Transcript
*Rires*
Watch out!
*BOOM*
Take the ticket. Who? Who should take the ticket? Take the fucking ticket. Who should take the ticket? Mr. Goon. Mr. Goon take the ticket.
Thank you.
Mr. Goon always succeeds. Keep the tickets in there so you don't do a Mr. Rory at these tickets. Don't worry. I'm Mr. Goon. Mr. Goon's never failed. Never.
Mr. Goon has never failed. Now let me go back to Luke. Who does fail. Who I do occasionally fail.
And now it is raining. Yes. I can do 100 miles an hour in the rain.
going to do fast speeds in the rain in those cars it's true we're going to win we are going to win aren't we we are definitely i think we passed a long time ago well we always knew it we did always know bentley is a racing legend it that that's actually very true it is true i know i wasn't joking so we're gonna win the race we are gonna win the race we have the better car we have the
It's quiet like a tiger. It's quiet like a slow car.
It's not a slow car. It can't be. If it was a slow car, we wouldn't be beating them. Racing is about speed. It's not about speed, is it? It's about strategy. It is. They have the mountain roads. Oh, mountainy, mountainy. They don't know about straight lines, highways, invention, human innovation. They're living in the 30s. They are. They don't get it. They don't understand. Times have changed.
me niggas purring tryna light up my face you do see you in the corner on my eye yeah i know what they tryna do
We're going to lose the race.
No.
Why are we at the gas station? To collect more fuel for the race. That's what you need to win a race. But what if they have a full tank? I guarantee that they don't have to fill them all day. We're driving far more economically than they are. True. And plus, Luke didn't have his power crunch. Isn't that right? Yeah, more rather. I tried to tell Luke about the cereal. He didn't fucking listen. Luke never has to listen.
So we get more energy? Yeah, of course we get more energy. For the race. We also need energy in ourselves. It's true.
with the race. Tristan, what do you need? I need Mr. Goon to somehow pay this. Don't worry, Mr. Goon's on the case. Mr. Goon is on the case. Mr. Goon never fails.
Never. Never have failed, never will.
So first things first, let's get the ticket thing.
I don't like you
It's not this. Hopefully we didn't lose the ticket thing. No, we didn't. He's on Mr. Goon.
Mr. Goon never fails. We put the ticket in here.
Now we give them money. Mr. Goon!
Mr. Goon's on the case. Mr. Goon has never failed. Ever.
All right. Looks like the draw for Mr. Goon's over. No more need. Patrician.
Sterling, are we actually going to win this race? I haven't seen anyone in about an hour and a half.
Fuck no. Sterling, we've been on a supercar rally for two fucking days. And the only time I've seen a goddamn Lamborghini is when we're at the hotel at the end of the fucking day, four hours after they get there. We're in last place. Look, I'll tell you why we haven't seen anybody else. It's because we stop to smell the roses. And more importantly, every time we see a beautiful girl, we ask her, hey, love, fancy a bum?
- We're doing far more important work. We're doing God's work. But in addition, we have to impregnate every village woman in every little French village. - That's true. - Who else is going to do it? - Yeah, that's true. - Well, clearly. - That's true. - Look, we've been in these villages all day. I've not seen anybody under the age of 75. - There's gotta be one. - I've not seen one young woman. - There's got to be one. - And so I honestly just think we're lost. - Let's drive to La Bomme. - La Bomme. - La Bomme. - Oh, we've got to find a girl that wants a bum there.
The truth is, the truth is, we are in last place. So we're going to lose the fucking race. We might lose a race, but we might impregnate a village. I mean, if we win. We definitely win if we win. Touche. Touche. It's the only French word I know. Touche.
Just get the ticket without the hat. I don't know. I'm Luke. I might fail the task. But I know one man who won't.
Listen, Mr. Groom.
I'm going to do the task tonight of boozing so hard. Mr. Goon might be unavailable at night. Mr. Goon is never a boy. So he fails to do tasks at night. No. Mr. Goon will let me down. Mr. Goon never fails. Mr. Goon will let me down. Mr. Goon has never failed ever. I'm starting to hide out the window. Close the next opportunity I can.
Mr. Goon has never failed. I'm from the hat.
*sniff*
Are we the fastest race car drivers that has ever existed? Clearly, because we have time for picnic.
Literally. So we picnic
while they're probably doing some bullshit.
Yeah, exactly.
Because we're so fast.
that we have time.
It's a tortoise and a hare.
Yeah. We could stop and rest, but we actually still will win. That's what I mean. We're not going to just go to sleep here and just wait hours. Aren't we?
No, we're not.
No, Tristan. Tristan, we can't just sleep here.
Goodbye.
Now,
That is such a fast racehorse.
these doritos are actually super fucking good
I could sleep and still win.
I believe in myself.
you
These are actually some of the best rangers out there.
Why are they so good? You fucked me.
- Thank you.
Worried bullet is yesterday.
It's a Rory fucktos. Because they're actually super fucking good. It would seem that way, yeah.
I'm going to go.
man they're so they must be driving so fucking slow
Can I keep up?
Literally.
You are now listening to your channel.
*Ding*
And you know what they're going to do? What are they going to do? We got here before you, Ben Lee. Because you went on straight motorways, boring, and we went through the mountain roads and had fun on a car rally. And they think they won by skipping all the fun. Watch this. They're going to skip all the fun. And they're going to be like, oh yeah, but we got through. It's like bragging you came first. Oh yeah, I came in a minute. But you missed all the fun. Why? To be fair, Andrew, priorities. We need to have priorities here.
Whose side are you using on? We have to have priorities here. They skipped all the fun to get here. So it doesn't matter if they got here first, because they're nerds. I took the long way.
Cause I'm a G.
That's what I did. I went through the mountains. The hard roads.
Where I'm from.
You understand? That's what builds character. That's right. In my GT3, they fucking took the motorway cruise control like dorks. And now watch when we see them. Hi, guys. Shut the fuck up, Tristan.
Tristan and Luke
Imagine the two biggest geeks you know. Two geeks. Imagine in your mind. Two fucking geeks. What are their names?
Tristet
and Luke. It's a true problem.
We beat the shit out of the guys in that race.
We wasn't racing. We weren't racing. Bro, who got here first?
We left at the same time, yeah? But who said we were racing? We weren't racing. We did the hard road. We were racing, bro. It was a great race. I put it in the text. We could show the text. The great race between us three.
It was me interested against you and Andrew, and then Justin Sterling and Rory.
There was no race. And that's been first place, second place, third place it looks like. Because I don't think we're always here yet.
You're a loser. And you know it. No, we're the super champions!
Who the fuck is a super champion? Us!
*music*
so what so one sec so we already have drinks we all have drinks now
vodka and water, vodka and coke
And you're saying... I'm just saying, let's not bullshit every time we hand the bottle around and hit it before we drink our drinks. So we're drinking our vodka and mixed drinks and we're hitting this first.
This is the chaser. The biggest drink is the chaser. Luke, was this your idea, Luke?
I agree with Justin. I'm going to tell you why I disagree.
I can tell you why I disagree.
Because there are certain members of this group who cheat. When they take sips. Yes, I saw the sip cheating last night. I don't want to accuse anyone.
but they're black.
They are black. Rory. Shit. So what I'm saying is let's take shots in these glasses.
and then we can slam a shot and use that as a chaser. - I want everyone to know at home that
- It's pointless mass.
Whatever. All right, pour a shot, swing it back, pass the bottle on the glass. Same glass.
- Fuck off, man. I'm not being second. Just go that way. - No. Go Marcel. Pass the cup as well. Same cup.
Fuck off guys. Here Luke, continue the filming. Don't think your little hands is going to make you shot up there. That can't be worth it. That's alright. More vodka maybe. More vodka.
More moves. Yeah. Let's go. Up to the curve. It smells horrible. I can smell it. I just shot my one. My shot's stuck. Yeah. That was wrong. Okay. That was wrong.
All right. Don't do that again. That's also. Yeah. That's not a chaser. That's not a chaser.
All right. So you got yourself on that one.
*laughter*
No escape! Alright, I'm gonna leave you. Let's go. I was on my shot. What are grits? What are grits? Marcel doesn't know what grits are. He's clearly not black. It's hard for me to have this conversation when I sound like a complete racist. *clicks* Marcel, I know what grits are. So, you niggas! *laughter*
leave that out.
I can't believe this, there's no gritsas, it must be an American thing
Give me your card.
Give me your black card.
All right, bring them to the South. As an American?
That would be almost a given rule in the school, but-- - I've got secrets in England. - Yeah. And for the record,
European bacon is absolutely fucking trash.
and
French bacon.
We've already had French bacon.
We had English bacon, it was shit. It tastes like ham. What? English bacon is superior to French bacon. English bacon is better than French bacon. No it's not. Bro, it's all trash compared to American bacon. It was better than French bacon. American bacon is the king, I ain't gonna lie. See, I don't know American bacon, so it's easy. I don't know any better. He doesn't even know the britses.
yeah you should know that also i have no idea i don't know i've had it i've been to america a few times bro that's what i mean bro
Is it nice?
Is it nice? It's super good. Bro, bro. Is it? Yeah, it's actually nice. I super like this. It's nice, but also flavorless. It's weird.
You're looking forward to a day of Mr. Goon? Stop talking to me. But Mr. Goon can never be wrong, Tristan. Yo, Luke, Marcel. Mr. Goon.
Hi Tristan
So we have a red space-saving tire.