Transcript
*BOOM*
I was finally happy.
I was finally happy. I was in my little village.
Why did we leave? Why? He was happy in his hotel, but what did we do?
We left. Is that what we do? Do we just leave?
whenever we get happy somewhere always try to outrun the universe the majors they hear a day
What about little small villages where you can be a little person?
Next time you tell me you're happy, we can stay.
Any happiness must be ended. I would deter us all from ever being happy. We're just going to fly around, miserable.
Thank you.
you
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Where are we going?
I'm going to London.
- -
What do you mean?
We're going into London.
This is Jay. I'll be prepared. London's appearing.
Is that London?
Welcome to the real world.
You've been spending your whole life in a dream illusion.
Every single episode of Take Home Adventure you've filmed thus far has been a dream.
You've now escaped dreaming. You're in the real world. Welcome to the real world. I'm Morpheus. Take confidential viewers. Everything you've seen up until now has been CGI.
all of it.
But now...
It's not been CGI. It's not been CGI.
You can tell by the high quality
production
feel big. No, it's not been CGI guys. I'm telling you, I feel the exact same. You've been drinking CBI.
What does that mean?
computer boozing
initiative.
No, that's not possible. The booze is real. The booze is real and that's horrible. No, you're about to see the real booze, man. CGB. You're about to see the real booze, my friend. The real booze.
Don't you remember last year we drove all around Europe in supercars, drunk loads and loads and loads and loads and loads and loads of booze?
*music*
I knew.
Yeah.
doing it again.
What do you mean? All summer.
The train never stops.
This rodeo never ends my friend.
*music* Luke does know the power of British gas stations and the food they sell. You don't do Luke. I do. I do know the power of... You don't know the power of anything. No, Tristan, does you remember when we were here and they had those... I ate all the gas station food. Wheat crunchies.
Okay, well I definitely want one of these.
We were supposed to go to a supercar rally and travel around Europe, but instead, the time has come to leave you two losers behind once and for all. I want you both to know that as the person spends the most time with both of you, there is absolutely nothing likable about either one of you. You're both disgustingly unlikable, ignorant, stupid, selfish, ugly people on the inside and out.
you both the world will be better if you didn't exist if you never existed the best thing you can do for humanity right now is for both of you to kill yourselves well i don't like you either and because of these facts i finally found a way to leave you all behind it's called i never heard of this it's called scratch cards i went in to the gas station and it turns out i can be a diamond
hundred million dollars etc now it's not as much money as i have now but i don't need your signature don't need his fucking crypto bollocks you can both fuck off i'm gonna scratch these cards and it's gonna be the last you ever hear of me and i'm gonna see me again calling andrew where's andrew i wonder where andrew's gone and ain't gonna be like the episode where i was on the jet by myself tristan is that you tristan oh no tristan oh you're not there what about tristan
T? T, where you at? T? Tristan? No sir, because in that episode, I came back. I'm not coming back. Never again. You'll be thinking, is he alive? Is he dead? You'll be going to sleep at night, looking in the corners of the room. Where is Andrew?
mate if you don't win any of these i'll just sign and give you the cash yeah trusty agreed he just calls me names so you guys give me all the money and take confidential from here on out could be a completely separate thing where i'm by myself yes yeah we'll do separate take confidentials although trust i don't like you either so i think i'm gonna go solo
I'm pretty going to go in solo for a while actually. I feel like I'm the star of Tate Confidential. No. And I've been carrying you two on my fucking backs for the last five years. I don't think you guys have seen the comments of Luke Confidential.
Luke Confidential. Yeah, people love Luke Confidential. Guys, my fans. Sands, you've got no fans. Put it on the comments. You've got no fans. No fans. Comments and show them. Show them and I'll make a spinoff. Luke Confidential.
multiple multiple periods of sitting there working right exactly i'm scratching these we get to the hotel both of you are history
Music meeting.
- So we're here for cars. We're here for cars. And Mars tells us that you don't drink.
Marcel, I did hear you say that. Where did you drink? Marcel always says this. My drink's here. My drink's here. It's right here.
Marcel thinks he can out drink all of us. I have done it in the past. No you haven't. He hasn't. He hasn't. It's a lie. It's pretty easy to out drink you Luke. To be fair last year Marcel did out drink us.
Yes.
He didn't I'm just saying a YouTube forgot. Take confidence you might not know this man. This man is a champion.
no it was all video we filmed the whole thing y'all must have forgot
- Photoshop, CGI. CGI'd him admitting that he can't drink off. - No, it wasn't CGI. - Why did they do you like that, Marcel? Why did they do you like that? Why they got CGI? - Haters gonna hate, man. - Yeah, they're allowed to us. They say we're gonna ride a fucking car. Then we get here and then this shit happens. - You didn't know tell us this was like booze, this shit, booze. - No, it's actually Andrew's fault, really. You were supposed to hold out. I have a rule now. If Andrew ducks or doesn't drink, I don't drink.
Oh, he's drinking.
Oh, he's drinking.
So you lied. Yeah, so you lied to us. Nothing in those Texas. It's not driving related. It's purely drinking. You told us to completely... You never even leave. You just drink. Yeah. I feel like... You flew across the ocean. I feel like, Andrew, you misled them. You told them it wasn't... It didn't revolve around booze. No, it's a bunch of booze, and then you drive between the booze spots. That's not what he told us. At all. In no way. Oh, he just mentioned going between the spots?
and in views and countries I've not been to. That's what he told me. Oh, he didn't tell you about what was it? Road beers, Tristan? Road beers. Road beers. Watch over at Mountains.
Mountains of Boots. Oh the mountains. Like Portugal, Spain. That's what he told me.
Finland? Did he tell you Finland?
Oh, beautiful views. You misheard bro. It must have been stagged. He said drink your f***ing booze.
I think that's already done. So Marcel believes he can beat everyone at drinking. He believes he's the drinking champion amongst all of us. Well, he's definitely got the talk. He's my boy. He has the talk. I'm the tallest, the handsomest here.
I-I-I-Luke, I said it correctly. Marcel is clearly delusional. 6'7" He's not 6'7", I see it. 6'7" Marcel, I got on camera! I just looked- I looked- I went back!
He's not kneeling. Those are his feet. Those are his knees. I see his knees there. He's standing up. And sit seven. Give or take.
You're not! On foot! On foot! It's a couple of meters!
What are these called? Reunion? Take Confidential? Is this a reunion? This is a reunion because everyone knows us. And we introduce people and they each become friends. No, but they've all been in Take Confidential episodes before. Yeah, shit. They've been taking. It's a Take Confidential reunion. No, it's not a reunion. It's a Take Confidential. Extra? Omnibus. Take Confidential. All characters are doing Take Confidential episodes over here.
You think of all these amazing things you do and you hang around the same cunts you knew when you were broke. I'm from Ukraine.
He is from Ukraine though. That is true. He is from Ukraine. I know that for a fact. Agreed. From Ukraine. Ukrainian.
The truth is, as much as I love Andrew and Tristan, I can't allow them to drink more than me. I can't! I can't allow it!
They can't drink more than me! Me and Luke... We're here! We're here! We've been here! We're here! We're here! We're supposed to be somewhere away! We've been here!
Thank you, thank you, Sterling. We get... Marcel! Marcel, we're gonna take this shadow drink. The drink no one knows was taken. This one! It was one of these ones. I think it was this one.
allow me to do this because I'm better than them. - We're better than them, Marcel. - I've been better than them. - Marcel, we've been better than them. - Are we better than I'm interested? - Marcel, Marcel. - We're better. Oh, sorry. - We're not, but we are. - Of course we're fucking good. - Of course we're better. - We're better. This is Luke, Marcel, confidential.
It's not Ted Confidential, it's Luke and Marcel, confidential.
That was pure poison. That was gay.
I'm done with Marcel Confidential. I'm done. I'm done with Marcel Confidential. I'm done. I'm done. This is shit.
Shut up, shut up. I didn't show them. They're still recording. They're still recording. This is shit. No. No. You don't want Marcel confidential. Shit. Me and Luke. Me and Luke. Same room. We're doing this. No. It's shit. Luke. Same room. We're doing this. No. You don't want Marcel Luke confidential. It's shit. Too much booze. It's shit. Andrew Shuston failed. No. You don't want it. They failed. You don't want it. Tell them we failed.
They made it
We failed! We kept going! We kept going! We kept doing the boons! They were gone!
It's me! It's your friend! It's your friend Tripple! Andrew's called to sleep! Don't do this to yourself!
Marcel! Stop!
All right, let's go. Woo!
Why does Marcel do this?
He's brave. I love Marcel. Don't tell him. Delete this in the series. In fact, cut. Fuck. I'm just saying. I like Marcel. Because there's no quitting me.
There's no quit. No, there's no quit in Marcel. There's no I in team. Look. Zero. I thought for a second, Marcel, he says he might disappear. Because other people play these tricks. I'll see whose fault it is.
It's Luke's fault, because every time he can't see you, he's like, has Marcel left? He's putting doubt in their minds. I know you ain't left. Luke's the problem. This is what I'm saying. There's no doubt.
I'm going to ride to the end.
Tell him! My G! That's the man we want with us!
That's why he's here. That's why he's here.
I'm gonna put my life on the line.
You already know I love you.
- You got my respect, they're good. - You fucked some guys? I'm gonna fuck us some guys. - No, it's no fights tonight. - You're gonna fuck us some guys? - Not today.
Did you fuck us you guys? Did you? Did you? I'm gonna fuck us you guys too. Alright, alright. Let's do it. Let's do it. So we know that Marcel's a fast.
He's a hard...
Listen, listen. When it comes to drinking, he's the Muhammad Ali of trash talk. No, no. He's not Muhammad Ali. No, no. He's Mike Tyson.
He comes in hard.
He comes in fast. The later round he ducks out. He can't last. So can you go... His staying power is very short apparently. Wait, Rory's gonna go check on him. Can you go with him?
Let's go, Luke.
It's finally good. I know Marcel wouldn't go to sleep.
fuck. Right.
Marcel!
ourselves.
Unfortunately, you've been caught a bit.
I'm not.
Unfortunately.
You've been caught a bit, Marcel. But you know what, Marcel? I'll delete this. Maybe. I bet good money on you not being asleep, Marcel.
I said you're probably in here fucking someone up or doing something, something worthwhile.
Marcel
While someone's thinking.
Marcel, you know what?
We've always said,
You're hard on the first rounds.
Last rounds, it gets hard.
No, no, no. You know what? Wait, wait, wait. Rory, Marcel, before we go in to see Tristan...
We have to admit,
It does get fucking hard.
It does get hot. They fucking booze hard. It does get hot.
They bruise hard. No, no, no. We're in the trenches here. We're in the trenches.
Let's go, Marcel. They don't get it. We're in the trenches. They don't get it.
There's no gas station ever and we've completely run out of gas. The car no longer functions. We're rolling down a hill in France. Trucks are overtaking us. We're out of gas. We're out of gas. Totally.