Transcript
Good show, everybody!
We're finally back.
- Thank you.
Home sweet home, eh?
What do you think Tristan?
Glad to be home. I think I should go back to London personally.
Mix it up a little bit. It's dangerous to soup in London.
We late just got back.
London was the worst disaster.
I will never finance you to recover from all of them.
What do you mean?
London was great. Remember the salt?
Mmm.
So, it was hell on earth.
It wasn't Alan Archer. We have one more plate.
London was hell on earth. And I'm never leaving Romania again.
Thank you.
Why was London Hell in Army? And why would you never leave Romania again?
Romania is the promised land where I'm happy.
Why can't you just let me be happy?
It is quite nice. Okay. What if...
- Oh, my God.
13 degrees in sunny, we've got a bunch of supercars, a massive mansion and 21 girlfriends.
I want mine. What if I can show you a card trick?
And I guarantee you... I'm not talking to you. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. I'm interested.
I absolutely guarantee you
I'm gonna show you a card trick, and I guarantee by the end of the card trick
- All right.
that you're happy to believe for me.
They don't have any fucking cards. Do you agree that if I throw you a card tray,
That you're gonna act within your instinct. And at the end of the card trick, if you feel like we can remain in it, you're gonna play. Do you agree with that? 'Cause I am a magician. Do you agree with that?
Sure.
-
The femme-centric system
enslaved man. I saw some dude the other day, some guy on Twitter, he's a big Bitcoin guy,
him and his fucking wife and his head kid. Yay, my kid, I got a kid that... In days of old, any dude with money, he'd spread his genetic seed everywhere. He'd have 50 kids with fucking 30 chicks, but now he's gonna have a couple kids with one chick. Why? Not because that's what he truly wants, because the woman will get mad if he doesn't.
The female controls it, the female inherited. Well, my wife won't leave me and cry her eyes out if I get my pee-pee wet. You got a fucking chick telling you what to do with your own dick? You got women controlling your body parts?
Minafi, listen to them. So, what me and Tristan do is very, very important by attempting to rebalance the universe with our Aikido. Please understand, there is no female on the planet who would
and girlfriend to men of our caliber. Of course, there's nowhere else to fucking go, but I'll refuse to allow that to happen.
You can either buy yourself a nice, reliable Toyota,
Or you can buy yourself a McLaren and all its problems. Because when you have the best of the best, problems come with you.
I refuse to allow some bitch to get a reliable McLaren in me.
In fact,
I'm so offended.
Fuck bean oil.
I'm offended of a bitch.
Thinks I'm loyal.
What, you think I have no hoes?
Do I look like a fucking punk to you?
So,
For that reason,
to re-establish balance in the universe 'cause of this bitch shit I just saw on Twitter. Some dude who's not gonna have 20 sons, he's afraid of his fucking wife.
like a loser. What I'm gonna do is invite all of my girlfriends
Some of them have already met, some of them don't know the others.
ALL of them.
to the house today.
And when I say all of them,
I mean all of them. Bring me everyone.
everyone.
So they can all sit there and go, who's this girl? And I'll say, listen, you little--
Fucking cunt.
If you think a man like me has to be loyal to some stupid whoopie like you, you're out your fucking mind! You ain't been through a fraction of the shit I've been through to become the man I am!
You're nothing. You're a little fucking whoopie.
What are you? - Oh, oh, oh, vagina. Who the fuck does it? I don't care.
I'm bringing all of them.
And this is a test of loyalty.
Because if you will not remain loyal to me while I cheat on you with eight girls in front of your face,
But I don't need you.
So, to combat against the femcentric systems of Earth, Tristan, we have to invite every single girl that we are currently dating to the house at once.
And if they want to cry about it...
We're gonna see. If they wanna cry about it, I'm a fair man.
So because I'm fair, if they want to cry, and they want to get upset, I will offer any single one of them, fair, guys don't jump in, one on one combat. Don't jump in. One on one. If you're really that upset, you want to scream in my face.
That's fine. We can have one-on-one combat outside.
If you win, I'll get rid of the other girls.
But if you lose, you can take your busted up eye and get the fuck out of my house.
you
*music*
*Message*
*Muchas singing*
Peace.
I'm sorry.
*BANG*
- Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Let's see.
*music*
I'm gonna be my skills, I'm gonna be my mom. And then I'm gonna be my mom.
Why are you dressed in a suit?
I tend to go down with the ship, like a gentleman. Guggenheim, this is for you, Mr. Guggenheim.
Oh, thank you.
We are dressed in our best
Prepare to go down as gentlemen.
But we would like a brandy. What am I doing? What? I don't know. I'm absorbing the stares of death. I'm trying to move me. I'm staring in a negative way. They've been talking.
it's not real
What are we doing?
What is this? I'm trying to generate yoga fire. Yoga fire! Yoga fire is not real. Alright, it is real. If I bust out yoga fire, what the fuck are you doing? These rubies come at me and I kiddo. Yoga fire. Yoga fire. Boom. Boom, boom.
I actually think you can take all of them. I could, could not. You could. I actually believe in that. I can take all of them. Genuinely.
All right. Take all the interviewers, genuinely. Who do you think would win in a fight? All of them.
or Andrew
Thank you.
That's not real. That doesn't make you invisible. The booze doesn't make you say you can't hear me.
I don't know if you all know this at all, but it's really important. He's been trying to hide it. It's Luke's birthday.
It's Luke's birthday, he's 16 today. And then we'll give Luke a round of applause, and we'll give a clap for Luke. He made it to 16. Congratulations, you're like the first drink. So who hasn't got shot? I got one.
Everyone needs at least a shot.
Don't trust your maintenance. And this is a big happy birthday to my favorite cousin.
And it's Luke's birthday too. Cheers. Cheers.
Happy birthday. All right, put that vanilla back on. No, I didn't have that one.
Okay guys, sorry to interrupt. I don't know if anyone knows this.
But it's Alex's birthday today. Happy birthday, Alex. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.
I was going to stab him today. But I decided not to. Better president. We all have to do a shot for Alex. Alex is 14 today.
Girls, shorts, come, come, come. Come here, come here, everybody. Shorts or boo? Bring your glasses. Bring your shorts.
Happy birthday, Alex. Happy birthday, Alex. Alex, I hope this birthday will be your last. Alex, we hope this is your last ever birthday. So we want to make it good.
We hope you don't make a few next movies.
Take the vaccine, have a heart attack along with everybody else.
Take two. Booster. Booster shot.
every six months. *whispers* *whispers* Happy birthday!
.
*music*
Not just drop.
don't worry they can't they can't hear you when we do this we can't hear you
sorry yeah i'll stop let's be mature about this
sorry i meditate i can't hear you he's there meditate don't interrupt them
listen go upstairs go to the teller that the plane is just
that's important
Spot like heat out!
.
- Watch the Rekido. - Never done before. - Never done before. - Fuck! - Late! - It's just a piece. It burns you because you believe it. - The gentleman's fire! He's bouncing! - Shit!
Go down higher!
Thank you.
Three, go! Hit, go!
*music*
- Dude.
Thank you.
*music*
So the tears are flowing. We can say they were here in old Romania. But the tears are flowing today. The beers are flowing.
So, it's not real. *music*
That's not real. That's real.
What do you mean? Luke. Yeah, Luke. Wait, what? Luke.