Transcript
Why did you fucking shoot me?
Yeah? What's up man? I had a fucking dinner last night. Fucking breakfast this morning. Now I really want to have...
I don't know if I like you anymore.
I got you.
Tristan, what are you buying?
crossbows
Why are you buying crossbows? To assassinate Marcel.
Yes.
What about your present?
Oh thanks mate! Elodie? Everywhere we go is an Irish poet. Can you call me Natalie? Yeah, I think so, yeah.
Everywhere we go, we go bring that sign. Exactly. Yeah, because everywhere is an Irish pub. The hotel lobby, everywhere. Exactly.
Nice.
We've got some Guinnesses and drinking the Irish pub tonight, yeah?
Good.
- Why did you fucking shoot me? - Look, I was practicing. I gotta assassinate myself. I'm sick of him. - So you went and bought crossbows and swords? - Yeah. The crossbow to get him, and if he wants to fight afterwards. - Yeah, wood would hurt. That would hurt as well. Yeah. - No, actually, I could probably kill some of these. If I really wanted to, up through their head.
That's the move isn't it? We sharpen the wood and then we stick it straight into Marcel. Yeah. Alright, I'm in. I'll use the crossbow on Luke. Nice.
So the French are after us again.
So they got us again, Boris. Round two. Round two, bro.
two but to be fair we weren't even speeding
so round two tristan what are you doing can't you see what i'm doing well yeah i can see what you're doing but that's you can't you can't shoot me now you can't sharpen the dagger and shoot it off the crossbow there was a cork on it for that reason
Don't say worry do you admit it?
All right, I admit I bet everything don't shoot me with that
Why is that there? That's sorry coming in coming in coming in at the bar he is actually Irish as well
It is an Irishman. It's an active constant. Pass me the moves. Pass me the moves.
I'll go to the road.
Please.
All right.
It's weird, they think we were speeding. It's super weird. I know, it's weird. I don't know where they came up with it. It might be something to do with the fact that, remember last year I said about the eggs. Wait a second, Andrew might be fucking right, there might be no such thing as fucking eggs. You tried to order me eggs on the menu and this is coming. And they're trying to pretend this is eggs? I just don't believe it. It just doesn't make sense. How can eggs be real? Eggs ain't real, yeah? Okay.
I think we need to agree eggs ain't real so I can go. Eggs aren't real okay well. Looks like we came to an agreement my friend thank you very much. One more minute. We're there we're done. Bro he just signed on the dotted line eggs ain't real. Yeah bro bro you know what we've been saying eggs for like bro big egg.
Ugh!
Thank you.
You can't dance. That doesn't... But you can't do that. I can't do that. I actually can't. Ladies and gentlemen, I will admit I cannot do that.
You know who can though? Mr. Goon? Because Mr. Goon never fails.
.
Thank you.
It's the eggs isn't it? It is the eggs. They're not real.
so justin's moving to france i'm moving to france i fell in love
Love
He's moving to France. Baby. That's a great game.
Did you see? Did you get the picture of us in love? Yeah, I did get the picture. I think she thought when I went to turn her around for the prom picture that I was going to stick my...
Yeah, yeah.
She doesn't realize you're a classy dude. Get the French and the English, like, more, you know.
straight away.
So you're moving to France. - I'm moving to France. I'm in love. - You're staying here. - She smiled. Look how happy we are. - It's true. The happy couple.
I'm gonna break her heart.
Shit, you're leaping, aren't you?
I am leaving.
As soon as this ticket gets paid,
fuck out of here. Damn. But in the meantime, my lives will fall in love. By the way, Justin, did you know that this is because eggs aren't real? It's the egg conspiracy. Egg conspiracy. It's a big egg. It's a big egg. So you know eggs? Yeah, yeah. Eggs. Yeah. No, no. That's a psyop. Eggs aren't real. Eggs aren't real. What do you mean? They're not real, bro. They haven't been real. You know, every time you think you eat eggs. Yeah. Scrambled eggs. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, Justin, that's a psyop. Eggs aren't real. Like the speed
Speed limits are real I feel like there's an inside joke I don't know about
It's not a joke. Eggs aren't real. This is an egg conspiracy by Big Egg to get us to admit that eggs are real.
That's why they pull us over every single year in France.
It's because eggs aren't real. And you'll learn that it's actually an international organization.
who's trying to sign up us all to believe eggs are real.
- Let's see. - It's like the moon landing, but actually,
Eggs aren't real. Okay. I understand. I don't understand why they would do this, but... It's big egg, bro. Big egg. Big egg. Like Big Pharma, Big Egg. Big egg, bro. I see. Way more powerful. Way more powerful. Bro, think about it. They just organized this whole...
bit to get us caught.
Oh, I see. They're giving us tickets trying to drain our resources.
So we can't spread the word, the eggs aren't real.
Hey Andrew, what's this egg shit about?
Big A. He doesn't know about Big A.
I thought I did until about 30 seconds ago. Eggs ain't real.
Eggs ain't real, bro. This whole time, bro.
About two?
Yeah, thank you bro. Thank you. Eggs ain't real, G. Eggs.
That's what this is all about. Apparently eggs aren't real. No, that's what this is all about.
So I just told my new wife that we were going to start an egg farm.
Bro, that's what I mean, she's trying to get in deep.
Like splinter style.
Ah, I see.
What's it called? Blueberries, right?
basically blueberries blueberries are real
Blueberries are real, but eggs?
Or not real, style.
Don't listen to propaganda.
respondent.
*Burz*
So Tristan blew a tyre So him and Rory are out of the race And we just passed Andrew and Boris They got pulled over for speeding or some shit So you know what Marcel I think this means we're in front I think it does After like two days of following The completely wrong route Somehow I have miraculously taken the lead
be destiny clearly destiny course city boys we are let's go
So I wonder what Tristan's doing?
You can't just do the dance.
Tristan's car broke down. Now he's on the bus like a loser. He probably is on the loser bus. Look at this beauty. I know.
Universe makes Tristan what he deserves. Exactly what he deserves. I'm Tristan. I'm Tristan. Go on the bus. Loser bus. Loser bus. Losers only.
We're living the dream. We are living the dream. Ketter Run's awesome. Ketter Run is awesome.
*Screams*
*Bad music*
Thank you.
The Matrix is trying to convince me the eggs are real.
Thank you.
How'd we end up in this situation, Marcel?
Basically we was winning. They called the police on us because they needed to catch up.
Trying to hold us down
Look, and that's why Andrew got pulled over too.
Just wanna catch us.
We've been miles, miles ahead of him.
all week.
all week long. Now look. And now look what happened to him. This is what he got himself into.
Sigh.
Spanish cops being right pricks.
Cheeky fuckers.
Hmm.
It's all... um... anything.
I feel like my life is just one never-ending interaction with different
Thanks.
You know? - It is, isn't it? - Mr. Tate, fuck off. It's Spanish.
I'll give you a fine, fine, problem.
Think I ain't got money?
I don't give me the fine.
I don't care. If I cared about the fine, I wouldn't be driving like that, would I? You dickhead. Fuck.
What's wrong with these people? Imagine sitting there as a full grown man, spending an hour writing out a piece of paper to try and make a millionaire pay 200 euro.
If you have no honor If I was here I might be like
You're too rich to even try to find.
slow down, it would be nice. Yeah. Please slow down. Slow down, please. And I'd be like, you know what? You're actually a nice guy. I'll slow down.
I will give you fine and you will probably pay the price.
alright G, here's a 200 euro
- - Such a dig.
Fuck off.
- Pop G's. - They don't realize, do they?
John Law
and the golf man
That little gang.
I don't fear them.
The Lord High John protects me.
I do whatever though.
I want to.
Every year. Every fucking year.
-
That's one or more.
Thank you.
.
-
*Sigh*
So, going up the pass, the mountain today, look at the engine bay, look at the glass, scorched.
Fuckin' hell. Literally, dropped the gear, big boom, flame came out of here next to my head.
Another flame came out of here. Smoke everywhere.
Got out, there was a stream next to us. We literally was chucking stream water on the car.
Nothing else to do, got the fire out.
and then I stripped it and fixed it and got it back on the road.
- I do.
wait so it drives again yes back on the road i drove in stuck in the mountains for two and a half hours i rang tom and i was like he's a legend he blew up got stream water took the fire out put it back together back on the road
This side when the scorch look I've cleaned most of it off but the flame came out of there. All right, the fact he got back in and drove it means he is a legend. Bro, rang Tom, he's three hours away. He's got Tristan's Bentley on the back. Yeah, what am I supposed to do?
I've got no truck for me.
That's crazy. - I had to fix it.
Yeah.
Yeah, otherwise you'd have stuck by the side of the road. You'd have been super fucked, yeah. Wait, I fucking-- my eyes went up in fucking flames three days ago at home.
the whole fucking lot went. And then I'm seeing flames right at the back of my event door and I'm like
This can't be happening. You fucking have a laugh.
Bro, your twin turbo Aventador project has been nothing but a fucking... No, she's good. And I spot her. She's good. You can't say she's good. And it spanked everybody on the trip so far. There's no one that's gonna touch that car at all. Even with the problems it's got.
- So yes, the fastest until it blows up. - I sat in front of her on the floor, on the road, genuinely. And I went, listen,
You'll be fucking close to Vanash V, I'm telling you.
You'll be gone and you'll end up in Bradford or somewhere and you'll be crying.
She knows now.
I'm so indecisive.
*Mario plays*
What's going on now? Someone's getting fucked. I guess. Let's go see.
They came in hot, bro.
Yeah, they weren't fucking around.
Why are we always getting in trouble?
Racism against America. Give me some. What is it? Meat sticks. Meat sticks? Knead like those.
Oh well.
What are we doing?
First of all we're not being poor. We're not being poor are we? We're drinking. You can't drink and drive can you?
No, you can't drink when you drive. That's illegal. When you hire a luxury V-class transport because you're not poor. You play PlayStation all day and booze. Drink as much as you like. Can I report Brian please? Which many do you like? Because we want grocery shopping. Do you even have room in a Porsche to get groceries?
Lamborghinis don't even have cup holders. I have four. How are they surviving? Supercar. I'm going to start a Cheraginis that hires out luxury V-classes for free for impoverished supercar owners. Wow, that's a good business. No, charity. Good charity. Fuck it. Let's get loads of them. Yeah, we'll have to take big salaries. For all the poor Lamborghini owners.
*BOOM*
*BOOM*
One shot there from T.