miami insane? No, it's not a term. I'm going Miami.

3:42.25insane

3:43.64that's not a term yes it is no yes it is you're lying like throw chairs or falconies don't do that aikido it's my champagne

3:52.33Your room? I'm not a care about your room.

3:54.09Listen.

3:55.06Miami is for

3:57.32Rich people.

3:58.65And we are

4:01.28Ridge. So...

4:03.11We need to go

4:04.91Miami insane.

4:07.27You don't know math? It's a basic equation.

4:09.79It's not.

4:10.95Boat Aikido.

4:13.50Jet Ski Martinis.

4:16.26What do you guys say?

4:17.33I'm going to sleep.

4:19.49you

4:20.28What does this mean?

4:21.58Drunk driving. Things. Action.

4:24.67There's action in Miami.

4:26.49and we need to spend lots of money

4:27.90and have lots of pot.

4:30.13Although this hotel, we're spending $10,000 for a couple days.

4:33.63And it is actually terrible. This hotel is substandard.

4:37.23So what we need to do is up the budget.

4:39.48increase exposure.

4:40.44expenditure.

4:42.03The more money we throw out

4:44.02into Miami.

4:45.03the more fun will come into my

4:46.96soul. That's how that's cause and effect.

4:50.58So you're telling me

4:51.71We should spend as much money as possible.

4:53.34and plan the most crazy, fun activities

4:56.31possibly find in my house. Yes.

4:58.11I say we just stay in the hotel room.

5:01.11- For cousins to say,

5:02.16Let's go in the metaverse.

5:06.50Aren't there NFT places here?

5:08.07You're in charge of...

5:09.04Miami's NFT land. Do something fun.

5:11.07I'm in charge of fun.

5:12.09I'm going to plan for us the most crazy activities. NFT party.

5:18.19Should we just actually end and take a try?

5:20.33Just grabbing this through the pot.

5:22.80The ultimate end. Last episode. No more uploads. Just one. Last episode. Salvage the phone a lot.

5:31.10- No, we can just wrestle off and fall with them off.

5:33.69- Last scene.

5:35.34See you later, Luke.

5:36.17Okay.

5:37.29Nah, that doesn't sound good.

5:38.96- My sergeant, you're in charge of fun. - All right. - You sound terrible. Keep me entertained. You made me come here, keep me entertained.

5:44.82What a lie.

5:46.35I mean, you look like a cultured man.

5:48.35I am. Leave it to me.

5:50.39NFTs?

5:51.15Thank you.

5:51.87Thank you.

5:53.79-

5:56.43Can't flip me off. We need to go back in the metaverse.

5:59.94You're not.

6:00.96- Okay.

6:03.09Ah, breakfast. Just finished a night of boozing. You went for the pancakes, yeah? Cool.

6:09.87Good choice.

6:12.99Thank you.

6:20.71It wasn't all the options. I ordered it from the same waitress you ordered your breakfast.

6:25.98Thank you.

6:28.43Why do you do these things?

6:29.57What takes?

6:31.06Keep the buzz going. Why do you want the buzz to keep going? Keep the buzz.

6:35.59Carry the buzz over.

6:37.09the next day

6:38.03So you're a bumblebee.

6:39.16Yes.

6:40.38- Thank you.

6:41.45Okay, I cracked it.

6:44.40- Yes.

6:44.94Thank you.

6:48.67- Nice.

6:50.74Can I have another gin and tonic, please?

6:52.52Thank you. And can I have a banana smoothie, please?

6:54.96Thanks.

6:57.00You can't actually want gin tonics.

6:59.10They're refreshing. No, they're not. They're not. They're actually not. They're evenating.

7:02.13They're not. And I bet you take confidential psyops into believing that they're actually...

7:06.25rejuvenating and refreshing. They are refreshing. But they're not. Lou, Andrew, you get the final say?

7:11.68Are Gin Comics refreshing?

7:13.41They're not. It's a lie. It's a PSYOP.

7:19.56I hope someone on Tate Confidential actually tries to drink as much as

7:22.68You do.

7:24.14and yeah they'll just feel they'll feel what it is

7:27.99They'll realize quickly it's not refreshing. It's not rejuvenating. The hand of death strikes out at them. I can steal the jeans on it.

7:38.79Why would Miami?

7:40.95- Jim? - 'Cause I lost a card. He fell for my card trick, didn't ya?

7:45.89He did.

7:47.88Man, that was such a good card trick. Man, it was fucking good though.

7:52.74I'm serious. I really wish I recorded it.

7:55.00I might have to do it again for the cameras. I know. No, it was really really good. Why do it again if you fall for it twice?

7:59.77No way! He probably will.

8:02.61Alright, what do we do if he falls for it twice?

8:06.75We would have to go nuts wouldn't we? Not going back to Romania until you stop falling for that car trip. Yeah that's fair.

8:12.87That's fair. So from now on, whenever you want to go back to Romania...

8:15.75Do a card trick.

8:17.29If you fall for it.

8:18.63We don't go back. We go somewhere else.

8:21.93I'm never going to Romania again.

8:23.46- Yeah, I'm pretty good.

8:25.74So he knows. He's admitted defeat. He can't beat the car trick.

8:29.30You've accepted it.

8:33.19Thank you.

8:37.43So it's my birthday. It's my birthday and I'm gonna spend my money. It is your birthday. Tristan, you said spend money, so that's the plan.

8:44.77Yeah? Good.

8:46.53I just woke up my sunny morning in Miami.

8:49.10Nice cup of booze.

8:51.15to boost.

8:51.97No.

8:52.97I hate boobs. Paper cut boobs. Yeah. Because this is America. They're classics. It's my birthday and you have to.

9:00.53Don't worry, I can improve this, please. I'll be back in a second.

9:02.62I'm back in a second, back in a second.

9:04.08What do you mean? Nothing can improve booze. Everyone knows that.

9:07.13Booze is horrible.

9:08.43I will say. It's horrible no matter what.

9:10.50There's nothing you can possibly do to make it better.

9:13.65What's he gonna do?

9:17.43- Okay, go on fire.

9:21.63All right, you're gonna fire.

9:23.99It's midday. What's Luke's usual bedtime? 5pm? 5pm, correct. 5pm because he's a little sleepy head.

9:31.62Well, these...

9:32.84It's an amazing American potion.

9:35.89that I've discovered. I've had four already. What do you mean? So if I drink my fifth one,

9:39.99Then I'll be up for 25 hours.

9:42.84- It doesn't make sense. - So now you can't sleep until 10.

9:47.51five hour energy yeah to make sure luke doesn't go to sleep is that how it works it's science luke america is leading the world in scientific innovation i don't think i don't think we actually do got the covid19 jab now this it's all good wait so it's nasty as well it's horrible

10:09.89delicious it's not delicious i saw on your face it was so tasty that that's how drink your thing

10:16.87wash it down with some booze yeah sorry let me help you so you gave me something horrible yeah wash it down to go with my horrible booze get the booze in yeah get the booze in yeah energy it will energize the booze yeah booze times two booze squared that's right yeah it's good system it's literally like cough medicine nice nice five hour energy

10:40.37all right so at least this will keep me awake until 10 yeah yeah i'll get you another one later

10:45.75Wait till three. Never sleeping again. Just keep every five hours. So why does everyone do this? Keep pumping it up. I don't know. Never sleeping again. I've discovered it.

10:55.62So wait, so we finally cracked the fucking code. Yeah. We've just doubled our lifespan. We already cracked the code to never say.

11:01.05All right.

11:01.50We're just trying to help you out now.

11:03.45So this is a cheat code? Yeah.

11:06.84Alright.

11:38.20*music*

11:39.52That's not how laws work. Oh, sleep dusty. Good night, good night. How you going? What is this?

11:47.78You'll strike a light. G'day, g'day. And how you going? You say g'day, g'day, g'day, and you'll be right.

11:58.13Isn't it great to have a birthday? Taking a walk, fell down the street. Woo! Woo! Looking at chumps, or buying a paper. Looking for the real world, dude. Stopping and having a yarn with people. I love tequila. No, no, actually, why is booze a gift? I actually don't get that idea. These guys know the management here, so they sent us some free shots of tequila. I, even though it's my birthday, I'm not drinking tequila before I'm supposed to eat.

12:27.83and I eat food on top and I feel like shit all day. I would say.

12:33.41It smells bad as well. You can literally smell it. That's the thing. I couldn't hear you over the sound of me drinking. And actually, you can smell it super bad. Tristan, do you want mine? No. You want yours. I don't. I don't. I super don't. I want yours. I super hate booze. By you. I figured it out. I super, super hate booze. I don't even understand how it's a gift. Can you hear him crying too? Just give me a few minutes. The world's smallest violin in the next place.

12:57.57I don't know. The booze is a gift because it gives you the gift. What's the gift? The gift it gives you is numbness. Yeah. I don't want numbness. It numbs you from other people's bullshit. I don't want that. Like people being a pussy. Yeah. You can hate yourself in silence. We love ourselves. Free booze. Free booze. Free booze. I don't know. I was here with tequila got real bad. Free booze. Woo! I'm pussy now. I'm not even drinking my glass. I'm not even drinking my glass. I'm not eating.

13:27.57I'm gonna eat first.

13:29.77I'm not a f***er.

13:34.61You're right. You guys are right. You guys are right. What can I do? What can I say? You're right. I know you're right. And my hand's itching. I like how you grab it and shoot it right now. My hand's itching. To prove some point. I'm gonna feel sick all day. I'm gonna eat the food on top. It's horrible. Tequila's the one alcohol I can't drink. I f***ing hate it. And here I am. Look, I'm a f***ing dickhead. Look at me. Peer pressure. Why the f*** are I around with you?

13:58.23I hate you. You're the worst people in the world. I literally hate all of you. I hope my next birthday I see none of you. I hope it's the last birthday I see any of you fucks ever again. I hate all of you.

14:07.91Lies. Fucking dick. Well, speaking of peer pressure, that's four out of five. That's four out of five, Luke.

14:13.58Oh yeah, what's that Luke? Give me the camera. Yeah Luke, sorry. Turn it over bro. I was the last bastard. I know.

14:19.71I tried to save you. He was holding the line for you, Luke. He was praying you were going to be. The line is broken. The enemy are at the gates. My body actually is.

14:27.08so take comments reviews my body literally what do you want therapy you're gonna keep crying keep talking call that a body what body get the gym off my name

14:41.69*laughter* *laughter* And Andrew's birthday! Yee-haw!

14:52.11Welcome to the real world. Let's go, Luke.

14:53.82- -

14:55.53booze is pure poison. Look at the real world loop. Look at the real world loop. Look at the big school.

15:04.80I can't qualify as a member of the Friendship Circle. That's a man who approved. I don't want to be part of the Friendship Circle. I don't like any of you. That's what we are friends.

15:12.96It's alive. Let's see how it is. Everyone's jealous of the friendship circle. Exactly. Everyone's jealous. With the power of friendship. That's right. We're shooting lasers out of our hearts. The magical power. Yeah, I don't need any of that. I don't care. I don't know why I'm here.

15:24.01I'm gonna kiss my cousin's birthday

15:25.79I don't even really like them.

15:26.85Who's cousin? Is he your cousin? No, my cousin. Not mine. My fucking cousin. Definitely my cousin.

15:31.11I'm leaving. There's nothing in mine.

15:33.90We're not leaving. We're getting super drunk. We're doing all the dumb shit that's got planned. That's what it is. We're doing it all drunk. There's dumb shit planned. Of course there's dumb shit planned. No, no. We planned it. Of course there's dumb shit planned. It was a ladies brunch and now we're finished.

15:47.45Yeah, on a Wednesday. Now it's drum circles in sleep. Yeah.

15:51.44End of the day. Cut the episode.

15:57.92Jet ski hose. Remember me on the ferry. Don't check mouth. You think I can't get a hose on a jet ski? You don't know me. I'm from the streets, bro. I'm from the streets.